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Tolsti
1st Nov 2002, 15:04
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

GEORGE W. BUSH

I don't think I should have to answer that question.

AL GORE

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the
chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been
polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitation the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?

Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to buildroads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side."
that's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes! The chicken crossed the road,

but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.


BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it a serious case of moulting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON

imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.



BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken?
Could you define chicken please?

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?



:D

jimgriff
1st Nov 2002, 20:31
SO WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?...ONLY IN THE USAF...READ ON-



COLONEL: Successful crossing, well planned and carried out in accordance with my directives.

--CHIEF: About time that thing worked; hope the Colonel's finally happy.

--NCO: Changed two wings, a beak, and removed a bad egg, and the silly thing still can't fly!

--2ND LT: Look at the pretty bird!

--AIR EDUCATION AND TRAINING COMMAND (AETC): The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least 3 miles of visibility and a safety observer.

--AIR FORCE SPECIAL OPERATIONS COMMAND (AFSOC): The chicken crossed at a 90-degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should perform this manoeuvre at night using NVGs, preferably near a road bend in a valley.

--AIR FORCE PERSONNEL CENTRE (AFPC): Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for promotion.

--AIR INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (AIA): Despite what you see on CNN, I can neither confirm nor deny any fowl performing acts of transit. Questions? Please see the SSO.

--AIR FORCE RESERVE COMMAND (AFRC): If it didn't happen on a Saturday or Sunday then we missed it.

--AIR FORCE FOREIGN TECHNOLOGY CENTER (AFFTC): This event will need confirmation; we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and weather conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within the parameters specified for chickens and the remote possibility that they might cross thruways designated by some as 'roads.'

--AIR COMBAT COMMAND (ACC): The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

--PACIFIC AIR FORCE (PACAF): We don't have chickens yet, as they haven't been funded. The latest projection is for chickens in FY2002, at which time they will be WRM assets assigned to ACC.

--AIR MOBILITY COMMAND (AMC): The purpose is not important. What is important is that the chicken remained under the OPCON of USCINCTRANS and did not CHOP to the theatre on the other side of the road. Without CHOPing, the chicken was able to achieve a seamless road crossing with near perfect, real-time in-transit visibility.

--TANKER AIRLIFT CONTROL CENTER (TACC): We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

--AIR FORCE MATERIEL COMMAND (AFMC): Recent changes in technology, coupled with today's multipolar strategic environment, have created new challenges in the chicken's ability to cross the road. The chicken was also faced with significant challenges to create and Develop core competencies required for this new environment. AFMC's Chicken Systems Program Office (CSPO), in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) CSPO helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program management framework. The CSPO convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and retired chickens along with MITRE consultants with deep skills in an efficient substitute for F-22s!

--Air Education and Training Command: The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset to sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

--Special Ops: The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this manoeuvre at night using NVG goggles, preferably near a road bend in a valley.

--Air Combat Command: The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency at any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

--Tanker Airlift Control Centre: We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

--Command Post: What chicken?

--Tower: The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.

--C-130 Crewmember: Just put it in back and let's go!

--C-141 Crewmember: I ordered a #4 with turkey and ham, NOT chicken! Besides, where in the hell are my condiments?! We ain't taking off 'til I get my condiments.

--Fighter Dude: Look, dude, that was a frag , OK? I've flown my 1.0 for the day and I ain't got time for no more questions.

--B-1 crew: Missed the whole show. We had an IFE so we couldn't get out to see it; you'll have to ask the SOF.

--Air Force Personnel Centre: Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotions.

Ralf Wiggum
2nd Nov 2002, 09:57
Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken!

briteandbreezy
2nd Nov 2002, 15:56
Typical! :rolleyes: