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Kwasi_Mensa
5th May 2003, 18:41
Gentlemen. The measure of a woman is not what she looks like but what she will do for you.

Men should never forfeit power by worshiping a woman. The essence of masculinity is power. Women crave male power, expressed as male love. When a woman falls in love, she surrenders "power" in exchange for love.

Men and women are equal in terms of dignity and self-fulfillment. But they do not find fulfillment in the same way. Women find it in self-surrender. By insisting on equal power, feminists emasculate men and neuter women.

Men have been brainwashed to think they're evil ogres who must cater to women in exchange for love. That's what women do! Feminism has turned men into women. Boys are needy, Men are demanding.

Love makes a woman beautiful. Making love, you're looking at her face, not her body. If she loves you, her face is spectacular.

witchdoctor
5th May 2003, 19:00
But will she still do the washing and ironing?:p

criticalmass
5th May 2003, 21:22
Marriage is the price men pay for sex.
Sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Binoculars
5th May 2003, 22:24
And they get what they paid for, CM. How many men do?

Umm, what was the question?:confused:

SixStarAnsett
5th May 2003, 22:39
Kwasi_Mensa,


This is all very interesting. I'd just like to say a few things on how sexuality and sex-specific gender roles are socially constructed though.

The essence of masculinity is power
Yes I suppose power is the essence of masculinity. However, the essence is socially constructed and fallacious. Specifically, a man (that is, biological sex not gender) learns behaviours through what is called the socialisation process (interacting with society in the institutions such as the family/friendships/education/marriage/parentage etc). The essence of a man as you say is power, and 'should not be forfeit[ed]'. A male individual takes on his 'masculinity' because it is at the opposite end of the scale to the essence of a woman- and her gender role is determined by her biological abilities.

Men have been brainwashed to think they're evil ogres who must cater to women in exchange for love
This is what academics refer to as anecdotal evidence. You have taken a very extreme example of an element in society and presented it as the norm. There are different types of feminist, ranging from the relatively passive feminist to the radical feminist. Radical feminists receive more media attention, enhancing and strengthening their presence in your life. Thus, you have been presented with, and absorbed, a slanted take on society.

That's what women do!
No, that's what radical feminists do. Moreover, feminists are not all radical. Feminism does not only cover the rights of women. Issues such as immigration, the economy and rights for the minorities such as homosexuals and ethnic minorities are also presented. Additionally, many people believe feminists 'are only out for themselves, and are being lazy' when claims are made that clildcare and family support institutions are not substantial enough to handle demand. The rights and living standards of the child are also being voiced.

Feminism has turned men into women.
Maybe men AND women need to get away from socially constructed gender roles and start being individuals. Confining and prescribed life paths are negative, and can stifle creativity and individualism.

Oh, and I don't think feminism on a whole has turned men on a whole into women (well the socially constructed idea of a woman). Or were you speaking in a biological context?

SixStar

Unwell_Raptor
5th May 2003, 22:47
Speak for yourself ducky.

BlueDiamond
5th May 2003, 23:07
You suffering a loss of self-confidence these days, Kwasi???

Either that or you're the first extra-terrestrial to post on PPRuNe.

Jetlegs
5th May 2003, 23:23
Noting the spectacular overnight improvement in Kwasi's English spelling and grammar, she must have cut and pasted a bit of text she found elsewhere on the net.
A nice bit of bait or her deepest fears.
Who knows? ;)

Onan the Clumsy
6th May 2003, 00:18
Good response 6*

I've often thought genders were just roles assigned to us that we slip into because we're frightened not to and they are thereby extremely limiting.

I'd consider being able to perform tasks associated with either role makes a person more complete and self reliant than living within the limits that person may place upon themselves by staying ridgidly within their assigned parameters.

bubba zanetti
6th May 2003, 00:31
I thought it was surgeons what turned men into wimmin?

For me it is a good set of pumps, Dim stockings, some heavenly underthings, the lovely scent of Dolce and Gabanna and my fav silk DK dress.... and a little imagination of course. :E

Kwasi_Mensa
6th May 2003, 00:36
To all the self proclaimed machos who responded here and will respond in future: please have a long look in the mirror. I know of too many old school friends, army buddies, room mates who have turned into servile house men, but still claim they're in control, NOT!

