ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Manchester, England
Age: 58
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Always enjoyed listening to the Amsterdam approach controllers on a rough day, as they manoevered everyone round buildups etc - impressively cool to listen to - probably a bit more stressful for the guy doing it.
Was listening the day after Raymond van Barneveld won the world title - a slightly startled sounding Northwest flight was cleared onto heading 'one hundred and eighhhhhhhhhhhhhhty'. 'err, say again?'. Don't think the pilot was a darts afficianado!
Was listening the day after Raymond van Barneveld won the world title - a slightly startled sounding Northwest flight was cleared onto heading 'one hundred and eighhhhhhhhhhhhhhty'. 'err, say again?'. Don't think the pilot was a darts afficianado!
Ollie?
One for the Heathrow controllers ...
any chance of a copy of the recording of the "Who's Ollie" from a few weeks ago in the snow?
(Some people went to collect an aircraft from a remote stand, and wrote something in the snow. When they called-up to request clearance the Controller wanted to know who Ollie was!
any chance of a copy of the recording of the "Who's Ollie" from a few weeks ago in the snow?
(Some people went to collect an aircraft from a remote stand, and wrote something in the snow. When they called-up to request clearance the Controller wanted to know who Ollie was!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Belgium
Age: 64
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Today on Maastricht UAC :
Pilot checking in from Germany, destination EGLL : "XXXXXX XXX, may we maintain this level as long as possible"
ATCo : "Of course, you can maintain till London if you like"
Pilot checking in from Germany, destination EGLL : "XXXXXX XXX, may we maintain this level as long as possible"
ATCo : "Of course, you can maintain till London if you like"
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Norway
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Hi!
Did hear a story at work today which made me laugh a lot
Oslo ATCC/Oslo APP is currently in the process of redesigning our airspace. The "Point merge" system is currently running simulations in Paris.
One of my collegues did have some problem with AMAN(arrival manager, which we don't have today in Oslo TMA..we do it the old manual stoneage way still), so on the debrief of the sim run he said as follows:
"I got fu
ed by AMAN today"
Well..not the most evolved humor, but just perfect for me
Regards
Final Vectors
Oslo APP
Did hear a story at work today which made me laugh a lot
Oslo ATCC/Oslo APP is currently in the process of redesigning our airspace. The "Point merge" system is currently running simulations in Paris.
One of my collegues did have some problem with AMAN(arrival manager, which we don't have today in Oslo TMA..we do it the old manual stoneage way still), so on the debrief of the sim run he said as follows:
"I got fu
ed by AMAN today" Well..not the most evolved humor, but just perfect for me
Regards
Final Vectors
Oslo APP
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Hogwarts
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A German gas balloon past majestically through the STN ATZ on 28.12.08 at around 1045. It would be great to get hold of a recording of the R/T on STN DIR 126.95. Would that be possible? Sorry if this has been covered before. It would not do it justice if I tried to remember it all. We were falling about in our little cockpit...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: North of CDG
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Heard Friday evening around 2130Z in a (Southern) London sector:
ATC: "- City-Ireland 5xxx, what is your speed?"
Avro RJ85: "- Mach 0.65, but we can increase a bit"
ATC: "- Probably not enough!"
A bit harsh of the ATCO...
ATC: "- City-Ireland 5xxx, what is your speed?"
Avro RJ85: "- Mach 0.65, but we can increase a bit"
ATC: "- Probably not enough!"
A bit harsh of the ATCO...
Grob: "XXX overhead XYZ, will make number 1 to the cessna"
Tower: "XXX, Will you now"
Grob: "That was the plan"
Tower: "ABC, you got the grob 11 o'clock?"
Cessna: "We've got him, ABC"
Tower: "He is about to cut you off, have fun"
Cessna: "greeeeeeeeat"
Tower: "XXX, Will you now"
Grob: "That was the plan"
Tower: "ABC, you got the grob 11 o'clock?"
Cessna: "We've got him, ABC"
Tower: "He is about to cut you off, have fun"
Cessna: "greeeeeeeeat"
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Germany
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Muller + 3
Some years ago it was required in General Aviation in Germany to call Info at small airfields and report the name of PIC + persons on board prior to departure. At big airports, the PIC had to fill out a form at the terminal before departure.
