Fedex we need you!

[Specaircrew]

Those of you who have been reading this forum for a while may remember the 13 days I spent stranded in Las Vegas waiting for the miltary supply network to deliver a spare part for my broken jet.

Well here I am on my 5th day in a large Eastern US city attempting to break that record. Having made an urgent request for spares last wednesday we all got very excited yesterday when a large box arrived, unfortunately it contained only some of the parts and the vital bit was missing!

Needless to say we foolishly expeted the missing bit to arrive today via civair..........but of course we'd not realised it would be far more sensible to put it on military AT flight which is passing through here tomorrow. After all military AT aircraft never go u/s especially when their route takes it via 2 other countries on the way!!!!!!

Now you might think that being stuck indefinately in a nice place is nothing to complain about but spare a thought for the 75 passengers who are supposed to be a long way from here by now!

I really must remember to pack more underpants for these 2 day trips!

[BEagle]

This seems to have attracted all the well-known reprobates....

Some years ago, an hydraulic pipe on our elderly Vickers FunBus reached its sell-by date - and quite a few gallons of HM's finest Skydrol dribbled out all over the floor at Little Rock AFB. "Can you fix us up with a pipe?" asked the GEs of Uncle Spam's finest spanner wielders. "Sure, no problem" - and lo, it was done. But then came a teensy problemette. The good old engineers of Bodgett and Scarper TCIC PLC back in Blighty objected that the pipe couldn't be tested to several thousand fathoms or for electromagnetic compatibility and so it was not allowed to be fitted. "We'll send you one", the promised. So a demand was placed, nil stock on station, but one then arrived (slowly) from Sealand, was packaged up and sent via BA Cargo. From the Secret Oxfordshire Airbase to Gatwick, from there to Heathrow. Then sent by carg jet...........to DFW. Which is a fair old way from Arkansas - well, it would have been had they sent it by road as they'd planned. But expensive faxes and phonecalls persuaded them to send it via an air cargo firm to the civvy airport. In the mean time we'd discovered the true meaning of constipating administrivial bull$hit when we had to 'employ' a Customs Broker (!) to bail the thing out through the freight depot. So there we were at midnight - me, the GE and this 'good ole boy' awaiting the vital pipe's arrival. But sadly, 'twas not to be. Because since the stackers hadn't put an AOG sticker on the box, it was waiting for the next flight with space available and hadn't been sent priority! So, back to the pub and repeat the episode next day. Pipe arrives, good ole boy gets his fee for stamping a piece of paper, GE fits pipe and functionals it in 20 minutes.....

From breaking down to being fixed - 6 days. I later discovered that DHL would have delivered it from depot to GE in a maximum of 36 hours - at a cost of about fifty quid!

[solotk]

I just know there's a business opportunity in there somewhere :D

[Talking Radalt]

Nothing significant to add, just a request to keep it coming! This is funnier then the "I wish I hadn't said that" thread!:D

The closest I can recall is the tale of the Grey Funnel Cruise line aircraft (mis)handlers who watched 350kgs or 30feet of boxed Wokka blade be shuffled aboard a Wokka in the heat of the midday Arabian sun, where it filled the entire cabin, in order for it to be flown to dry land ("ashore" I think they called it) and thence shuffled off the aircraft, again in the heat of the next day's midday Arabian sun, and fitted to a second, bent Wokka.
Blade change complete, knackered blade is shuffled on board rescue cab, returned to big grey floaty thing, shuffled off, and stowed in a dark corner until return to UK by sea.
Hot, sweaty, dusty air and groundcrew slump on quarter deck having a Diet Coke break after much shuffling of blades, mutually admirable at having fixed a cab 200 miles away in the desert in under 48 hours.
Gash shag RN blokes pops head round door.
"You know that blade you took away yesterday?"
"Yes?"
"Our forks driver has just reported he accidentally dropped it from about fifteen feet when he was getting it up on deck for you to load"
:rolleyes:

[BlueWolf]

This is sort of on the topic.

Some years ago now a green uniform driver/mechanic got maggoted on the last night of an exercise in Singapore and missed the transport home.

Miserable NZ govt didn't want to fork our for a commercial ticket, and neither NZ or Oz had any buses heading back this way. No worries, Uncle Sam had a C141 heading for Christchurch, sure thing, he can hitch a ride.

There followed a change of plans, the Starlifter was still coming to NZ, but was being diverted to Hawaii first.
"Oh well, the extra long ride will sober him up."

$hit happens, and once in Hawaii they were diverted again, this time to California, still with reluctant hitch-hiker aboard.

You can probably guess the rest....New York, Denver, God knows where else.

After bouncing around various US military establishments for three weeks the poor sod finally made it home, whereupon he was banged up for another three months for being AWOL, and then discharged.

