RAF V 20km Long flying Saucers

[A Civilian]

If on July the 3rd 2003 the earth was invaded by giant 20 kilometer long flying saucers fitted with impervious energy shielding and acting as flying aircraft carriers for hoards of death ray firing alien fighters. Could you guys defend us from these alien scum?

PS This question bares no resemblence to the plot for a certain film shown on the BBC tonight.

PPS This is a semi-serious question only :)

[swinging monkey]

Mr Civilian,

I just new when I saw your posting that this was going to be something different:eek: and in true 'civilian' fashion, you have not let me down:D thank you.

The answer to your question is quite simple - YES of course we could.

How dare you even ask the question when there are people like BEagle, ORAC, Grob Driver, Flatuous, Mad Mark, Difar and even me to defend you:confused: :confused:

Rest assured my dear chap, that you are safe in our hands, unless of course you feel the need to fly one of those toy machines, you play with, close to my big yellow egg whisk. Life could then get extremely dangerous for you, especially if I have to send Caruthers down to shove a Bat up yer nightie!!

You take care, sleep sound, and leave the defending to us.

This has only been a semi-serious reply :D

Kind regards

The Swinging Monkey
'Caruthers get ready, I may need some assisstance'

[Wycombe]

....but the portrayal of HMFC's finest in the movie has me in stereotypical stitches every time I see it :)

[Grob Driver]

Oh Mr Civilian…. As soon as I saw that you had posted something on here, I just had to look, to see what ridiculous issues you were bringing up this time… As always, you never fail to let us down do you!

As an expert in so many of these areas, what do you think? Do you reckon we could hold our own, or would we be talking alien lingo at the end of it all?

Personally, I’m with Mr Monkey… Of course we could… No question about it!

But Mr Monkey…. Asking Caruthers to shove a bat up the civilians nightie… that’s not very sporting of you is it!!!!!

[Unwell_Raptor]

I was dragged to see the film in the cinema (LOUD or what?) and I was impressed to see that HMFC had got some F16s.

[rivetjoint]

Unwell_Raptor, it was set in the future, maybe Hollywood knows something about the Eurofighter that we've yet to find out :D

[Mad_Mark]

Oh Mr Civie, I was relying on you to defend us with your little toy planes. Do I understand it that YOU actually want US to defend you?

If only the poll would allow you to select more than one option, I would have selected 3, none of them involving having to buy a phrase book. Why did I even bother to read this, of course we'd win, now shove off and leave us be!


Happy New Year :cool:



MadMark!!! :mad:

[swinging monkey]

Mr Civilain,

Well ther you have my dear chap, an overwhelming vote for the good guys:D :D

Grob, I take your point, but I'm getting my own back on Caruthers for getting me so horribly plastered the other night!!!

Mad Mark, I do like your idea of getting the civie to defend us with his one-man air force. Are you up for it Mr Civilian??

Regards
The Swinging Monkey
'Caruthers, better get the Bat ready old Bean!'

[BEagle]

SM - I have sent my man Rochester around to 'discuss' the ways of life with Caruthers. He has taken rather a large garden gnome and a tin of Vaseline with him.....

Despite the fact that only A Civilian and 'Mad not-King George' Dubya believe in flying saucers, I'm pleased to note that reaonable courtesy has been extended to A civvie in his poll!

Actually, I once knew someone who worked at Wright Patterson in their Foreign Technology Division. When I asked her about the Roswell story, she never replied.

The truth is out there..............

[swinging monkey]

BEagle,

How awfully kind of you to offer the services of your 'man servant' I have instructed Caruthers to afford him every courtesy, and to take heed of Rochester's comments. I do so much hope that it will benifit him, you know how these butler types can be?

'Caruthers, I hope you are reading this'

Anyway, back to the serious stuff, I was hoping that the Civilian chappy might have taken the bait, but alas. no responce.

Do you think its too late??
Do you think the little green men have got him??

Oh I do hope so, don't you??:D :eek:

I'll send Rochester back as soon as he's 'educated' my man caruthers.

Thank you once again, kind regards

The Swinging Monkey
'Caruthers, you'de better get get ready old boy'

[A Civilian]

I apologise for the lateness of my post as me and Caruthers have been getting plastered all day and have only just came in (its the thing to do when your on holiday). I have to say that I would do my bit to defend the country from these invading hoards as long as my balsa-wood plane doesnt pass beyond visual sight which would mean that at least 2.5 sq kilometers of Liverpool would be safe. And as Liverpool is the most important part of the UK all will then be well as lets face it there is no greater city in the whole of England :)

Im susprised that none of you would want to defend me. I mean as a somewhat loyal citizen do I not deserve to survive, when im cut do I not bleed? or something like that (I havent read Shakeshpere in years). Im kinda upset that no-one would be willing to help me even if I was in dire straits and needed mouth to mouth treatment :(

[cloudybeer]

If you were indeed a compadre of Mr Knopfler then that could be a valid reason for defending you/patching you up...if only to make sure that we can still play air guitar with impunity!:D :D

[BlueWolf]

I don't think a direct military response to the alien threat would be practical; but if it was, then I can think of none finer than the RAF to carry it out.

