What did officers eat for lunch?

[Tim00]

Some of my earliest proper memories are of my dad attaching collars to his RAF shirts after towelling condensation from the bedroom windows before heading off to work, leaving an aroma of grilled breakfast kippers in his wake. This may not actually have been all that regular, but to a 6 year-old in the early ’70s, it’s the apparent daily truth.

So if officers ate kippers for breakfast in 1970, what did they do for lunch? I don’t suppose they nipped out for a Pret, and I don’t recall a Gregg’s in Coningsby or even Tattershall during my teens, so what did they do for lunch in those days. And if it’s not impertinent, what do they do nowadays?

[chevvron]

Same as they did for dinner.

[cynicalint]

Every now and then they tried food. And I don't think these days many people have tried impertinent for lunch...

[Timelord]

Lunch in the 70s? Flying later, steak and chips aircrew feeder. Not flying later: pie and pint officer’s mess. Really!

[gums]

Salute!

Well, for lunch, try "Joe's sloppy" as our Thai servers said in 60's and 70's. Or Cheeseburgers except when cheese was scarce, then it was " hambuger hab, cheebuger no hab".

Dinner at Korat Club was awesome, and one night each week we had "Mongolian BBQ" where a local would get what looked like manhole covers up to a thousand degrees and we could go around and provide the cook our collection of various meats and veggies for a quick. sizzling dinner.

Sorry if I regress to Yank eateries of a long time ago, and never really ate at a RAF mess.

Gums sends...

[Ascend Charlie]

Usually lunch was something from the travelling Roach Coach (or Chew and Spew), such as a ham'n'salad sandwich or a rat coffin (meat pie). Very occasionally go to the mess for a Blunties' Lunch, 3-course meal, no booze though. The Blunties could drink if they wanted, as all they did was sit on their blunt backsides and think up ways to make a pilot's life more difficult.

[BANANASBANANAS]

I remember once being detached to RAE Farnborough about 1981/82. At dinner one weekday evening the mess steward asked me if I was staying for the weekend (I was) and if so, what would I like for my Sunday lunch. I aasked him what was on the menu and he replied that it was anything they had in the kitchen. So I went for the traditional Roast beef, yorkshire pudding etc. I seem to recall the chef also made an excellent rhubarb crumble with custard for dessert.

Happy days.

[Barksdale Boy]

Lunch in the 70s? Flying later, steak and chips aircrew feeder. Not flying later: pie and pint officer’s mess. Really!
Timelord, spot on, but occasionally to the H&J to be well looked after by Lou.

[megan]

I'd hate to think standards were slipping.

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[Specaircrew]

Lunch in the 70s? Flying later, steak and chips aircrew feeder. Not flying later: pie and pint officer’s mess. Really!

Absolutely, if you weren't flying the junior officers snooker club used to convene at 1100 in the Mess prior to a couple of pints and a pie at lunchtime then back to the crewroom for a game of Uckers! Career officers would make sure that the Flt Cdr had seen them in the Sqn with a file under their arm before the 1100 meeting ;-)

[Herod]

The cardboard box that held the in-flight meal. It was more nutritious than the contents.

[57mm]

Officers took luncheon, not lunch, while other ranks had dinner. After luncheon, a competent NCO took my lab for a walk while I played polo......

[MPN11]

My 1st tour as a shift-working ATCO at Strubby, lunch in the Mess at Manby was not an option. The shift pattern in the GCA truck meant I had to go to work before lunch started, or return after lunch had finished. However, 2 meals a day is quite sufficient, and to this day I don't eat lunch. :cool:

[Old Bricks]

Teufelsburg, Berlin - early 1980s. 26 SU shared top of a rubble mountain with the US military . Catering supplied by US Army - not renowned for Michelin-starred cuisine. One lunchtime, stood in queue at servery, wondering which delicacy should grace OB's lips. One item was colloquially known as "Sh*t on a Shingle", which was largely minced beef (?) on a hamburger bun. When my turn came, I asked whether I could have the beef, but not the bun. Locally employed Turkish man behind the counter says no. Menu item is beef on bun, so cannot have one without the other. Me - "But I don't want the bun, it will be wasted". Him - "No bun, no beef". Helpful american next in queue - "I'll have his bun". Him - "No way. Menu says beef on bun. You can't have 2 buns". End of conversation. Beef taken with bun, passed to american once we were out of sight of Him. Allied cooperation in action.
Once a year the RAF and Army chefs would take over the US catering facility on one day for lunch and produce the best of British cooking for both UK and US. Most popular day of the year - US military who were off-shift or even on local leave would flood the place to ear "proper".

[BEagle]

One of my earliest memories was of RAF Thorney Island when we had our ULAS Summer Camp there in 1970. Normally we would have a packed lunch in the crewroom, but one one occasion a couple of us went to the Officers' Mess for a proper luncheon...

It was magnificent! A white coated chef carved ham off the bone with a sideboard groaning with all kinds of salad, new potatoes etc. Those who chose from the menu were served by mess stewards; the whole experience was very upmarket, but was probably at the end of traditional mess dining as Military Salary kicked in.

Roll forward 20 odd years and my lunch as a ULAS QFI was often 2 x small pork pies and a couple of tomatoes 'on the hoof' between trips.

[rolling20]

One of my earliest memories was of RAF Thorney Island when we had our ULAS Summer Camp there in 1970. Normally we would have a packed lunch in the crewroom, but one one occasion a couple of us went to the Officers' Mess for a proper luncheon...

It was magnificent! A white coated chef carved ham off the bone with a sideboard groaning with all kinds of salad, new potatoes etc. Those who chose from the menu were served by mess stewards; the whole experience was very upmarket, but was probably at the end of traditional mess dining as Military Salary kicked in.

Roll forward 20 odd years and my lunch as a ULAS QFI was often 2 x small pork pies and a couple of tomatoes 'on the hoof' between trips.

Ah Beagle, I seem to remember @ St Athan as a UWAS cadet that lunch was a waitress affair and orders taken by them most meticulously.
I can remember going to Locking once and eating in the airmens mess, where the food was rather good.
I was on a trip out of Lossie on a detachment, the aircrew were supplied with 2 platters of lunchtime sandwiches, which were so delicious and apparently not the norm,
that the Nav wrote to the catering bod there to thank them.
Whatever lunch was @ St Athan it must have been good, as several of us snoozed in the ante room afterwards and occasionally missed transport back to the squadron.

[NutLoose]

Odihams airmans mess in the 70's was pretty poor, but somehow chucking them in a field kitchen in the back of beyond, the food was superb. I could never figure that.

One thing post RAF I couldn't face steak for years as in the RAF you could have it for breakfast, luncheon and dinner at Brize due to the 24 hour messing.. It was also mixed ranks messing, as night shifts would all eat in the airmans mess.

[BEagle]

Even in the early 1970s at our wooden hutted Officers' Mess at White Waltham, food orders were taken by waitresses and served at the table. Haraka will doubtless recall one of these 'ladies' who, it is alleged, was wont to 'entertain' construction workers who were extending the M4 nearby...

The standard of food wasn't particularly good though. 'Beefbrugers' (sic) featured often but how much was actually beef was open to doubt. There was also the mysterious 'flying centipede' - chicken which had lots of gristly legs and wings, but no breast...

[NutLoose]

The standard of food wasn't particularly good though. 'Beefbrugers' (sic) featured often but how much was actually beef was open to doubt. There was also the mysterious 'flying centipede' - chicken which had lots of gristly legs and wings, but no breast...

Probably a relation of the Ethiopian Chicken legs that used to frequent Odiham butty boxes in the 70's

[rolling20]

Odihams airmans mess in the 70's was pretty poor, but somehow chucking them in a field kitchen in the back of beyond, the food was superb. I could never figure that.

One thing post RAF I couldn't face steak for years as in the RAF you could have it for breakfast, luncheon and dinner at Brize due to the 24 hour messing.. It was also mixed ranks messing, as night shifts would all eat in the airmens mess.
Steak was one of the things we cadets would pilfer ( I am ashamed to say) from the OM kitchen for a late night nibble.
We used to chuck into the microwave,which were fairly new then, 5 mins and it was done.
Didn't taste that good, but did the job.
We once got caught by a RM Major and a couple of Naval Lieutenants, who were on a driving course ( yes driving. St Athan did a lot of service driving instruction).
We were let off providing we supplied them each with a steak, which we did.
It all ended soon after when a W/C Engineering was told there was no steak, again, for lunch.
The OM mess kitchen door was then locked permanently, so we broke in through the roof.
Only did that once, then they put a huge chain and padlock on the fridge!.

[Saintsman]

I do remember that the bar was always open.

[SLXOwft]

***Thread Drift***

Reminds me of one of my late father's stories; as recently arrived young man at a shore establishment shortly after the end of WW2, a few weeks in he noticed his portions had suddenly increased, on enquiring he was told until they had seen his medal ribbons they didn't realise he was a 'real sailor'. Clearly the cooks were prejudiced against national servicemen.

[Il Duce]

Fillet of swan (in season, of course) or osprey nuggets.

[SASless]

In my Army, Officers ate after the Troops and got exactly the same fare as the Troops.

Whenever we differed from that we saw leadership problems.

Often times the supported unit cooks would send out hot meals to the helicopter crews... and as the standard Huey crew was four people and the Chinook standard crew was five people....it was not unusual to only get four hot meals and I always ate canned C Rations while my crew got the Hot Meals.

