Aviation cliches....

[RedFlag]

You know the kind I'm talking about, here are a few examples...

'Experience is the knowledge that enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.'

Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.'

'The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.'

'A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.'

'Remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous?'

[Good Mickey]

Nice one Red Flag but do you know any funny ones?

[BlueWolf]

GM, you could always mix them up a bit;

"Kissing your sister is punctuated by moments of stark terror"

"Sex in a simulator enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again"

And so forth.

Sorry RF;)

[Yeller_Gait]

A David Vine quote from Ski Sunday some years ago, but still totally appropriate ......

Time in the air is time wasted

[Training Risky]

The 3 things of least use to a pilot:

Length of runway behind you,
Fuel in the bowser,
A tenth of a second ago.


Good judgement comes with experience, unfortunately experience only comes from bad judgement.

[Ed Winchester]

Never pass gas or porcelain.

[detgnome]

There was nothing on the clock but the makers name.....and that was covered in blood.

Dad, when i grow up I want to be a pilot. Son, you can do one or the other, but you can't do both.

[SilsoeSid]

Never go anywhere that your brain hasn't been 5 minutes beforehand.

[RedFlag]

'There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.'

'Try never to run out of altitude, airspeed and ideas all at the same time.'

[Dunhovrin]

"If in doubt - there is no doubt" (just saw Deniro say it in Ronin)

"Don't assume - Check" - I saw a good wirestrike poster that turned that one around to "Don't check - Assume".


Not a cliche just an old house rule :"Never turn down leave, food or a 19 year old".

[soddim]

"Why was my son doing 600kts when he died?"

"Because the jet wouldn't go any faster, madam".

[Chris Kebab]

Isn't that:

What was my daddy doing when he died?

Err, about 600 kts.

[blind pue]

How about

"Flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing"

Or

"a good pilot is one with the same number of landings as take off's":cool:

[FishHead]

The 3 things of least use to a pilot:

I had always thought that the quote was more like:

"The 3 most useless things in aviation:

Runway behind you,
Fuel in the bowser,
Hours in a Navigators logbook."

[zerospeed]

The key to being a good aviator is ensuring your bag of experience is full before your bag of luck is empty.

[Surly Bondslipper]

It is better to be on the ground, wishing you were in the air, than the other way around.

[Beagle-eye]

My old instructor (sadly now gone) gave me the following advice when dealing with total engine failure at night ....

Allow the aircraft to descend to 500 feet and switch the landing light on. If you don't like what you see .... switch it back off again.

:D

[ft]

"Any landing you can walk away from..."

"There are two kinds of pilots. Those who have made a gear up landing and those who will."

"There are old aviators and bold aviators, but no old, bold aviators"

"A good peek says more than a thousand radar sweeps"

(True in a sense, I guess. 'Everything is fine and the air is empty' or 'nice, no CB activity in those clouds over there' IS more than 'aw f***!')

Cheers,
Fred

[smartman]

An old 'n bold instructor on taxying out for my first Hunter T7 convex -- 'Wave goodbye to the marshaller - it may be the last time you see him'

[RedFlag]

I think the full version goes something like this...

'Airspace above you.
Runway behind you.
Airspeed you don't have.
Fuel in the Bowser.
A Navigator.
Half a second ago.
Approach plates in the car.'

Oh and Ar$ecoat Ops of course...
;)

[tracasseries]

Gravity never sleeps.

[blaireau]

"Did my son die happy?"
"We think so, there were tooth marks in the altimeter."
"But why's the coffin so big?"
"We couldn't get his head out of the engine...."

[ANAPROP]

...always have a plan B.

[EmeraldToilet]

Gravity doesn't exist, the Earth sucks.....



or one for rear crew

"no sticks, no vote!"

[sangiovese.]

"Watch this...................................."

and not forgetting;

More beer, bigger women, longer runways:)

[West Coast]

And for after you land......

What happens on det, stays on det

or

More than two TACAN's from home, anything goes.

[roadwarrior]

never fly the "A" model anything....

[Soiled Glove]

Apologises for any repeats, but found on the web:

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur

"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."

From an old carrier sailor; "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

"Never trade luck for skill."

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
and "OH ****!"

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."

"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
- Jon McBride, astronaut

"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

[Proletarian]

Soiled Glove

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

I think you'll find that in reality, far from being a test pilot, Paul F Crickmore is actually an ex-civil ATC Assistant who has written a number of excellent books and articles about the Lockheed SR-71 and other aircraft. Easy mistake to make.

Proletarian

[diginagain]

From the days when we had a right-hand man in the left-hand seat:

'The 'circle of uncertainty' is an imaginery line drawn around the crewman and his nav bag'.

[Soiled Glove]

Proletarian

I just plagarised from the web - take no credit for finding them or for that matter blame for any inconsistencies in the quotes.

SG

[effortless]

Don't let the last thing to go through your head be the empennage.

[Wyler]

Do not panic, flight mechanic
Fitter 2 will see you through

[jimgriff]

Blind Pue......


Go tell that to Tarnished!!:ok:

[LuckyBreak]

I'm sure you've all seen the following website which is more on the theme.....

www.bannedphrases.co.uk

Funny as hell, especially as we've all used the phrases without even thinking.


Cleared solo*: (v.) To be allowed to operate a piece of equipment without supervision or instruction from others. Often used as an excuse for failure to operate computers or overhead projectors. Eg: I’m not ~ on this OHP!

:p

[Data-Lynx]

'Aviation at sea is a science of vague assumptions, based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive experiments and performed with instruments of problematic accuracy by persons of doubtful reliability and questionable mentality.'
'Whilst I have the fuel, skill and experience for that task, I do not thirst for glory. Give it to someone else, I won't be upset.'
'Tracking without attacking is the commonest form of military masochism.'

[wf1]

DONT GUESS ..................ASSUME

DONT LET THE TRUTH SPOIL A GOOD RUMOUR

[Widger]

There are more Aeroplanes in the sea than there are submarines in the air!


:uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh:

[Farmer 1]

"Never forget the First Rule of Aviation: The Captain Is Always Right."

[Talking Radalt]

Never assume.......




...Just give it your best guess and try to sound convincing when you do. :O

[Tink Master]

Speed is life, gas is gold and runway behind you is a waste.

Just lookout and fly accurately (Jim?)

Famous last words:
"hold my beer and watch this"

[Magoodotcom]

'If it takes full power to taxi to the ramp, you've probably landed with your gear up.'

'Helicopters can't fly, they're just so ugly the earth repels them!'

'If you pull the stick back, the houses get smaller...that is, unless you keep the stick back, then the houses get bigger again.'

'The only time you can have too much fuel is if you're on fire.'

Magoo :ok:

[Lafyar Cokov]

My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep......unlike his 200 screaming passengers.....

[Washington_Irving]

As far as I am aware, the phrase "Any landing you can walk away from is a good one" has never appeared in CFS-sanctioned patter.

[Zoom]

Lift is a gift, thrust is a must, so make with the motion lotion Daddyo.

Kick the tyre, light the fire, first one airborne's the leader.

[teeteringhead]

Better to stop before you land rather than land before you stop.

[used to be my signature when we had such things ...] :(

[JustAnothrWindScreen]

One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social experience.

[Axial Flo]

On runway take off calculations:

"If you've got a performance problem you don't have a time problem."

The first rule of Air Transport:

"Always set your alarm clock before the first beer."

[raytofclimb]

Speed is life, sight is groovy. A jet at Mach 1.6 has no 6

[Talking Radalt]

D'oh! How have we all over-looked the obvious......
The ultimate aviation cliche:

"I saw it on PPRuNe so it must be true" :E

[KM-H]

"To err is human....
to forgive is not Air Force policy":}

[Circuit Basher]

Or there's always the 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation:
I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
Me? I've never busted minimums.
We will be on time, maybe even early
Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
I'm a member of the mile high club.
I only need glasses for reading.
I broke out right at minimums.
The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
Don't worry about the weight and balance it'll fly.
If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
We shipped the part yesterday.
I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
All you have to do is follow the book.
This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
Sure I can fly it it has wings, doesn't it?
We'll be home by lunchtime.
Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
I'm always glad to see the FAA.
We fly every day we don't need recurrent training.
It just came out of annual how could anything be wrong?
I thought YOU took care of that.
I've got the field in sight.
I've got the traffic in sight.
Of course I know where we are.
I'm SURE the gear was down.
:D

[Duncan Bucket]

Gravity never loses, the best you can hope for is a tie

[JNo]

"Display Airmanship"

;)

[safetypee]

'First Officers Code of Ethics'

Survival Rules:-
Don't fly at night.
Don't fly in bad weather.
Keep your poor attitude a secret.
Don't sleep while your Captain is.
Never, ever eat a crew meal in the dark.
Talk up the advantages of early retirement.
Don't fly with a Captain nicknamed "Lucky".
Don't make better landings than your Captain.
Speak very, very softly when you speak to your Captain.
Never, ever awaken your Captain when he is smiling in his sleep.
Don't interfere if your Captain absolutely insists on making a fool of himself.
It's hell to fly with a nervous Captain, especially if you're the one making him nervous!
Keep your Captain out of the morgue, jail, the papers, FAA hearings, and Chief Pilot's office.
Always let your Captain be the first out the door of the airplane. After all, there may not be any stairs.
It's better to be down here, arguing about how you are going to do it up there; than to be up there arguing.

As a Co-pilot, your primary job is to detect and correct mistakes:-

1. First, your own mistakes.
2. Second, your Captain's mistakes.
3. Finally, everybody else's mistakes.

Don't expect your Captain to:-

Wear expensive uniform shoes;
Pick up the meal check on a layover;
Wear a small or inexpensive wristwatch;
Be impressed with your flying background;
Believe the FAA is doing a satisfactory job;
Purchase his own newspaper to read on a trip.
Hear and understand the ATC request the first time;
Buy anything without asking for an airline discount;
Respect the competency of senior airline management;

The two basic rules of a Captain's authority:-

Rule One. The Captain is always right.
Rule Two. IF, the Captain is ever observed making a mistake, see Rule One.

When you upgrade to Captain, you must:-

1. Accept responsibility for being right all of the time.
2. Compensate for all of those inept and disrespectful Co-pilots.

But as a good First Officer:- Do today what your replacement will do tomorrow

[ORAC]

Behind the line from 3 to 9, and coming down....
There are two types of aircraft - fighters and targets.

Basic Flying Rules:

No one has ever collided with the sky.

An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that some clouds have solid centres.

In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/Pics/DilbertHiJack.gif

[Zoom]

There seems to be some repetition above. Are you reading all the posts?

There seems to be some repetition above. Are you reading all the posts?