Nope, I reckon we'd get 'em with something unexpected, like seawater, or the common cold virus, or some cunningly genetically modified hemp, or cups of tea or the Spice Girls playing bad covers really loud....

If they're out there - and I think they are - they'll be steering well clear. On the galactic equivalent of the interstellar off ramp to our neighbourhood will be a sign, along the lines of:

"Warning: Dangerous Planet Ahead. Semi-evolved Society with Weapons Of Mass Destruction, no Social Conscience, Big Ego and Violent Irrational Tendencies. Avoid."

[Jimlad]

I'm suprised WEBF hasn't jumped in with a six hundred page long critique of why the SHAR will save the day and why we should spend lots of money on it. Maybe he's secretly hoping that in the event of war we'll conscript everyone and he can finally join the Navy again :)

If 20km long flying saucers do turn up I imagine we'll welcome them with open arms - they're probably close relatives of Mr and Mrs Bluppet.

[A Civilian]

Tony Blair isnt an alien he's CIA. Many people know that TB is actually scotish and that he had voice training to remove his accent. However what they dont know is that his real accent is actually texan and the whole scotish thing is actually a double blind disinformation program ;)

[PlasticCabDriver]

Mr Civilian, why don't you p1ss off.... sorry about that, force of habit!
Have you made a New Years resolution to start a thread that doesn't have everybody leaping to pile on the by now traditional abuse that you so richly deserve?

Well done Sir!

PS dont let it go to your head!

PPS The RAF would win by miles, we would merely redirect the alien scum to Clothing Stores to try and draw some winter clothing, and then to PSF to find out why Alien High Command have underpaid them by 10,000,000,000,000 Googlesnaps again.
When their heads are shortly afterwards exploding with with rage, we would then move in and 'acquire' their advanced technology which we would then use in a surprise attack on the French.....

[swinging monkey]

Civilian,

I've spoken to Caruthers, who tells me are talking utter ****, and thats good enough for me I'm afraid.

Caruthers was with me all holiday, as my very sore head will testify. So whoever your 'Caruthers' was, he wasn't the original, the 'one and only' Caruthers of the Monkey Hall residence. (Do be aware of fakes in life Mr Civilian!!)

Liverpool eh?? Well, there lies the probable reason for your problems. Anyone who feels that Liverpool is the epicentre of life in the UK, quite frankly needs assessment:D :D

We, the light blue, don't need you help thanks, you stick with flying that balsa wood monster you have (within 2.5 clicks of Liverpool) and we will do our very best to stay as far away as possible. Night Night

Best wishes
The Swinging Monkey
'Caruthers, there's an imposter out there, go find him!'

[BEagle]

SM - are you certain that Caruthers didn't slip you an extra large Scottish wine or few to render you comatose before setting out in th middle of the night to attend some ritual hubcap and 'secondhand' videorecorder swapping ceremony with Barry, Gary and Terry somewhere near the Mersey? Rochester admits that he would be very surprised if this was indeed the case; his little garden gnome inserting session did not reveal any such tendencies. Besides, he assures me that one's gentleman's gentleman would never consort with someone who wears a 'shell suit' (whatever that might be)!

[swinging monkey]

BEagle old bean, I hate to admit it, but you may just have a valid point there:(

I regret to say, that I can remember very little of the festive period, and even less of Caruthers' capers:rolleyes:

I do, however, feel most re-assured by what Rochester told you, and what Caruthers himself has told me. He strongly protests his innocence at these outrageous allegations made by that scurilous civilian:mad: and I do thus believe him.

I therefore feel confident that the Caruthers from Monkey Mansion, was not the person with whome the Civilian claims to have spent the evening. And besides, I doubt if Caruthers has even heard of a shell suit, and I know that he just wouldn't understand the lingo from the land of Diddymen.

Maybe thats where the civilian is getting confused, between martians and diddymen, what do you think??

Oh Dear, its saturday night and time for some life saving!!

Bye Bye
Regards
The swinging Monkey
'Caruthers, get my bone dome old sport would you?'