I believe in leading by example....and living up to admonition an Officer looks out for the welfare of his assigned Troops.

if you think yourself above eating with your troops....you are not much of a Leader and become a mere commander in an empty suit.

[teeteringhead]

if you think yourself above eating with your troops....you are not much of a Leader and become a mere commander in an empty suit Exactly so SASless. Like the old cavalry order of priorities: "Horse to bed; man to bed; self to bed". Substitute airframe for horse and it still worked for me - and I hope still does......

[BEagle]

When NCO aircrew allowances were dropped to 75% of the officer rate, a Herc crew took the Station Commander flying. The predictable S1 boxes were handed out, then there was an explosion of outrage from the Stn Cdr "Someone has already eaten some of this!".

But in fact every item had been trimmed to 75% of the normal size! "Sorry Sir", said the ALM, "That's an NCO's box!".

Point made and IIRC, things soon returned to normal!

[Busta]

Rather like the Akrotiri racing chicken!

[Haraka]

One twist that Harrier Force RICs did on deployment in RAFG was to make the Site caterers Honorary RIC members. We helped them put their tents up etc.etc.
They then joined us in the evenings as active participants in our "self-catering "parties ....... :) :)
Going back to Beags's reminiscences of our ULAS days.
Same lady serving was queried as to why our mutual mate''s "Apple Surprise " looked a bit odd ( no Apple visible) . Apparently it had been wrongly served as the alternative '"Apple Pie." on the menu.. It came back ,dutifully rectified, from the kitchen......Slight apple discolouration , buried in the pastry but served the other way up........

[langleybaston]

Lunch?
In the increasing earnest 1990s, several Messes in which this civilian lived were nearly deserted at lunch time, because more and more people [blunties if you like] "worked through". Afternoon tea was often the first meal since 0700, and very good too. A lot of people ate 0700, 1630 something on toast and a fancy cake, and dinner as late as possible. That way people could be working 0800 to 1600, and 1730 to 1930, which latter period was mercifully untroubled by silly interruptions.

Seen from the other end of the telescope in my youth, the aroma coming from the aircrew feeder as I walked through the dusk to brief the 1000 bomber raids was very very appetising ...... I would have been on shift for about 7 hours on a "snap tin" and coffee/ tea.

Now I have made myself hungry. Steak, chips, onions, peas and a pint of best bitter please.

[Legalapproach]

Brawdy aircrew feeder early 80's pies, puds, steaks and fry ups. Important to keep the blood sugar level up.

[NRU74]

I remember the V Force had pre and post flight meals - presumably organised originally by one of Bing Cross's minions. What the rules didn't seem to specify was 'when'. 'Off route' you could dine post flight at any time. I remember having a post flight in downtown San Francisco, Honolulu and more mundane places (then) such as Dubai,Rule one was don't put any booze on it. I've dined, courtesy of a grateful nation, in many exotic spots gratis !

[Bill Macgillivray]

Barksdale Boy,
Sometimes at H&J looked after by Lou, sometimes at H&J left with keys to lock up while Lou went for a "kip"! That was V-force 69-71 at one certain station! Earlier days (late 50's to 60's) while on fast (?) jets and QFI'ing I think I remember lunch in OM was not that well attended by us aircrew, mainly as you had to change from flying suit to working blue to go to the Mess! OK on "black flag" days (with odd pint!) but otherwise often relied on NAAFI wagon or wife! Hope memory is still reasonable!!
Bill

[langleybaston]

The last working day before Christmas Air Staff Breakfast at JHQ was, for many, lunch as well. Excellent food, such as scrambled egg with huge chunks of salmon [I think the German is Ratsherren?] and rather a lot of fizz which was not necessarily adulterated with orange. The survivors crawled into "work" for a few hours. Fortunately my UK boss had preceded me in RAFG so knew the score and troubled me not.

I have not had my steak yet .............

[rolling20]

Brawdy aircrew feeder early 80's pies, puds, steaks and fry ups. Important to keep the blood sugar level up.
Remember Aberporth?
They must have got extra rations in when we showed up for the weekend!

[BEagle]

I was at RAF Brawdy when they opened that little feeder in 1976. Brilliant place - and you could get a real Strammer Max with chips for a very reasonable price!

[WHBM]

Lots of amusement here, especially the centipede :) . You poor chaps.

Mr WHBM Senior, navigator, RAF Topcliffe, snowy winter 1942, on Halifaxes. Apparently notwithstanding national shortages outside, things for aircrew were maintained notably well. About 2 miles outside the village, but the paper boy from the village shop would bicycle out on the icy lanes each early morning before school with their newspapers. The men, of course, appreciating this, rather took him under their wing. "Would you like to come in past the gate for some bacon and eggs in our mess before going on", along with putting him and bike into base transport to go back along the ice to the village. All irregular, but what the hell. Until one morning when suddenly an unusually early Op was announced. When this was done base was locked in sterile to stop any news of what was going on leaking out. With the paper boy in the mess. A decision for the CO, who happened to be passing. An exception was made ...

[wiggy]

Brawdy aircrew feeder early 80's pies, puds, steaks and fry ups. Important to keep the blood sugar level up.

Ah the Brawdy aircrew feeder...:ok:

Must admit I mostly remember (late 70s and the 80s, FJ and QFIing ) it being almost always along the lines Beagle describes - flying through lunchtime, food was a case of grabbing a self produced sandwich between debriefs/between debrief and Authorising or duty dog in the tower.

[BANANASBANANAS]

The Finningley Aircrew Feeder in the 80's/90's was quite acceptable to me. Always very busy and the quality of the food was perfectlty ok. Or am I looking back through rose tinted glasses?

[Four Turbo]

Cranwell lunch in the late 50s included a separate fish course. so a free four course meal. Then another for dinner.

[Timelord]

The Finningley Aircrew Feeder in the 80's/90's was quite acceptable to me. Always very busy and the quality of the food was perfectlty ok. Or am I looking back through rose tinted glasses?

No, you are not. Finningly feeder was excellent, especially breakfast following an 0600 met brief and an 0615 scrub.

[langleybaston]

Credit me with the scrub then.

[matkat]

One of my earliest memories was of RAF Thorney Island when we had our ULAS Summer Camp there in 1970. Normally we would have a packed lunch in the crewroom, but one one occasion a couple of us went to the Officers' Mess for a proper luncheon...

It was magnificent! A white coated chef carved ham off the bone with a sideboard groaning with all kinds of salad, new potatoes etc. Those who chose from the menu were served by mess stewards; the whole experience was very upmarket, but was probably at the end of traditional mess dining as Military Salary kicked in.

Roll forward 20 odd years and my lunch as a ULAS QFI was often 2 x small pork pies and a couple of tomatoes 'on the hoof' between trips.
Beage's i notice no mention of being spoiled in the VAS Leuchars crewroom

[Hydromet]

In my Army, Officers ate after the Troops and got exactly the same fare as the Troops.

Whenever we differed from that we saw leadership problems.

Often times the supported unit cooks would send out hot meals to the helicopter crews... and as the standard Huey crew was four people and the Chinook standard crew was five people....it was not unusual to only get four hot meals and I always ate canned C Rations while my crew got the Hot Meals.

I believe in leading by example....and living up to admonition an Officer looks out for the welfare of his assigned Troops.

if you think yourself above eating with your troops....you are not much of a Leader and become a mere commander in an empty suit.
Absolutely right!
50+ years on, I have fond memories of a WO II who made a point of taking a hot snack from the Sergeants' Mess to the guardroom for the duty guard to snack on, late at night.

[JohnDixson]

SAS, good post, and you didn’t mention that your C-rats were from the previous war.

[BEagle]

Beage's i notice no mention of being spoiled in the VAS Leuchars crewroom

Sorry, I don't recall having had the privilege. On VC10K dets we were rationed direct - and always brought plenty of tea, coffee etc. with us. But the hospitality we enjoyed from Big George and his lads was brilliant!

[MPN11]

On a sightly tangential topic, there was of course the Soup du Jour for Dinner. The great "Bean-Stealer's Dormitory" in the PM's current Parliamentary constituency had this down to a fine and economical art.
Monday was usually a clear Spring Vegetable Soup. As the week went on, evidence of the previous evening's dinner ingredients made their presence evident, for good or ill. By Friday it had transmogrified into lumpy gravy, aka Brown Windsor Soup, aka UXB leftovers. The weekend was irrelevant, as there were only 3/4 of of us genuine Living-In who were still there ... I then warned out and self-catered.

[Drainpipe]

No, you are not. Finningly feeder was excellent, especially breakfast following an 0600 met brief and an 0615 scrub.

That was responsible for a SMO enforced diet of all things grey and tasteless for three months in an attempt to control my cholesterol.

[ORAC]

Monday was usually a clear Spring Vegetable Soup. As the week went on, evidence of the previous evening's dinner ingredients made their presence evident, for good or ill. By Friday it had transmogrified into lumpy gravy, aka Brown Windsor Soup
Monday consommé, By Wednesday Brown Windsor and Friday Mulligatawny - on the basis there was always a curry on Thursday night….

Back in the 70s there were enough staff left over from empire days that I remember Kedgeree for breakfast with fondness and Nasi Goreng for dinner.

