Instructors stories - humorous/instructive

[Manfred Von Holstein]

I had an ex-army PPL student who was always well-prepared and always on time. He'd come in for a dual 3 leg nav-flight, had hit heavy traffic driving in, and arrived about a quarter hour late, clearly under some self-imposed pressure. I was actually on the point of cancelling that detail anyway due a number of very energetic towering Cu/CB's on each planned leg. He swept into the room and asked my boss "is the weather's alright?" to which he received a non-committal reply as said boss was on the telephone at the time, but interpreted this reply as assent. I noticed this "innocent" exchange, and decided to see how things might unfold. He got the winds, but clearly hadn't paid much attention to the MET, nor the rather obvious parade of nasty looking CB's in the area. I decided to allow things to unravel further. On the first leg, the turbulence was pretty spirited, and it just got worse. We got battered, and after we'd landed that first leg. I took him through the train-wreck of pre-flight preparation, and how we'd ended up in this predicament, and offered to cancel the 2 legs and route directly back. To his credit, he opted to continue, and so we got another two batterings on the way back, with diversions hither and yon around the scarier CB's, so of course he was having to work like the proverbial one-armed paper-hanger. He managed it all - just - but it wasn't what you'd call an enjoyable experience.

The remainder of his training went well, and he became a very capable pilot.

Some two years later, I met my old boss and enquired about my old students. His eyes twinkled, and he said that this ex-student was "doing very well.....he is still very careful about the weather"!

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A fellow instructor, a newly-minted AFI, called up on the RT a little excitedly, "have you guys seen the HUGE aircraft carrier in Portsmouth, I'm over it, it's amazing! (etc etc)?"
ATC: "Would that be the USS Nimitz with the 5 nm temporary exclusion zone as NOTAM'd?"
AFI: (quick as a flash) "Er No! Must be another one"!

Classic!

Great days, instructing was such fun. What are your stories?

[gerpols]

At Flight Safety Academy Vero Beach, Florida, they once had a lot of foreign students from China.
On the radio I heard ATC asking one very kind, and polite Chinese student, who was approaching: SAY YOUR INTENTIONS !!
The China student replied (with a very strong Chinese accent): I wanne be a good pilot..!! :ok:

[Ascend Charlie]

It was the morning after a formal Dining-In Night, so the instructors were a little bleary. Who is dumb enough to put them on a Thursday night and still program flying the next day??

Anyway, after coffee and with the student briefed for his F260 hi-nav, we launched in the Macchi. As we passed 20,000', the internal gases had expanded and demanded to come out. I thought that filtering it through the seat pack would take the edge off it, so I let it out.

Bong! Wrong! It was awful, so I selected 100% oxygen to avoid inhaling any more cabin air.

I told the student "Bloggs! Go to 100%"
"Roger, sir!" and he selected 100% throttle.
Let him go, I thought, he will get the message soon enough.

"AUUGGHH!" and the intercom sound changed as he went to 100% oxy.

Terminology, Bloggs.

[Manfred Von Holstein]

It was the morning after a formal Dining-In Night, so the instructors were a little bleary. Who is dumb enough to put them on a Thursday night and still program flying the next day??

Anyway, after coffee and with the student briefed for his F260 hi-nav, we launched in the Macchi. As we passed 20,000', the internal gases had expanded and demanded to come out. I thought that filtering it through the seat pack would take the edge off it, so I let it out.

Bong! Wrong! It was awful, so I selected 100% oxygen to avoid inhaling any more cabin air.

I told the student "Bloggs! Go to 100%"
"Roger, sir!" and he selected 100% throttle.
Let him go, I thought, he will get the message soon enough.

"AUUGGHH!" and the intercom sound changed as he went to 100% oxy.

Terminology, Bloggs.

LOL. I can just imagine the laughter afterwards. In a similar vein, in flight-school at Guildhall Uni in the early 90's, the class of 30 or so were all bored out of their skulls one afternoon as we had triple "loading" lessons. The chap I sat next to was a helicopter-pilot, very nice guy, but a little straight-laced and formal. He twisted in his chair, which scraped the floor emitting a very loud and realistic farting-sound. Instantly I pulled a face - and drew away from him - to his great embarassment! A couple of nearby lads who were quick on the uptake pretended they could smell this, and he became unable to speak, simultaneously blushing, laughing, mortally self-conscious and out-raged that I'd stitched him up thus. Within seconds the whole class-room was laughing, not least because the lecturer had not understood what was happening and was inviting the hapless victim to explain, which just set us all off worse. A most necessary reaction to triple "loading" lessons. 5 minutes mayhem and we were good for another hour or so!

[BigEndBob]

I had to divert due to weather on a trial lesson.

The customer asked "when we would get back", i said "i'm not sure".
"Well i hope we get by 3pm, i have a football match to get to".
I said, "well we might not make it".
He replied "i hope so, i'm the goal keeper and our reserve is not much good as goalie".

We got back late, never knew if made the second half.

[Big Pistons Forever]

When I was a full time instructor one very long day I I ended up with 7 students in a row all early in the PPL syllabus so I did all the radio calls at our busy towered airport. I called clearance with my call sign and got a casual “same as last time Dave ?” Reply

Absolutely not I said and continued with “Flight training the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Cessna 152 GABC on Its 1 hour mission: to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before, local practice area West ! “

The solemn reply Cessna GABC Squawk 1234 fly the XXX departure contact ground on 121.9 and . “ May the Force be with you” .

[Ascend Charlie]

A coursemate was on his final solo before the Wings Test. He had taken a Big Jug Macchi and flown at low level at max power for most of the sortie to use up the fuel, and was planning to return via a low level approach and pitch into the circuit.

He practiced the radio call in his head:
"Charlie 50, on the pitch, low level, full stop, minimum fuel" a few times more.

He arrives in the circuit at 250kt, rolls into the turn, throttle idle, speedbrake out, and radio call:
"Charlie 50, on the level, low pitch, minimum stop, no fuel......"

[charliegolf]

Apocryphal post flight report: "When Bloggs starts the engine, he sets in train a sequence of events over which he has no further control..."

Priceless. (Unless it's about me!)

CG

[deefer dog]

Many years ago I was tasked to do a first solo check on what was a very busy day. Being in a bit of a rush I told the student that I would taxi us out, get the checks done and give it to him when lined up. I even went so far as to apply full power before handing over the controls and telling him to fly a normal circuit. Ten seconds later, after veering off the runway into the long grass, a familiar voice was heard screaming over the radio - "Sooty, you're in the wrong aircraft." It transpired that the poor chap sat in the left seat was only there for his first trial lesson!