One day, this was heard on the ground frequency at DUS:
Pilot 1: "Düsseldorf Ground, ehh, this is D-EABC, ehh, Cessna 172, emm, Muller + 3 to Mönchengladbach, emm, request taxi."
ATC: "D-EABC, taxi runway 24 via M, cross runway 31."
Pilot 1: "D-EABC, ehm, taxi runway 24, emm, via M."
Pilot 2: "Düsseldorf Ground, ehh, this is Lufthansa 123, ehmm, Boeing 737, Huber and Schmitz + 125 to Berlin, ehmmm, request start and push..."
One day, this was heard on the ground frequency at DUS:
Pilot 1: "Düsseldorf Ground, ehh, this is D-EABC, ehh, Cessna 172, emm, Muller + 3 to Mönchengladbach, emm, request taxi."
ATC: "D-EABC, taxi runway 24 via M, cross runway 31."
Pilot 1: "D-EABC, ehm, taxi runway 24, emm, via M."
Pilot 2: "Düsseldorf Ground, ehh, this is Lufthansa 123, ehmm, Boeing 737, Huber and Schmitz + 125 to Berlin, ehmmm, request start and push..."
In January working Oslo back to Scottish.
The Norwegian controller had a great accent, every time he handed somebody over he finished with a "So Long".
However with his accent it sounded more like "Shalom"...The Hebrew for Peace.
Sounded very relaxed and made us both smirk.
Then a couple of minutes later we got a request to descend, earlier then planned.
The call went "Corporate XYZ, descend FL 280, DUE traffic".
Some moments later an EL AL passed infront of us 2000' above.
I nearly wet my kecks...
The Norwegian controller had a great accent, every time he handed somebody over he finished with a "So Long".
However with his accent it sounded more like "Shalom"...The Hebrew for Peace.
Sounded very relaxed and made us both smirk.
Then a couple of minutes later we got a request to descend, earlier then planned.
The call went "Corporate XYZ, descend FL 280, DUE traffic".
Some moments later an EL AL passed infront of us 2000' above.
I nearly wet my kecks...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: North of CDG
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Heard last Thursday evening (20th March) on Brest frequency 125.500 (in French):
- "Brest, bonsoir, French Post xxx, passing FL080 for FL180, Direct Pontoise"
- "Bonsoir French Post xxx, are you happy to cruise at FL180?"
- "Yeah, the flight is only so long"
- "Roger, maintain FL180 on reaching. Call Paris on 128.8"
- "128.8, French Post xxx. See you next time"
- "There might not be a next time - I'm retiring in September. Don't even like to work at night anymore!"
- "Brest, bonsoir, French Post xxx, passing FL080 for FL180, Direct Pontoise"
- "Bonsoir French Post xxx, are you happy to cruise at FL180?"
- "Yeah, the flight is only so long"
- "Roger, maintain FL180 on reaching. Call Paris on 128.8"
- "128.8, French Post xxx. See you next time"
- "There might not be a next time - I'm retiring in September. Don't even like to work at night anymore!"
Last edited by FougaMagister; 22nd Mar 2009 at 10:41.
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Somewhere
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Two years back in Aqaba, a student going for his first solo,
S: "MAx ready for departure"
T: "Line up and wait MAx"
Few minutes later
T: "MAx wind is calm cleared for takeoff"
S: "MAx Downwind for full stop"
S: "MAx ready for departure"
T: "Line up and wait MAx"
Few minutes later
T: "MAx wind is calm cleared for takeoff"
S: "MAx Downwind for full stop"
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Northern Skies
Age: 43
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More than just an ATCO
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Up someone's nose
Age: 75
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Back in the 1970s , before Euroccontrol moved to Maastricht and when we still used paper strips, blue for Westbound, buff for Eastbound (and red for dangerous according to our PR expert) a few of us were taking our break in the terminal building at Zaventem when a couple of Sabena CC walked past, one in beige and one in blue. their then current uniforms. Someone wondered out loud why two different uniforms. "Easy," answered a French colleague. "Blue for westbound flights, beige for eastbound."