[Right20deg]

In the ex mil airlines of the 70's on, (BEA BOAC etc ) separate hotels and food for the Capt and other crew members.
Different daily living allowance for the Capt and FO. Cheese board ...was...sort of shared on the flt deck, alcohol was retained from first class for the crew party. Landing drinks only with parking brake set.
Fast fwd to the 90's: Same hotel and daily allowance for crew. No cheese board, pay for water and food, no landing drinks, aircraft bar stock electronically controlled, cabin crew would cook pot noodles on the "Delsey diners" suitcase in their rooms.
Salute Messrs Walsh and OLeary

[langleybaston]

Monday consommé, By Wednesday Brown Windsor and Friday Mulligatawny - on the basis there was always a curry on Thursday night….

Back in the 70s there were enough staff left over from empire days that I remember Kedgeree for breakfast with fondness and Nasi Goreng for dinner.

Much more recently in Cassels' House JHQ. My children called the latter Nazi Goering.

[Wig Wag]

Two happy memories:

1. Sausage, egg and chips in the Aircrew Feeder at RAF Dishcloth in the 1980's.
2. Full bells and whistles dining at HQSTC later that decade.

If I could go back in time for one meal it would be Option 1.

There was something about it . . . :)

[Tartiflette Fan]

I, cabin crew would cook pot noodles on the "Delsey diners" suitcase in their rooms.
Salute Messrs Walsh and OLeary

Were they paid a per diem irrespective of purchases ? If so, how much ?

I recall a stewardess friend with BCal flying to the Emirates in the 80's saying that she got close to £ 100 per day to buy hotel-priced food and would buy a roast chicken locally for £ 2.

[Right20deg]

Were they paid a per diem irrespective of purchases ? If so, how much ?

I recall a stewardess friend with BCal flying to the Emirates in the 80's saying that she got close to £ 100 per day to buy hotel-priced food and would buy a roast chicken locally for £ 2.

In the 80's, per diem on an H24 hourly rate while away from your main base. Hotac with breakfast was the default provision. So something between £ 50 to 100 per day . In those days it was untaxed. We all knew where to get food away from the hotel and where to get a drink. Sometimes you would see the latest shower fitting from a H Kong hotel in a Flt Engineers bathroom in the UK, and cabin crew were fond of Hilton Hotel drapes for the flat at home.
Then the... fun-off button... was pushed.

[taxydual]

Totally agree. Dishforth Feeder..There was one of the culinary staff, whose husband was a bit of a 'poacher'. On, after a successful weekend in season of course (cough), we had Duck, Pheasant, the occasionly Partridge for lunch. Albeit served with chips. Hey Ho

[ShyTorque]

Ah Beagle, I seem to remember @ St Athan as a UWAS cadet that lunch was a waitress affair and orders taken by them most meticulously.
……….
Whatever lunch was @ St Athan it must have been good, as several of us snoozed in the ante room afterwards and occasionally missed transport back to the squadron.

I suffered the worst dose of food poisoning that I’ve ever had after dining at St Athan. About an hour after eating lunch on a summer detachment I suddenly felt so dizzy and with severe stomach cramps that I had to sit down on dispersal whilst walking out to my aircraft to fly! After tests I was found to have ingested three different types of bad bacteria. A colleague who had eaten the same dish (chicken curry) was similarly affected. I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom feeling very, very poorly.

[The Oberon]

Much more recently in Cassels' House JHQ. My children called the latter Nazi Goering.
Nasty Gowrong in my book.

[Gne]

Discussing ration stats and quantities with a CatO some years after my departure from the service I learnt that on days when the O's Mess had crumbed brains or lambs fry on the lunch menu they doubled the quantities as when word got around, the number of married officers buying a meal ticked and partaking of lunch was far greater than on other days.

Gne

[simmy]

I had the misfortune to be promoted to squadron leader and remain on the same station, which was probably then the most visited operational station in the service. VIP's galore came to view our boys saving the world. Luncheon was the full works including pre dinner drinks and wine with the meal. As the most junior of the (senior) officers, and being a Vulcan pilot (goodness me) I was frequently nominated to host our visitors. I never drank at lunchtime in the vain hope that I might get a trip in the afternoon.(I was a type QFI). The bill for these functions was shared amongst the officers hosting the event. The increase in my pay (or is it my salary!) was more than taken up by my increased mess bill.

[PlasticCabDriver]

And the Lincolnshire 6 legged chickens that graced the Cadets’ messes at Cranwell.

[Haraka]

Then, following an RAFG Diktat. , Lunchtime drinks for a visiting multi service delegation at Gut in the late 70's saw the RN Supping their G&Ts, the Army their stiffeners, whilst the RAF contingent had to be non alcoholic..........

"" Would that be another Orange Juice for you, Sir?""

[Ascend Charlie]

In 1972, muesli was just getting popular for brekky. We suggested to the Catering Officer that the boring old corn flakes, rice bubbles and weetbix should have muesli added to the choice.
"Too expensive" was the reply.
"But we want it. And there are now 21 extra live-in junior officers in the mess, (just starting pilots' course) so we outnumber the more senior people living in. "
Pause. Thinks.
"OK, I will buy some, but if you eat it, I won't get any more!"
Stifled mirth amongst the boggies.

[ShyTorque]

The best curry lunch I've ever tasted was in a Gurkha Officers' Mess in the Belizean jungle, in around 1980. It was so hot that it nearly blew my hat off, and the included goat bone and hair did put me off a little, but it was totally delicious.

[Warmtoast]

Luverly-grub on the ground is all very well, but if you had to partake of a lunchbox whilst flying en-route I thought you'd be interested in what we fliers had to endure whilst travelling out east in the late 1970's, as witness this lunchbox provided by civilian caterers at Khartoum in July 1979.
A couple of ropey rolls and two dead bananas - so awful I had to photograph it for posterity. Mind you it wasn't too bad because ISTR none of the crew had to be hospitalised afterwards!

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[QTG]

With my squadron resident on a cruiser in the 1970s, I was carefully selected from a cast of thousands to be the “Naval Gunfire Support Liaison Officer” as one of our tasks was to “spot” for the ship’s 6” and 3” guns. In order to learn the relevant dark arts I was despatched to do a course with the Royal Artillery.

At breakfast on the first morning I asked the steward for bacon, sausage, egg and beans, to be told “Sorry Sir, we don’t do beans”.

I failed to get a sensible reason for this from the Chief Steward or the Catering Officer, but eventually tracked down the Unit’s God of Catering in the mess that evening.

His answer- “Because, Laddie, baked beans are not an Officer’s vegetable”.

No answer to that!

[rolling20]

I suffered the worst dose of food poisoning that I’ve ever had after dining at St Athan. About an hour after eating lunch on a summer detachment I suddenly felt so dizzy and with severe stomach cramps that I had to sit down on dispersal whilst walking out to my aircraft to fly! After tests I was found to have ingested three different types of bad bacteria. A colleague who had eaten the same dish (chicken curry) was similarly affected. I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom feeling very, very poorly.
Sorry to hear that Shy. I can assure you none of our microwaved steak customers got food poisoning, well none that we heard of :)

[ShyTorque]

Sorry to hear that Shy. I can assure you none of our microwaved steak customers got food poisoning, well none that we heard of :)

So there were no survivors?

[Rigga]

erm...Breakfasts!

My 1st posting to Tern Hill was wonderful - As a Liney, I would get up for morning shift, get dressed and go to the Guardroom picking up the Airmen's Mess and Whirlwind Line keys. I'd cook my own breakfast and leave the used 'stuff' on the servery counter alongside the keys and go to work, opening up for 0600. Seemed like it was all of about 200 steps each way.

In 1980 I was on exercise at a nuclear base in deepest, darkest Northern Suffolk and just after my battle-hardened eggs, mangled tinned sausages and embrittled strips of pseudo-bacon. I was asked to deliver something to the crew-side and saw that they were eating civilised brekkies of cornflakes, toast, etc....Confirmed my thoughts about us and them...no devilled kidneys on show at that time...

[charliegolf]

His answer- “Because, Laddie, baked beans are not an Officer’s vegetable”.

No answer to that!

"What a bunch of knobs." would seem to fit the bill.

CG

[langleybaston]

We are back to breakfast?

Leeming and Topcliffe c. 1966. Linton and Dishforth and Acklington and Church Fenton similarly, unless the boss was a hard-arse.
Met. night shift in the mushroom season. Met forecaster and observer have brought the makings for a fat-boy breakfast. At about 0445. the observer does the necessary in the enclosure and brings back mushrooms, three minutes plucked. Forecaster has the fry-up nearly complete. Let battle commence.
0600 to 0700 the weathership pilot attends to hear the usual lies, having breakfasted on a hasty lump of toast.
We received many a comment about the delicious smell, which, in both locations also percolated upstairs to ATC.
[No baked beans: I guess we were weather-knobs].

[Old Bricks]

When the new bunker was opened at HQSTC, the Catering Facility ie canteen was first rate, particularly for lunch. The chefs and cooks seemed to be left to be independent of the rest of the station, and produced some fantastic dishes, including bread that they baked themselves. Eating in offices was banned, so you could take your sarnies up to the canteen to eat. They even produced afternoon tea with home-made cakes. Needless to say, once it became too popular, it was all stopped by the fun detectors.

[Lima Juliet]

There can be only one…

Welcome, the gentlemen please. To number one officers’ mess…RAF Akrotiri. Halloumi and bacon, yes please for the gentlemen…

God bless George, no longer with us…

[BEagle]

What a very fine chap George was, an absolute legend!

"All menu very good, gentlemen! Very fine"

Does today's RAF still have such fine folk as George and Chris Kebab at Akrotiri??

[rolling20]

So there were no survivors?
Now I come to think of it we never saw that RM Major or his two companions again......

