Maritime Stories

[Hertzsprung Russell]

Calling all you Maritimers, old and new ... tell us your favourite maritime stories, like the one about the 'Cat in Gib' or the one with the 'Russian Flag'. Obviously, Det Rules are in force here - no names, no pac-drill.

:ok:

[Hertzsprung Russell]

Good response chaps. . . . . . . . I'll get my flying jacket !

:ok:

[jockspice]

Give us a chance - we are all at work and NavyNet doesn't allow real net surfing, unlike the other more fortunate services. Fortunate in that respect anyway.:ok:

Got to think of one that won't get me court martialled, divorced, generally pummelled or possibly all three!:}

[PICKS135]

Besides, JMC is on at the moment so some of the lads might be a little bit busy.

[Charlie Luncher]

Where do you start?

Heard the one about the white jeans and an AEO

The pontiac firebird vs the golf cart

The crew vs Italian Police

The infamous "scare me"

New uses for bedside tables

The fat chick in Brunswick - there she blows

The lawncare at NAS Brunswick

The guernsey snog post BJ

The Doctor and his plastic

The Doctor and his age concern charity

The Mad AEO episode 1

The Mad AEO episode 2

Testing Ranger and sus in the pool

Un - Friendly fire in the Paintball

Thats just for starters get the old ******s to recall the Donkey episode, and which one of them had liaisons with a Miss Ross leading to the 75% rates for knockers.
Fortunately I was present for most of above, all are fact!
You know who you all are :ok:

Charlie sends

[JimNich]

Nope, sorry, can't think of a single one.:mad:

Detatchment rules gentlemen!

[RubiC Cube]

Dropping mail to RN during Cod War, "A Cat" nav captain does drop to be told by PWO that it was perfect apart from the fact they received a Lindholme Gear, could they have their mail please.

Second run goes equally as well only to be told that the RN really didn't need 2 sets of Lindholme Gear.


3rd time lucky!

[Phoney Tony]

AEO reading AFTER LANDING checks:


Undercarriage......................
Stunned silence from Flt Deck then................
I think we will leave it down!

Nimrod MR1 on an ASW exercise:

Captain, Radar contact 120/23
Roger Radar what kind of contact is it.
It's a radar contact Captain!

[Oggin Aviator]

Baby Observer to SHAR mate in the bar:

Are your checks "Challenge and Response"?

??!!??

Oggin

[Roland Pulfrew]

HSP

Which Russian Flag incident do you mean? The Gibraltar Part? The Lajes part? The end of the incident in Sig/Lossie? The truth? Or the rumours of what had happened (which were far better) by the time we got back? I know. I was there. Anyone else out there from 2**/7?

[FE Hoppy]

roland

16 posts in five years!!!!!

Thats the same score rate as a singley in Elgin.

[Phoney Tony]

An AEOp now on E3Ds when on MR1s once had this conversation with HMS ******* in clear:

HMS ********* de Norman are you still conducting covert ops.

Norman de HMS ******** Not any more, thank you OUT!

[reynoldsno1]

MR1 operating near US Task Force in the Med.....
US Warship: Mission ****, we are having radio problems, sir, may I have a short count?
Mission **** : Roger, wun....
US Warship: Mission ****, thank you. Could I have a slightly longer count, please, sir?
Mission ****: Roger, WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN.
US Warship: Errrrr, thank you sir......

[Obs cop]

The best of all time,

US warship identifying a potential collision with a radar contact ahead.

US WARSHIP : unidentified vessel request you alter course 20 degrees to starboard.
REPLY : sorry, suggest you alter course 20 degrees to starboard.

The impending collision remains and closes.

US WARSHIP : I demand you alter course 25 degrees starboard now.
REPLY : No, you alter course to starboard now.

US WARSHIP : I am Captain ******* of the USS ******* a US Aircraft carrier. I demand you alter your course to starboard immediately.
REPLY : I am a lighthouse, your call.

Dunno how true it is but hey never let the truth get in the way of a good dit.

[Magic Mushroom]

PT,
PLLEEAASSEE tell me who the AEOp was who's now on E-3Ds!!!
Regards,
M2

[Phoney Tony]

MM,

I can not reveal his name, however, if it helps, the same unfortunate chap allowed a F139 camera to leave the aircraft, whilst in flight, through the beam window.

:p

[Mightycrewseven]

Roland Pulfrew

I was on the very crew you mention and at that time. In fact i spent most of my time at Ice Station on that crew, hence my pprune post title.