I had heard the story before and thought it apocryphal...until I met him.

I think he would have preferred to go by Parcel Post.

[BEagle]

Even I didn't believe this one (not to me - never on Victors!):

Victor breaks down in Offutt (what a shame!) - needs new aileron bit.

Days later, many allowances accrued and the box arrives. A hushed expectancy turns to incredulity when out into the bright Nebraska sun pops.......a Bedford 4-tonner crankshaft!

[BEagle]

But this one is true;

Co-pilot's DV window is seen to be de-laminating. (Funny how they always find such things in places like San Antonio, never Goose!):

Dear Bodgett and Scarper. Send new co's DV window please. RIGHT HAND, CO-PILOT'S!!. This message I pass to Ar$ecoat, GE passes same thing direct to Secret oxfordshire Airbase.

Guess what arrives days later? Yup - a Captain's, LHS window.

Back to the pub after faxing "Wrong bit. You know what we need. Better luck next time!".

[Beeayeate]

".......a Bedford 4-tonner crankshaft!"

Probaly the same stacker that sent two replacement Herc tyres out to Gan. Arrived after a week, boxes opened - two snow tyres! [. . . and the embedded metal bits can spoil your day if all you're wearing is a pair of shorts. They were still there when I left, couldn't even sell them to the yanks at Diego Garcia.

[Talking Radalt]

As the Two Ronnies might say...

"I need four candles...."
;)

[canberra]

there was once a stacker at leuchars with this nickname. he was tasked with sending a rapier part to the falklands, said part was like priority one or whatever its called. the box and paperwork turned up at stanley, but the part was still on the shelf at leuchars! apparently the paperwork was text book. that was the most famous or infamous of the **** ups this bloke did. not suprisingly he never got promoted.

[Specaircrew]

Part eventually arrived on Sunday which the enabled irate passengers to get to their destination on Monday courtesy of the hastily revitined slip crew( good job we bumped into them at the Ascoteers Sunday Brunch)!

Unfortunately our night flight to Blighty had to be delayed while we waited for the microbursts, hail and lightning to clear the airport!

[Bassett]

I always wondered where that crankshaft went

[Talking Radalt]

...never mind that.
Imagine the faces of the REME fitters who opened a box to find a VC10 window!:D

[Tonkenna]

Nice to see that things don't change Spec. I still miss all that though, can't wait to get back to it. :D

Tonks

[deltahotel]

In Montego bay, it appeared that the cargo bay outflow valve (?)had failed closed (something to do with pressurisation etc). No matter - lock it open, continue round the route unpressurised and by the time we get to Bermuda, it will be there (civair), overnite fix and back on time. There are two of these things on the ac - one big (freight bay), one small (flight deck). Guess which one arrived? Sooo - new one dispatched to Bermuda via Florida - guess where it ended up? Ended up coming back across the pond at 10000 via Lajes - took ages.

[Specaircrew]

Tonks,

Unfortunately the Sqn as you knew it no longer exists. Kelvin completely destroyed it in a vain attempt to save money, we now live in a crowded section of the AT Dinosaur Sqn! The combined VC10 Ops is run by Ops Support using the chaos theory and I can't remember the last time I did a towline let alone any prodding. The smart money is voting with its feet, god knows how we're going to manage in Gulf War 2!

[FJJP]

How about the Flatiron in the States with a leaky nose oleo? Word went back to base for new oleo + fluid. ASAP. Told the fluid DAC and couldn't go civair, but the oleo would and the fluid by milair - somehow. Fat, bloated 4-day hungover crew goes to help crewchief. Opens box and guess what? Yup, the fluid (DAC) came by civair and the leg a further 3 days later by mil means! Good innit?!

[Art Field]

Some moons ago, in the days before chaos reigned, we (VC10 tanker) found ourselves in Tenerife courtesy of an F4 wearily travelling home from Mount Pleasant but leaking fuel faster than we could put it in, just south of the island. Retired to hotel on south coast, tried to phone friendly ops but communications impossible. Back to airfield and only reasonable comms through H/F as airfield staff showed no love lost for UK side v Argies even though now few years on. F4 bit plus engineers no problem but dip clearance very tricky for Herc, transit through Gib very tricky. Great help was UK Air Attache to Spain who arrived in Tenerife on 707 with amongst others the Argie Air Attache, came over, offered help and was never seen again. Suffice it to say we were there long enough for one Engineer to win the hotel talent contest with his world renown striptease routine, another to practice his airshow presentation on some very surprised fellow guests, the F4 guys to believe they had gone to heaven after a sub from the imprest holder and indeed on one night I think they did, thank God we did not have to launch the next day and for one member of our crew to spend his silver wedding anniversary there much to the annoyance of his wife in the UK. The Herc finally arrived 5 days later and the lot of us moved on with a distinct chill from the locals.:D

[BEagle]

Another Flatiron was on a trip to Midway (those who know why, know why). It got as far as Hickolulu before it $hat all its hydraulic fluid during start up..."4000, 2 in the green...err, no they're not - pressure has dropped to zero, AEO, and the EHPP is doing nothing to help!"