[fdr]

Lacking access to the microwave at the mess post a late SAR recovery, the frozen steaks were cooked in the pop-up toaster. I do not recommend cooking steaks in pop-up toasters.

[langleybaston]

Honest truth guv.

1Br Corps BFG exercise in the field .................. breakfast, proper tables, proper chairs, proper crockery, proper fresh-baked rolls and decent coffee on a spring morning.

[S Met O 1Br Corps was indisposed for the exercise, and I beat the rush to volunteer to replace him].

Camouflage and Protection was rubbish though.

[Ascend Charlie]

In our little portable donga for the SAR crew and maintainers lived an old pop-up toaster. I put bread into it, and it did its thing, but the toast wasn't cooked yet. I pushed the lever back down and when the second run was done, the toast was good. But out ran a little cockroach with his arse on fire.

Hmmm...remove the toast, push the lever down again, and again, and after 5 cycles I had forced 18 cockroaches out of their hotel. The toaster went in the bin, and I went to the Base XO to demand a move to a better building, which we got.

[ShyTorque]

Langley, I take it that wasn’t at a Support Helicopter deployed site? Compared to how the army ran things out in the field, the “facilities” were usually not much above appalling.

[langleybaston]

Langley, I take it that wasn’t at a Support Helicopter deployed site? Compared to how the army ran things out in the field, the “facilities” were usually not much above appalling.
All I remember was that it was a biggy. The only chopper in sight was deployed late afternoon to look for [and find many] infringements of poor concealment, such as bright red towels hung out to dry. There was a real General to brief, sir.

The army never ceases to amaze: a RA Mess in UK solemnly offered me a dinner menu with one main course. Very smart menu, choice of starter and pud. Different..

[finestkind]

More importantly what did the SGT's eat.

[stevef]

In our little portable donga for the SAR crew and maintainers lived an old pop-up toaster. I put bread into it, and it did its thing, but the toast wasn't cooked yet. I pushed the lever back down and when the second run was done, the toast was good. But out ran a little cockroach with his arse on fire.

Hmmm...remove the toast, push the lever down again, and again, and after 5 cycles I had forced 18 cockroaches out of their hotel. The toaster went in the bin, and I went to the Base XO to demand a move to a better building, which we got.

Not a zobit's story but the Airmen's Mess at RAF Colerne was closed for around 12 hours (1972 IIRC) whilst the long-term cockroach tenants were nuked. Pity the poor caterers tasked with knocking up hundreds and hundreds of butties for the troops.
Said scuttling insects were never seen again. Maybe the survivors fled to a certain cobwebbed village pub and died of loneliness...
Grub was always good at Colerne, especially on AOC's day.

[langleybaston]

Not just AOC's days ....... practice lunch for a Royal visit was always well attended.

Wear the fox hat. Yes mother.

[DODGYOLDFART]

There was an occasion back in the late 1950's when a member of the Royal family (possibly either Princess Margaret or Alexander)came to RAF Gutersloh to present a new Squadron Standard to either 14 or 20 Squadron The luncheon on that occasion surpassed anything most of us had seen or participated in during out service up to that time. Only problem was that after the event the Mess coffers were not only empty by owing funds to elsewhere. There were a few amongst our number who had never tasted caviar before, Russian of course. The consequence was that the meals in the Mess suddenly became absolutely appalling and frugal.

Normally doing Orderly Officer was seen as either a punishment or just a plain chore. It became a much prized duty as one could get really good meals in the Airmen's Mess where officially one was supposed to sample the food and seek "any complaints?". So instead of just sampling a sip of soup, or a chip, etc. one would sit down with the Squadron airmen and enjoy the full offering.

I have been reminded that on occasions those doing OO and that had partaken of a meal in the airman's mess would sneak back to the Squadron with a largish bag of chips.

The good old days!

[ORAC]

IIRC nobody wanted to go to the lunch/dinner for Royal Visits by Princess Margaret.

The food was exceptional, paid for by those attending and the mess, but.....

She was notorious for barely touching the food, lighting up a cigarette and leaning back after a couple of minutes and a couple of bites of each course. The staff being instructed to clear the plates and present the next course as soon as she did so. And, of course, she got served first.

So they sat there looking at each course before having it snatched away before they had more than a bite - and in many cases eat anything at all...

[Null Orifice]

Colerne had a famed lady, known as Lurch, who 'worked' in the Airmens' feed hall. She was renowned (allegedly) for having given a hand shandy to an airman colleague while seated at the dining table.
My only involvement was as Orderly Sergeant, accompanying the Orderly Officer (both of us ignorant of the goings-on) on his rounds, and learned about the aforesaid incident post event.

[Krystal n chips]

The answer to the OP's question is.....nothing.

Deployed to the barren wilds of Bruggen, well ok, the trees where the Canberra decoys were poised to convince the Warsaw Pact the station had infinite resources, we were thoughtfully fed (solid food Airmen' s Mess, liquid came from the NAAFI) in pretty white boxes...alas, cometh the day, not once, but twice, our fearless leader managed to find his way, albeit not alone, to our covert location in time for lunch. It did not go unnoticed by the troops we had more boxes than there were of us...so we assumed an error in the Mess ( which is /was our excuse and remains so given we knew exactly why there was an extra box) .....and duly ate the additional boxes contents.

He was, apparently, quite mystified as to why he didn't get a white box...twice

[fokker1000]

Is this forum for real?

[MPN11]

The OH was tasked to be the clone of HMQ for the rehearsal of a Royal Visit to Locking. All went fairly well, except that the Mess Steward serving her the peas nearly deposited them in her lap due to nerves. It was almost certainly Lamb as the main course.

[ShyTorque]

Due to a Royal Visit at Shawbury which coincided with our Rotary Wings presentation parade we were not allowed to attend our own graduation lunch in the Officer's Mess - apparently were not worthy. We graduating students had to arrange our own lunch for our guests in a local pub. All they would provide was a plate of sandwiches. Visiting families, some of whom who had travelled very long distances were not overly impressed, TBH. Nor were we when a contribution to the Royal lunch appeared on our mess bills.

[BEagle]

She was notorious for barely touching the food, lighting up a cigarette and leaning back after a couple of minutes and a couple of bites of each course.

Yes, I'd heard the same about that that ill mannered woman!

[Bill Macgillivray]

Fokker 1000, I regret to say that in my time in the Service, (mid '50's to '80), this did occur more or less as stated! Not always welcome by us junior ranks!! Also, Shy Torque, when at Shawbury, mid-60's (CFI on UBAS), we had a Royal visit and the male toilets in the Officer's Mess were converted to female and I remember the senior WRAF officer having to use them before the visit, whilst the organising party listened outside!!
Those were the days (maybe)!!

[NRU74]

IIRC nobody wanted to go to the lunch/dinner for Royal Visits by Princess Margaret...

I went to two lunches with her, one at Brüggen and one at Marham.
At the Brüggen one the mess had brand new tables, but because of the shape of the Dining Room it appeared at the 'Practice' lunch (we peasants just attended briefly, only the wheels had lunch) it appeared that where Princess M was to sit the Royal thighs would be, ahem, parted.The Mess Manager (I think Stan Hughes) was ordered to get the table to the chippy shop where the brand new table was sawn in half and then attached to the the outside wings of the top table.
At Marham, despite the Menu being sent from Clarence House, when she was presented with the Strawberries and Cream (possibly Ice Cream) she declined to eat it. The Staish (John S) was in the invidious position of whether to hoover up his sweet or not. In the event he declined and then the PMC got stuck in, as did the rest of us minions. She then put her handbag on the table, opened it, and put some lippy on - I'm not making this up !

[Ninthace]

I went to two lunches with her, one at Brüggen and one at Marham.
At the Brüggen one the mess had brand new tables, but because of the shape of the Dining Room it appeared at the 'Practice' lunch (we peasants just attended briefly, only the wheels had lunch) it appeared that where Princess M was to sit the Royal thighs would be, ahem, parted.The Mess Manager (I think Stan Hughes) was ordered to get the table to the chippy shop where the brand new table was sawn in half and then attached to the the outside wings of the top table.
At Marham, despite the Menu being sent from Clarence House, when she was presented with the Strawberries and Cream (possibly Ice Cream) she declined to eat it. The Staish (John S) was in the invidious position of whether to hoover up his sweet or not. In the event he declined and then the PMC got stuck in, as did the rest of us minions. She then put her handbag on the table, opened it, and put some lippy on - I'm not making this up !

She did her lippy at the Bruggen lunch too. My wife was gob-smacked. I also remember only getting a couple of mouthfuls of lunch to, probably the most expensive £s per calorie I ever ate,

[NRU74]

She did her lippy at the Bruggen lunch too. My wife was gob-smacked. I also remember only getting a couple of mouthfuls of lunch to, probably the most expensive £s per calorie I ever ate,

Wasn't the Brüggen Andover departure delayed by c 30 min because HRH and a few of the entourage hadn't got their duty free bottle and 200 hundred ?

[Not Long Here]

IIRC nobody wanted to go to the lunch/dinner for Royal Visits by Princess Margaret.

The food was exceptional, paid for by those attending and the mess, but.....

She was notorious for barely touching the food, lighting up a cigarette and leaning back after a couple of minutes and a couple of bites of each course. The staff being instructed to clear the plates and present the next course as soon as she did so. And, of course, she got served first.

So they sat there looking at each course before having it snatched away before they had more than a bite - and in many cases eat anything at all...

