View Full Version : England plot secret Ashes revenge strategy

15th Nov 2002, 14:04
In a masterpiece of strategic thinking, Nasser Hussein, despite being roundly panned for his decision to send Australia in on a belter, decided to have a rest for the match against the Australia A team.

His deputy Marcus Trescothick, realizing that only dumb luck had stopped England winning the first test by an innings, employed the same tactics, sending in an Australia A team comprised of a few old stagers, a few hopefuls, and Martin Love.

True, Martin had carted the awesome England attack for 250 just twelve days ago, but the English brains trust had spotted several weaknesses, and after a measly 75 overs, Australia A pathetically surrendered to the English test attack at just 3/350. Love only scored 201* this time, giving a man who can't get a game for Australia an average of 451 against them.

Replying to this measly total, England's great white hope Michael Vaughan cut, pulled, drove and hooked savagely on his way to a majestic 8 before having all three stumps unluckily disturbed by... ummm... someone. Captain Trescothick led the way, taking the attack up to the defenceless Australians with a withering 5 from 34 balls before stumps were drawn and the aussie rejects crawled away to lick their wounds.


Just an other number
15th Nov 2002, 14:47
Any chance of translating this into English?

15th Nov 2002, 14:49
Yeah, the Australian #2 cricket team has been belting the English #1 cricket team again. :D

Biggles Flies Undone
15th Nov 2002, 14:54
- the current Ashes series
- this weekend's meeting between England and the Wallabies
- the 'friendly' soccer match between England and Australia at Upton Park early next year.

I've got £25 for the PPRuNe fund that says England will win at least two out of the three. Any of you Ozmates want to take me up on it? (you can club together if A$75 is too much of a stretch in one go).

15th Nov 2002, 15:01
I'll take you up on it. :D

Biggles Flies Undone
15th Nov 2002, 15:03
Done :D

15th Nov 2002, 19:06
BFU says "Done" and he's right. Redsnail will be done any which you look at it.

Trust them blurry Poms!

At this mornings rates:-

AUD $75 = UK pounds 26.78
UK pounds 25 = AUD $70.09.

They might be slow after the ball but they are greased lightning after your blurry wallet.

15th Nov 2002, 20:35
Fortunately I earn £ these days. :D

16th Nov 2002, 04:39
Hey BFU...

How about we make it more embarrassing... and count ALL the matches in the current Ashes series?

Yes? No? didn't think so:rolleyes:

I gather that would make it about 6-1 (if you get lucky in the soccer)

16th Nov 2002, 07:44
Stumps day two. Poms following on and are 74 for 3

Here is a brief on the "edge of the seat" commentary ….

no run, pushed into the offside
no run, and again
no run, pushed to short leg
no run, pushed to mid wicket
no run, pushed to mid on
no run, turned to fine leg, no run to end the day.

I bet thats got you wanting more.

16th Nov 2002, 15:31
I didn't see the game because I was catching up on sleep.
Well done to the English rugby team 32 to 31.

Carn the Socceroos.

I think the cricket is a fore gone conclusion.

Biggles Flies Undone
17th Nov 2002, 20:48
Yeah reddo, looks like it's all down to the soccer. You better start saving up mate! :D

divingf*ck yeah OK count them all if you like and we'll count the last three RFU games (oh...I think England won them all....) and the last three soccer games (oh... er....) :D

17th Nov 2002, 22:05
How about we count the Lions Tour last year and the last 3 Ashes series then? No? ok :D

Biggles Flies Undone
17th Nov 2002, 22:22
Ah now you're grasping at straws reddo! The Lions aren't as good as England - we had to dilute our talent with a few Scots, Welsh and Irish ;) And cricket is a girls game (at least it is the way the English play it) :D

17th Nov 2002, 22:26
Ok then, how about the Kangaroo's tour then? :D

Oh and who won the darts last year?
Yeah an Ozmate. He was on a disability pension too! :D

Biggles Flies Undone
17th Nov 2002, 22:37
Boxing kangaroos and disabled darts players - now I know you're running scared! Listen, we're talking about the country that produced such stars as Eddie the Eagle...

17th Nov 2002, 23:24
I see their strategists are really on the boil and don't intend to include Key in the next test match.
Saving the match with 174 no against the Oz 2nds just ain't good enough when compared to the sterling performances of....um.....err ?? you know those other fellas.
Apparently bowlers are more important than batsmen at Adelaide.
Seems they're hell bent on lulling us into a true sense of security. :D

18th Nov 2002, 06:19
BFU...if you are going to bring those other mamby pamby games in, lets talk about anything in the Olympics, or the current world no.1 tennis player? or on the other hand...lets not bother listing them all, there isn't enough space on the bb for it all:D :D

Lets see how it goes in the rest of the series shall we?

Then next Rugby world cup, we'll have this discussion again:p

18th Nov 2002, 08:46
This topic is about cricket and the Aussies will win this Ashes series
5 games to ZIP!

Anything else is irrelavant !

Keep the faith :]

18th Nov 2002, 13:35
BFU, bringing up Eddie the Eagle might seem irrelevant to the thread, but in Norway he remains to this day the best known & loved English sportsman.
He even trooped up last year for the opening of a new ski-jump and his exploits were given ample coverage on the national news.
He still can't jump for sh*t, but there is something very gallant and uniquely English about him. :)

19th Nov 2002, 13:31
Cooda, you are one of the few to understand England's ulterior motives here. Hussain has said that well, that guy ummm, Key was it?... scored a few runs, but we need to get 20 wickets to win the game, so we're going with Craig White, a proven strike bowler. I present White's figures against Australia and Australia A (or was it Queensland?) to prove Nasser's point;

14 overs, 1/70
27 overs, 2/105
11 overs, 0/61

Total: 52 overs, 3/236.

Matt Hayden has been seen seeking the help of a sports psychologist to overcome his fear.

If England take twenty Australian wickets this series I will bare my arse on the duty runway.

Edited to correct Tuesday night maths.... :rolleyes:

19th Nov 2002, 20:38
Hey Bino's...

What's your read of this latest tactic? One of their fast bowlers breaking the wrist of their first choice spin bowler a day before the start of the Adelaide Test Match?

Now I know we the Aussies were toying with the idea of a second spinner.......but will the Poms play Adelaide without one at all!!!!

Cooda - makes your statement about bowlers being more important in Adelaide questionable...dont you think?

Damn!!! All these mind games are starting to get to me!!!!!

:eek: :eek: :eek: :rolleyes: :p :D

20th Nov 2002, 00:34
Scran, it is becoming clear to me that as humble cricket lovers we have no clue about what is going on.

These guys are clearly master strategists operating on a higher plane and seeing a bigger picture than we can hope to comprehend. I'm worried, and I'm not saying anything more because I'm out of my depth and risk making a fool of myself.


20th Nov 2002, 02:06
I think I'm starting to work out their mind game strategy.

History shows the Poms perform best when their backs are to the wall...so their opening gambit is to adopt that position and mind set. (OK they've been backing up to that wall since the mid-80s but they must be getting close by now.)

In their minds I think they see the ploy of taking out their pre-eminent slow bowler as sending our lads the message that its now a 'take no prisoners' pace war. "Don't no-one get in de way ob wun o' our kwix mon!" (Well it worked for the Caribbeans back in the 80's and 90's)

We must beware the double bluff and not simply assume Giles's broken wrist was just the result of his inability to bat other than as an English Test Cricketer :rolleyes: :D

20th Nov 2002, 12:34
Hi Scran/Cooda and others;

Terrific series of Big Picture on the ABC tonight on 70's cricket. Looks like compulsory viewing for the next few weeks and maybe a few subtle hints about DVD's for Christmas, which will be a great excuse to get a DVD player :)

Wandering the net just now looking for an answer to a question that's had me intrigued for a while concerning Don Bradman's 299* against Serth Efrika, so I hopefully typed in wisden.com. Seems access is free for the next three months, so I've registered and am impatiently waiting permission to enter. Seems a likely one to recommend to my fellow Test cricket lovers (the only real cricket).

The Ashes? Well, I'll be lining up tomorrow for the first ball to be bowled as usual, but I can't help feeling a little despondent at how this series looks like panning out. Not good for the game at all. What say you?