Now I need to know who you are?????

:hmm:

[Baldyman]

:cool: MM PT is being a little too obtuse about the ident on the camera-ditching gaff blower who now flies on the Insight (sorry - SENTRY :ugh: ) Here's another clue then: If you turn this man's F1250 upside down, his face still looks the same - any warmer?

[Magic Mushroom]

Baldyman,
Ah! You must mean JT!!:D :D :D
Regards,
M2

[Anita Bush]

"Crew from AEO, contacting the task force on box 1.......Ten Whiskey Alpha this is Bravo Four Romeo, over"

No reply.

"Ten Whiskey Alpha this is Bravo Four Romeo, over"

Still no reply



"AEO, Radio.....I think that callsign for USS IOWA is wrong"

[BEagle]

Maritime tales are invariably hilarious. All those long hours practising knots and cutting plugs of rough shag before the mast in steam-powered Shacklebombers probably helped develop a degree of wit which mere pointy-headed FJ chums could never dream of.

A chap I know who must remain anonymous, so let's just call him G-RAT, told me of the time they'd been doing some weird boaty thing which involved hurtling around at low level for a few hours. In fact, quite a few. But G-RAT who, in addition to being a maritime mate was also an Air Engineer (none of this Wheezoh $hit), had rather a serious case of haemor...heamh...bug.ger it - piles. Which itched like crazy and were not improved by the G-pulling involved in the boat-hunting. Eventually the Mighty Hunter landed in Noggie-land and the crew set off for the hotel. Nimrod mates in an hotel? YGBSM!! No, really. Because there was a Group Captain on board, so rather than doubling up on base, the chaps had been allowed to stay off-base. Which involved the usual room key faff, milling around at the check-in desk etc, during which the itching in G-RAT's posterior became almost unbearable. Eventually he was given his key and set off for his room. He could stand it no longer; yanking his flying suit down to his ankles, he filled the sink to the brim with icy Noggie fjord water. With a happy sigh, he proceded to lower his itching bum into the sink.........

But in his indecent haste, he hadn't quite managed to secure the room door. Which was a bit of a shame, because it then swung open to reveal G-RAT with his naked ar$e in the sink, happily puffing away on a cigarette with a look of sheer bliss on his face.....just as the Group Captain happened to be passing.

Needless to say, the Captain was then summoned to the Imperial Presence to explain why his Air Engineer had been seen cr@pping in a hotel sink..........

Sorry, JG. How's the DC-10 job?;)

[Roland Pulfrew]

FE Hoppy

That is a much better score rate than a singly in Elgin actually!!:rolleyes: As to my batting rate (which looks sadly like an English cricket score) unfortunately when the servers changed a few moons ago I lost all my previous posts. :confused:

MC7

That means we know each other!! I believe a couple of the crew are working in the ivory towers and last I heard of one of the navs he was at NWD.

The only member of the crew I know that went to your neck of the woods was the person who "acquired" the flag in the first place;) Is that you eng?

[bluetail]

And of course don,t forget the many Groundcrew episodes,


Just how bright are baby NAV,s.......... how many times do you have to explain the how to operate an AIRCREW...INTERFACE UTILITY to make something work

CHIEF CHIEF my GPS is BLANK

SIR SIR......PRESS THE F:mad: K ON button

AHHHHHHHH Happy days

[buoy15]

Yeh! The siggie who called ten whisky a;pha was the same bloke flying on a MARDET out of Gan and briefed that Diego Garcia was a poss high AGI. Oh - and Micheal Fish was the met man that day - any more clues??

[oxford blue]

Not a specifically maritime story, but worth repeating anyway.

I thought that reynoldsno1's story about a short count was going to be the one about:

ATC to pilot: "Request a short count for bearing transmission".

Pilot: "Er - Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec".

[timzsta]

Was once the OOW on the bridge late one night, with a JO as OOW2. "Tim" he asked, as he looked over the navigation radar "I have heard of IFF but what is OFF". "Press it and see" I replied.......

Morning watch off Portsmouth on last morning of 6 month deployment to Persian Gulf. Will be back alongside in 3 hours time, presently 0700. Quartermaster asks
"OOW, permission to make a pipe please".
"Yes what is it?"
"All WRENS standby to be ugly again"

[BATS]

Hertzsprung........ You're not by any chance HertzVan from a previous incarnation are you ??