And you had to pay for it!!

[langleybaston]

Fortunately the right sister was the senior.

[langleybaston]

Male toilets converted to female? Surely this old fule remembers RAF Marham had a well-organised conversion kit, whereby the elephant's ears [or pig troughs] were concealed at the drop of a hat?
My subconscious is scarred by the experience of wandering into one such, desperate for relief, and finding the lot, concealed by tasteful RAF blue boxes.
Or was it a dream driven by prostatitis?

[Krystal n chips]

Was this Bruggen visit '74 or ' 75 by any chance ?....prior to which, the MQ's on the road past the NAAFI supermarket leading to the crossroads by the Airmen's Mess / Mally etc suddenly received a glorified paint over and general clean up hitherto unknown..

As toilets have been mentioned, a member of the WRAF, as was, found herself positioned outside those in the Airman's Mess, not that there was the remotest chance of Mag popping in, whose sole purpose it appeared afterwards was to run the taps should said toilets be used for the purpose they were intended for...however briefly.

I recall that, strangely, there was an exodus involving even the usual glued to their chairs brigade from our little section of 431 to Laarbruch / Wildenrath for the day.

[The B Word]

What a very fine chap George was, an absolute legend!

"All menu very good, gentlemen! Very fine"

Does today's RAF still have such fine folk as George and Chris Kebab at Akrotiri??

Chris Kebab has gone (apparently a victim of COVID), as has Silvano’s. Only the Polis remains for that authentic kebab. The Animal House has also gone (replaced by a nasty set of portakabins), even the old Stn Cdr’s house is awaiting demolition. :{

[Busta]

Wattisham 1980's, After first light airfield inspection the firecrew would drop off wonderful, enormous field mushrooms at the Q shed, delicious! and shared by all.

Nothing matters very much, most things don't matter at all.

[cliver029]

BUSTA

Marham early 70's too, It was ever so.......and if you were lucky a bag of potatos from the adjoining farmers field

[Bill Macgillivray]

LB, you remember correctly, congrats!! Bill

[teeteringhead]

Remember when Prinny Margaret visited a secret Hampshire helicopter base in 1970 (?). All the above about eating and smoking applied, she was also (obviously) half asleep. Later discovered that she had been at Frank Sinatra's farewell concert (well, one of them) at the RFH the previous night and had partied on until late o'clock.

The clever (sic) PMC had discovered that Marlboro was her tab of choice, so got some in for the bar. Problem was the minimum order was around 20 000 cigs, most of which were still there a couple of years later when I was posted back......

[BEagle]

When that woman visited RAF Scampton, the usual new carpets for the OM and repainting took place and a Royal Suite was created. We also teased the Orderly Officer by advising him that he would need to be 'on call' in case he was required to 'entertain' HRH.....

It was said in jest, but there again.....:ooh:

[langleybaston]

I am sure that the infamous Royal Visit immediately followed by TACEVAL at Gutersloh has been mentioned. Princess Royal? I was on evening duty. Her flight had barely left the ground. Straight from bullsh1t to bullets.

Digression Warning.
[Not complaining but why was it always me on duty when an EVENT eventuated?].
Earthquake Nicosia c. 1962. .
Gutersloh as above.
Invasion Czecho. Gutersloh.
Earthquake Cardiff [office 11 storeys up].
Michael Fish non-hurricane. Leeds.
Berlin Wall.

To counterbalance those, I am eternally grateful that no aircraft or crew were lost after enduring my briefing.

[oldbeefer]

The best curry lunch I've ever tasted was in a Gurkha Officers' Mess in the Belizean jungle, in around 1980. It was so hot that it nearly blew my hat off, and the included goat bone and hair did put me off a little, but it was totally delicious.
BART if I remember. A couple of former Gurkha soldiers now run a pub close to me. Their curries are delish, but not quite so hot as those in Belize.

[Tartiflette Fan]

I am sure that the infamous Royal Visit immediately followed by TACEVAL at Gutersloh has been mentioned. Princess Royal? I was on evening duty. Her flight had barely left the ground. Straight from bullsh1t to bullets.

Digression Warning.
[Not complaining but why was it always me on duty when an EVENT eventuated?].
Earthquake Nicosia c. 1962. .
Gutersloh as above.
Invasion Czecho. Gutersloh.
Earthquake Cardiff [office 11 storeys up].
Michael Fish non-hurricane. Leeds.
Berlin Wall.

To counterbalance those, I am eternally grateful that no aircraft or crew were lost after enduring my briefing.

Come on now, you missed the (big ) San Francisco earthquake and Krakatoa :}

[Warmtoast]

All this talk of Princess Margaret got me rummaging in my album – why? Because whilst I was in S. Rhodesia (RAF Thornhill) in 1953 I took tea with Princess Margaret and the Queen Mum (at a distance). Margaret and the Queen Mum were in Rhodesia to open the Rhodes Centenary Exhibition in Bulawayo. During their tour of the colony they visited the town of Gwelo where RAF Thornhill was situated and had tea with the local dignities – we less dignified persons were served tea and cake whilst the royal party scoffed their lot behind the barrier.

Some memories: 23-year old Princess Margaret was vivacious, the tea and cake was delicious and I got up close to take my photos of Margaret and her mother.

See below.
https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1768x1209/queen_mum_4a_16610717957aa6757c8c2a65bb9bdd599d3824dc.jpg
The royal party at tea with civic dignities

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/906x1158/princess_margaret_2a_7060ade01e5a92149be136fe8d750f679aab523 d.jpg

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1194x858/tony_eats_his_cake_ea30400864aad29a9361abf697e7d357aad6d781. jpg
Warmtoast with tea and cake!

[Ninthace]

I am sure that the infamous Royal Visit immediately followed by TACEVAL at Gutersloh has been mentioned. Princess Royal? I was on evening duty. Her flight had barely left the ground. Straight from bullsh1t to bullets.
.

And an AOC's inspection.

[4mastacker]

When that woman visited RAF Scampton, the usual new carpets for the OM and repainting took place and a Royal Suite was created. We also teased the Orderly Officer by advising him that he would need to be 'on call' in case he was required to 'entertain' HRH.....

It was said in jest, but there again.....:ooh:

Would that be the visit where she was like a bear with a sore head and 3rd degree piles? Nothing was right for her from the time she arrived until she left to go to a civic reception in Scunthorpe - she wasn't impressed with the Guard of Honour, un-interested in what the engineers were showing her, was bored at the Wives Club/Creche, pre-lunch drinks in the Sgts' Mess were a chore (she ignored most groups, much to our relief when she left - many "TF she's gone" were quite audible) and, according to OC Supply, at the Officers' Mess lunch she done her trick of a couple of bites of food, pushed the dish away then lit up a ciggy . OC Supply was fuming because he had had to shell out quite a few quid on a nice new frock for his wife after being voluntold to attend lunch, and they didn't even get to have a taste of the main course.

[Headstone]

Keeping on the thread drift of lunches with the Royals . My wife and I had the genuine pleasure of meeting Princess Anne, in the 1980s and 1990s. Both times she seemed genuinely interested in us both professionally and personally such as asking about our families and any difficulties with education due to moving counties or even countries every few years. Fist time everything went exactly to the timetable but during the second we had the OM mess manager and chef pulling their very sparse hair out. In the morning she went to look at a Riding for Disabled initiative run by the base then the primary school. Both close to her heart so she was asking so many questions and talking to so many of the children she was 45 mins late at lunch. She did apologise to all and almost back on track when time to leave alter on. I imagine the purists on here would say that the lateness was rude but she was genuinely interested and the pleasure the two groups she chatted to in the morning gained from the experience was I believe worth it.

[cliver029]

Very mixed emotions
July the something 1969 Wattisham, the dreaded Princess M was coming to inspect and whatever.
I had drawn the short straw and selected to be on the guard of honour, we were dreading it.
Then in the midst of mayhem I was told to present myself to o/c admin? What, why, when, running through
my mind, ushered straight in to his office, sit down lad would you like a cigarette? Long story short, my father
had just died, presented with rail warrant and leave pass I ran, it's a long time ago now but I can honestly say
I was conflicted should I be sad or relieved, my only thought was quick, begone before someone cancelled it

[Mr Mac]

Not so much a meal but had Breakfast in Brigade of Guards mess in late 70,s and was told no discussion after your choice of paper was placed on the paper rack in front of you, paper had to be Telegraph/ Times, I chose the Guardian which caused a few raised eyebrows among my fellow officers, but I was SSC as they said “ so not a gentleman yet” . How I got through my RCB I will never know 🙂

Meal was average British Breakfast although Kippers were available. The German mess I was allowed into as an exchange officer are called Casinos, but spelt with a K and were somewhat more relaxed, but had piano with someone playing during meals and classical pieces. The food was more typical German, but good. I never had to suffer Royal or Presidential visits so never got to enjoy the delightful Margret / Betty / Reagan or Schmidt or indeed the food provided there in.

Cheers
Mr Mac

[taxydual]

Oh, HRH the Princess M stories abound. Her visit to RAF Leeming, God knows when (early 80's?). Pre luncheon drinkies in the Sergeants Mess. Steward proffers the obligatory silver salver, with the obligatory cut crystal glass, containg the obligatory Famous Grouse and water. HRH takes a sip, shudders, very nearly spits the whole lot out of her mouth, turns to the CMC and says "Could I possibly have a Whisky in this?".

That and the sight of the Station Warrant Officer following HRH around carrying her ashtray.

The woman was remarkable. How to piss the greatest number of people off, in the shortest time. HRH held the Guiness Book of Records award.

[MPN11]

Ah, foreign Messes with strange sounding names.

FAF - Mont de Marsin. Lunch was unmemorable, apart from the carafes de Vin Rouge plonked [oh, a pun!] on the tables. I was advised my my FAF Escort, from Defence Sales, that it was not worth drinking. As he had occupied the adjacent office at 11 Gp in a previous existence, I allowed his advice.

RAAF - East Sale. Arrived at lunchtime after a 150 mile road trip from Melbourne. Hit the Bar and ordered a Beer. My escort was horrified ... "Er, mate, we don't drink at lunchtime". "Well, I do!". I have no memory of the food at all, but I guess I had some.

UK Army. Done a few Messes here and there, UK and HK. Totally uninspiring and starchy. Glad I joined the RAF! :cool:

Cultural differences are always interesting, and glad that HMQ sent me to assorted locations to experience them!
Mont de Marsan
Mont de Marsan

[Krystal n chips]

There was a well known story about her visit to Halton during which, during the obligatory walk up and down the lines of apprenti, she stopped and criticised the appearance of one unlucky apprentice...fate unknown thereafter.

[blind pew]

I’ve spent 55 years of regretting what could have been if I hadn’t failed Biggin Hill twice especially what I perceived as posh cuisine on dining in nights as I once ate in the garden of the British Embassy in Tripoli pre Ghadaffi and the massive PX at the USAF base at Wheelas.
My first Athens rhs on the gripper in 1972 included the first class horses douvres and unknown (to me) delicacies of caviar (wiv little pancakes, cold jellied egg and onions to take the fishy taste away)..roll mop? Pickled fish, prawn cocktail and lots of other stuff that I never was able to identify. I skipped the orange duck and had some nice trifle followed by a Vinegar cigar…digestive biscuits with cream cheese with blue bits.
Champagne cocktail on landing followed by a room party in a 5 star hotel suite with the rest of the first class galley. We weren’t cheap neither as someone ordered ice from room service as I discovered that proper people add it to scotch to dull the taste of jock stream water..pete?
I won’t mention the ex ballerina 21 year old nor the mum of a future queen neiver.
If it was an afternoon med then we had to make do with fresh scones, Tiptree strawberry jam in a little pot and Devon clotted cream…
What happened to the stories of scallops, lobsters and smoked salmon being flown around the empire in bomb bays?..the former was part of a visit to the Scottish isles on a viscount jump seat.
So you souls existed on paying through the nose for others Yorkshire farmers nosh or is this thread just a wind up?

[Crromwellman]

Remember visit of Duke of Kent to Brampton in 1978 (I think). The day before I had to go over to the OM and was greeted by the sight of two airmen moving a medical screen along a passageway, stopping and listening, then moving the screen again.. Enquiring what was going on I was told that down the passage was the "Royal Retiring Area" and that an airman was dropping an apple into the pan. If a splash was heard - the screen was moved and the process repeated until no splash was heard. There was also the previous days rehearsal when the Officers were arranged in casual groups of RN, Army, RAF and civil servant. The mind boggles,

[uxb99]

Truncheon Meat?

[Haraka]

Mess steward in the Middle East to a Sgn Ldr Medic at breakfast on his way to the FE on a trial in the late 60's asked advice as to why his sex life was failing in the heat and asked for a solution . Looking at his meal the Medic sought inspiration and replied " Try Kippers!".
The law of sod being what it is the same confrontation occured on the Sqn Ldr''s return journey from the trial, again at breakfast where said steward complained that he had been eating dozens of same to no effect,,,
"Eating?, No rub them on man, rub them on!"

[NutLoose]

Mr Mac,

You should have tried a German conscripts mess.... and an apt description mess was, no wonder they gave us all Sgts tapes for the detachment, Boy did I feel sorry for them having seen the fare they were being served up.

[NutLoose]

There was a well known story about her visit to Halton during which, during the obligatory walk up and down the lines of apprenti, she stopped and criticised the appearance of one unlucky apprentice...fate unknown thereafter.

She criticised some poor bugger at Odiham I seem to remember for not having polished his buttons up........ they were staybright.

[Paying Guest]

And you had to pay for it!!

Did we ever! The Princess M came to Coningsby in lateish 1973 and behaved exactly as described by others. Three spoons of soup, pushed the main course round the plate a few times, turned to the staish and said "let's skip pudding and go for a smoke in the anteroom". Luckily for me I had landed the job of looking after the aircraft for the flypast so it was working blue, cycle round the back of the airfield and in at the crash gate to where the aircraft were parked on the dispersals. Unluckily for my wife she was one of those press ganged for the non-eating lunch. The soup never got down to the bottom of the tables, nor did the main course, so she went hungry and I got a stonking addition to my mess bill.

[Krystal n chips]

St Athan, '76, and a shade warm. Vale of Glamorgan looking like Namibian desert, or any desert for that matter, hosepipe bans, rationing etc.

Not so at the entrance to the Bucc majors shed....flowers and green verdant grass everywhere...due to being watered everyday on account of the Dutchess of Somewhere's visit...watering ceased once she had been and gone.

Food in the mess on the day actually palatable, just, back to normal thereafter

[sippy]

I recall in 1982 whilst on BFTS at Cranwell walking into THOM for a blunt lunch as there was no flying- it was mid week, walking past the bar towards the dining room I was taken aback by the hum from the bar- packed with blunts holding pints and cigs- laughing and clearly enjoying themselves. For a brief moment I thought I should be a supply or admin officer rather than a spotty BFTS student so I could enjoy these lunch time sessions!

I recall telling a civvy friend the story and he recounted that whist doing an industry placement for his engineering degree he worked at the same form as his dad - an electrical engineer, each lunchtime he ended up joining his dad and other work colleagues at the local pub where they would have 3-4 pints and a nosh up each day- his dad would chuck the sandwiches his mum had made him in the bin. He was sworn to secrecy- up till then he thought his dad was a non drinker- he would fall asleep on the train back home. A bit of a thread drift I know but boozy blunt lunches were a thing in those days both in the RAF and for the civvies!

[ShyTorque]

BART if I remember. A couple of former Gurkha soldiers now run a pub close to me. Their curries are delish, but not quite so hot as those in Belize.


I don’t know what his name was….. ;)

[langleybaston]

And an AOC's inspection.

What, AOC's/Princess Royal/TACEVAL same day?

As Met. was civilian, albeit with strange "dormant commissions", and as Gutersloh Met was the scruffiest part of the Ops/ATC complex, we never ever saw an AOC or indeed a SWO with silver knob. We did, however, have a genuine Luftwaffe stationery cupboard complete with swastika symbol ............

[langleybaston]

Come on now, you missed the (big ) San Francisco earthquake and Krakatoa :}

Bugger! I must have been on leave. I missed the Great Extinction too.

[Cat Techie]

Military Personal for lunch. Chips at the aircrew feeder. D Reg and I met for the first time when he was eating his chips post taxi trip to Leeming on the day of Mike Seares funeral. Missed that for the job. So did D Reg as it was not his lot and a working day. The real world of that day in Sep 2005. Friendship started.

[WHBM]

I suffered the worst dose of food poisoning that I’ve ever had after dining at ....
Civvy story, sorry. But with aviation content.

Major client office presentation in London with a contingent who had flown down on the first BA Shuttle. Catered buffet lunch delivered. Participants returned at the end. That evening got a significant upset; next morning, reporting sick, found that my colleagues were the same, so were those in an internal meeting next door who had a same-source lunch. Not trivial; I was out for over a week.

Salesman contacted the clients. Had been a good office session, apparently, but oh dear, the BA meal served on the flight home has given us all food poisoning. People off for days after. Appalling. BMI for us in future ...

[Wig Wag]

One meal stands out above all others:

Aircrew survival exercises, North Yorkshire, January sometime in the 1980's.

6 days of nowt to eat except a lovely table bunny toasted on sticks over a fire after five days. At ten to five on the Friday we were lined up, told that we had all failed the course due to bad attitude, and were to collect our kit and march to the next RV. Not too sure what was happening but . . .

Five minutes later we were taken into a clearing in the woods and served a three course slap up meal!

Good thing we could all take a joke. ;)

[mmitch]

This thread reminded me of this video. There were one or two others...:)
Royal Marines Reserves: ration pack demonstration - YouTube

mmitch.

[NutLoose]

Dulles burgers... Yummy, got into a spot of bother running the APU on a Ten to power the galley so I could heat my burger up, how was I to know we had just recieved a signal telling us to save fuel as the budget was about spent, the underspend years were much more fun when we were told to basically burn it. :E
Some of the Royals I did had some nice food, though most of us flicked the Caviar off the starters lol.
Probably the best meal I had on a Ten was coming back from Canada post engine change where it was just the basic crew and the two of us that went out to change it, no hosties, so instead of catering the food had been purchased at a local supermarket and we had a whacking great Steak with all the trimmings knocked up by the loady followed by Ice Cream and washed down with a few bottles of ahem...Beer. :)

[ShyTorque]

One meal stands out above all others:

Aircrew survival exercises, North Yorkshire, January sometime in the 1980's.

6 days of nowt to eat except a lovely table bunny toasted on sticks over a fire after five days. At ten to five on the Friday we were lined up, told that we had all failed the course due to bad attitude, and were to collect our kit and march to the next RV. Not too sure what was happening but . . .

Five minutes later we were taken into a clearing in the woods and served a three course slap up meal!

Good thing we could all take a joke. ;)

Ah yes, LSE as it was known in my day. Late on in our survival week (1977) we were brought a basket of chickens by the Station Commander (name of Gubb?).

He took great delight in agitating the chickens before launching them one at a time, whilst nominating which group it was for. Ours (we were deemed to be the fittest group) was obviously crossed with a racing pigeon and it set off, flying into the woods. It took some catching and took a while then I was nominated to despatch it, which I duly did by smartly hacking off its head with my Wilki knife, across the top of a fence post. We gutted it and set about cooking it.

Next to us was another flight who had stated earlier in the week (when true hunger hadn’t fully set in) that not having done it before, none of them thought they could actually bring themselves to kill a chicken. We weren’t too surprised when we got back with our spoils to find one of them actually plucking their bird while the rest of the flight were away to collect firewood. When the bird was completely naked, but still intact, it was laid at rest by the fire. Suddenly, it sat up and squawked! They were mortified and didn’t know what to do. I picked the poor thing up and despatched it in the same way as ours. They then admitted that one of them had knocked it on the head with a stick and hoped for the best. Obviously, it was only stunned!

[PlasticCabDriver]

Ah, good old THOM! Had to stay there for the first bit of BFT before rooms became available in York House. Returning there after YHOM happy hour one Friday evening, met by some crusty old Sqn Ldr in the reception who wanted to know why we didn’t attend happy hour in THOM, as “it is, after all, your mess”. “can we wear our flying suits then?”, “oh no, absolutely not”.

Think you may have your answer, sir.

And being chewed out for not wearing a tie to dinner at the weekend. When mess rules expressly said it wasn’t necessary. And then getting even redder and grumpier when I brought him the Mess Rules from the foyer to show him when he wouldn’t back down.

[huge72]

I am surprised that none of my fellow SH brethren haven't mentioned the many Army Cook Houses in Northern Ireland, They always served Steak & Chips when ever we seemed to pop in. Now the Army were issued with Irons, Knives and Forks to us, so we had to make do with plastic. You cannot imagine how many broke trying to cut steaks. Maybe that's why British Airways and British Midland lost so much cutlery on the NI Shuttles!

[QTG]

The Wardroom at Portland sussed out Princess M’s appalling etiquette very quickly. Having consumed no soup at all due to the behaviour described earlier, at the precise second the Royal Knife and Fork parted company with the surface of the table for the main course, a hundred and odd plates of meat and 2 veg disappeared in around 10 seconds flat. Same with the pud.

No doubt that her nephew Andrew was cast in the same mould. Whereas in the Wardroom Charles had been perfectly happy with the name Wales (as in “Oi Wales it’s your round”), Andrew insisted on being addressed as “Your Royal Highness” at all times. To**er.

[MPN11]

Entertaining as these dits are, we are rather straying from the topic of ‘officers lunch’ to ‘royal PIta’.

But then Lunch is not such an entertaining conversation!

[Tim00]

Entertaining as these dits are, we are rather straying from the topic of ‘officers lunch’ to ‘royal PIta’.

As the one who kicked it all off, I wholeheartedly apologise for using incorrect terminology. In my defence, I've never been in the military*, and was therefore unaware of the correct nomenclature. Please keep it up, on topic or otherwise.

* Unless you can count the 2nd Coningsby and Tattersall Scout Troop, whose leaders were RAF, and allowed us to indulge in activities that I suspect would not pass modern Risk Assessments.

[MPN11]

Sorry, Tim00 … if you’re happy, let the ball keep rolling. Just pleeezzze let us not stray into Dining In nights and their ilk, else we shall be here forever!!

[Wig Wag]

Ah yes, LSE as it was known in my day. Late on in our survival week (1977) we were brought a basket of chickens by the Station Commander (name of Gubb?).

He took great delight in agitating the chickens before launching them one at a time, whilst nominating which group it was for. Ours (we were deemed to be the fittest group) was obviously crossed with a racing pigeon and it set off, flying into the woods. It took some catching and took a while then I was nominated to despatch it, which I duly did by smartly hacking off its head with my Wilki knife, across the top of a fence post. We gutted it and set about cooking it.

Next to us was another flight who had stated earlier in the week (when true hunger hadn’t fully set in) that not having done it before, none of them thought they could actually bring themselves to kill a chicken. We weren’t too surprised when we got back with our spoils to find one of them actually plucking their bird while the rest of the flight were away to collect firewood. When the bird was completely naked, but still intact, it was laid at rest by the fire. Suddenly, it sat up and squawked! They were mortified and didn’t know what to do. I picked the poor thing up and despatched it in the same way as ours. They then admitted that one of them had knocked it on the head with a stick and hoped for the best. Obviously, it was only stunned!

What a fowl tail . . . :ugh:

[NutLoose]

Tim00

Nothing to apologise for, a fascinating thread… ex Cub, Scout and RAF myself, all very similar, just the toys differed :O

[ORAC]

We can talk about the difference between pre and post NONPAS days and the quality of food.

Before the mid-70s the OM had both public funds and private (mess bill) funds and could buy food on the local market - e.g. fresh fish straight off the boat at Boulmer on the table for lunch.

Then they changed the rules and everything had to be bought through “the system”. Suddenly prices jumped and quality plummeted - frozen fish bought from the lowest bidder and imported from god knows where.

Even that, of course, was better than before they put the entire thing out to contract.

[Union Jack]

Thoroughly enjoying reading this very interesting thread after golf and an excellent dinner at a country club in North Carolina, but somewhat mesmerised by the thought of having to have rehearsal lunches for royal visits. Standards!

Jack

[Beamr]

somewhat mesmerised by the thought of having to have rehearsal lunches for royal visits. Standards!

Jack

Ah yes old chap, but it apparently saved everyone from the royal thighs being separated. Heaven knows what may have happened as a result, maybe full utilization of gas masks in Brüggen...

hat, coat, found my way out.

Excellent thread gentlemen.

[Finningley Boy]

Lunch?
In the increasing earnest 1990s, several Messes in which this civilian lived were nearly deserted at lunch time, because more and more people [blunties if you like] "worked through". Afternoon tea was often the first meal since 0700, and very good too. A lot of people ate 0700, 1630 something on toast and a fancy cake, and dinner as late as possible. That way people could be working 0800 to 1600, and 1730 to 1930, which latter period was mercifully untroubled by silly interruptions.

Seen from the other end of the telescope in my youth, the aroma coming from the aircrew feeder as I walked through the dusk to brief the 1000 bomber raids was very very appetising ...... I would have been on shift for about 7 hours on a "snap tin" and coffee/ tea.

Now I have made myself hungry. Steak, chips, onions, peas and a pint of best bitter please.
Langley, you briefed 1,000 bomber raids, you surely must be past your centenary! And you can still look forward to Steak and Chips, well done Sir.

FB:ok:

[ShyTorque]

What a fowl tail . . . :ugh:

Agreed, but sadly true.

[langleybaston]

Langley, you briefed 1,000 bomber raids, you surely must be past your centenary! And you can still look forward to Steak and Chips, well done Sir.

FB:ok:

No. Sometime in the 1960s the phrase was used jokingly for mass briefings if they were unusual at that station. Nicosia for thel big para exercises ..... a couple of one stars, all the pongo officers, all the crews, Int, ATC .... even Met.
we also referred to hangar queens or shiny bombers for aircraft polished and under-utilised.
Times change. Blunts and bean stealers had not been invented I think. Bloody civvies had of course.

[Friedlander]

We can talk about the difference between pre and post NONPAS days and the quality of food.

Before the mid-70s the OM had both public funds and private (mess bill) funds and could buy food on the local market - e.g. fresh fish straight off the boat at Boulmer on the table for lunch.

Then they changed the rules and everything had to be bought through “the system”. Suddenly prices jumped and quality plummeted - frozen fish bought from the lowest bidder and imported from god knows where.

Even that, of course, was better than before they put the entire thing out to contract.

Contractorization, followed by the cry: "Where have all the chefs gone?"

Pay As You Dine, followed by the cry: "Where has all the food gone?"

The first of these short-sighted in an expeditionary armed forces. The second reasonably demanded by those (at all ranks) fed up of paying for 21 meals a week and eating perhaps 10. The combination of the 2 resulting in a race to the lowest standards for the serviceman at the greatest benefit to the contractor(s).

Most offrs these days seem to eat at home (WFH), bring in packed lunch or pay the over-inflated costs charged by the contractor in the all-ranks facilities (cafes) rather than travel to the OM on another site.

[NutLoose]

And the less they feed means the higher the prices no doubt as they cannot get bulk discounts.

[meleagertoo]

I sadly remember almost nothing of the food at Topcliffe in '83 except it was chips with everything but it must have been filling and acceptable.
Leeming was another matter. White coated stewards as far as I recall, serve yourself cereals for breakfast unless you ordered a fried one (or unless the previous night's schenanigans hadn't seen them blown across the mess with thunderflashes, aka a 'snowstorm') .
Lunch was served at tables from a menu and as I recall was always busy and very good, super was quite another matter. This was really something quality-wise midweek though choice not quality fell off a liittle at weekends when the crabs deserted the place and few but we fishheads remained. I recall that we ate very well indeed. The RAF were maintaining good standards at that time and we evidenty had a fine catering Officer in charge at that time.
There was something a bit special that my course specially requested and the catering officer included without fuss - wish I could remember what it was. Overall- overall a thorough BZ to the Crab caterers.
Subsequently food at Culdrose was pretty dam ornery.
Plus pusser forbade flying clothing in the mess at lunchtime so you either had a chewy roll in the bar or an impossibly mad rush to change in and out of your flying kit and gobble a lunch in shirt and tie before changing back.
Pusser, eh? Bah!