'Dear Brenda - please send more fluid' went the signal. 'No problem', came the reply. 'It'll have to come by special DAC flight - in 2 weeks' time!'.

2 weeks on HM in Hawaii with a dead jet. Must have been a real bug.ger!!

[sycamore]

The "Flatiron" was the Javelin,and went out of Service about 1968,so I dont think it got as far as Hickolulu.Why are you guys such a bunch of whingers-you knew when you signed the dotted line that you would go to exciting,exotic,foreign places,with strange people whose customs you did not understand,languages that were unknown,customs that were not recognised elsewhere in the real world-- why? why did you become a tanker w****r at B zn?/You should be grateful ,it is one of life`s rich tapestries-to go on a mystery-tour every time you get airborne,not knowing where it may lead-take advantage,you are after all being paid for by my taxes-and I`ve probably paid more taxes than you.AARHHHH,I well remember the tanker crew who were going to use Homestead as a div. for Belize on the way back from Santiago in 199£,didn`t have any Jepps,and didn`t`know it was flattened in the last typhoon-- such memories; Enjoy! it`s no different on the other side of the fence,and you get no chance to do a finger =stabbing over a few beers at Happy hour!! :cool:

[StopStart]

Thanks dad :rolleyes:

I've clearly missed something here. Where's the whinging? If HMG wants me to stay in a hotel in Denver, on rates, for a week while they try to send spares back and forth then I'm not actually going to complain.
You could, with some application, be slightly more patronising though :rolleyes: Do tell us more about "overseas". I've heard they don't even speak english there and often don't eat with cutlery.......


PS. The Flatiron was, more recently, the moniker for the Vulcan.

PPS. Given how you've paid so much more tax than us, may I take this opportunity to pass on our collective thanks for all those beers you've paid for for us. And kebabs.

[Art Field]

Sycamore, I tried desperately not to imply there was any enjoyment in Tanker adventures during those fortunate times. Sometimes one is lucky enough to hit the right tour at the right time and well, why not make the most of it?

[BEagle]

Yes - I really hated being obliged to wait in the US at your expense for the wrong window to be sent! And in Dakar in a 4-star hotel for a week for another faulty FCU to be sent......and again in the US for the hydraulic pipe to make its way from the UK....... Thanks for all the beer!!

Perhaps if the supply and movements people hadn't been so stunningly incompetent on each occasion, then we wouldn't have needed quite so much of your hard earned taxes to keep us happy......

[Mr C Hinecap]

:mad: Guys - once more etc etc.

I would LOVE to be just like you - the ONLY professional people in the mob. What it must be to power up your sky chariots and thrust into the blue yonder, knowing everyone else cannot/will not/does not do a good job. I am shocked some of you master race ever have to exchange your footwear or - god forbid - BUY some shoes - I believe you must walk ever so slightly above the surface of the earth.

There are thousands (still not enough for the job) of support trades who cannot actually fly the route with you. Some are planks - there MIGHT even be aircrew who are planks too!!! Most care and work their b0!!0x off to get the right bit to the right place in the time available. Points:

there is not enough spare kit.
there will NEVER be enough spare kit.
humans are involved in the process, therefore human error possible.
we put our aeroplanes in the strangest places, well off our own & regular commercial routes.
we spend lots of time in countries with 'unusual' and 'differently motivated' customs officials.

This all racks up. I know this is a whinge thread, but you never find out when the system works - it just does and you only see the bad. I see people who care succeeding on a regular basis (not as much as we'd ALL like).

The British Military keeps getting through with not quite enough. I loathe to say this, but will it take us getting a hiding somewhere before President Tony accepts the old UK Insurance Policy (RN, Army, RAF) has not been getting paid into properly!!!!!

AAAArrghghhhh:( :(

[Specaircrew]

So why do wanabees like sycamore and hinecap read and comment in a forum that's called 'Military Aircrew' when they'd obviously be better off in one called 'I don't know what I'm talking about but I'll butt in anyway'

[Talking Radalt]

You said it Speccy! There we were having a cheerful old chinwag about how you can't even find a good cock-up in the system anymore when along comes some gob on a stick who thinks we're having a dig. I mean look at what he said:

"I know this is a whinge thread"

Actually it's a "humourous anecdote" thread, you dimwit.
:rolleyes: