Orderly Dog

[Pontius Navigator]

Just about everyone here will have been orderly dog of some description. Inspired by the award of a week's ON due to an early posting on an other thread, I am sure that is where tales of the Real Air Force could be told.

I was Orderly Officer and less than 6 months in as an APO and in the middle of a lecture when the fire alarm went off. It was written in the orders that the OK attend and take charge until relieved.

I was duly despatched. The fire was a quarters fire in a remote quarter on the airfield at Hullavington. One of those 2/3 bed semis where the unoccupied half had caught fire. I hitched a lift with a fire truck and all of 19 was completely clueless (OK, no change there).

That was the easy bit. It was a long walk back 😕

[Maxibon]

I was unlucky: 1at Orderly Officer at Scampton was a suspect bag in SHQ; it was the staish’s he left on the doorstep after a big briefing on Sky on the Friday before. 2nd was an IRA bomb threat at CF; the SDO was nine sheets to the wind. The 3rd was Christmas Day (punishment) at FY with a SNCO/wife domestic on the patch.

[Wander00]

Hmm, a couple of stories

Watton mid 60s, I am newly minted Canberra driver and the only white card pilot officer pilot in Signals Command. Over the weekend had been in play with drama group. S"Mixed" dressing room, and stunning girl from comcen down to her Section Officer Harveys. Monday night I am OO (first time). Same girl on defaulters, looking like she had slept in her uniform. Gave me that "you saw me in stockings and suspenders on Saturday - you wouldn't dare" look. Deep breath - "Sgt, please send this airwoman to sort herself out and re-inspect her at 2200". "Sir!" thundered O Sgt, and in a whisper "10 out of 10 Sir!"

Nearly 20 years later and SDO at Binbrook when the phone goes at 00 silly. Guy on the phone says he is Strike Command something or other and gives me two code words, which against the rules I write down. Check words in SDO book, "Station Alert" (and non exercise), so ring Ops and ask them to hit the hooter. I go to Ops to find Stn Cdr (DC) incandescent and calling me all the names under the sun. Apparently there was not supposed to be an alert and comes of having scribblies as SDO, etc.
Dear Henry P, SLOPS, says come with me, and takes me through the whole sequence, I show him my illicit piece of paper, he goes to OC Ops, who takes Stn Cdr on one side and takes him through sequence Some hrumphing and Stn Cdr grudgingly accepts I had taken the correct action. . Did not give much for the chances of the guy that rang me. Later message passed round sqns that error was at HQ STC or 11 Gp, I forget which, and OC Accts not to blame

Finally, spare a thought for the officer from Command Accounts at Brampton and of the Jewish faith who volunteered to do Christmas Duty Staff Officer, and got the Lockerbie disaster to deal with

[99 Change Hands]

Was Orderly Officer as a stude at Finningley in 1981 when Nottinghamshire Police rang. There were riots going on across the country and they were expecting one in Nottingham. Part of the area was ill-served for street lighting so could they borrow some Very pistols from ATC so they could see what was going on? I expressed the opinion that this was unwise but referred them up to the Station Duty Officer (Nav Instructor) who firmly denied the request.

[Tankertrashnav]

I was giving an evening talk at St Mawgan a few years back and was getting signed in at the guardroom when a car pulled up and a sergeant got out and went across to where the ensign was about to be lowered at 1800. He stood to attention and saluted as it came down, then got back in his car and drove back out of the camp.

I queried all this with the officer who was signing me in, Apparently there were so few officers left at St Mawgan that SNCOs took their turn as "orderly officer". Also it's now a duty which can be carried out from home - no requirement to stay and sleep on camp any more.

Times change.

[glad rag]

And gentlemen, that's only the stuff they (the OC/OS) told you about!!

Wasn't a lot of fun being "it" in either position as in most places you had the misfortune of the RAF police "watching your back".

Most exciting......being deputised as stand in guard commander as the original had been involved in car crash (must admit pretty good excuse) and at 3 am having the distinctly unpleasent experience of a 18 yr old cook/anti-terrorist elite trooper **** up his unload drill in the pitch darkness, at least he understood STOP.

[Speedywheels]

Leeming in 1987 was a building site, to the extent we were all going around in supply issued wellington boots due to all the construction work and mess on the roads. The guardroom is a portakabin sat in front of the under refurbishment permanent guardroom, opposite SHQ. I'm sat in the portakabin as Orderly Corporal (came round very frequently due to the lack of numbers) when I hear the sound of breaking glass. A civilian contractor has decided that the traffic cones that are being used to divert traffic around the construction areas will make effective weapons to smash the ground floor windows in SHQ. I'm not allowed to abandon the 'guardroom' so I phone the Orderly Sergeant to get down from the mess quickly as SHQ is deteriorating rapidly. I then had to phone plod in Bedale to attend because it was a civilian that was doing all the damage.

