Quotes from the flightdeck
Join Date: Mar 2002
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A while ago just before pushback I was with a female captain.
The aircraft dispatcher called up and said,
“Ground to cockpit,”
the captain replied
“Box office to ground”
The aircraft dispatcher called up and said,
“Ground to cockpit,”
the captain replied
“Box office to ground”
Join Date: Oct 2003
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"I'm the check capt, I will tell you how it's done not the manual and your CRM skills need to be improved".
"Any questions from you will indicate a lack of knowlege".
Both from a previous life!!!!!
"Any questions from you will indicate a lack of knowlege".
Both from a previous life!!!!!
I don't want to be the best pilot in the world - Just the oldest
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Flying a fairly tight arc to intercept an outbound radial on IFR flight test.
Examiner: "Good enough for government work"
I always wondered if that had any reference to the fact that the govt was paying at the time?
Examiner: "Good enough for government work"
I always wondered if that had any reference to the fact that the govt was paying at the time?
Join Date: Apr 2000
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Post removed.......
My apologies to concerned parties - underestimated the lengths some will go to in order to reveal identities......
My apologies to concerned parties - underestimated the lengths some will go to in order to reveal identities......
Last edited by clakajak; 18th Dec 2003 at 19:33.
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On a busy London morning after a total radar failure, the approach controller in his calmest best british accent:
"Ladies and Gentleman, London radar has failed. Dismount and proceed on foot"
"Ladies and Gentleman, London radar has failed. Dismount and proceed on foot"
Capt to FO:
"You're not a co-pilot laddie, your my voice-activated autopilot"!
"I am a firm believer in CRM: I'm the Captain, you're the Resource, and I'll Manage you any way I bloody-well like"!
"You're not a co-pilot laddie, your my voice-activated autopilot"!
"I am a firm believer in CRM: I'm the Captain, you're the Resource, and I'll Manage you any way I bloody-well like"!
Man Bilong Balus long PNG
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Looking forward to returning to Japan soon but in the meantime continuing the never ending search for a bad bottle of Red!
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And the old favourites.......
'Why is it doing that?'
'Where the hell are we?'
' Oh s**t!!!'
You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.
'Why is it doing that?'
'Where the hell are we?'
' Oh s**t!!!'
You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.
Join Date: Jan 2002
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TRUE STORYS.....................
FOs P.A. to cabin; "Cabin Crew be seated for lift-off"
Again.....
A couple of "Asiaboys" sitting amongst the rubble of their recently destroyed 737...........
"Aaahhh, Wang! What mean WHOOP, WHOOP, PULL UP????"
And again.....
Captain to the delightful young thang serving his lunch.............
(Delivered in the most sincere Captain tone...)
"You have the smallest waist I have ever seen! I don't know how you fit all your organs in...........but I wonder if we could fit in one more??
Finally....
After the F/Os less than delicate arrival, the Capt jumps on the P.A. "Ahhh, folks, that was the FOs landing........."
The FO is understandably pissed off.
Next landing the Capt. drives the mains about a foot through the runway........FO jumps on the P.A. "Folks, how about the Capts landing, huh?"
The mortified Capts begs, "What the hell are you doing?????"
F.o."Well you did the same on my landing!!"
Capt. "Yeah, but I didn't key the bloody mike!!!!"
FOs P.A. to cabin; "Cabin Crew be seated for lift-off"
Again.....
A couple of "Asiaboys" sitting amongst the rubble of their recently destroyed 737...........
"Aaahhh, Wang! What mean WHOOP, WHOOP, PULL UP????"
And again.....
Captain to the delightful young thang serving his lunch.............
(Delivered in the most sincere Captain tone...)
"You have the smallest waist I have ever seen! I don't know how you fit all your organs in...........but I wonder if we could fit in one more??
Finally....
After the F/Os less than delicate arrival, the Capt jumps on the P.A. "Ahhh, folks, that was the FOs landing........."
The FO is understandably pissed off.
Next landing the Capt. drives the mains about a foot through the runway........FO jumps on the P.A. "Folks, how about the Capts landing, huh?"
The mortified Capts begs, "What the hell are you doing?????"
F.o."Well you did the same on my landing!!"
Capt. "Yeah, but I didn't key the bloody mike!!!!"
Last edited by E.P.; 9th Dec 2003 at 18:04.
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Pardon ME!
The "Belch from hell" signalled Capt Serious was incoming, I'll add on Co. freq.
This time though it didn't eminate from the tinny company radio speaker, but the crisp tower one!
Thinking the groundies had missed it, he repeated twice more before realising what had occured, but adding half of "F@$k!" to the tower tape before switching over!!
There was much pants pissing in crew room. Whats most amazing is he never got found out!
This time though it didn't eminate from the tinny company radio speaker, but the crisp tower one!
Thinking the groundies had missed it, he repeated twice more before realising what had occured, but adding half of "F@$k!" to the tower tape before switching over!!
There was much pants pissing in crew room. Whats most amazing is he never got found out!
Bottums Up
Captain when #3 failed shortly after take-off. What the fukc was that?
F/O after conversation with skipper (now with Makair) where skipper says he's always wanted to say to ATC on first contact, On top and about to enter!
F/O after conversation with skipper (now with Makair) where skipper says he's always wanted to say to ATC on first contact, On top and about to enter!
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Routing Instructions
Heard on Darwin Approach frequency many years ago:
Controller (female trainee): Coastwatch 21, after Charles Point which way would you like to be routed?
CW21 (male pilot): Darling, after Charles Point you can route me any way you like!
Later heard on the grapevine, CW21 pilot was required to phone RAAF SATCO after landing in Kununurra to explain his comments otherwise the old dreaded CA225 was to be submitted.
Controller (female trainee): Coastwatch 21, after Charles Point which way would you like to be routed?
CW21 (male pilot): Darling, after Charles Point you can route me any way you like!
Later heard on the grapevine, CW21 pilot was required to phone RAAF SATCO after landing in Kununurra to explain his comments otherwise the old dreaded CA225 was to be submitted.