View Full Version : Taken from The Sun's "Dear Deidre" column

The Nr Fairy
25th Oct 2002, 05:34
Dear Deidre,

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.

When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred...then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.

Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation.

I headed straight out the front door...

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Deidre, should I tell my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

25th Oct 2002, 09:40
Hehe, Nr F

...I think it was the word 'asinine' in the context of a Sun-reader's letter that gave it away:D


Grim Reaper 14
25th Oct 2002, 09:54
Dear Deirdre,

My wife and I suffer from a very boring sex life and have been thinking about spicing it up a bit with some 'three-in-a-bed' romps. My wife has taken quite a shine to our prospective son-in-law and so we planned a situation to see whether he might be interested. We did of course speak to our daughter first. She said it would be a good idea to let him sow the last of his wild oats with people she could trust (i.e. Us), and so the set up was complete.

My wife invited him over on the pretence of going over the wedding list, while I waited outside with my 'strap-on' all ready to go. Can you imagine our shock when he turned my wife down and walked out of the house?! I only just managed to hide my strap-on before he reached the car. I had to invent some story about it being a test.

My wife is so embarassed that she refuses to see him any more. We also don't know how to tell our daughter that her fiance might have a few oats left to sow, based on the fact that her mother isn't as attractive as she thought. What should we do?

25th Oct 2002, 14:02
Too many big words for me. Can we have some pictures as well please, preferably with Mssrs Fairy & Reaper acting it out? :)

Grim Reaper 14
25th Oct 2002, 14:11
Dear Deirdre,

My Mum and Dad tried to shag my fiance, and now have the nerve to say that they were doing it for me! My Mum borrowed my basque, and my Dad borrowed my 'strap-on'. I don't know which smells worse now.

My boyfriend came home sobbing (rather than 'weeping') and I now don't know how to tell him that my parents are 'swingers'. I also have no idea how to raise the issue of Auntie Lulu and Uncle SXTY being disappointed that their turn has been cancelled.

What should I do?

Uncle Cracker
29th Oct 2002, 21:55
No, stop it! Can't breathe! Hahahahahhahahahahahahaha!:D

30th Oct 2002, 09:43
Dear Deirdre;

I have a terrible problem with my owners; I used to get a bowl of milk and fresh food every morning, and a nice bed to sleep on, or at least a cuddle on someone's lap.

Nowadays, my bowl's always empty because everyone seems to be otherwise occupied. I can't find a place to sleep because each room in the house has strange noises and moving furniture. I haven't found a spare lap in ages - everyone in the house is laying on someone else!

I'm thinking of running away to that nice Rolf Harris chap....

Love from Tiddles (the cat)

30th Oct 2002, 12:03
(Apparently) From Gavin of London.

Dear Deirdre,

I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one
of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Cardiff. My
Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are
prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole
life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in
1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on remand centre on
charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to
marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is still a part time "working
girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently
been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are
currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my
fiancie utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I
am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although
I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it
would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem
is this: I love my fiancie and look forward to bringing her into the family
and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her
about my brother-in-law being Welsh ?