Chop Stories

[Colonel W E Kurtz]

This forum is getting rather dull.
Ever hear the one with the sooty and sweep glove puppets?
Come on lets hear some entertaining tales!:)

[FFP]

No , tell us it !

[KENNYR]

Would that be the Gazelle incident in Canada????

[Sloppy Link]

It was not Canada, it was in GW1. Don't even have to change names to protect the innocent as they were guilty as hell....and had the photographs from inside and outside to prove it! After a hard mornings work wazzing and zooming up and down convoys at lorry cab height and whilst a complaint about their behaviour was already in motion, our hero, complete with sooty waving furiously out of the window got his in to winds and down winds mixed up. What a Silly Billy. The CO did not get the joke though and the resulting Board of Enquiry decided it would be better all round if his flying badge was removeed and he was never allowed in the cockpit of a Military helicopter again. I think the kiss of death was after he strenuously denied the Sooty sketch right up to the point where the film from his passengers was developed.

[Tigs2]

Sloppy Link

Please tell us more, I was there in GW1 and to be honest have never heard of this one. Was it a Brown Job or the Fish Heads, I dont remember it being the Crabs.

[tu chan go]

I have heard a totally different story.

A student got called to the boss's office and was told that he has not come up to the required standard and is therefore 'chopped'.

The student asked for a second opinion!

The boss reached into his desk drawer and pulled out his hand complete with sooty puppet. He held it up t his ear for a couple of seconds and then said," No sorry, Sooty says you are chopped as well!"

[Monty77]

Probably one of those apocryphal tales, but: Army Air Corps, Middle Wallop, mid-eighties. One student on course was continually returning from his solo gazelle sorties 10-15 minutes late. Several warnings failed to put it right. So on his next trip 2 QHIs tailed him in a second cab at a distance (this has been known to happen in RAF BFT too). They observe stude land his gazelle in some arbitrary field, some bloke runs out and jumps in and they do a couple of circuits before said bloke jumps out again and stude returns to Wallop the statutary 10 mins late. Conversation in the Commandant's office 10 mins later.

Comm:
'You were seen to be giving an unauthorised pleasure flight to an unknown individual this morning. Explain yourself'

Stude:
'I am sorry sir, it was my father and I've been seeing if I can teach him how to fly a helicopter.'

Comm:
'Your future in Army Aviation is over.'

Stude:
'Does that mean I'm RTU(Returned to Unit), sir?'

Comm:
'Correct.'

Stude:
'That's a pity, I was going to send him solo next time.'

Now that's a chopped parting remark!

[opso]

Mike, he was an educator. He got his scraper in about 88/89 and I only saw him once after that about a year later (tops). I have no idea whether he and Sooty are still serving. He certainly did the second opinion act more than once.

[Tourist]

The man with the sooty act currently works in the sim at culdrose

[Surditas]

Not a chop (or scrub as it is known in the RAAF) story as such, but...

There I was, two-thirds of the way through pilots course over in Pearce. I was out on a dual GF sortie with my primary instructor. It was all standard stuff for that stage of the course: bit of circuit bashing, out to the training area for a few aeros and then RTB which, invariably, involved a simulated emergency leading to a PFL.
Walking back to the School from the flight line I was thinking to myself that I hadn't done too badly and could start to think about the weekend (beer, dodgy nightclubs in Perth, checking out the girls on the beach etc...) when my instructor said to me "Just wait in my office, mate, I am going to see the Flight Commander."
Oh ****, I thought, clearly my impression of the sortie was very different to the QFI's if he was going to the Flight Commander. I stopped thinking about beer, beaches and girls and trudged up to the QFI's office to await my sentence. I figured my weekend would now consist of seeking a job flipping burgers at Macca's.
By the time the QFI came back from the Flight Commander's office I must have looked a mess. The QFI looked at me blankly for a moment before bursting out laughing and saying "Oh, don't worry mate, you're not scrubbed. I just had to see the Flight Commander about some leave I want to take next week"

[oldpinger]

We had a german student at Topcliffe on the course before me who got chopped after trying to kill the CFI, Went high rotational in a spin from 10000 and the good Wing commander finally got it under control at about 3000, apparently thinking very closely about the chute option!
As this was the blokes chop ride, it didn't go very well. He was also the stude who went inadvertant IMC and bailed out oon his 'solo sector recce' oops! :O

Tourist, you are correct on the original owner of sooty, he's got some very good dits about students and their reactions to said puppet!

