Priceless

[solotk]

Go to Google, and type 'french military victories' , then click on "I'm feeling lucky"

Original poster "Rifleman" on the other means...

Absolute quality post mate :D

[Military Man]

AAAAAHHHHH Absoloute quality man

[BlueWolf]

Absolutely brucking filliant, solo!!

I could add another one....

War against Greenpeace
-Lost. Claimed as a victory when they blew up a fishing boat at anchor and killed a Portugese photographer, but turned it to custard by getting caught by an unarmed Police force, having to pay $12 million reparation, and spending three years on a rock in the Pacific where one of them got screwed again (ended up pregnant, anyway).

[D-IFF_ident]

Genius, like a diamond bullet between the eyes.

[Kiting for Boys]

Brilliant - who says Google doesn't 'editorialize'


BTW
A letter in today’s Times from Prof Andrew Hamilton, quoting 1998 report from AH Cordesman (CSSI).

In the period between 1973-91 the US exported $5million of weapons to Iraq and UK sold $330million worth. The four countries most against military action accounted for – Germany $995million; China $5,500million; France $9,240million and Russia $31,800.

He goes on to mention the moral high ground…

[Wiley]

I think this one’s been posted elsewhere already, but it’s a classic worth repeating.

*********

FRENCH TO SEND SURRENDER ADVISORS TO IRAQ

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the Allied Armed Forces.

"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954.

"We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender.
Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories."

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3,000 advisors from the elite [i]Force du Collaborateur Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.

When Saddam Hussein asked Chirac to advise him as to how many troops would be needed to defend his capital city, Chirac replied, "I do not know. France has no recent experience in defending its capital city."


My question: when the dust has settled, (whichever way it goes thanks to France),will the Western world sort France out and kick them off the permanent membership of the Security Council? I still can’t work out why they’re on it in the first place.

[Jackonicko]

General Philippe de Peepee has had a fascinating career. He has also served as an observer during a number of US military operations allowing him to witness real military prowess 'first hand' - including Somalia, Panama, Grenada, the superbly targeted attack on Libya, the Lebanon, the Iranian Embassy hostage rescue, and Vietnam. His personal 'hobby horse' is his desire to reduce the number of friendly troops killed in blue-on-blue engagements... (you know where I'm going with this).

Tired generalisations can be such fun, can't they?

As the cradle of real democracy (don't give me the Athens myth) perhaps France's greatest contribution could be in helping to re-establish democratic government after the war, encouraging the regime to follow policies which accurately reflect public opinion. They could start in Washington and Westminster, and then move on to Baghdad.

[steamchicken]

Sorry to be a spoilsport, but didn't the French have a considerable crack at defending Paris in 1914? Believe it were called "The Battle of the Marne"...and it nearly happened again in 1918 (Second Battle of the Marne)...

[Woff1965]

Er if I were the person who came up with the original post I would NEVER, NEVER EVER think of

a) Going to France

b) telling anyone in the Legion you wrote the post

or

C) admitting you thought it was funny.

Regardless of your opinion of the French armed forces the Legion has demonstrated a capacity for bravery and self-sacrifice that many units would envy.

I suspect the author could find himself face down on a ant hill and smothered in honey if they ever catch up with him. if you want to talk about dodgy outfits there was one unit nicknamed the sprinting Texans in WW2 for their ability to be somewhere else when the fighting started, then there were the outstanding US troops in Korea at the start of the Korean War who were perfectly capable of breaking any Italian army surrender speed records.

[mutleyfour]

If I was the person before me to post on this thread I would NEVER NEVER EVER think of:

a) Having a sense of humour!

[Jackonicko]

Dunno, mate. I think it's as funny to poke fun at the Yanks' military prowess as it is to laugh about the French and their military record, or the Welsh and their attitude to sheep.

[BlueWolf]

But it is funny; just like it's funny to make jokes about the Scots, and money and porridge;
and about the Jews, and money and noses;
and about the Italians, fat women, and running away;
the Germans, about sausages, goose-stepping, and not being very exciting in bed;
about the Paddies, alcohol, and God;
about Poles and Blacks, and large penises;
Aussies, about taking themselves too seriously;
Kiwis and sheep as well;
Poms and Morris Dancing;
Belgians, beer, and bodyweight;
The Dutch and their dykes;
Tasmanians and their sisters;
Arabs and their livestock;


And a hundred and one others.

That's just the British sense of humour. We can take the p!ss out of anyone and everyone, and because we can do it to ourselves as well, everybody else is fair game.

:D :D :D

[jumpseater]

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

says it all really!

[Jackonicko]

There was another thread: The French .. a brief synopsis :) which began:

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain


"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
-- General George S. Patton


"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--General Norman Schwartzkopf


"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
--Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
--Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."
--P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
--John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
--Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One, he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

All meant in the BEST possible taste ..... honest

Wycomberesponded:

Superb....LOL

While I'm on, UK TV News a couple of weeks ago showed the Charles de Gaulle (French carrier) slipping out of Marseille, reportedly heading East.

Perhaps they're off to collect the dosh for goods received....don't you just love 'em


Jackonicko then leadenly and pompously weighed in, failing to see the funny side.

I like ripping the **** out of the French as much as the next Englishman, and have repeated more jokes about French manners, military prowess, collaboration and arrogance than I care to remember.

And it hasn't always just been friendly and affectionate banter. The French have screwed us on any number of occasions, and while I can applaud their elevation of naked self interest into the foremost pillar of foreign policy, it's not something I admire.

France has suffered more than most from the affects of war in recent history, and might be expected to be cautious about welcoming war. But we should perhaps remember that the French fought like lions in Desert Storm and in the Balkans, and many would expect them to drop their objections and fight this time, since the modern French forces are usually up for a good scrap.

And how scandalous is it that a country's democratically elected government is actually following a policy on Iraq which actually accurately reflects majority public opinion?

It can be argued that France is acting as it is through economic self interest, but while Washington is reportedly making arrangements under which only US companies will be eligible to bid for post-war reconstruction work in Iraq this seems somewhat hypocritical. (This 'fact' reported on BBC TV last night).

This thread appears to have been moderated out of existence, however.... presumably because my last post was unacceptably pro French or unacceptably cynical, or unacceptably boring. I wish these moderators would post the reasons for their decisions.