Jetlegs, you sound a bit irritated, the only baits I use are love baits. On the receiving end of any lately? Since you seem to know my gender, can you answer this question: do I have to shave/wax my (jet)legs every week? ;)

Onan the Clumsy
6th May 2003, 00:42
Bubba, I hope that DK dress is cut on the bias. It'll flow so much more gracefully.

Whirlybird
6th May 2003, 00:47
What a lot of pseudo-sociological crap!!! Thank Christ all the men and women I know - or choose to know - are individuals who don't feel it necessary to use long words or get caught up in a lot of ill-thought-out rubbish which has absolutely nothing to do with real people and how they live their lives. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Jetlegs
6th May 2003, 00:56
Quasi Savant, they're called bites. :p

Kwasi_Mensa
6th May 2003, 01:20
Legs, I know...... it was pun intendend.....:rolleyes:

G-ALAN
6th May 2003, 02:42
CM I thought it was the other way about, marriage is the end of a perfectly good sex life and the price you pay for a sex good life hehe :D

Seriously though I think that male and female roles are very much social defined, which is wrong! I think a woman and a man are both equal theres nothing one can do better than the other and each should take equal share in things like housework.

I meant to say good sex life, Do'h!

Crossword
6th May 2003, 03:57
Whirlybird.

What a strange unenlightened attack on what is a very basic concept about the roles of men and women, accepted as part of reasoned debate since the 70s. Perhaps the "Bridgette Jones Diary" style of self-revelation adopted by yourself may explain your frustration with discussion that attempts to lift debate above fixation at the personal level ..into examination of wider sociatal roles.

Whirlybird
6th May 2003, 04:31
Is there a smilie somewhere for a very large yawn?

Miserlou
6th May 2003, 06:08
The Female of the species is more deadly than the Male.

Ozzy
6th May 2003, 06:51
Look, ye're either Martian or Venusian; there's no inbetween on this.:cool:

Ozzy

Onan the Clumsy
6th May 2003, 06:53
Sure there is. Look around you...

Uncle Cracker
6th May 2003, 07:23
Let's get this straight. Men is men and wimmin is wimmin.

I should be able to, nay I demand the right to like a woman's looks or personality. If I see a lady with a nice @rse or whatever, then I should be able to appreciate her, (privately, or if not, obviously maintaining the appropriate amount of courtesy and decorum,) without fear of a tirade of PC bollix. After all, it is nature's way.

What gets my goat are these Channel 5 programs where blokes are paraded on stage for the gratification of the hen parties in attendance. I don't mind the progs themselves - if that's what they girls wanna see, fine. Why can't we have the same though without the assiciated furore?

A bloke should be able to admire a woman, using respect and courtesy, without being criticised, the same way a woman should be able to fancy a bloke.

Onan. I do like to slip into the odd gender. :ok:

Andrew M
6th May 2003, 08:25
Look, ye're either Martian or Venusian; there's no inbetween on this.

Except, it's not that simple anymore !

We have homosexuals,bi sexuals,trans-sexuals, transvestites and every other bloody lot. Just one question - how did we manage to let this happen to the human race !?! It's not normal (not because I'm small minded or anything - what people do is their own business) but it isn't normal because it isn't bred into us.

As males, our sole purpose is supposed to be to reproduce (some females might say that is all we are good for - is that a bad thing ??? ;) ). How on earth to people switching genders and the like reproduce !?!

So you have people from Mars, Venus - perhaps Uranus for the "others" :)

Uncle Cracker - Amen bro ! Although there is a few female PPRuNeers who would lynch you for saying that ....

If I see a lady with a nice @rse or whatever, then I should be able to appreciate her

Yes, one of my pet hates is when some burd (female) wears a very revealing top - where you can see practically everything. However, when you "appreciate her", she may give you a bad look , or at worse a slap on the face :D . Why wear something to get attention, and when you get attention act as if we are in the wrong !

Uncle Cracker
6th May 2003, 08:29
Andrew - Damn right. If you don't want blokes looking, don't show it.

BlueDiamond
6th May 2003, 08:52
"In control," Kwasi ????

Why on earth would you feel the need to control anyone??

Could your ego really be so fragile that you would need that sort of thing to boost your self esteem?

Andrew M
6th May 2003, 08:59
we aren't condoning controlling women - but we are simply saying it is male nature to do so.

cookie99
6th May 2003, 15:39
Women and men are equal just that women are MORE equal than men.

My wife made me say that.

As Dennis Thatcher said when asked at an interview "Who wears the pants in your family?" "He replied "I
do, I also wash and iron them"

Who gives a sh*t as long as you are happy together.

All a load of rubbish, macho men are still at the bottom of the food chain but are too damn stupid to notice it.

Nothing exites a woman more than a decent bulge in a man's pants. at the back that is, in the wallet pocket.

Chaffers
6th May 2003, 19:57
Feminism is just the domain for unattractive wimmin and stupid men. There will always be those who choose to follow anything that appears radical or fashionable but as a political theory it is contradictory, flawed and disparate. More a collection of alienated and marginalised extremists who shout from the sidelines than a cohesive philosophy. Those attracted to it are usually as flawed as their ideology and often as militant; the non-militant branches being utterly irrelevant.

On the personal level (confused by feminists with the political) it appears to be nothing more than an excuse not to do the washing up. You certainly see blokes who try to be new men (how long has that term been around?) though in my experience it is usually in the hope that someone will shag them out of gratitude for their household chores than any deep respect for equality or gender stereotypes.

Jetlegs
6th May 2003, 20:28
Some posts do little to further an understanding of the subject at hand, but give a large amount of information about the intellectual capabilities and emotional insecurities of the poster in question.

Kwasi_Mensa
6th May 2003, 22:18
Legs, do you take life as serious as you, obviously, do this forum? ;)

Wee Ali
6th May 2003, 23:42
OH MA HEID!!

For God's sake can't everyone just stop pontificating, get on with their lives & do whatever it is that makes you happy!Life is too damn short..
We are ALL different,not just as men & women but as unique ,equal & valuable individuals of the human race.
That being said,the only men who get to tell me what to do are those who trained down in Bournemouth for a few years & hang out in towers at airports wearing cute wee headsets & feeling stressed ..End of bloody story!

Biggles Flies Undone
6th May 2003, 23:50
The first sensible post!

Ali, you can check my gender any time :)

[Presuming you are female, normal terms and conditions apply, your home may be at risk if you fail to keep up repayments]

PilotsPal
6th May 2003, 23:53
BFU, you haven't been drinking the water again, have you?

Biggles Flies Undone
6th May 2003, 23:54
Water? Water? Wassssssat :confused:

topcat450
6th May 2003, 23:58
All this banter reminded me of the ol' joke...."What do you say to a woman with two black eyes"....

"I'm not going to tell you a third time..."

:}

TC (getting back into my dustbin and pulling the lid firmly shut and keeping very very quiet)

Getch
7th May 2003, 06:01
In my experience, men are a waste of ****i ng space. i do everything in my house myself, from cleaning the loo to cutting the grass. When my hubbie left, it was the happiest day of my life. I need men like i need a hole in the f ucki ng head. good bloody riddance!!!

Whirlybird
7th May 2003, 06:28
Wee Ali, you are wonderful, and about the only person on JB with any common sense.

Uncle Cracker
7th May 2003, 06:51
Hey Getch

S'pose a date's out of the question then?

(hides) :uhoh:

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Andrew M
7th May 2003, 07:23
I need men like i need a hole in the f ucki ng head. good bloody riddance!!!

One day you will coming running back to us you know ! :D

BlueDiamond
7th May 2003, 08:40
Don't be too sure about that, Andrew M, once the technology is perfected that will permit women to reproduce by cloning, it might be as unusual to find a man about the house as it is to find a valve radio.

:D

Andrew M
7th May 2003, 09:18
Hmm, perhaps we could use that ourselves ???

The perfect woman - brains of Carol Voderman, body or Britney Spears and the personality of Holly Valance .... sounds good :)

...and they will know how to russle up the perfect fry-up !

As for those valve radios - you still get a few enthusiasts who collect them ;)

Kwasi_Mensa
7th May 2003, 18:07
Don't be too sure about that, Andrew M, once the technology is perfected that will permit women to reproduce by cloning, it might be as unusual to find a man about the house as it is to find a valve radio

I need men like i need a hole in the f ucki ng head. good bloody riddance!!!well, thank y'all, couldn't think for a better way to confirm my thesis..... :}

maninblack
7th May 2003, 18:25
What is it with the telly these days? If a programme/advert shows a clever woman and a silly man (examples available ad infinitum) then it is "witty" or "ironic"

If it is the other way round then all the hairy armpit brigade are out waving their Cosmopolitans in the air and saving the hedgehogs.


ps. Nice to see that K.M. and Getch aren't letting this worry their pretty little heads..............:}

topcat450
7th May 2003, 18:34
Nice idea about cloning BlueDiamond....you'll still need a man to work the cloning maching for you and tell you what all the buttons do.

and Andrew...you don't want the brains of Carol Voderman...it's the ones with brians that get ideas above their station and get lippy.

In short...if I had to say one thing..it'd be "Women...Know your limits"

BlueDiamond
7th May 2003, 19:03
...if I had to say one thing..it'd be "Women...Know your limits"

We don't have any, tc.

:D ;) :cool: :D

Chaffers
7th May 2003, 19:30
And that includes stupidity, inability to reverse park, unlimited nagging, whining...... ad infinatum. :)

If wimmin don't need men then I guess that explains all those really happy spinsters and depressed bachelors..... :rolleyes: ;)

Tricky Woo
7th May 2003, 20:40
But it hardly explains the juvenile behaviour of men who display unnecessary machismo, in the form of a feigned non-chalance, in the vague hope that the modern woman will find them attractive enough to shag 'em.

Which they don't.

Face it: the so-called New Man gets laughed at as he walks through Sainsbury's with baby sick on his left shoulder, and a shopping trolley piled high with boxes of tampons, nappies, and organic greek yoghurt.

The macho one's, who're doing the laughing and pointing, are planning a nice comfortable evening at home, in front of the TV, with a large stack of porno DVDs, two unused toilet rolls, and a lukewarm pot noodle.

Question one: who gets the most sex? Who gets to propogate the species? Who is destined to a sad, lonely life, wanking on a sofa?

Question two: why can't blokes simply drop their role-playing games, and simply get on with it? Machismo makes women laugh, but doesn't get their knickers off. New Man-ism loses their respect entirely.

The answer is somewhere in between, lads: simply have the confidence to truly be yourself, rather than trying to conform to some self-imagined ideal. And believe me: nothing, but nothing, is more attractive to women than self-confidence.

TW

topcat450
7th May 2003, 20:46
The macho one's, who're doing the laughing and pointing, are planning a nice comfortable evening at home, in front of the TV, with a large stack of porno DVDs, two unused toilet rolls, and a lukewarm pot noodle

:suspect: Now now Trickey, if you're going to spy on me why not knock on the door..I'd even let you come in to make yourself a drink. It must get a bit boring watching from outside...do you want me to open a window so you can keep up with the story-lines?
:O

Chaffers
7th May 2003, 20:57
Crikey! All this time I thought Tricky Woo was a bloke!

maninblack
7th May 2003, 23:02
Me too....and now it turns out that Tricky Woo is a LUMPY JUMPER!

Biggles Flies Undone
7th May 2003, 23:23
Ahhhhh but Tricky is in love - sends a chap temporarily crazy it does. SOP normally only regained once the wedding cake has been scoffed, consummation achieved and the cold light of day filters through the bridal suite curtains.... :sad:

Tricky Woo
7th May 2003, 23:47
Definitely a bloke, and definitely not a lumpy jumper, whatever that is.

Nah, lads, that was your big chance to learn some Tricky Woo wisdom, while you have the chance. Said wisdom was acquired during years of philandering, that have now, unregretfully, come to an end.

Still, pearls have been cast before swine...

TW

Kwasi_Mensa
7th May 2003, 23:49
Herr Woo, you're about to be married, so you're excused for your above message. :p

Love don't know rules, don't know definitions. In love and in war everything is allowed.

Self-confidence helps, but I never forget, the most erogenous zone of a woman are still the ears ;)

Chaffers
8th May 2003, 00:46
I've never tried sticking it there. :ooh:

I might have to try that self confidence thing, might even work for me. ;)

Andrew M
8th May 2003, 03:12
If wimmin don't need men then I guess that explains all those really happy spinsters and depressed bachelors.....

To me, there are girls/women who you can get sexual desire from, but that is it. There is only the sex, and no emotions.

There are girls/women who when you look at, talk to, spend time with - you feel something - not just in your penis but a chemical released by the brain that makes us feel love. This is a different emotion. To have sex with some floozy is good - but it's a different ball-game from sex with the one you love dearly.

What I am saying is, making love and having sex are two different things. And I think many people cannot distinguish between the two. There are crushes, and there is love. Crushes die out - love doesn't.

Crikey! All this time I thought Tricky Woo was a bloke!

Tricky is a bloke - a bloke who knows what I am talking about however.

And that includes stupidity, inability to reverse park, unlimited nagging, whining......

Sorry to use a cliché - "Can't live with them ,can't live without them" - In other words, have a good relationship - but don't move in together. Is that what that quote means ?!?

it's the ones with brians that get ideas above their station and get lippy.

... and who wants some bimbo. For sex yes, for love no. Sex with some one who is sexually attractive is different than sex with someone you love.

CarltonBrowne the FO
8th May 2003, 03:40
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
"Looks like a clear case of self defence to me, we'll give you back the carving knife after forensics have finished with it.... have a nice day!"
PS I'm not joking.

Whirlybird
8th May 2003, 05:24
Tricky,

Yep, REAL self-confidence is VERY attractive. But not the false sort that most people think is self-confidence, ie telling everyone how wonderful you are - that sends me to sleep, or very very fast in the other direction. But yes, I agree, someone who has the confidence to just be themselves, without worrying about gender roles and machismo and new men and who does the washing up and how good they are in bed and all that utter crap...hey, if you actually exist and you're male, email me NOW, cos I've been looking for you all my life!!!!!!!!!!

Kwasi_Mensa
8th May 2003, 05:49
Chaffers, try to use your mouth for once :E

Bottle Fatigue
8th May 2003, 05:55
Sorry Whirly, I don't think they do exist.

I think that's what Kwasi was talking about. There's little or no self-confidence left in the male part of the population. Sad ain't it?

Andrew M
8th May 2003, 05:56
Yep, REAL self-confidence is VERY attractive

Self confidence is also attractive in females - only to a certain amount until it becomes a over-inflated ego though :D

There's little or no self-confidence left in the male part of the population. Sad ain't it?

:{

I blame one thing for that - wimmin telling us were are useless ;)

Whirlybird
8th May 2003, 06:26
Andrew,

An over-inflated ego is not real self-confidence. It's usually the opposite in fact...trying to tell yourself and everyone else how wonderful you are because actually you don't believe it.

Women telling men they're useless? Are they? Or are they just refusing to kowtow to the male ego in the way previous generations did? I think you can guess my opinion on this.

Unfortunately, in our society, many people get put down. It happens to kids at school, whether male or female. And you have to rise above it. You can't spend your whole life blaming others. As Eleanor Roosevelt said:"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

And it doesn't surprise me to hear that real self-confidence is attractive in either sex.

Andrew M
8th May 2003, 06:48
Whirlybird, I have engaged in discussion on the Question Time forum about socialism - I know you are one of the strong female personalities with a lot of self confidence ! :)

PS: The useless thing:

Ever watched Sex in the City !?! :D I think it is more like women are learning to do things for themselves and not depending on men for everything.

flower
8th May 2003, 07:03
I have worked my entire life in male dominated employment, the Armed Forces and then Aviation.