(Hmmm, 15 minutes and no word from Wisden; maybe I should have clicked yes to getting their newsletters and letting them forward my email adddy on to selected sites etc etc :confused: )

20th Nov 2002, 14:27
And further; Just realized on Pprune's home page, William Hill have England at 12/1 to win the next Test.

12/1?????? When was the last time you could have got those odds at the BEGINNING of an Ashes test? As opposed to the notorious Headingley test of 81. Did someone mention 500/1?

Mind you, I think they're being a bit stingy............ wouldn't put my money on them at that price.

Biggles Flies Undone
20th Nov 2002, 14:41
I really don't know why you guys are getting so het up about this!

IF England could have brought their first-choice team, fully fit, a drawn series (with a bit of help from the weather) would have been a good result for us. Sad but true. We simply do not have enough world class players to make a series of it with the best cricket team in the world and, possibly, the best cricket team the world has ever seen. Sorry, really, I mean that. You guys love your sport and it saddens me greatly that The Ashes has fallen to this level simply because England have no strength in depth.

To prove the point, look at Rugby Union - there is MASSIVE competition for places in the England team. One bad match and three guys are fighting for your place. No surprise then that they are faring better than the cricketers.

Binos and the rest of you please feel free to crow, but isn't it a bit like kicking a blind man or shooting fish in a barrel? That's why I tried to inject a little balance with a risky wager and a few cheeky comments.

20th Nov 2002, 16:39
Lets just be honest about it, England may have invented the game, but basically we can't play it for sh*t.

I reckon our injury problems are our saving grace this series, cos at least we can say stuff like "we'd have kicked your butts with Goughie in.." and other such tripe and no one could prove us wrong.

As far as Rugby goes, we win. Period.
Footy, thats ours too.
Just about anything else, I reckon we'd come in 2nd.
Except for curling. Man do the Brits kick ass at curling.
Nuff said

20th Nov 2002, 23:48
Biggles, you are quite right. While I started this thread in a humorous mode, it saddens me deeply to see one team completely dominant in Test cricket, even if they are by a good margin the most entertaining team I've ever seen in my 40 years of watching Test cricket. As I said in a recent post, it's not good for the long term health of the great game, and even the gentle natured digs I have been giving haven't sat all that comfortably because to crow would be pathetic in the circumstances. However....

As far as Rugby goes, we win. Period.

Boy, some people have short memories! Is this because of a one point win, outscored three tries to two??


Anthony Carn
21st Nov 2002, 06:32
I have a strategic suggestion.

Break all the wrists of every England player.

That way, they escape the accusation of being COMPLETE [email protected] !


21st Nov 2002, 12:09

3 wins in the last 3 I believe, and after we beat SA on Saturday the only team ever to complete a Southern hemisphere hattrick in the same year, let alone the same month. For Christs sake be big and admit defeat when youre defeated. Even the Aussie team have admitted they are second best.

Mr. Carn

Chill, man. Did you have Steroids on your cornflakes this morning or something?

21st Nov 2002, 12:53

The English rugby union side last week was clearly superior to Australia in all facets of the game. They thoroughly deserved their win, Australia was flattered by the scoreline, and it would have been a denial of justice had the aussies won. OK?

Let's wait and see what happens at the tournament that counts.


Anthony Carn
21st Nov 2002, 13:44
Mr. Carn

Chill, man. Did you have Steroids on your cornflakes this morning or something?
YES ! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Oooops ! Sorry ! :)

Biggles Flies Undone
21st Nov 2002, 13:52
Binos, you have a very nicely balanced view of international sport :)

Just like the ‘Great White’, England have a habit of ‘choking’ on the big occasions, so you won’t hear me getting gobby about the next Rugby World Cup. Likewise, when the Australian XI have a bad day or two, all their fans know deep inside that they will pull up their socks and still get a result; when England have a good day we all wait for the bubble to burst. Sad, but history proves the point.

Domination by one team is never good for the sport – just look at F1. BUT, back in the late 80s when McLaren were winning everything, Ron Dennis said “it’s not up to us to slow down, it’s for the others to catch up”. Now Ferrari are winning everything and FISA are trying to slow them down, Ron Dennis said “it’s not up to them to slow down, it’s for us to catch up”. That is exactly the right attitude and it’s about time the TCCB took a long hard look at how the RFU boys have turned the whole show around.

