Things Nick Lappos Is Not Allowed To Do

[Rich Lee]

The following list are things that people (many thanks to Skippy) say Nick Lappos is not allowed to do in this Forum. Can this list be true? Feel free to add or delate as required.

He is not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
He is not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
He is not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers he provides in threads .
He is not allowed to purchase anyone's soul.
He is not allowed to form any militia.
He is must not taunt the French or Frank Robinson.
He must never tell a German citizen that 'We kicked your ass in World War II!'
He is allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of his comments.
He does not have any proven super-powers.
He is not authorized to fire members of any Armed Forces.
The following words and phrases may not be used by Nick during any thread response- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone who flies a Robbie and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
He must no longer insist that ‘Giant Space Ants' are at the top of the Sikorsky executive staff.
His may not claim that there is an ‘Anti-Mime' campaign in Italy without verivification.
He is not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
He is neither the king nor queen of cheese.
He is not allowed form any press gangs.
He may not challenge R22 pilots (without commercial privileges) to the ‘field of honor'.
He is not authorized to initiate Jihad.
He is not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
He is not authorized to sell mineral rights.
He must not create new Government forms and insist they be filled out.
He is not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
His name is not a killing word.
When questioned by an R22 pilot as to his aerodynamics theory he is not allowed to respond, “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people”.
His word does not carry death eternal to those who stand against the righteous.

[Datcon]

What you on mate? :confused:

[Rich Lee]

Life my friend, just life.

[Hilico]

Mr Con, Nick Lappos is a Vietnam vet and more recently a test pilot for Sikorsky, and the program manager for the S-92. He has forgotten more about helicopter engineering than I will learn if I live to be 95 (which is next week, actually). He writes lucidly and entertainingly (for example in Helicopter World a couple of years ago; I didn't know him from Adam and wrote a letter to them saying how interesting the article was). Religions have been started that worship lesser deities.

But, and here's the killer punchline, he's one of us. He gets involved in debates on PPRuNe. He takes the time to seriously answer questions from forms of aviation life that would lose arm-wrestling competitions with an amoeba two falls out of three (me). He has a sense of humour. He comes over as a thoroughly nice chap.

So, I suspect Mr Lee has taken the opportunity to satirize the awe in which many PPRuNers hold him. Ain't going to make no never mind to Nick. Satirize away, Rich!

[md 600 driver]

rich do you work at mesa by any chance
steve

[Rich Lee]

Satirize? There is certainly no intent to ridicule or censor Mr. Lappos. Love and levity are the only goals.

[NickLappos]

Rich, I do thank you for describing my limits. Thanks also for continuing to allow me to print my own money, which is how I manage to keep afloat all these years!


Hilico, the check is in the mail, you are now my Public Relations Department!


;)

[Hilico]

Like all good PR Departments, I just tell it like it is...

[Rich Lee]

Nick,

Damn, we missed one!

MD600 Driver (Steve),

Hello! Yes, I work and bake (or half-baked) in Mesa. I am a remain a proud employee of The Boeing Company (nee McDonnell Douglas, nee Hughes) the most ethical company in the World (with the exception of two misfits who stole rocket secrets from Lockheed Martin).

Hilico,

Happy Birthday!

[Dantruck]

Okay.

First, why is Lu not mentioned?

Second, I only let his letter into Helicopter World because he's bigger than I am.

And third, why did he never beat me up after I captioned one photo from his flight test - pictured while standing in front of the S-92 - with the words:

"High, wide and handsome, and that's just the pilot" ???

Dantruck

[Rich Lee]

Well, it has been whispered, but has yet to be confirmed, that Nick and Lu are the same person.

[diethelm]

I don't remember this sense of humor on my practical test............

