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Papa Charlie
11th Nov 2002, 09:30
Here is how to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick the cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of catís mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into it, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrapper. Cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler. Rub catís throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrapper. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep ĎDoultoní figures from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lay on cat with catís head just visible from below partnerís armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force catís mouth open with a pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to partnerís armpit and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbourís shed and get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring for fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road and apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap

13. Tie catís front and back paws together with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from garden shed and pry catís mouth open with a small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash down pill.

14. Get partner to drive you to A & E and sit quietly while the doctors stitch fingers and forearms and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call in furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

15. Arrange for local animal welfare society to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see If they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL:-
1. Wrap pill in bacon.

Anthony Carn
11th Nov 2002, 09:36
Magic !

And therein lies the history of the interaction between men and women -- such a performance just to get something into pus................



.................second thoughts..........better not. :rolleyes:

FlyingForFun
11th Nov 2002, 11:39
My aunt recently tried to feed her cat some pills. Crushed them up, put the crushed pills in the cat's food. Didn't realise her mistake until the cat had finished her dinner - the plate was completely clean, except for the crushed pills which were left in the bottom of the bowl. :eek: :D

FFF
---------------

steamchicken
11th Nov 2002, 14:29
this has been on here before, and it made me laugh myself into a wreck very publicly in a pub in Vienna.

GustyOrange
11th Nov 2002, 15:53
I had to put one of our cats through a course of pills recently.

The pills were sugar coated and I held out my hand with the pill in amongst some of her favourite biscuits and she gobbled up the biscuits and the pill without any problems every morning

It is a tactic I would recommend to anyone faced with the same problem.

Gusty

Tinker
11th Nov 2002, 20:04
Has anyone got a copy of the how to wash a cat/clean the toilet text?

Anthony Carn
12th Nov 2002, 10:20
Tinker -- intrigued by your question and found :-

http://www.justsaywow.com/catp.htm

:D

Anyone know of more ?


PS Also just stumbled across :-

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/6354/lol-catwash.html -- for a more comprehensive kitty clean, as opposed to a bog standard one. :rolleyes:



Happiness is a clean pussy, I reckon ! ;)

uffington sb
12th Nov 2002, 18:47
Very funny but true.
I used to suffer every 4-6 months or so, with scratched and bitten hands etc trying to give the blighters worm pills.
Just done it but this time used Panacur granules. Mixed it up with some tuna fish and they scoffed the lot. Suckers!!!!!!!!!