21st Nov 2002, 14:00
BFU, I agree with you.
I can remember when the Aussies used to be flogged in the cricket. The selectors/coaches/admin took a long hard look at themselves and sorted out the problem. They knew it would take a few years and here's the result.
Ironically, the English cricket admins did the same thing. They even hired an Aussie to coach them, the team and other hopefuls travelled to Oz to get up to speed. The Aussie coach suggested a line up and how to blood the younger/newer players. Unfortunately, the admin just selected the ones they knew and well...... we've seen the result. :(

I recall Mick Doohan's domination of Grand Prix motorcycle racing. He didn't slow down, the others got faster. Also, Mark Richards domination in surfing during the early 80's. It forces those who really want it to lift their game.

The soccer will probably go to the English. However, the Aussies rarely give in without a bloody good go at it. :D

21st Nov 2002, 18:58
I take we'll be hearing a round of applause for Mr. Vaughan after flaying the convict bowlers for 177 then :D .

21st Nov 2002, 22:14
Ah yes....the famous 2/177 but a good knock nonetheless. (Not pommie bashing...even the English commentators were saying he should have gone at 19.)

You'll appreciate the subtlety of our apparently inept fielding performance however...we're blocking your movement to the 'backs to the wall' position. :p

England 10/375 and 10/185 v Australia 10/580 :D

21st Nov 2002, 22:40
:) Please, please, please tell me we just witnessed a strain winging about a batsman not walking!! When in Rome.....

:D :p :cool: :p

21st Nov 2002, 22:52
Sorry chaffers old chap...no whinging here. (I did call it a good knock after all.)
I didn't see the event but have to go on the radio commentary of such one eyed Australian supporters as Jonathan Agnew :D ;)

The rest is simply a comment on the very poor quality of Australian fielding and the number of grassed catches.

That said, why whinge when we are still in the driver's seat. Best day for batting at Adealaide is day 3. :p :D

22nd Nov 2002, 01:25

another cooda prediction fails - England 10/342 (33 runs short) :D

24th Nov 2002, 11:50
I think this thread should die a natural death now, but I can't let it go without congratulating Cooda for his prediction. Remember it was made when England was 4/295, and he predicted all out 375, Australia all out 580, and England all out 185. Actual result, England 342 and 159, Australia 9/552. Amazing.

Mate, you wanna email me your selections for next Saturday's lotto numbers?

New thread started.

24th Nov 2002, 12:22
there's a fun cricket game on the bbc website

Ashes (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/shared/spl/hi/cricket/02/ashes/game/html/game.stm)

24th Nov 2002, 13:00
I heartily suggest nobody of fragile ego attempts this game. I once went through a whole season without being bowled once, and I've just been bowled 8 times in ten deliveries. I missed the other two, but they weren't on the stumps. No fair!

:confused: :confused:

24th Nov 2002, 13:26
May I refer all posters to the title of this thread and suggest that it is now somewhat past the due time that the secret strategy is revealed and acted upon.
If it is not, the Australians participating here may be drawn to the conclusion that they are better cricketers than us!
I am going to get a drink now.....

Possum 15
24th Nov 2002, 23:30
Allow me to quote Lord Mancroft:
Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some concept of eternity
At this time for Nasser Hussain and the lads, eternity in a very uncomfortble place.

25th Nov 2002, 01:29
Chin up Binos
The game was set up for English cricketers :D

(probably to give them a taste for what's coming.)

What odds that Lee plays in Perth and its over inside three days?:rolleyes:

(PS You don't want my lotto picks...they're even further out than my cricket predictions ;) )

1st Dec 2002, 09:03
Oh well, Tudor bowling those short pitched deliveries at Lee yesterday turned out to be a great idea (not!). Got his own medicine back this afternoon - not a pretty sight.

So it's 3 - zip and the Ashes are retained.

Although the English have had some rotten luck with injuries, they never really looked like it. I hope for Nassar Hussein's benefit, the English have a real dip in the next match. It is not the Captain's fault they are at this stage.