[Rich Lee]

Dude, like you were dragged over the coals......... (a minor keel haul was all that I recall)

[md 600 driver]

rich
I don't remember this sense of humor on my practical test

i can agree with that you was the same on my practical test [at least now i know i was not the only one ]


best wishes steve [and from the other steve]

[Hover Bovver]

Hilico,

I think you will find Rich Lee is very similar to Nick in his elevated status in the pilot world, and boy can he fly ! But his check rides are quite hard work !


Rich,

Hope things are well in your world, hope to see you over here soon.

HB

[md 600 driver]

i will confirm hover bovers comments on rich lee and the things he can do in a 500 wooooooooooooow

steve

[Robbo Jock]

Rich: "Well, it has been whispered, but has yet to be confirmed, that Nick and Lu are the same person"

Could be true - have they ever been seen in the same room together ? Maybe a Multiple Personality thing - perhaps he/they shamble along streets shouting at him/themself :D

[donut king]

A MID- SUMMER COMEDY!!!

kEEP IT UP BOYS!

LAUGHING IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL!

D.K

[NickLappos]

Robbo,

The truth is out! I have dual personalities, but Lu is not the second one. I am sometimes Nichole Kidman, and I am working on how to be both personalities at once, so I can while away the hours doing more things than just posting on pprune!

[Rich Lee]

Steve and Hover Bovver
Good hearing from you! I hope you are behaving yourselves over there.

Nick
Nichole (Nick) Kidman is you? I am in real trouble!

Robbo
The truth is that Lu is really a NSA/NASA computer of nearly infinite intelligence.

To the Other Guy (Not Hilico)
Yes, I am aware that Nick is a Viet Nam Vet. I do not know where you got the idea that I was making fun of Viet Nam Vets. I assume you did not bother to read all of the thread so have derived an invalid conclusion from incomplete premisis.

I do thank you for the letter though and assure you that I am sensitive to the issue of all Veterans from all wars. Heck some of my best friends are VN Vets! I flew with a guy who was in Vietnam once. He was the guy in the book who was flying scouts out of Poon Tang Air Base in the Bite Me Province. He intended to cream an enemy position near Sum Yung Guy which was just over the ridge from Who Flung Poo and just south of Dum Fuc. On the way he took intense fire from a hill near U Suc Long. He told me that the Snakes destroyed everything on the first pass so he diverted to Long Dong and proceeded to Fuc Yu.

[Notar fan]

Rich Lee,
I have heard your name mentioned on the south side of McDowell, usually in connection with flying........nobody every told me you were a comedian too:D

[SASless]

Nick me lad! It is legal....not compulsory! Don't be in too big a rush to get in touch with your other side. I always wondered if Teetotaling was bad for you...now I know! The thought of a Cobra pilot....in fishnets and a teddy....just doesn't seem to square with my recollections of what gunnies seemed to be.

Maybe that macho manly stuff was just a facade?

[NickLappos]

Yea, but the thought of Nichole Kidman was just too much....

[Rich Lee]

Notar Fan

One of my personalities is very serious.

[Robbo Jock]

Nick,

The thought of Nicole Kidman WAS too much, but I think you've just turned my dreams into nightmares. Swinging from the Trapeze in Moulin Rouge in a moustache and flight suit. Hmmm.

Mind you, Ms Kidman at the controls of a Commanche... well

[NickLappos]

In truth, I have hardly enough personality for one person.

What does a helicopter pilot use for birth control?

His personality.

[Rich Lee]

Nick,

"In truth, I have hardly enough personality for one person."

In the end, there can be only one......... (The Highlander-I think)

Robbo Jock

Thank you for that brief but frightening glimpse into the mind of a man who has become all too comfortable with flicker vertigo induced altered states.

My God man, how will I ever lust after Ms. Kidman again?

[NickLappos]

Rich Lee said: My God man, how will I ever lust after Ms. Kidman again?

I am sure that you will work very hard to try, Rich!!

[Rich Lee]

Nick

Your are indeed perceptive. Yes, I will always lust after [the real] Nichole Kidman. That is because she is Australian and not British. Australian women are a lusty bunch whereas British women take to sex like a duck takes to golf.