I can truly say I like men , not as "sex objects " but I enjoy their company.

I would have no interest whatsoever in a weak man and people who try to emasculate men are rather stupid.

Men and women are different , we should celebrate those differences not try to be more like each other but simply realise that these differences are what make us so interesting to each other.

Feminism is not about making women better or stronger than men it is about allowing equality of opportunity.

Chaffers
8th May 2003, 19:40
Purely out of interest Andrew....How old are you??

Kwasi_Mensa
8th May 2003, 20:06
Oh my Gaaawd! Andrew, you watch Sex in the City?? That serie with gay men and prurient straight men with names like Mr.Big, Mr.Uniball and frustrated, ball-breaking (but not necessarily lesbian) women speaking in monotones:

Woman 1: I doubt I am fecund.
Woman 2: I have eaten so little.
Woman 3: Where are the men?
Woman 1: There are no men.
Woman 2: I will pay a woman $40 to caress and decorate my toes with varnish. I will wear shoes that cost more than the weekly wages of a restaurant worker, with tips.
Woman 3: What kind of tips?
Woman 2: Not on the shoes, for the restaurant workers.
Woman 1: I am hungry. I will not marry.
Woman 2: Talk about the shoes.
Woman 3: The shoes!
Unison: Shoes.

:yuk: :yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

BlueDiamond
8th May 2003, 20:35
You watch that too huh, Kwasi. So, what do you like best about the programme ... the shoes or the gay men???

Chaffers
8th May 2003, 20:53
Agreed Kwasi, ****ing awful series tailor made for feminazis.

Interestingly despite the female characters outwardly looking reasonably attractive (except the narrator anyway) they are all deeply unattractive.

Real men watch Ally McBeal. :)

Celloistic
8th May 2003, 21:01
Oh Ally, how I miss her...

tony draper
8th May 2003, 21:08
Ah well!, them southern men didn't have far to turn any way.
Shandy drinking limp wristed, lisping fops the lorra them.

:rolleyes:

Ralph the Bong
8th May 2003, 21:20
Huny, geddus annutha beer.. an' this time, make sure its fuggen cold..

Kwasi_Mensa
8th May 2003, 21:46
Yes BD, watched it once. Must admit that the title attracted my attention, but unfortunately the flag didn't cover the cargo.

Sorry, I'm afraid I'm not into neurotic, frustrated, Cosmopolitan-swilling women and gay men, at the other hand high heel shoes wore by attractive ladies can get my undivided attention.

"I was the 'poof' in the relationship. I mean, I have more 'poof' in one finger than he could ever have." (Carrie) I mean, who on earth can write this sh!t?…:yuk: :yuk:

No, gimme a mud-stained Felicity Kendall just returning from her gardening any time of the day.

Windy Militant
8th May 2003, 22:34
:hmm: I thought that it was all the hormones that they use to speed up the growth rate of the livestock they use for fast food that was turning men into women :rolleyes:

Chaffers
8th May 2003, 22:51
With regards to suvverners its the water. There is no chemical process cheap enough to eradicate Oestrogen from drinking water, or pubic hairs for that matter. Seeing as though Thames water will pass through an average of 10 people before exiting the water cycle in the local area this leads to a build up of oestrogen in the water due to all the bints being on the pill.

Explains quite adequately why Londoners are such ponces and why their beer is to be avoided at all costs. :cool:

CarltonBrowne the FO
8th May 2003, 22:58
Aaahhhh, Ally McBeal- actually the eponymous heroine is rather too skinny to be my ideal (although, in all honesty, attractive enough that I'd still be doing very well indeed to pull someone like her ;) )but as for some of her colleagues/friends...
The programme was great though- the 2 best concepts were the personal theme song, and the Flea Joke- probably the filthiest joke I have ever heard! :ok:

Biggles Flies Undone
8th May 2003, 22:59
Chaffers - on average, Southern beer is stronger on an abv basis than that offered in the pubs up North. Personally, I prefer to sup a decent 'session ale' like Harveys Best at 4.0 abv - but come down to the GatBash and I'll take you to my local for Sunday lunch. You can show us all how dead 'ard you are on the guest ale (which does tend to be a tad stronger). :E

