Most idiotic things you've seen from a tower?
 

Just wondered if ATCOs would mind sharing stories about the most stupid things they've observed from their towers? Be it pilots or ground crew etc.

One particular favourite of mine:
Manchester dual runway ops, quite a significant queue had built up for 24L. Jet2 737 gets crossing clearance from F1 to V5 for departure from VA1. The aircraft began crossing 24R (arrival RWY) but then proceded to slow half way across, and then stop with its tail end halfway over the runway edge.

Controller: Channex 890 do you have a problem?
Aircraft: Negative
Controller: Well you're infringing the landing runway. Expedite to V5!
Aircraft: Well we were just biding our time to see if we preferred Tango 1
Controller: There's landing traffic 1 mile, move now!
Aircraft: Oh, roger, wilco
Controller: Channex 890 you were given V5, so you're expected to go to V5
Aircraft: Apologies
...
Controller: Channex 890 via VA1 line up and wait 24L
Aircraft: Line up 24L
Controller: Channex 890 24L clear takeoff ...
Aircraft: Er, we're not quite ready ma'am
Controller: [many expletives to colleagues in tower!!!]


How ridiculous! Possibly didn't like being given instructions from a lady controller. Anyone observed anything similiar?

I don't the exact circumstances because I wasn't there - but it happens. And despite the fact that it may be inconvenient to the controller who may have to change the traffic plan - you do have another plan don't you? - it just shows a rather limited understanding of how aircraft are operated.

For heaven's sake, get the chip off you shoulder!

Early January morning, it's fallen approx 1 ft of snow during the night. Snow clearance team has cleared the runway, but only 2 taxiways from the apron. (The parallel is closed)
First departure calls for taxi, and is given via one of the 2 open ones, and onto the rwy via backtrack. As the kind soul I am, only the lights on the cleared twys are lit, to avoid the 737 going off the reservation.

When the 737 reaches the parallel, they turn 90 degrees to the left and goes full steam down the dark parallel twy in 1 foot of snow........only to get stuck in a drift right away. :ouch:

It was hard to find something appropriate to say! :D :D

----------------------------------------

Female collage of mine experienced this:

Helicopter doing hover, 1 engine flyaways etc on the parallel TWY is told to land due tfc on final for the RWY. (To close for independent ops)

TWR: "Lynx land on Y, remain on GND"

Lynx: " WHY?"

TWR: "Trafiic on 2 mile final, land now"

Lynx: "Yeah, we can se him, he's no factor"

TWR: "Lynx, land IMMEDIATELY, you need to be on GND before he lands"

(Female collage is about to blow all the fuses at this point, feisty redhead and all!)

Lynx: "That is not necessary, we will keep clear" :ugh: :ugh:

Que 737 going missed at 0.5 miles for another 50nm of vectors.

She eventually kicked the Lynx over to the hangar pan and refused further flight, and gave a very graphic debrief on the phone with the pilot of the Lynx later in the day! :D :D

Some of the most idiotic things I have seen in a tower have come from fellow ATCOs!!

(including an "airmiss" between a G4 crossing the piano keys in the flare vs a model aircraft (a spitfire) - someone who forgot to ground the model flyers!???)

What is the point of this thread? :confused:

I don't know VA I decided it was a wind up when I saw this rather inane comment

OK.......so I bit!

Flower, Vintage and Spitoon. This actually happened, the lady atco part was to say that the controller this happened to was a highly experienced lady atco, (who was sitting next to me at the time !!) and the pilot was extremely cocky. Just a possible 'reason' for his behaviour. Not that I implied that myself whatsoever!

I as a lady ATCO have never had an issue with male or female pilots, if anything they tend to respond better to you.
We all of us make mistakes everyday , I am quite sure we wouldn't appreciate if pilots started up a thread on stupid things ATCOs do.

SPITOON
what are you talking about.I clear you to cross an active rwy, you cross , why should I need another plan . Regarding your comment about understanding acft performance , as far as I was concerned when given a cleareance to cross an active rwy you advance the throttles and get across asap ,dont stop half way across and think where you will be departing from , do that when you are clear. I think its called airmanship

opnot, my comments were about the second example cited but don't you have another plan for when something doesn't happen as planned - but I suppose just to be ready to bawl the pilot out on the RTF could be called a plan.

Yup, airmanship is a good thing for a crew to have but sadly we're not all perfect all of the time. It's a bit like professionalism on the RTF for controllers.

And I didn't make any comment about aircraft performance in my post but, rather, about how an aircraft is operated. My point was that there are a good many things that might be cause for unexpected query just before take-off. But on reflection I guess you're probably right, it's obviously just a crew who really shouldn't be flying a proper aeroplane from a busy airport.

And, yes, you're also right that I don't work CC so I cannot understand what a real busy place is like. But I guess it's just as well because I probably couldn't come up to your high standards!

thanks OPNOT! Nice to know someone is on my wavelength!! ;)

One might ask if this thread was started within view of a tower.......

Actually Spitoon to line up and when cleared for take-off say you're not ready yet is incredibly un-professional. If you are not ready don't line up. Simple. On single runway ops it's really exciting then telling another aircraft to go around and then the aircraft on the runway to report ready. Bit late!!!:ugh::ugh:

Spitoon
 

Runways are when bad things happen (remember Tenerife?). So your airamanship had better be perfect when using one.
I don't want sound like I'm having a go Spitoon, but safety will always come first where ATC are concerned. Comercial interests are not ignored but will always be second place to safety.

terrain and ayr, thanks for your comments - it's always good to feel talked down to. Despite your suggestions to the contrary, I do know a bit about ATC. I also know a little about how modern aircraft are operated - I find it helps when I am controlling. There's always at least two sides to every situation.