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: kent
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humour and recollections
Having just read through the past two years pages of whimsical 'real' recollections and jokes, all I can say is that I am relieved I have never flown, chaps.
I am surprised that fingers crossed repetitive strain injury isn't an epidemic in the aviation industry!!
I am surprised that fingers crossed repetitive strain injury isn't an epidemic in the aviation industry!!
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: always airborne
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Years ago as i was practicing my first solo t&g during my PPL at EDSB. They just finished construction works expanding buildings including the tower.
A RYR taxied into the normal takeoff position but didn't reported ready yet. I was asked for an immediate takeoff out of an intersection infront of the RYR which i affirmed.
TWR: "D-Exxx your traffic pattern is a right hand circuit, when airborne turn immediate to the right there is a departure behind you, wind xxx/xx, runway 03 cleared for immediate takeoff."
Having in mind the "big" 737 of RYR behind me, 50 feet under my wheels i turned my C150 immediately to the right, just as being told. Infront of my windscreen the tower itself was rising as i was heading straight into it.
TWR: "D-Exxx, not that much to the right, take care the tower is quite new..."
The RYR pilots just laughed into their mics...
A RYR taxied into the normal takeoff position but didn't reported ready yet. I was asked for an immediate takeoff out of an intersection infront of the RYR which i affirmed.
TWR: "D-Exxx your traffic pattern is a right hand circuit, when airborne turn immediate to the right there is a departure behind you, wind xxx/xx, runway 03 cleared for immediate takeoff."
Having in mind the "big" 737 of RYR behind me, 50 feet under my wheels i turned my C150 immediately to the right, just as being told. Infront of my windscreen the tower itself was rising as i was heading straight into it.
TWR: "D-Exxx, not that much to the right, take care the tower is quite new..."
The RYR pilots just laughed into their mics...
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Liverpool
Age: 44
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A couple whilst training at headcorn
Ac: Loverair356 request transit through your overhead.
twr: Loverair, whats that an airline or a bloody dating agency!
Islander lands after an engine faliure:
Ac: We must have forgot to do somthing
Twr: Yeah carb heat, tw*t
Ac: Loverair356 request transit through your overhead.
twr: Loverair, whats that an airline or a bloody dating agency!
Islander lands after an engine faliure:
Ac: We must have forgot to do somthing
Twr: Yeah carb heat, tw*t
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Cornwall
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Had a nice pair of sarcastic controllers at Humberside..
Just made a bumpy landing in nil wind on my QXC to Humberside and over the radio i hear..
TWR- G-## must be blowing a gail out there with that landing
And another one today on my skills test...
Me - G-#### pa28 ......to ..... via Binsbrook and sheffield city currently at 3100 ft for basic service
Humber Radar - G-## where is Binsbrook located
Me- 10 nm SE of Humberside.
Humber Radar- Ah you mean Binbrook, why didn't you say
All i got from the examminer was "This guys a sarcastic waker, carry on"
Just made a bumpy landing in nil wind on my QXC to Humberside and over the radio i hear..
TWR- G-## must be blowing a gail out there with that landing
And another one today on my skills test...
Me - G-#### pa28 ......to ..... via Binsbrook and sheffield city currently at 3100 ft for basic service
Humber Radar - G-## where is Binsbrook located
Me- 10 nm SE of Humberside.
Humber Radar- Ah you mean Binbrook, why didn't you say
All i got from the examminer was "This guys a sarcastic wa
ker, carry on"
Join Date: Mar 2005
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Heard whilst waiting for taxi at EMA:
acast mids twr, XXX1234, stand 21, request push and start with kilo.
Twr:XXX1234, push and start approved, face east.
ac: push and start approved, which way is east......
I didnt catch the last few comments as my passenger was laughing too hard. I on the other hand was a little worried about the people sat behind this fella.....
ac
ast mids twr, XXX1234, stand 21, request push and start with kilo.Twr:XXX1234, push and start approved, face east.
ac: push and start approved, which way is east......
I didnt catch the last few comments as my passenger was laughing too hard. I on the other hand was a little worried about the people sat behind this fella.....