Old computer joke

[CBLong]

This is a golden oldie but I was reminded of it today and it still makes me laugh...

Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb??

A: None - it's a hardware problem.

Oh, my aching sides... :)

[SLF]

Sorry if you've heard this before:

There are 10 sorts of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Avtrician]

Doh!!!!!

I was going to do that one:(

Oh well, at least 10 of us understand it. :D

[CrashDive]

Four guys ( a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer ) are driving along in a car when it suddenly stops !

"Uhm, reckon it's a mechanical fault", says the mechanical engineer, "we should get out, strip the engine down, then rebuild it, and that should fix it"

"Nah" says the electrical engineer, "I reckon it's a wiring fault and we need to strip all the wiring out of the car, reconstruct the looms, reconnect it all, and that should fix it"

"Well" says the chemical engineer, "I think it's a fuel fault and we need to drain the tank, run a chemical analysis on what comes out, if it's ok we'll reuse it, either that or go and get some fresh stuff, and that should fix it"

All three then turn to the computer engineer and say, "Well what do you think we should do ?"

.... and he replies, "Err, I suggest we just get out and then get in again" :D

[ORAC]

On the same lines,

A manager, a hardware engineer and a software engineer were in a car driving along a mountain road. Suddenly, a tyre explodes and the car veers off the road onto a scree slope and slides for 200 feet before coming to rest against the only tree on the slope, just before a 700ft vertical drop.

After a stunned silence the manager spoke up, "When we get back I'm going to change the company policy to ensure we only lease new vehicles with run-flat tyres".

Then the hardware engineer spoke up, "When I get back I'm going to send the tyre to the laboratory to determine exactly why it failed and send the results to the manufacturer".

After a short pause the software engineer spoke, "Well", he said, "I think we ought to do it again and see if it's repeatable".

[Biggles Flies Undone]

Comprehending IT - Take One
---------------------------
Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you."

Comprehending IT - Take Two
---------------------------
An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The IT guy said, "I like both."
The artist said "BOTH?"
The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

Comprehending IT - Take Three
-----------------------------
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending IT - Take Four
----------------------------
An IT guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The IT guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the IT guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The IT guy said, "Look I work in IT. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."


Comprehending IT - Take Five
----------------------------
A programmer, hardware engineer, network engineer and a department manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careered out of control, bouncing off guard rails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.
"I know" said the manager. "Let's form a team, have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to our Critical Problems and we'll be on our way."
"No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way."
"Hang on," said the network engineer. "I'll grab my sniffer and put it right on the brake lines so I can look directly at the fluid flow. I can trace the symptom faster and we'll be out of here in no time."
"Wait," said the programmer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?"

[stickyb]

Ah well, gone are the days when you could send young trainee programmers to fetch the binary brush to sweep up the overflow bits, or get the trainee operator looking for the tilt button to roll the bits back into place after a core memory parity error.
Anyone remember the galactic storage device?

[???pax]

You are worryingly close to the truth with these gags Biggles.
Loved each and every one of them :) :)