Yup, runways are dangerous places. Sadly, the point I was trying to make is clearly lost on you and others. But hey, Manchester's clearly a safe place from the ATC point of view - all the incident reports must come about because of those idiot pilots.

Professionalism is not simply about shifting more aircraft on your runway(s) safely - I can't help feeling that it's about doing it smoothly....for all concerned.

But, you know, I really don't know why I'm bothering......

SO, I am guessing that this Runway Incursion was reported...... look forward to reading about it soon.

mmm, shall I say - I have seen many stupid things from a tower but I decline to comment on the grounds that I may incriminate myself?
Or that most of the stupid things I have seen have been managers?:}

Did once tell a light twin that subject the one pushing back on to the taxiway, he could taxi to stand xx. Light twin didn't stop but instead executed what can only be described as an 'over taking' manouevre twixt the push back and the apron and continued to his stand!
And no, it wasn't at Ooh-arr International.

I once watched a marquee get airborne..... without clearance.

Foxy

Did you go to Glastmudbury last month then?
Lots of marquees went flying there.......

Nope, this was in January. Quite worrying actually, because my leaving do was due to be held in it the following evening.

Foxy

Well I hope you filed on that pesky marquee for taking off without clearance!!:p
louby

Easy

Some idiot spotted sauntering down one of our main taxiways, past the tower, across the active runway towards the perimeter fence, security apprehends, turns out hes some spod from the housing estate next to the airport whos got to get into town quick so he takes a short cut across the runway.:D

10/10 for initiative. :D
0/10 for common sense :ugh:

Spamcan

Coolbeans. So security apprehends someone who got onto your aerodrome?
Unless this is a small airfield,who is supposed to be the idiot in this scenario?
But then....Some years ago ground movement radar at LHR picked up a slow moving target on 28L (See I told you it was a few years.) Turned out to be a bloke on a push-bike thought he was on the A30.

Many years ago we had 2 coppers who decided to take a walk down the main taxiway.Aircraft were having to dodge them,and we aren't talking about Cessnas either.Got on to Masu,who went out and ''Arrested'' them.:D
Their reason was it was a nice day and they went for a walk to get out of the nick.:O However they weren't proceeding in a westerly direction.:p

Once saw 2 fireman firing bird scaring flares, proceed to set fire to the grass area. Then they couldn`t beat the flames out with the floormats of their van. Next, they were unable to start the van to retreat from the fire.They then had to deploy a proper appliance to deal with the, by now, potentially serious fire.

I also saw a catering truck going way too fast on the apron take avoiding action against his colleague coming the other way....catering truck ended up shiny side down.

The chap who decided to jump the fence and take a short cut across an active runway?

A Heathrow ATCO taxying a Tiger Moth for a solo flight. He was walking alongside the aircraft and giving it bursts of throttle, then running to either wingtip to 'steer' it across the grass and hard surfaces!

Overheard a conversation between a UT and his instructor on the correct procedure for firing Very's from ATC...

Insturctor: "the last thing you do after firing is to make sure that the Very has burnt out and has not set the ground on fire."

U.T. "ok - watch it and make sure nothing catches fire."

Next they go out on to the balcony for the practical.... All goes to plan, and a green Very streaks across the sky. Both the instructor and UT watch it, then deciding nothing more would happen come back into the VCR.:)

Less than 2 minutes later Fire Control calls up asking if we would like them to "go and put out the raging inferno we had just created on the grass by India Dispersal?":eek:

Cue two very shocked faces :mad:.

Unsurprisingly a crate of beer appeared in the fire station later that afternoon, along with a very embarrassed instructor!

Apparently there was a very attractive couple in Aukland, NZ, who used to enjoy a little "afternoon delight" at the same time every Saturday. Being in the upper floor of a suburban house, with a bed below window level, they saw no need to close the curtains....

Until someone pointed out to them that the funny shaped building with the windows was the control tower for Aukland Airport (in a suburb off the airfield) and that they had a goodly supply of binoculars in there. The show stopped after that. :D

Saw a caravan being towed along the A3 last year at about 80mph shortly before getting all sideways and throwing the 4x4 tower onto its side.
Have I missed the point again?

on the flipside, I recall a VERY pompous ATCO at a certain airfield with 'international' in the title (i.e. small regional airport with some non-regional flights and pretentions of grandeur). Even over the radio, it was obvious he considered his brain and his wage packet to be far bigger than anyone elses on the air-field. As a result of some wonderful ground clearances I had to avoid a helicopter landing directly in front of me, or drive off the taxiway (and get stuck) to avoid an oncoming aircraft, despite having clearance to use the taxi-way. Never even apologised (couldn't be wrong you see!).

.....Tower, Eng. - request permission to proceed down taxi-way X back to point Y?

.....Eng, Tower, clear to proceed down taxi-way X back to Y.

.......Tower, Eng., am partially blocking taxi-way with tug / GPU due stuck on verge after taking aircraft avoiding action!'



.........



............


..............'Eng , Tower ...roger'



.......:hmm:


oh how I laughed! :rolleyes:

Can only agree with AlanM..

Have you notice how many controllers can talk themselves busy and create situations that need master's degrees to resolve.

KISS is what I say