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View Full Version : Some of our elder citizens come out with good one-liners


LordGrumpy
1st May 2003, 05:54
Heard recently

From a lady with 92 years.

"My boyfriends 88 but he hasn't got much lead in his pencil".

Another elderly female.
"Old, I'm too old to get any more allergies".

And a favorite of a chap laughing while reading the personal columns.
"Well me names not in the obituries, so another day to enjoy".

What have you heard? :D

Windy Militant
1st May 2003, 06:26
Old Dear in casualty for some reason or another was asked by the Doctor if she had any allergies " Oh no I was born before they were invented" was the reply.

And years ago we had a guy came round with fruit and veg he was a tall lad and when one of his customers told him he was going to have a Hysterectamy(spel?) he nearly brained himself laughing. The old boy was due to go in for a hernia op.

tony draper
1st May 2003, 06:32
What about that 106 year old French lady, she said she felt fine and the only wrinkle she had she was sitting on.

:)

BlueDiamond
1st May 2003, 11:20
I can remember one old lady of 85 who was always cheerful and smiling ... until this one, particular day when she seemed somewhat down in the dumps. I asked her what was wrong and she replied, "Oh, ... I don't know ... maybe I'm going through that mid-life crisis thing." :cool:

And another oldie who told me that he had to go to the hospital the next morning for an autopsy. When I remarked that he looked unusually fit and well for a person in need of an autopsy, he said, "Well, maybe it's not that then ..... what do you call it when they cut little bits off your skin and examine them???"

A biopsy, perhaps?? :D :cool:

reynoldsno1
1st May 2003, 12:08
My own dear mother finds it almost impossible to cook anything without burning herself, and this is usually accompanied by her favourite expletive " Oh, balls!!!". She recently announced that she had found a much better word .... apparently it is now " Oh, bollocks!!!"

DX Wombat
1st May 2003, 16:18
Or the one from my mum, who always took a pride in her appearance, deciding that some beauty treatment was in order: "My legs need defrosting":eek: :ooh: :)