The Guard Police & The Guard Children
 

Hallo all,

I was intending to go on here and have a very long, expletive ridden, yet soothing and therapeutic rant about these two classes of aviators:

The Guard Police - without whom all kinds of accidental transmissions on 121.5 would have been discovered by the ones who made them anyway - and who also appear to have no working knowledge of VHF radio range.

and

The Guard Children - who appear to have such terrible upbringings and incredibly dismal and unfulfilled lives outside of aviation, that making silly noises and such on frequency is akin to them of the maximum sexual pleasure that they obviously are unable to attain with other humans on the ground.

I do remember a time when I would giggle and laugh at rude words and silly noises and oh how I miss them those days! - the joy of passing idle time so easily and escaping the hum drum of a world I didn't really understand. Those days left me about 30 years ago - and I'm in my 40's now....

I still fall victim to the 'Guard Police' syndrome every now and then though - beeping the horn on my car when there wasn't actually an imminent risk of collision. It serves no purpose whatsoever, but it's a loud noise and it makes me feel better.

Once, I would rather come on here and complain and chastise these masses. But it seems now that sex has actually found them after all as they appear to have multiplied in number quite dramatically recently - The comparison to rabbits is accurate not only with reference to brain mass it seems.

So, I thought to myself, rather than rant and rave, why not make an attempt to better understand these pilots? I mean, rabbits are people too ya know? And the rate they seem to be breeding makes me worry I might be left behind.

And hence at last comes the invitation:

To all among you who tremble with excitement when you hear the breakthrough of another transmission on 121.5, or the polished professionals who kiss the wife goodbye after they have packed a little electronic kids toy in their flight case for later use in a quiet cruise - Come hither! And explain the logic behind what you do, so that others like me can better understand and perhaps even join in with you next time.

Sincerely yours, a soothed and counselled,

CP

remember that in the U.K. we have autotriangulation so whether you're child or police we know who you are :=

Well then here is the question Dan Dare: Why can't that auto triangulation be used in the case where someone is playing an audio recording of a porn scene or music etc which one hears on an ever increasingly regular basis? And why can't we make an example of someone by taking their licence away, permanently?

I've given up on 121.5, it's unusable now with the amount of chatter. I think a widely publicised public hanging would do a world of good.

As en-route controllers in the UK we don't normally have access to 121.5 to either receive or transmit. We need to speak to D&D who can either do it for us or they can release the frequency to us for a bit.

If there's something really bad, it might be worth letting the main frequency know if there's time or RT space and we can let D&D know, although I guess they can hear it just as easily as you can

Turkish, I like the idea of the public hanging! And I think you are right that it is the only way to hope for change. Rabbit hunting season should be declared open!

Tentacles, about a month ago I witnessed the following (paraphrased due to poor memory):

Lady Pilot on 121.5: "XYZ handling, Callsign 1234?"

Guard Child: "Callsign 1234, Go ahead. (snigger!)"

Lady Pilot: "OK this is really important, we need an ambulance to meet us as soon as we park. This ill passenger is not doing well and we are trying to get on the ground as soon as possible. Can you confirm you have made contact with the emergency services?"

D&D guy: "Callsign 1234, this is guard frequency, please check you frequency and try again."

Lady Pilot: "Oh for Gods sake....."

D&D guy to Guard Child: "Well done lads, very well done."

(Lots of silence)

So I have no doubt they can hear much or all of what goes on.

It is reaching the point where I am thinking of writing to NATS and asking that something be done. It is bad enough having to listen to every practice pan going these days. I wish they could use a separate practice frequency, but I will happily live with that as I know they are practicing something important and D&D get to stay sharp too.

But the squeaking of those rabbits is getting very hard to take lately.....

121.5 isn't a NATS frequency, it is operated by London Military so I would write to them instead.

If you would like something to be done about the civil pilots who are abusing the frequency then you would need to contact the CAA for the UK.

Is it known that it is only civil pilots that abuse it? There are other potential sources too......

It must be a difficult one to police! DF to find the culprits would be all very well and good in UK airspace, but the majority of the unwanted transmissions I've heard are from people trying to contact their handling agent without switching frequency first - annoying, but surely forgivable.

I think the other end of the Bay of Biscay is more problematic. Countless times I've found myself deselecting box 2 due to chatter in Spanish and hilarious 'Franco' based distractions. I wonder how many people have found a Mirage on their wingtip after Madrid failed to hand them over to Brest, which could have been avoided had it not been for a muted box 2?

A Europe-wide or greater effort to track down and deter the culprits would be great, but sadly I can't see it happening!

I nearly crashed my airplane earlier today.

I am sure this guy must be one of the Guard Police and probably has elements of the Guard children in there too.

Working with Lisboa this afternoon and speed control in the cruise was being used to sequence us and a few others into FAO. We had just been given a Mach restriction and then:

Lisboa: Ryanair XXX reduce speed Mach decimal 75.

Ryanair: No, I don't want to slow down. I want to get home. It's my daughters birthday today.

:eek:

But then what really made me cry out loud was:

Lisboa: Eh, OK then maintain your speed.

Seriously people, what is the world coming to....?

CaptPaddy
 

The world has indeed become a mess Cpt.
I for one only apply the rules I see useful.

121.5 I dont bother with anymore. Only when its been quiet and approaching an FIR border. And when fare from shore.

I do see my FOs listening to it and missing calls and getting distracted.

Until they string one up and shut them up , I could not be bothered listening in.

And I never do PLOC.

One self righteous (but wrong) muppet today was heard telling off D&D for responding to a Practice Pan call on 121.5.

D&D told him to check his manuals about the use of the frequency in UK. I'd have been less polite.