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Windy Militant
6th Nov 2002, 09:11
During the desert war a bunch of our gallant lads found them selves in a bit of a predicament. During a raid on Jerry they got a bit shot up and pranged in the desert. Anyway the pilot did a wizard job and pancaked the old kite down in one piece on the dunes. So there they were miles from nowhere with no water as the canteens had all been shot up, things were looking a bit dicey to say the least. Then suddenly a Camel lurched over the dunes, the chaps surrounded it and caught it. They decided that the camel couldn't have strayed far from water and that the animal would find it's way back there so they decided to hitch a ride. As things were in those days, the crew mounted the animal in order of rank, the Pilot at the front followed by the Navigator, Engineer, down to the Australian Tail Gunner.
After a very short period of time the Camels rolling gait became even more pronounced, even to the point of staggering. Then the Animal promptly collapsed onto the sand in a large heap.
The Pilot asked the engineer to offer his opinion as to what was wrong with the Camel and he replied "that it was a bit out of his field but at a guess he'd say that the Camel was F*cked". At this point a voice from the rear piped up with "Well it was the only bladdy thing left to hang on to back there":D

Mr_Grubby
6th Nov 2002, 11:41
Camel Joke.

Guy walks into a pet shop and says to the assistant,’ I want to buy a camel’
‘Yes sir we have just the one in stock’ (the way they do)
‘OK’ says the guy ‘I will have it. By the way, is it a male or a female?’
‘Don’t know’ says the assistant,’ very hard to sex a camel but if you ever find out can you come back and let us know’

A few days later the guy returns and says ‘Do you remember that camel you sold me, well it was a male’
‘That is amazing’ says the assistant, ‘how did you tell?’

‘Well, I was riding it to work the other morning and I passed a queue of people waiting at a bus stop. I distinctly heard one bloke say to the other, would you look at the prick on that camel !’


Mr G.
:) :) :)

Nopax,thanx
6th Nov 2002, 11:55
A young recruit joins the French Foreign Legion, and is posted to his first station, a fort in the middle of the desert.

His commandant welcomes him, and gives him the rundown of the place; when they eat, where the sleeping quarters are, etc.

"Now, young man; I know that you will have urges" says the commandant, "It's only natural for a lad of your age - so if you feel the need, we keep a camel in the yard for the benefit of the troops"

The recruit, shocked, replies "But I would never do THAT, sir!"

"Nevertheless, it's there if you need it"

Anyway, after six months in the fort, this young feller is getting a bit lonely, and the camel is starting to look attractive.

After seven months, he finds himself thinking about it all the time.

Finally, after eight months, he can stand it no longer...he creeps out to the yard in the dead of night;

The whole fort is awakened by a cacophony of grunting and screaming; and the troops run out to find the youngster half naked and covered in spit and camel hair.

"What's going on here?!?!?" roars the commandant.

"But Sir, you said that the camel was here for our benefit!" wails the soldier

"Yes, that's right - when we're off duty we ride it into town and look for a woman!"


:D :D :D

rob_frost
6th Nov 2002, 13:20
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand".

"OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"

"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert",

"Thanks Mom" replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods."

"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom"

"Yes son?"

"Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?"

Grim Reaper 14
6th Nov 2002, 13:58
Why do camels have 4 feet?
Because they'd be really embarassed if they had 6 inches.;)

yellowperil
6th Nov 2002, 16:30
why are camels called ships of the desert?

'cos they're full of nomad se(a)men....

singaporegirl
6th Nov 2002, 17:59
Two 80-year-old women, Marge and Ethel, are sitting outside their nursing home having a quiet cigarette, when it starts to rain. Quick as a flash, Marge whips out a condom and unrolls it over her cigarette to keep it dry.

"That's a great idea", says Ethel. "What's it called?"

"It's a condom," says Marge. "You can buy them at a chemist".

So next day Ethel trots off to the local chemist. Approaching the young male pharmacist behind the counter, she announces loudly, "I'd like to buy some condoms please."

The young man is rather taken aback, but decides that her private life is none of his business. "What size would you like, madam?" he asks.

"Oh, I'm not bothered, as long as it fits my Camel", replies Ethel.

The pharmacist faints...

henry crun
6th Nov 2002, 21:02
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.

The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help.
All to no avail, the camel refuses to move.

The wife who was standing at the rear end of the camel says "hang on, I'll try this".
Suddenly the camel got up and raced off towards the sandy horizon.

The arab asks his wife what she had done, and the wife replied
"I just kicked him hard between his rear legs on that bag like thing that hangs there".

The arab with a look of resignation bends over and touches his toes with his ar$e facing the wife and says "go ahead, do it"
She say "do what" and he replies " kick me in the same place because Ive got to catch the bloody thing"

pigboat
9th Nov 2002, 01:02
An old priest and a nun were on their way to visit a remote desert mission in North Africa when they got lost. To make matters worse, the camel they were on suddenly sickened and died, and their plight grew desperate. Despite his weakened condition, the priest was seized by the desire to experience sex before he died. So he turned to the nun, took out his dick and asked, "Sister, do you know what this is?"
The nun shook her head.
"It's the staff of life," he informed her solemnly.
"Praise the Lord!" cried the nun, falling to her knees. "Stick it up that camel's a** and let's get out of here!"