What's the best non-flying related advice you ever received?

[Heeed]

... a good one from my Grandad:

"Save up to get married then buy a sports car... wish I had"

After all, if you break them they're easier to replace!

Heeed

[Maxflyer]

Don't eat yellow snow.

[moggie]

"Don't let your dicky dangle in the dirt"

Thanks, Crebes!

[Ali Barber]

When working in MOD - from my boss:

When you come in on Monday, spend the first half-hour prioritising your work. On Wednesday, do the same. On Friday afternoon, shred what's left!

[Runaway Gun]

Jeez Ali B,

I hope that no Air Trafficker takes your advice on, or else I'm taking leave every Friday.... :)

[wub]

The Roger Bacon column in 'Flight' magazine used to feature ARIAs (Alway Remembered Instructors' Advice). I particularly liked one from a chap who had saved for years for his PPL and when he finally had enough wonga, he went to his local flying school to enrol. Keen to make an impression, he put on his best suit, shirt, tie and shoes and duly presented himself in the CFI's office.

After a discussion about the training and fees, the chap, still keen to make an impression, said to the CFI, "As I'm about to embark on fulfilling my life-long ambition and learn to fly, is there any particular advice you can give me?"

The CFI looked the chap up and down and siad "Yes, never wear brown shoes with a blue suit" :(

[Ludwig]

Never pee into a head wind:)

[tony draper]

Never piss on a 25KV Transformer.
:(

[FFP]

Don`t sit down with a light bulb in your back pocket !

[CarltonBrowne the FO]

When putting the moves on three women, make it women who DON'T know each other.

[PlasticCabDriver]

Never invade Russia in the winter.

[Muppet Leader]

Never volunteer for anything.

Only did it once.

Friday evening. December.

Orderly bod in the guardroom.

SWO comes in.
"Anyone know anything about music?"

"Oooooh me sir !"

"Good. Get outside on that 4 tonner and get that grand piano off the back up to the third floor in the offices mess!"

I say again - Never, I repaet NEVER volunteer for anything.
:ok:

[ChristopherRobin]

Say it, don't Spray it

[Runaway Gun]

Don't sleep with Jordan, and then lie to the papers and say that you didn't. Because the guilt will get to you and then you'll have to confess, and then look like a pityful singer (and will still appear to be gay). If you do sleep with her - tell everyone. :ok:

http://mysite.freeserve.com/jordanworldwide/jordan_01_07.JPG

[FFP]

If it F*&$s Flies or Floats it's probably cheaper to rent by the hour than pay for !

[john du'pruyting]

on a night out
Go ugly early

[Jerry Can]

Never kick a dog in the b***s when you've got your hand in its mouth

[2port]

Two Jordan pics on different posts on same day - good effort!

[ragspanner]

Don't wipe your ar5e with a broken bottle.

[MajorMadMax]

2port

Before I go looking everywhere...where's the other??

Cheers! M2

[teeteringhead]

Three prohibitions:

Never

1. Drink port after champagne.

2. Hunt south of the Thames

3. Make love to your wife in the morning - you may get a better offer later! ;)

[Synthetic]

Thanks for that Runaway Gun. 'Spose I had better re-make tonight's plans then:\

[steamchicken]

From my Dad - "It's easier to cut it off than it is to stick it back on."

From a Teacher - "Measure twice, cut once"

Dad again - "Never, ever, drink with policemen."

And also from papa - "Helicopters are sheer insanity!"

[Mr C Hinecap]

If you are going to F**k up, make it so monumental that people believe it is a change in policy.

Walk tall, talk quietly and carry a big stick.


I live by these. :ok:

[peterperfect]

Icarus: "never give advice on non-aviation related subjects" !

[2port]

Never lower your standards, I did once .... never looked back!

Major
In the UAS link, but you prob know that by now.

[DICKY the PIG]

If you see an armourer running, follow him.

[Synthetic]

SteamChicken thanks. I had got a sensible reply then I realised this was military.

My old headmaster may he rest in peace once told me

"If someone gives you a piece of information, ask yourself two questions -

1/. Are they in a position to know?

2/. Do they have an axe to grind?"