[BEagle]

On one of the Hunter conversion courses just before mine was one of those studes QFIs dream about. A nice chap, had come top of his course at Cranwell, I think he even won the Sword of Honour. He also breezed his Gnat course. One day he'd just done a Hunter convex trip to his usual standard and was walking down the corridor. Just as he walked past the boss's office, out popped the boss. "Ah - there you are Bloggs, come on in." quoth he, "Now - how do you think it's going?". "Well enough, thank you sir" came the reply. "Well, that's not how your QFI sees it, I'm afraid" said the boss..... "Really sir? That's news to me, I thought I was doing quite well" replied Bloggs. "Well, we have high standards and I'm afraid that you're not making sufficient progress and you're going on review" "But...but...." interjected Bloggs...... At that point the boss's attention was attracted by a QFI furiously beckoning through his window...."I'll be with you in a minute" yelled the boss. Then his phone rang "OC Hunters. Now look - I'm busy, I said that I'd be with you in a min.....WHAT? Are you sure..... Oh bollocks! OK, thanks" went the conversation.

"What did you say your name was?" asked the boss. "It's *** *******", replied Bloggs. "Ah - err, sorry, I think I'm talking to the wrong chap. You can go" stuttered the boss. "Thank you, Sir, anyone particular you'd like me to fetch for you" offered Bloggs. "Err, no, I think you can leave that to me......"

The QFIs were pi$$ing themselves with laughter over the boss's cock up - and our hero Bloggs graduated soon after and became a Harrier pilot.

[witchdoctor]

Not exactly a chop story, just one with a tenuous link.

A couple of years back my brother and I had to fly up to Edinburgh to attend our Gran's funeral, so decided to fly up from Birmingham. Got on the a/c and grabbed the chief stewie to see if we could blag the jumpseats for the trip up. She took our ID's and said she would talk to the captain and let us know.

We'd been sat down a couple of minutes when the stewie came back and told my brother that the captain thought he knew him. "Whats his name?" "Insert first name of recently deceased Walrus of Love and last name of famously dead Beatle" "Yes, I know xxxx" "I'll let him know sir" Of she went to the flight deck.

My brother turned to look at me. "That's the bastard thet tried to chop me at Linton. If you get the jumpseat, whatever you do don't mention the Lightning he crashed."

The invite to the flight deck duly came and off I went, my brother politely declining the opportunity to punch his old QFI. The bloke was OK, but a right miserable git. It was all I could do to stop myself asking his young FO if xxx had told him about the Lightning he crashed.

[BEagle]

At my UAS, we QFIs had to write periodic 'Progress, Attitude and Technique' assessments on our students. One of mine was an RAF University Cadet who hadn't bothered to turn up for a whole term. So all I wrote was "Who?" on the form. The world's smallest, smelliest and scruffiest CFI then said "Now look, old chap, you can't just write that - you'll need to be far more specific"

So I rewrote:

"Progress. APO ****** has not flown at all this term and has consequently made no progeress.

Attitude. Since I have yet to meet APO ******, I cannot comment on his attitude except to state that he displays a questionable attitude towards his future career.

Technique. When and if I ever fly with APO ******, I will be able to assess his technique. Until then, it remains unassessable"

CFI read it and then just said "Right - I'll chop the lazy little bug.ger". Which he duly did - although I never did get to meet APO ******!


Later we switched to a more proactive stance. We held termly reviews of the student progress - if they hadn't turned up to fly after a warning without a reasonable excuse, we'd prepare a list for a 'w@nker cull'. They formed an orderly queue outside the boss's office at Town HQ and got a "What does your mum call you, Bloggs?" chat before being sent packing. We didn't waste time on the lazy; if they were having difficulties but put in the effort, then fine - we'd bend over backwards to help. But if they didn't bother to turn up, we binned them.

[soddim]

More than a few years ago I had to brief the boss on the dismal progress of an air marshal's son. "Well, in that case he's chopped" was the response. Two days later we were directed to give said son four more sorties and then reassess his progress. The boss's response was to signal MOD with the following: "Will give ****** four more sorties and then chop him". Said son elected not to take the extra sorties.