Rotor & Wing & Everything

[Dave Jackson]

News release:

The leading aerosplat conglomerate, Boing Boing, is about to revolutionize short haul air traffic. They have already started to modify their existing airplanes for use in nano airports.

These nanoports are to consist of a small circular runway, and they can be located in any large parking lot. Boing Boing's Director of Marketing, Al Hype, said that all municipal objections had been bought off.

Boing Boing's new concept is the VTOLVTUOPP (Vertical Takeoff and Landing Via The Use Of Pirouetting Planes). The concept consists of welding a large latch to the tip of the left wings of all existing airplanes. When two planes have been cleared for takeoff, they will lock latches and 'gun it'. The pirouetting planes will eventually build up enough rotational airspeed that they can do a vertical takeoff. At the prescribed altitude, preferably AGL, the two planes will unlatch and head off to their respectable destinations. Vertical landings are performed by rotating the manual 180-degrees and reading the takeoff instructions upside-down.

There are still a few problems, but most have been swept aside; by the downwash. Boing Boing's chief designer Flip Flop, in a decisive move, eliminated the problem of Centrifugal Force. He said that Centrifugal Force no longer exists and now they are only confronted with the much smaller problem of Centrifugal Effect. The renowned aerodynamic contrarian, Lu Who, had previously told Flip Flop that the Force may always be with you. Mr. Flop said "no sweat", he had discussed this with the legal department. He was made aware of a previous problem with the Fenestron and told that they had solved all the aerodynamic problems by changing the name to Fan-in-Tail' .

It is also reported that the European Airbike consortium found a loophole in the Boing Boing's patent and they immediately patented the right wing to right wing pirouette. This means that North American craft will takeoff and land with a counter-clockwise rotation whereas the European craft will do it clockwise. The Antarctican patent office has assigned it Patent #. -1. They gave it a negative number because they think that any further development has nowhere to go, but down.


Merry Pirouetting and a Happy New Landing to all.

[sycamore]

DJ, this is a British invention,perfected by ourselves at a secret airbase in the 19%%`s and is being flagrantly flaunted by you N.Americans.In order to t/o at high gross weights in underpowered piston helo`s such as the Whirlwind 3/7(H-19) , in a restricted area, a technique was developed whereby a stout pole was inserted into the ground, in the middle of the t/off area and the winch hook was put over the pole. As the a/c could not hover,it was accelerated,a la running t/o.As it got faster,the winch /op. paid out more cable and the a/c would accelerate more! Upon reaching translational lift,the a/c would become airborne,and the hook would slide off the pole-voila,airborne in a very limited area! As the a/c was /had CCW rotor rotation,you went around to the right,as it reduced the added t/rotor effect,giving slightly more power available to accelerate.
Landings at heavy weight were slightly more difficult, as the winch cable had to be paid out fully as you approached the pole,and a man had to hook over the pole as one flew around at a speed of 20-30 kts, gradually reducing the height,and then the w/man would start to wind-in the cable and allow one to do a circular running landing,dizzy,but intact!!:p :p

[Dave Jackson]

sycamore,

Unfortunately, your patriotic understanding is incorrect. This is due to the renowned and respected historical revisionist, James Burke.

The S/VTOL invention to which you refer was actually patented by a Polish chap in May of the previous year. It was called the Maypole. It was developed for multiple simultaneous takeoff and landings, but the arresting wires tended to get braided. Three months later an august polish dynamist revised and re-patented the concept. It was thereafter called the Augustpole.

;)

[Dick Mitten]

Yer a sick man, Dave. Thanks for the laugh and keep up the good work!

[sycamore]

DJ
No Duff ! I recall many years ago,even decades that either the US Army or Navy had carried out circular runway experiments,either before or during WW2.I haven`t a clue which magazine it was in or where one could find it on the net., but- the truth is out there. Probably along with all the parasite fighter trials,attached to wing-tips,etc,etc..:)

[Dave Jackson]

sycamore,

"No Duff ! I recall many years ago,even decades that either the US Army or Navy had carried out circular runway experiments, either before or during WW2."

The army must be reassessing the concept again, possibly as an alternative to the V-22. Boing Boing just put on a demonstration of the VTOLVTUOPP for the army and the president.

http://www.unicopter.com/Temporary/bushpower.gif