This has always served me well

Cmdr Meade-King

[GIMPOSH]

If you are going to run with the big dogs, you better be ready to pi$$ on the tall trees.

[Runaway Gun]

I was given some advice about the Base Commander's daughter, but I forgot exactly what it was... ;)

[chuks]

One I get to use about once a week in West Africa:

Never argue with a fool; people might not be able to tell the difference.

[Biggus]

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and have people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it."

[SPIT]

Always try to remember that God helps those who help themselves but- God help those that help themself from me

[Gainesy]

Never work for a company that has an "IIP Implementor".

[pulse1]

Gainsey,

Hear, bl**dy hear! The best advice on this thread so far.:ok:

[LunchMonitor]

"Don't trust a man who doesn't drink... hic!"

[smartman]

Gainesy

Nor one that is brimming with Management , HR teams and Consultancy neddies that talk endlessly of 'people being our most important asset' - and the value of 'our latest appraisal system'.

Never pee with a half- full pint in your hand - you may go back with a full one.

[Maxflyer]

smartman said.....

HR teams and Consultancy neddies that talk endlessly of 'people being our most important asset'

A shepherd was looking after his sheep when an Audi TT pulled up and an expensively dressed young man got out. He asked: “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, may I take one?” The shepherd agreed.

The young man took out his laptop and mobile phone, set up his satellite navigation system and got on the Internet. He announced, “you have exactly 1508 sheep”.

“That is correct,” said the shepherd. The young man took an animal and put it in his car.

“If I can guess your job can I have my animal back?” asked the shepherd. The young man agreed.

“You are a management consultant,” said the shepherd.

“How did you know that?” asked the young man.

“First, you arrive without being asked.

Second, you charge an exorbitant fee to tell me something I already know.

Third, you have no idea what I do. Now, please can I have my dog back?”

[Gainesy]

Max,
You sod! I just had hot tea come down my nose.
:)

[Airbedane]

Some years ago, shortly after leaving ther RAF, a colleague, who later became a good fried, offered me the following three rules to follow when getting old:

1. Never waste a h**d-on

2. Never pass a loo

and most importantly,

3. Never trust a f**t

A

[BEagle]

Never let the navigator drive!

Twist on 16.

Keep a bottle opener and corkscrew in your nav bag.

[Phoney Tony]

Do Not street fight in Venice.

[T_richard]

"Don't dip your pen in the company inkwell"

The most valuable lesson I ever learned

[Scud-U-Like]

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

[Captain Sand Dune]

1. Never eat anything bigger than your head.
2. Never sleep with anyone more crazy than yourself.
3. Never be caught sleeping with small girls or boys.:} :}

[West Coast]

Don't fish off the company pier.

Don't make waves unless they are big enough to drown some one.

You can do fat and ugly, just not at the same time.

If she is lower than your standards, then lower your standards.

good from afar, but far from good.

Beauty is in the flick of a light switch.

Aim to be the designated drunk rather than the designated driver.

[moggie]

Captain Sand Dune:

So number 3 is OK if you don't get caught??????????????????

[Captain Sand Dune]

.......isn't anything?:E :E
Just kidding though:uhoh:

[tony draper]

If you have to carry a short roll of Lino thru the streets of Bagdad, don't carry it on your shoulder. :ooh:

[PlasticCabDriver]

... or a TV camera.

[BANANASBANANAS]

Advice received from my best man, 1 day before wedding - how I wish I had listened.

"You dont want to get married mate. Just find a woman you dont like and buy her a house. Much cheaper."

[chippy63]

Never pi$$ anyone off unintentionally.

[Flap40]

Never write your name in your hat. You never know where you might leave it.

[Captain Gadget]

...If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools;
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools...

Rudyard Kipling

There's more...and someone had to say it!

Gadget :mad:

[MadsDad]

Anyone can lead a horse to water but if you can get it to float on it's back you've really got something.

:hmm:

[Maxflyer]

Mads Dad....

You can draw a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead....

Apologies to Laurel and Hardy if I misquoted!