[cloudybeer]

SM,
You could be right there after all I would imagine that if you're peering out from under a large curly perm then it would be tricky to tell a Martian apart from a diddyman - never having had a curly perm I couldn't be absolutely certain but...:D

[A Civilian]

Id like to point out that I am a true scouser and not a scally scouser that some people claim. Only scallies wear shell suits and have perms and for some reason support everton football club (ive yet to find out if supporting everton FC turns you into a scally or simply attracts them). Id also like to point out that no true scouser likes the beatles since none of them have been back here in 30 odd years they have obviously turned there back on there great scouser heritage Truth, Honor and the inability of Americans to understand that they are from England not Scotland.

[swinging monkey]

Civilian,

Were you out partying last night??
Me thinks the Golden water has pickled your brain somewhat:D

Scally scouser, true scouser, what the hell are you talking about man??:confused: :confused:

We DO NOT GIVE A TOSS!!!

Your talking ****

Go back to bed

The Swinging Monkey
'Caruthers, now I know your'e telling the truth'

[A Civilian]

This just goes to show you the great divide in our country. Whilist everyone knows that southern's are cider drinking pansies most of us northern's at least respect your intelligence if not yourselves. Yet it is now obvious to me that we were being over generous in the I.Q. department and that the saying 'as thick as a cockney' is unfortunatly true :p

To prove my point I was talking to a Londoner the other day and he was of the mistaken belief that the Germans only attacked London during the war and avoided the rest of the country. A sort of self superiority that only Londoners could come up with :) I call it the watford gap disease.

[BEagle]

Rochester, I understand that a person of your acquaintance is an associate of a Mr 'Bullet Tooth' Tony. Would you please convey him my compliments and ask him whether Mr Tony and his friend Mr Desert Eagle Point-Five-Oh might feel disposed to discussing the matter of 'cider-drinking pansies' with certain parties residing north of Watford Gap.....

[PlasticCabDriver]

Civilian

1. It's because London was the only place of any importance to be attacked.

2. If I was a German, I would have avoided the North as well, they'll have the wheels of yer 'Einkel before you know it, and you never know what you might catch, even at 20000'.

3. The 'Watford Gap' disease you mention is not a disease, it is carefully engineered defence mechanism evolved so that those of us in the civilised areas of the nation don't have to think about what it like being grim oop north.

Can we go back to how our marvellous RAF would defend the nation from attacking alien hordes?

I remain, Sir, your obedient Master


PCD

PS BEagle, I believe that particular Mr B T Tony does a discounted rate for 'discussions' with scallies...

[mutleyfour]

we could always use the old "Smart Procurement" and design an evil alien killing device.......make friend with the Aliens and use the new device on AW/DLO/DPA instead......hmm!

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Beeayeate]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the obvious . . . the craft would be allowed to land at Stanstead (ON Stanstead?), A Lottery grant would be arranged. All hotels in all major UK cities would be cleared to provide accomodation. The full might of the country's Social Services would be brought to bear.

After all, they would be "Illegal Aliens".

Uh-oh! Just noticed that last post was my 40th! On a forum where I have little to say as well.

But I really enjoy reading the banter, baiting, gen and bull on here - just like being in the old crewroom. (Who's swiped all the Visitor's Biscuits by the way?)

[swinging monkey]

Mr civilian,

there you go again....just when it was getting funny, you go and blast it all away with yet another personal attack on Northeners, Southeners, and everyone except you.

Chill out you great Numpty, this is a FUN forum, and up until your last posting it was all good natured. Now you've screwed it.

Beeayeate, I'll have Caruthers send over some biscuits for you, with my compliments.

The Swinging Monkey
'Caruthers, cut away to Tesco would you? Theres a fine chap'

[Beeayeate]

Why thank you SM, most generous of you. May we keep the tin they come in? Have your man see my cook, Marigold, I'll leave instructions for her to offer Caruthers some mulled ale, or a mug of standard NATO brickdust, whichever his preference.

Would appreciate it if your man refrained from bagging any of the aliens he comes across on my estates. I have Mr Brown out rounding up as many as he and his beaters can find. Cook has told me that she can get a bottle of rather drinkable claret for every five she returns to Liverpool . . . or somewhere.


I doubt A Civilian has screwed it though. He is obviously military material . . . as a target maybe?

[DuckDogers]

And they say a moderator is not needed!

[bootscooter]

HAA! Civvie has prooved himself an imposter! Any "true " scouser that Liverpool, on the banks of the "Royal Blue Mersey", is indeed a Blue city, much like M**chester (sorry, can't even type the word!) in that respect. Even scousers can be proud to serve their country, and most of those that do learnt at Cranditz to repress their natural instict to liberate hubcaps, VCR s etc.

Pity about the cup run......mind you, it's League position that counts:D :D :D

[A Civilian]

I was going to come up with a hysterically funny reply but I got tied up with something else and now im to depressed to reply. Im going to bed. See you tomorrow.