"Finnair 666K, proceed direct HEL."
"Direct HEL, 666K."

And of course HEL sounds HELL. It's a VOR beacon at Helsinki-Vantaa Airport and FIN666K is a flight from Copenhagen to Helsinki.
--

Lithuanian XXX is descending to FL70 and the controller gives a clearance to 3000 ft:
Controller: "Lithuanian XXX, descent to 3000 ft."
Lithuanian: "2000 ft, Lithuanian XXX."
Controller: "Lithuanian XXX, confirm 3000."
Lithuanian: "Confirming. 2000 ft, Lithuanian XXX."
Controller: "Negative. 3000 ft."
Lithuanian: "Yes, descending to 2000 ft, XXX."
Controller: "Lithuanian XXX. NEGATIVE! Descent to THREE thousand feet!"
Lithuanian: "YES, YES! Descending to TWO thoudsand feet!"
Controller: "Radar." (maybe the controller thought that let it be... 2000 ft is the altitude where the airplanes are cleared for the ILS-approach to one of the local rwys.)

I don't know what the problem was, we heard the conversation loud and clear. Even the numbers "two" and "three"...
--

Controller: "Finnair XXX, turn right heading 305."
FINXXX: "Heading 365, XXX."
Controller: "Yeah, you can try!"
FINXXX: "Hehe... Sorry, what was the heading?"

CGN Delivery:

XYZ Startup approved - you are cleared to Destination ABC via NOR 5P - squawk "fifty-fifty".




I love they'r dry sense of humor in CGN. :)

Unfortunately the proper reply came to my mind only after departure. I should have called: Start approved - NOR 5P - squawk "mezzo-mix".

P.S. Mezzo mix is a german mix soda from coke and orange limonade.

here's some i got for a friend.


A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American XXX, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the light and return to the airport."


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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am XXX) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways XXX, call sign "Speedbird XXX".

Speedbird XXX: "Frankfurt, Speedbird XXX clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird XXX, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird XXX: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird XXX, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird XXX (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944! -- but I didn't land."

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United XXX heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United XXX: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

I fly at a small RAF airfield. At weekends, several flying clubs/organisations use the airfield and things can get quite busy. When ATC go for a lunch break, the Air Training Corps take over the freq and become a A/G station.

A light a/c departs a nearby airfield and calls up on our freq requesting a FIS. It's luchtime, so the A/G service is in use. Que the air cadet CFI:

"G-ABCD, XXXXXXXXXX Radio. ATC Closed blah blah blah. We have 2 aircraft airbourne, both on the ground!"

Heard today, (I know cos' I was there!....),

"xxxx tower, BCYxxx radio check"

"BCYxxxx, xxxxtower readibility 5"

"xxxx tower, BCYxxx radio check"

"BCYxxx, xxxxtower, I say again readibility 5"

"Dave, do you think the engineers will ever get this fu*king radio to work?".

niknak - been there, done that !! Volume control turned down too low !

In a classroom of 7-8 year olds today, talking about airports and air traffic control:

Me: "So, can anyone tell me something else an air traffic controller might use at an airport?" (hoping for 'radar', 'windsock', 'runway lights' etc.)

Small Child: "An air hostess?"

Overheard a couple of weeks ago:

Radar:: "G xxxx Good Morning. Pass your message."

G xxxx: " G xxxx Ummm Good Afternoon! Bla Blah Bla etc"

Radar: " Sorry. Good afternoon indeed. Doesn't time fly when you're in a coma?"

FINXXX: "We have the field in sight, ready for visual. And also traffic in sight, twenty to two o´clock."
ATC: "Heheh.. That was very sharp."
FINXXX: "Always."

Today.

Us: "KLM1234 we can offer you flight level 310, 330 or 390 today".

KLM1234: "370 would be nice".

:hmm:

You crazy guys!
 

Humour
 

Found this link today.
http://www.abum.com/show/14377/air_t...oller_fun.html

Does this go on ?

Only on Sundays......

It's how I always envisaged ATC anyway:rolleyes:

When calling for departure for a VFR flight from a well known southern airfield in England i made the following call :\

ME- G-**** requesting taxi clearence for a VFR flight along the coast :\

TOWER- And would that be along the coast to the east of us or to the west of us sir?

DOH!!!!

Survey aircraft working Thames radar for 4th day running :

'G-XXXX requesting limited radar information service'
Thames radar : 'G-XXXX, why only a limited radar information service ?'
G-XXXX 'we may as well ask for what we're going to get'
Thames radar 'we may just surprise you today'
G-XXXX 'Go on then !! '
Thames radar 'G-XXXX you are identified......... limited radar information due radar performance'
G-XXXX 'I knew it............'

Heard a while back;

XXX: "XXX, For your information the wind up here is 270 @ 105 kts"


AAA ctrl: "XXX Roger, For yours the wind in this ops room is Calm"

On the subject of wind:

G-XXXX: Have you got the wind?

XXXX Radio: Negative. It's my colleague, who's eating a baked potato and beans.

I don't recall seeing this yet so apologies if you know it already.

Student pilot: "Think about it. I navigated through a boiling fluid swirling around a rotating sphere that is hurtling around a fusion reaction source at thousands of miles per hour. This system is moving in a circular motion around a black hole at who knows what speed, while the space it takes up is expanding. And I bounced six inches. SIX MEASLY INCHES! Get off my freakin' back, man!"

Is it indicative of the lack of humour of the ATC fraternity that mosts of these post are by pilots and not ATC and that they only increase by 1 a week?
:p