Chaffers
8th May 2003, 23:08
Challenge accepted my hormonally challenged chum. It is rather difficult to look dead 'ard whilst smoking a pipe but I'll give it a go. :)

Andrew M
9th May 2003, 03:21
Purely out of interest Andrew....How old are you??

don't give cheek up to your elders - only kidding - 16

PS: I don't watch sex in the city - I have seen it though as it is on before Time Gentlemen Please on Paramount Comedy Channel (UK version)

Tricky Woo
9th May 2003, 05:11
And just how old are you, Brer Chaffers?

TW

Chaffers
9th May 2003, 07:10
Old enough to know and young enough to put it into practise my feminine friend.

Tricky Woo
9th May 2003, 23:36
Feminine friend, Brer Chaffers? Moi?

Not sure what's given you that idea, but if you are trying to make a point based on your superior masculinity, then I immediately concede. I have just carefully examined both my knuckles, and, unlike your own, there's nary a scrape on either of them. How I wish I had your levels of testosterone. How I wish my knuckles scraped the ground as I ambled along. But nay, I have been denied ape-like levels of manhood. Dammit!

The good Lord has been kind to you, Brer Chaffers. I am now endeavouring to be far more macho in an undoubtedly futile attempt to compete with you...

Anyway, a few days ago, while arm-wrestling with my hard-drinking chums, in order, as you would understand, to impress the girls with my bulging muscles, two important things happened in quick succession: firstly, I accidentally ripped my opponents arm off at the shoulder; secondly, it occured to me that the group of gorgeous, pouting girls would find me even more admirable, (if that's possible), if I showed them how utterly I refute this New Man nonsense. Then, to show that I was magnanimous in my victory, I allowed my friend to use my mobile phone to call himself an ambulance. I'm good like that, and the girls really thought it cool.

I hope you're with me, thus far...

As the group of giggling girls winked and waved at me, pledging their nubile bodies in a rather unsubtle manner, I eased out a massively loud belch, and downed all of the beer on the table. All fifteen pints of it. Well, you can imagine, the girls thought I was the 'ardest bloke they'd ever seen, and not one of them had dry knickers. Okay, they rolled their eyes, and tutted a bit, but that's girls fer yer: they never show they're impressed, even when they bloody well are.

One of them finally had the nerve to come over to talk to me about it. Of course, I was too hard to actually talk back, and I refused to encourage her too much by actually looking her in the eye as I listened to her. So, I stared at her tits instead. Birds like that sort of thing. After a while, she cleared off; just in time, as I don't like birds pestering me too much, and anyway, them girls find silence encouraging. Sort of I'm so 'ard, I'm 'ard to get, if yer see what I mean.

Anyways, I could see that bird staring at me again, and pointing me out to her mates, so I decided it was time to show 'em what a real man is: so I punched my other mate in the gob. Oh man, he was surprised, but it serves 'im right for telling me he watched Ally McBeal, the puff. Anyway, one of the other lads handed him a hanky to dry his bleedin' nose, so I punched him as well, fer being such a soft-arse. Serves him right, the puff.

Well, one of that girl's mates comes over and starts giving me some crap about throwing me weight around. So's I tell her she's just like one of them frustrated old lesbo's off Sex in the City that just wants a damn good shaggin'. She sez she's not, and they're not, but what does she know? She's just a bird, and them birds just needs a length slippin' up 'em, and they're as docile as lambs after. Anyways, she carries on giving me some gyp, so I completely deflate her arguments by trying to drag her into the bogs for a shag in a cubicle. Poor lesbo was obviously gaggin' fer it more than usual, but I reckon she must have been on rag or something, 'cos she pulls away from me. Definitely on rag, which I fcuking hate, cos I hate blood on me knob.

Hope I'm not using too many syllables, Brer Chaffers, 'cos I'd hate fer you not to be able to follow this.

