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TopBunk
16th Nov 2002, 09:20
About Golf:

1. Since bad shots come in threes, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning os the next set.

2. No matter how badly you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

3. When your shot has to carry over a hazard, you can either hit more club or two more shots.

4. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead is putting out, you can immediately shank a lay-up or wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

5. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

6. The result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one unconscious swing move that compensated for all your other faults.

7. Everyone replaces his divot after the perfect approach shot.

8. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

9. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up a a much earlier age.

10. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50ft putt when you've already played 8 shots.

11. Golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

12. Nonchalant putts count the same as 'shalant' putts.

13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

14. The shortest distance between any 2 points on a golf course is a straight line that passes through th ecentre of a large tree.

15. There are 2 kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and planned bounces.

16. You can hit a 2 acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2" branch 90% of the time.

17. Every time you make a birdie, you must subsequently make 2 triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

18. You can 'draw' the ball or 'fade' the ball, but you can't 'straight' the ball.

19. If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.

20. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

sprocket
16th Nov 2002, 09:41
A nun was sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "Mother Superior, I
used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."
"When did you use this awful language?" asked the elder.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that was going to go 280
yards, but it struck a phone line over the fairway and fell straight down
to the ground after only 100 yards."
"And that's when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes
and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.
"And THAT'S when you swore?" asked the Mother Superior.
"Well, no," says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle
came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to
fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed elder nun.
"No. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the
green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior impatiently.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap,
rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Mother Superior sighed, "You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?

Bengt Engel
16th Nov 2002, 20:56
TB, all that sounds to familiar....especially the tree and branch...just can't seem to miss those.... :D