[northernmonkey]

Don't get into a p*ssing fight with a skunk:E

[fobotcso]

If at first you don't succed....Cheat!

or, if that offends your morality:

If at first you don't succeed....Give up!

[theblether]

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving's not the sport for you

[Ventre A Terre]

My ol' man used to to tell me:

'If you're not in bed by ten o'clock, come home!'

:D

VAT

[theblether]

Surprised this one hasn't made it to the forum yet. Here goes.

F3 Pilot to backseat passenger up for a jolly (sorry, Air Experience Flight), just before taxi out :-

"One last thing. If I say eject and you say pardon you'll be talking to yourself"

[wub]

Surely that's flying-related advice? :hmm:

[northernmonkey]

If a jobs got to be done properly its not worth doing at all

[theblether]

Suppose it is wub, made me laugh first time I heard it though.

[Enigma2]

My dad once told me, 'Son, be afraid of no man.....and very few women'.

[FFP]

In fact if we are being pendantic about this Bleth it's flying related and not advice, just a statement of what would happen !


Good one liner though :ok:

[I. M. Esperto]

Never buy a car in the dark.

[N14HK]

When your buddy tries to hook you up with his misses' best mate: good personality = minger

[mcdhu]

From my late Mum as I left home to catch the train to join the Riff-Raff:

''Now son, 3 bits of advice:
Never ask a woman what's been wrong with her.
Never look in a woman's handbag.
Always keep your fingernails clean.''

Not bad advice for the late '60s!
Bless you Mum,
mcdhu
:ok:

[stiknruda]

£*** what you can but don't £*** up what you've got!

[Guido]

Always screw up, never screw down!

[Busta]

Never work for people who s**t in the street.

Marry a girl with small hands.

Q. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can always go to sleep with a light on.

Nothing matters very much, most things don't matter at all.

[moggie]

1 ) Don't worry about the small problems in life.

2 ) Al problems are small problems.

3 ) Don't cr@p on anyone as you climb up the ladder - you may need their help as you climb down.

[Reichman]

No woman has ever shot her husband whilst he was doing the dishes.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[pohm1]

From my father.

Its better to back a short priced winner than a long priced loser.

[theblether]

Insert appropriate activity, for this post I've used Bikers, could easily be pilots, sky divers, hang gliders (but they're all flying related).
"There are old bikers and there are bold bikers, but there are no old bold bikers"

[Oggin Aviator]

Dont drink and dial ..............

[Shaka]

Save money on laundry. hand your dirty shirts into Oxfam. They will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for 50p.

[Hippy]

On life:
Try anything once, except incest & morris dancing.

On wimmin:
Any girl's good looking, with her gob round your knob.

[pohm1]

Why do today what you can put off 'til tomorrow?


Why put it off 'til tomorrow when you can avoid doing it at all?

[StopStart]

The only consistent feature in all your dissatisfying relationships is you.

The tallest blade of grass is always the first to be cut by the lawnmower

If you can't do something well, learn to enjoy doing something poorly.

That which does not kill me just postpones the inevitable.

Despair.com (http://www.despair.com) Marvellous.

:ok:

[Dr-Evil]

never mistake effort for progress

[Shaka]

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pi55ing in the sink.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Beers.

[Mister Watson]

Beat the rush...

Go ugly early to avoid disappointment

[SASless]

Don't squat with your spurs on.

You can be killed just as dead in an unjustified war as you can in one defending your own home.

Never saddle more horse than you can ride.

Never miss a good opportunity to quit talking.

Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

There's two theories to arguing with a woman....Neither one works.

If you think you are a person of influence....try ordering someone else's dog around.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole easier than putting it back in.

[J.A.F.O.]

Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes - then it won't matter as you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.

[Zoom]

Never put off until tomorrow what you should do today ........ because if you enjoy doing it today you can do it again tomorrow.

Never buy a house on a Sunday. (A mate did and lived unhappily at one mile finals, complaining whenever the other outfit was night flying, dozy twonk.)

[Reichman]

Advice on fighting:

Don't use your hands until your feet are bleeding.

[nurjio]

When a new member joins your team, no matter how well he is regarded or trained or qualified......he's a c**t until he proves otherwise.