Having said that, I am amazed at the interest in this thread. I expected at most 10 views and perhaps one or two replies but I guess the name "Nick Lappos" in the title generates widespread interest. I am thinking you should start your own "Nick Lappos" line of signature flight apparel.

Of course I should expect nothing less from the only man to have verified PIOOMA VDR by the solution of an aperiodic asymetric matrix representation of the Chebysehev function over an unbounded interval using the Prandlt-Glauert technique. Not even that Grand Old Gentleman Lu Zuckerman has done that!

"Uh, Valdez here. We've come up hard aground and....we're evidently leaking some oil.....and it looks like we're going to be here for awhile"--Captain Joe Hazelwood March 24, 1989

TTFN

[diethelm]

If the VDR refers to a Video Disc Recorder, the PIOOMA VDR was truly a very difficult exercise.......

But I do believe the PIOOMA theory and all its associated complex formulae can truly explain what happened to the 18 degrees.

[Hilico]

Mr Lee, I'm amazed you're amazed. Of course Nick's name stirs interest. I don't know how old you are, but have you heard of those T-shirts people used to wear in the 60s that said 'Clapton is God'? I used to see people around airfields wearing T-shirts that read 'Lappos is Clapton'.

[Rich Lee]

Diethelm

Extension of the theory to Video Disc Players is a bold move indeed and further evidence of Mr. Lappos considerable intellectial prowress. Although I am not an elitist, clerisy in the case of Mr. Lappos might be warranted.

Hilico

You go too far sir! God is Clapton. Clapton is Lappos. God is Lappos? Surely you must have heard that Captain Shawn Coyle is the one true Demi-God of flight test! I am agog at your impertinence!

[Hilico]

Mr Lee

You started it! The thread I mean. If you want comments about Shawn Coyle, start a thread about him and see what you get.

Now, prayer mat facing 263 True...

[NickLappos]

A true test for those who are feeling particularly God-like:

Place your hand into a bucket of water. Remove your hand. If a hole is left, you are God-like. All others get used to mortality!

For severe cases of God-likeliness, I recommend a toilet bowl as the water source.

[Rich Lee]

Nick,

Okay, I wasn't raised on a farm.....toilet bowls already have holes!

Hilico,

Your devotion to Nick Lappos is admirable. I am aware that he is held in high esteem in this forum i general and by you in particular.

I know also that there is a fertility sect (I hesitate to say 'cult') comprised of Swedish virgins for whom Nick is the center of the universe. I have even heard that he has demonstrated his God-like powers by using a "hole" technique not related to toilet bowls much to the delight of these lithe, blonde female devotees. Yes they have a T-shirt with Nick's image (much like the Turin Shroud) but suprisingly, they have not heard of Mr. Clapton or Layla. These Swedish nymphs even have an Islamic type Haj where they rotate three (or more) times around what they refer to as Nicks pole. I assume 'pole' refers to a compass-like direction and that is the reason for the direction in which you point your prayer mat.

Captain Shawn Coyle, the one true Demi-God of Flight Test, has a similar sect located somewhere in Somalia.

Perhaps I will start that thread and settle this once and for all. Who is the One True Demi-God of Flight Test?

[The Nr Fairy]

I think I started the "Shawn is a Demi-God" sect.

So, it has to be Shawn, if he can handle the promotion.

[Rich Lee]

The Nr Fairy "I think I started the "Shawn is a Demi-God" sect."

Thank goodness it was you. Some had said a "Queen" (is Canada still a part of the motherland?) annoited him while others insisted it was nothing less than the combined 'forces of evil'.

I have even received one private EM claiming that this is a Father, Son and Holy Ghost affair with Lappos, Coyle and Zuckerman in their rightful places. Come on, Lu as the Holy Ghost? Perhaps there was no orderly one-to-one association implied and Lu is the Father. And where does that leave Frank Robinson-father of the R series aircraft or Dean Borgman-reported father of the Apache who built a factory on the remains of the Anazasi Native American burial grounds?

