ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: England & Scotland
Age: 63
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Solo in an EC120 with declared PAN, intending autorotation approach, 2 miles to run, 120knt, 1400ft.
ATC: [EC120] You are No1; cleared to land, any surface. Wind 260 at 12. One in the circuit.
Me: No1, cleared to land. Will use Area 1 passing to the right of the crash truck. Visual R22 downwind in the circuit. Commencing autorotation in 30 seconds.
[Fresh call]
R22: XXXX Downwind, I can turn inside the EC120 for 26H
ATC: (very calmly) XXXX that's very interesting, thanks for letting me know; and you are still No2 to the 120 with declared PAN.
Well, it made me laugh. And "Thank You" to ATC for making things easy for me!
ATC: [EC120] You are No1; cleared to land, any surface. Wind 260 at 12. One in the circuit.
Me: No1, cleared to land. Will use Area 1 passing to the right of the crash truck. Visual R22 downwind in the circuit. Commencing autorotation in 30 seconds.
[Fresh call]
R22: XXXX Downwind, I can turn inside the EC120 for 26H
ATC: (very calmly) XXXX that's very interesting, thanks for letting me know; and you are still No2 to the 120 with declared PAN.
Well, it made me laugh. And "Thank You" to ATC for making things easy for me!
Last edited by John R81; 7th Mar 2013 at 16:58.
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: gone surfin'
Age: 58
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Dear Mr Air Traffic Controller, EGCC. Just a quick thank you for sending those lovely aeroplanes over my house this morning. Can I just say what a pleasure it was to watch those magnificent men (and ladies) in their flying machines. My trusty hound, Max, and I were particularly impressed how the wake vortex from the Singapore Airlines 777 made the panes in our greenhouse shudder and rattle. Oh how those Pratt and Whitney's sing ! Interestingly, I'm having the morning off tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would prefer to share the delights of those lovely aeroplanes with my friends in Stockport. I'm told the Peak District is a delight at present, and I'm sure all those fee paying passengers would delight in how close Kinder Scout looks at this time of year. I wouldn't worry too much about the wind direction thing, I'm told aeroplanes can land quite safely with up to a 5mph tail wind (Unless Prince Charles is flying it.) Bruce Willis made it look easy in "Die Hard II" Anyway, must sign off for now, heres hoping you have a lovely day, ginge :-)
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: in the radar
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On the sims, practising avoiding actions on airway 060º-240º oppossite track traffic:
TATC: "TOM324 avoiding action, turn right inmediately heading 120º"
TOM324: "Turning right heading 120º..."
TACT "BEE11J avoiding action turn left inmediately heading 180º.... OH F**K!!
" (with the pedal still pressed!!!)
TATC: "TOM324 avoiding action, turn right inmediately heading 120º"
TOM324: "Turning right heading 120º..."
TACT "BEE11J avoiding action turn left inmediately heading 180º.... OH F**K!!
" (with the pedal still pressed!!!)
Last edited by RiskyFowler; 9th Jun 2013 at 23:38.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: GPS Signal Lost
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GRD: Cessna 172 ABC follow companying traffic with the yellow tail on taxiway Bravo then right onto November.
ABC: Copy that follow the BANANA on bravo then right onto November.
ABC: Copy that follow the BANANA on bravo then right onto November.
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Los Angeles, USA
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This happened to me just today flying back from Las Vegas:
LA Center: Squawk 4666.
Me: Hey, that sounds a bit menacing. Squawking 4666 now.
After a pause:
LA Center: I can give you another squawk if you prefer, sir.
Me: It's fine, I'm an atheist.
LA Center: Haha. Radar contact.
LA Center: Squawk 4666.
Me: Hey, that sounds a bit menacing. Squawking 4666 now.
After a pause:
LA Center: I can give you another squawk if you prefer, sir.
Me: It's fine, I'm an atheist.
LA Center: Haha. Radar contact.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: New Zealand
Age: 71
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This happened some years ago when I was in uncontrolled airspace and need to clip the corner of some class D: In New Zealand all glider registrations start with G
Me: "ROT tower, this is GML. Overhead xxx at 4500', request clearance to transit direct to yyy."
Tower: "GML: Please Orbit and maintain height and position"
Me: "Tower: This is Glider ML. I can orbit, or maintain height, or hold position. Please choose one."
Me: "ROT tower, this is GML. Overhead xxx at 4500', request clearance to transit direct to yyy."
Tower: "GML: Please Orbit and maintain height and position"
Me: "Tower: This is Glider ML. I can orbit, or maintain height, or hold position. Please choose one."
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: EU
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Demonstrating differences vs european and US phraseology few days ago on approach frequency:
UPS9 climb FL230, expedite through FL120.
Roger - climbing 230, desperate till 120.
UPS9 climb FL230, expedite through FL120.
Roger - climbing 230, desperate till 120.
Last edited by woocash; 16th Sep 2013 at 20:53.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Unna, Germany
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Don't know if these have been posted before:
-------------------------------------------
a/c: Twr, request approximate time check;
Twr: Saturday.....
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or these after slightly dodgy landings:
Twr: G-XX, request number of souls on board
a/c: G-XX: Two plus a dog
Twr: Presume dog was Pilot in Command....
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Twr: G-XX, can you please confirm Pilot's name is Tigger.......
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a/c: Twr, request approximate time check;
Twr: Saturday.....
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or these after slightly dodgy landings:
Twr: G-XX, request number of souls on board
a/c: G-XX: Two plus a dog
Twr: Presume dog was Pilot in Command....
-------------------------------------------
Twr: G-XX, can you please confirm Pilot's name is Tigger.......
Overheard on the ground frequency at a major Scottish airport.
Ryanair XXX "Request clearance to Rygge"
Ground "Rygge? Where's that"
Ryanair "Near Oslo"
Undentified interloper "About 1000 miles away you mean"
Ryanair "Oooh-err missus"
Ground "Now Now"
Flybe "In penance, it appears our stand isn't ready"
Made me laugh anyway - thanks chaps
Ryanair XXX "Request clearance to Rygge"
Ground "Rygge? Where's that"
Ryanair "Near Oslo"
Undentified interloper "About 1000 miles away you mean"
Ryanair "Oooh-err missus"
Ground "Now Now"
Flybe "In penance, it appears our stand isn't ready"
Made me laugh anyway - thanks chaps
Heard this exchange recently over the North Sea between a Heathrow-bound BA flight and London ATC.
A/C "Speedbird XYZ, we're running very early, can we slow down in the descent?"
ATC "You can, but there's a few just behind you so you'll lose your place in the sequence."
A/C "Ok, we're not that early."
A/C "Speedbird XYZ, we're running very early, can we slow down in the descent?"
ATC "You can, but there's a few just behind you so you'll lose your place in the sequence."
A/C "Ok, we're not that early."
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Canberra, Australia
Age: 89
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How it is in the biggest Sergeants' Mess in the world
In the Radar room the conversations sometimes bear record.
New Controller (hard-pressed): ‘Jack, Jack! I’ve got an urgent medivac here!’
Senior colleague, who’s seen it all before: ‘Don’t look at me, mate, I’m not a f****** doctor!’
New Controller (hard-pressed): ‘Jack, Jack! I’ve got an urgent medivac here!’
Senior colleague, who’s seen it all before: ‘Don’t look at me, mate, I’m not a f****** doctor!’
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Earthville
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Something along these lines was overheard this morning.
ATC: 'Virginxxx fly heading 090 degrees'
Virginxxx: 'Heading 090 degrees, Virginxxx'
ATC: 'Batman118 descend FL180'
Batman118: 'Descend FL180, Batman118'
Unknown voice: 'Batman?!'
Unknown voice: 'Nanananana'
Unknown voice: 'Where's Robin?'
Unknown voice: 'And Catwoman?!'
Unknown voice: 'She's sat next to me!'
Unknown voice: 'What kinda callsign is that?!'
Batman118: 'Just because you're jealous...'
Made me chuckle
ATC: 'Virginxxx fly heading 090 degrees'
Virginxxx: 'Heading 090 degrees, Virginxxx'
ATC: 'Batman118 descend FL180'
Batman118: 'Descend FL180, Batman118'
Unknown voice: 'Batman?!'
Unknown voice: 'Nanananana'
Unknown voice: 'Where's Robin?'
Unknown voice: 'And Catwoman?!'
Unknown voice: 'She's sat next to me!'
Unknown voice: 'What kinda callsign is that?!'
Batman118: 'Just because you're jealous...'
Made me chuckle