Anyways, that's when one of her other mates comes over, the tall one, who's all snooty, and blonde, and tried to be all superior last week when I asked her fer a dance. Yeah, she's fcuking gorgeous on the outside, but definitely too fcuking stuck up fer her own good. Bitch. Anyways, I tell her, too, that she's a frustrated bint what wants a good poking. Then, guess what! I've got both of 'em calling me a pissed up macho arsehole, you they wouldn't shag if I were the last man on earth! Me! As if! They would too shag me if I was the last man on earth, 'cos then there'd be no question that I was the 'ardest and coolest and sexiest bloke around, 'cos there wouldn't be any more blokes, would there?

Stupid fcuking dykes, they were. Trouble with birds: they're so fcuking illogical that they don't think through their own fcuking stupid words.

Anyway, to cut 'em dead in their tracks, I told 'em that no way am I one of them New Men they read in their lesbo Cosmopolitan magazines. I told 'em I'm a real man, and they're lucky to get the chance to even meet me.

Stupid bints just laughed!

Anyway, to show them my contempt for their stupid lesbo ideas, I told 'em that if they're such lezzies, then they should have a threesome with me, cos lezzies love to shag each other, and especially love having a real man like me between them. Weeeeeeell, I reckon I really must have turned them on, or something, 'cos they both went all red, and walked away. Birds always go red when they get wet. Probably went to discuss whether the other was on fer it, 'cos they knew I was serious, and they defintely wanted a bit of three way action. What frustrated lezzie bird wouldn't?

That was a good thing, fer me, 'cos I was gasping fer a beer again, so I sunk a few more pints down me gob.

Then two more things happened in quick succession: the group of birds all threw their drinks over me 'ead at the same time; and the two mates what I'd punched, punched me back at the same time! Well, just as the birds were beginning to get all playful with me (drinking games are a right laugh, and real men play them all the time), those bastards goes and hits me like that!

Anyways, just as I was cruising. Just as I was undisputed 'ard bloke of the pub. Just as I was one for a threesome with them two gaggin' fer it lesbos. Just as I was planning on a follow on threesome with the other two birds: them bastard mates of mine catches me unawares and makes me look less than dead 'ard.

No fcuking wonders them four birds immediately leave the pub. They reckoned that after all that I wasn't 'ard at all.

And there's the moral of the tale, lads, and Brer Chaffers: once yer got yer dead 'ard image up and going, yer can't let even the slightest weakness show, otherwise them birds'll rumble yer. It's not enough to act all 'ard and manly. Yer got to live it like you really was, otherwise yer guard will drop some day, and some bird or some lezzy or some fcuking New Man puff will make yer look exactly what you are:

An adolescent, macho, posturing, belching, farting, jostling, immature, braggart, unconfident lightweight, that no girl within a mile would even think of shagging, unless she's very, very drunk, or very, very desperate, or very, very ugly herself.

And we wouldn't want the girls to think that, would we?

TW

Jetlegs
10th May 2003, 01:03
;) Game, set and match, Mr Woo. ;)

Chaffers
10th May 2003, 01:42
Mr Woo the amount of time you devote to me really is quite flattering if maybe a little disturbing at times. ;)

I would imagine it likely that your ranting says far more about yourself (or your id) than even coming close to describing me, though why you wish to still puzzles me; I feel no need to return the interest.... I'll be sure to guard my ankles should we ever meet.

Hardly the first time you've flown off the handle old chap though never quite as spectacularly as this.

Does being wound up affect your aim perchance? ;)

Bottle Fatigue
10th May 2003, 04:10
It looks to me like the challenge has been given and accepted. What's it to be gentlemen?

Handbags at dawn?

:uhoh:

Tricky Woo
11th May 2003, 00:50
Dear Brer Chaffers,

Please don't start getting all sulky on me: twas just a bit of playfulness on my part. I rather hope you'll be man enough to take it in good heart. Let's face it, nothing turns off the girls more than a mard-arse. Now dry your eyes, and go and join the rest of the children in the sand pit.

Cheers,

TW

Chaffers
11th May 2003, 00:55
No offense taken Woo, just bemused enjoyment at your temperamental outpourings. ;)

Tricky Woo
11th May 2003, 01:34
That's the spirit, Brer Chaffers.

Well done!

TW