Another private EM (not Hilico) claimed I had not earned the right to even utter the name of Nick Lappos and compared me to an infidele defiler who should drown in a lake of my own vomit (I found that one enduring).

To all who have written privately to me I say come forward and make a stand in the light of your peers! I am reminded, for no particular reason other than I have a moment or two on my hands, of a story that Mad Dog Mike Benthall told me in Borneo about the Gurka. He told me that the wiry little Gurka's were so tough that in World War II when a Gurka unit was first asked to volunteer for paratroop service, their troubled sergeant asked the British advisor if the planes could drop the men from a lower height to lessen the risk of injuries. The Britisher then hastily explained that each man would have a parachute. Mad Dog Mike, as he was fond of repeatedly reminding me, commanded a Gurka unit. He was also the British Officer who reportedly promoted Idi Amin to Sergeant and thereby was inadvertantly responsible for the whole Entebbe thing a few years later. Mad Dog Mike, when in the cups, which was often, was fond of quoting one Lady Astor who said "I believe one should not interfere with two consenting adults in the act of intercourse--as long as it doesn't frighten the horses". He found this terribly amusing in a British sort of way, although it rarely, if ever, applied to the subject of discussion. What were we discussing?

[Smoketoomuch]

Oh Hillico - you must have surely looked up 'Rich Lee' on google by now?

Me - I'm just vaguely embarrassed by the fact that I can post to these people but can't think of a question clever enough to ask.

BTW- I had that John Farley in the back of the cab once - well, he once mentioned me in a thread. If only OASC hadn't rejected me... sigh.

Gizza job?

< slopes off to fantasise about what might have been>

[Rich Lee]

While surfing the google for Rich Lee (and there are many), I believe I saw the image of the Kurdish Malak Ta'us, the peacock angel, God's alter ego, who filled seven huge jars with tears in 7,000 years by which the flames of hell were extinguished....if so, for me hell is no more. This is all the more significant in that I was not chewing qat, that mildly narcotic leaf that is as much a social institution among the Kurds as Red Man chewing tobacco is in Alabama.

As I await the next post in this thread, I am reminded that there are people who feel differently about the opinions of Lappos or Zuckerman, Coyle Smoketoomuch, Hilico or the Marx Brothers...as for myself, I have learned something from each of them. I respect anyone who has an opinion on this forum, regardless of background. Nothing I say is out of malice and while my sense of humor (or lack thereof) may not be to everyone's taste-it is only humor.

[CaptainEagle]

I reckon Nick should start a religon. I mean, it would be way better than current religons.

[Rich Lee]

I have heard that Nick once passed his hand over an 18 degree offset, and when it was measured later, it was transformed to 90 degress.

There was another rumor about Nick and Mother Theresa while he was in India but this is not an appropriate forum to discuss the details of that, um, union.

If not his own religion, then at least Sainthood for Nick should be seriously considered in one of the current religions. Shawn could still be the Demi-god.

Imagine Stratford as the New Vatican of the Church of Lappos.

[CaptainEagle]

I can see the modified scriptures now:
"on the third day he rose again and taxied the commanche sideways at 70kts, he ascended into heaven (in a S-92) and he is seated at the right hand of the father (Igor).......

[t'aint natural]

Nick Lappos is the only guy I know who's been out on the razzle with Neil Armstrong, so perhaps he has special dispensation to spell his name wrong.
But has he been out on the razzle with Nicole Kidman? And does she fly rotary?

[Rich Lee]

t'aint natural

I'm sorry, the thought of Nick "being out on the razzle with Nicole Kidman" has warped my fragile little mind.

[Flying Lawyer]

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before a second similar billboard graces I-95 at Stratford.

http://www.rotorhub.com/news/0307/siko-4.jpg

FL :D