[NRU74]

Ah yes old chap, but it apparently saved everyone from the royal thighs being separated. Heaven knows what may have happened as a result, maybe full utilization of gas masks in Brüggen...

hat, coat, found my way out.

Excellent thread gentlemen.
Beamr,
I should make it clear that it was the table leg that caused the problem.The then Stn Cdr was Gp Capt Peter Harding (now deceased) whose career ended as CDS c20 years later because of 'other' thighs being parted !

[luckyrat]

I have recently completed a 23 year tour of the Falklands 🙀 The catering was provided by the joint Officer’s mess. Mostly missed lunch due to flying my museum piece S61n around various military locations, but so as not to starve I was issued with “bag rats” which I actually had to sign for 😹 An actual 🐀 in the bag would have been more tasty!
But the evening meal was generally pretty bad! Yet pay £5 extra messing on a function night and the food was marvellous 😻 How? same ingredients and same cooks….
Still as a bean stealer, good or bad it was all free to me 😸
Now I’m retired and skint I’m hoping for a Red Cross parcel 📦 soon…….,

[Tengah Type]

RAF Hullavington in 1962, home to No 2 Air Navigation School. On non-flying days it was always a 3 course lunch in the Officers Mess, with Silver Service.
A couple of the WRAF waitresses were of dimunitive stature and very generously endowed ( Think Samantha Fox ).
They took great delight in resting their assets on the shoulders of 18 year old Acting Pilot Officers whilst serving the vegetables.
Lunch was always a very pleasant experience, I think the food was pretty good as well.

[ACW562]

Three years ago visiting RAF Valley. Officers mess for lunch. No vegetarian option on menu. Had to go for beans and chips. Had to pay for it as well !

[langleybaston]

Beans are not an officer vegetable.

[MPN11]

Beans are not an officer vegetable.…. except at Breakfast, when it was VERY difficult to persuade the Steward I didn’t want Beans or those watery tinned Tomatoes.

[langleybaston]

Ah! Watery tinned tomatoes slightly scorched on top sir, and perhaps a sprig of something even more inedible?

[Mogwi]

Or there was the old naval favourite of “Babies’ ‘eads and train smash” or even “Sh*t on a raft”.

Mog

[langleybaston]

Nothing wrong with babyzeds!

However, please join me in deprecating hot food on cold plates. There is no cure ............. sending the meal back always results in overcooked food on hot plates.
Breakfast is the most vulnerable: a little knowledge of physics makes a rapidly cooling full English an intelligence test:

bacon: large surface area, little mass, therefore eat first.
Fried egg next. [scrambled a little more relaxed]
sausage and hash brown can be left to last, so long as they start hot.
Tomatoes and mushrooms are middling
I know nothing of beans ............... possibly useful as a laxative but otherwise never.
Toast: the only warm toast is in the middle of the rack and, if you want white, is brown, and vice-versa.

And I do like a coffee AND a tea, not in that order.

Apart from that, a fat-boy breakfast is stress-free and might set one up for a benevolent and optimistic day.

Dream on.

[BEagle]

As any AT/AAR world traveller who has visited the USofA will know, ordering breakfast in the US is a good grounding in resistance to interrogation. The aim of the game is to avoid being asked any questions:

"Good morning (name), it's a very nice day and we're ready to order!" Use of her name always invites a friendly smile!

"Two fried eggs please" positively invites questioning as the Americans seemingly have a vast number of ways of cooking the simple fried egg. So "Two eggs over easy" is the way of avoiding that.

The next question to pre-empt is "Ham, bacon or sausage?" Beware if you ask for sausage though - that might prompt the supplementary "Links or patties?" question.

Next comes toast. "White or brown" offends woke sensitivities, so it's best to go for "Rye toast please" - but we're not finished there, because you'll need to specify if you want buttered toast. That can prompt a "Regular butter?" supplementary - for the uninitiated, the alternative to 'regular' isn't low alcohol, lead free, low fat or somesuch, it's 'melted'....

Don't think you've aced it yet, because then comes orange juice, or rather 'OJ' - and that can be 'regular or large'...

Finally, don't forget "That's everything, thanks - and we'd like seperate checks please".

A silly crew game played in many a Holiday Inn or the like - but the delightful waitresses were always willing participants.

[Chu Chu]

At least at breakfast, you might avoid "Sweet or unsweet" (which starts not too many miles south of here).

[beardy]

As any AT/AAR world traveller who has visited the USofA will know, ordering breakfast in the US is a good grounding in resistance to interrogation. The aim of the game is to avoid being asked any questions:

"Good morning (name), it's a very nice day and we're ready to order!" Use of her name always invites a friendly smile!

"Two fried eggs please" positively invites questioning as the Americans seemingly have a vast number of ways of cooking the simple fried egg. So "Two eggs over easy" is the way of avoiding that.

The next question to pre-empt is "Ham, bacon or sausage?" Beware if you ask for sausage though - that might prompt the supplementary "Links or patties?" question.

Next comes toast. "White or brown" offends woke sensitivities, so it's best to go for "Rye toast please" - but we're not finished there, because you'll need to specify if you want buttered toast. That can prompt a "Regular butter?" supplementary - for the uninitiated, the alternative to 'regular' isn't low alcohol, lead free, low fat or somesuch, it's 'melted'....

Don't think you've aced it yet, because then comes orange juice, or rather 'OJ' - and that can be 'regular or large'...

Finally, don't forget "That's everything, thanks - and we'd like seperate checks please".

A silly crew game played in many a Holiday Inn or the like - but the delightful waitresses were always willing participants.
The easy way to win the game is :

"I'll have what he's having."


I won many beers with that line.

[SASless]

Beags is losing. his mind it would appear.

No mention of Grits, Scrapple, Country Ham, Steak, Pork Loins, Pork Chop, Home Fries, Hash Browns, Biscuits, Gravy (Country, Pepper, or Red Eye), Hot Cakes, Waffles, Omelets (at least nine distinct choices by name alone), Corn Beef Hash, Apple Butter, Fried Bologna, Milk and Cereal. and then there is Coffee, Decaf, Tea (hot, Iced either Sweet (standard) or Un-Sweet)

You will not be offered Pork and Beans (Baked Beans as you Brits call them) nor will you hear mention of Kippers.

Watching a young Geordie Lady asking about Grits from a young Southern Waitress was entertaining as neither of them ever understood what the other was saying...much less were talking about!

Do keep up will you Beags....if you are going to play a game you should know the bits and pieces of it.

[MPN11]

Ah, US Fine Dining. I had managed to erase the memories of the All-Ranks Mess Hall at Camp Robinson, North Little Rock, where I was forced by circumstance to dine on many stressful occasions. Indeed, my first encounter with Grits … and my last! Identifying some of the offer was challenging enough!

[SASless]

You suppose it was the All Ranks thing that killed your appetite rather than the Chow on offer?

No Cloth Serviettes...or White Tea Towel over an extended arm of som enlisted swine perhaps....and no China but a plastic or metal tray for the contents?

Please tell me you did not cut in line as our tradition is the Officer eats last or at least in turn if it is cafeteria style.

[MPN11]

You suppose it was the All Ranks thing that killed your appetite rather than the Chow on offer?
No Cloth Serviettes...or White Tea Towel over an extended arm of som enlisted swine perhaps....and no China but a plastic or metal tray for the contents?
Please tell me you did not cut in line as our tradition is the Officer eats last or at least in turn if it is cafeteria style.
It was 'basic' ... but it was a multi-National clientele, so we all stood patiently in line! OF5 to OR1.

[Haraka]

As a lesd of a "support" entity In the field , I always ate the same food as and with my guys.. I trust others did the same ..

[WHBM]

As any AT/AAR world traveller who has visited the USofA will know, ordering breakfast in the US is a good grounding in resistance to interrogation. The aim of the game is to avoid being asked any questions:
We have exactly the same game at our USA office, which has a perfectly straightforward and simplistic sandwich shop, made to order, across the street. Enter two Brits.

"Right, I'll have a large wholemeal sub, with York ham, cheese - er, Monterey Jack cheese, tom-a-ter [pronounced correctly], iceberg lettuce, and mayo, All in a paper bag, not plastic."

Smiles to colleague.

"Yep. Regular or low-cal for the mayo ... ?"

(Sigh).

[langleybaston]

You suppose it was the All Ranks thing that killed your appetite rather than the Chow on offer?

No Cloth Serviettes...or White Tea Towel over an extended arm of som enlisted swine perhaps....and no China but a plastic or metal tray for the contents?

Please tell me you did not cut in line as our tradition is the Officer eats last or at least in turn if it is cafeteria style.

Yes, a good tradition copied from the British.

Horses, men's feet, men, eat.

[Barksdale Boy]

"Serviettes" says it all.

[MG]

"Serviettes" says it all.
precisely. Very second eleven

[Ninthace]

precisely. Very second eleven
I thought it was a bit "lower deck" too,

[Haraka]

So much for the old adage of ' ultimately the officer is the servant of his men' then......

[chevvron]

When I vistied South Cerney (Army) once, breakfast was a large vat of scalding fat in which you dipped bread or eggs as you wished,.