Luckily, the Flt Sgt got down to SHQ pretty rapid and managed to persuade the miscreant that he'd made his point and to stop. It was either that or he'd just run out of ammunition, the intervening 30 years has dulled my memory. Eventually the police arrived and carted him off.

The following week, lying on my pit in the barrack block and it sounds like the place is getting trashed. When I open my room door, I find the same guy is now trying to smash in one of the room doors down the corridor. He recognises me from the previous week and disappears.

I found out later that his wife worked in the airmen's mess and she'd been giving out more than second helpings. He was on a revenge mission.

[BEagle]

OO one boring night at pre-pongo Wattisham...

Ring..ring "Evening sir, Orderly Sergeant speaking. An airman has been caught red-handed in the act of thieving, the RAFP have nicked him. Need you to come in and sort a few things".

Oh f*****g great, think I - and off I toddle to the guardroom.

"Evening Sergeant, how can I help?"
"The investigator is on his way and will explain all. Cup of tea, sir?"

Splendid chap. After a little while a character appears who is about as wide as he is tall, wearing a leather bomber jacket and looking like a tougher version of the late Lewis Collins ('Doyle' of The Professionals). He introduces himself as Cpl NNNN of the SIB... He produces notepad and pen and lays them out in a methodical manner.

"How can I help?", I ask.
"Well, I think you can probably leave it to me, sir. Unless we need to tumble Chummy's drum"
"You what? Are you allowed to do that?"
"I mean to search his accommodation, sir. It's an expression we use."
"Oh...right. I thought you meant to...give him a bit of a smack round the ears to get him to cough!"
"No sir, that's not allowed. Not indeed! Mind you, it'd probably save everyone's time if it was", he smiled.

Guilty airman was marched to the cells a little later and subsequently had short trip to a special holiday camp in Essex.

OO wasn't usually quite so entertaining. 'Domestics' were the worst...

[ian16th]

Was Ord Cpl at Akrotiri Saturday 21st December 1963.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyprus_crisis_(1955%E2%80%9364)#Crisis_of_1963%E2%80%9364

[NutLoose]

Finally, spare a thought for the officer from Command Accounts at Brampton and of the Jewish faith who volunteered to do Christmas Duty Staff Officer, and got the Lockerbie disaster to deal with

Spare a thought for me on resettlement leave about 10 miles away. :ooh:

[Danny42C]

Careless Danny got clearance to land at Thornaby one foggy Sunday, but landed at MSG in mistake (well, they were very much alike and only six miles apart).

"Three extra auxiliary weekends SDO !", said unamused Station Commander Monday morning.

[ancientaviator62]

Of course station duties were not supposed to be handed out as punishments. One of my troops tried to point this out to me as if I was unaware. I told him it was not a punishment but 'PQ enhancement training ' and if he objected to that then he aught to consider the alternative course of action that was open to me. He very quickly got the message.

[Pontius Navigator]

BEagle, same deal at Coningsby. Duly arrived at barrack block with loca! RAFP. Shortly thereafter there Professionals from Northern Region arrive to put frighteners on.

"You don't need to stay if
you don't want to Sir"

I could take a hint.

Duly filed an NTR.

Later call from OC GD, white hadn't I reported this? Pointed out RAFP quite able to give a full report.

[cargosales]

As a baby APO I never got called on to do OO stuff.. Probably wise given that my first taste of command was as 'escort officer' for the Pantech taking all our UAS's kit to Wildrenrath for summer camp. And it all went tits ..

As instructed, the Pantech driver obediently followed the escort vehicle (phew, top cover!) .. err, right under the canopy at the front of the OM, which unfortunately was several inches shorter than the vehicle... Worse, it was the day of the Summer Ball. Germanic efficiency though saved the day.

[noprobs]

I was SDO when that duty required sleeping in Ops Wg HQ. In the middle of the night, the only other occupant, the WRAF Cpl on duty in the Comcen, burst into my bedroom, switched on the light, and announced that my assistance was needed urgently. She had been getting messages from Group that the PBX was out of action. The RAFP had been sent to investigate, but they couldn’t gain access, despite hearing someone inside the locked building. The Comcen cpl, who knew the WRAF in the PBX, was summoned to help, so could I look after the Comcen? With a friendly voice at the door, the PBX operator reluctantly opened the door, somewhat intoxicated and not very dressed. Further investigation revealed her boyfriend in the restricted building, in a similar state, having provided the distraction from phone duties.

In the aftermath, I wondered what might have happened if the drunken WRAF had been the one locked in the same building as me.

[X1FTS]

I was giving an evening talk at St Mawgan a few years back and was getting signed in at the guardroom when a car pulled up and a sergeant got out and went across to where the ensign was about to be lowered at 1800. He stood to attention and saluted as it came down, then got back in his car and drove back out of the camp.

I queried all this with the officer who was signing me in, Apparently there were so few officers left at St Mawgan that SNCOs took their turn as "orderly officer". Also it's now a duty which can be carried out from home - no requirement to stay and sleep on camp any more.

Times change.
Times certainly do. When I was a Flt Off on OO over weekends; inspecting airmen' meals, checking armoury etc, I always envied the Flt Lt SDOs who sat about the mess in sports jackets, and seemed to have nothing to do. By the time I was a Flt Lt, the SDO had mysteriously moored into Duty Ops Officer or some such and Flt Its were OOs. Story of my life.

[X1FTS]

Times certainly do. When I was a Flt Off on OO over weekends; inspecting airmen' meals, checking armoury etc, I always envied the Flt Lt SDOs who sat about the mess in sports jackets, and seemed to have nothing to do. By the time I was a Flt Lt, the SDO had mysteriously moored into Duty Ops Officer or some such and Flt Its were OOs. Story of my life.
Sorry - careless. Never was Flt Off - should have written Pg Off. Still binary!

[Maxibon]

I could go o n about being OO and a certain PBX operator; “lot of signals tonight sir?” said the OS. “ erm, yes, there appears to be” I replied....

There was a (late) ANI at FY who when SDOing would call the attractive SACW on the desk on his phone from the bunk to ask to the SDO. When she told him the line was engaged , he’d ask her to pop round to the bunk as it was important.... the dirty bugger.

[Cornish Jack]

Shortly before I PVR'd, Brize made OO and SDO a combined duty. Late night phone call passed to me as being from the Duty Desk Officer at the *** newspaper. (NO significance to number of asterisks!) "Station Duty Officer, how can I help?"
"We'd like to arrange for a 1cwt bag of budgerigar seed to be loaded on the next flight to the Falklands. It's a special request."
.....................:hmm: :confused: :ooh: :suspect: :* := :E :mad: :mad: :p :ok: phone replaced with enthusiasm!
Oh ... and the date - April 1st!
Next afternoon a consignment of something arrived at an airbase in England for onward transport!!!

[burylad]

Biggin Hill in 1987 on reselection for several weeks and duty dog came around frequently.

Several fatalities from a twin that crashed in fog on the perimeter that day and called out to escort & secure the bloodstained wreckage onto the camp under cover of darkness ☹️.

Couple of days later called out by Duty Sgt. During the guard patrol to secure ground floor windows they discovered an open window with curtains not fully closed. Two airmen arrested & secured in the cells who were seen in a compromising position.
Call out the Duty Officer & the naive 20 year old sprog can deal with it !
How times change.

[Pontius Navigator]

a sergeant got out and went across to where the ensign was about to be lowered at 1800. He stood to attention and saluted as it came down, then got back in his car and drove back out of the camp.

Also it's now a duty which can be carried out from home - no requirement to stay and sleep on camp any more.

On one occasion I forgot I was OO and went home. The Sgt Adjt covered up for me and apart from some beer I heard nothing more.

I had recurring nightmares even now and can't distinguish fact from fiction but I certainly i have missed flag lowering and the OS has covered.

Even in the 90s, provided we could react we could stay off base, I was 6 miles away. Rather than don No1s for defaulters I just wore the trench coat Mac. In compensation I would be soft on defaulters just pointing out duster fluff etc.
​​​

[teeteringhead]

I've posted this tale a couple of times before, but a quick search tells me the last time was 4 1/2 years ago so I guess it's time for a re-post:

In the very late 60s - 68 or 69 - the baby pilot APO Teeters was a student at Linton or Syerston (for curious reasons I spent time at both).

One time one was Orderly Officer (OO) being "looked after" by a aged (at least 30!) Orderly Sergeant (OS). One of the later duties - maybe 2130 or so - said:

Draw Commcen keys from Guardroom, 'phone Commcen, go and check security etc. Which we duly did - except the 'phone call.

" But Sergeant - it clearly says 'phone first!"

"Trust me sir..............."

Now the Commcen (WRAF manned) was co-located with PBX (ditto),and was also where Duty WRAF hung out. About 5 girls in all, with 2 or 3 bunks (double or triple).

Now in those days, Airpersons' uniforms were made of blue blankets,known affectionally (NOT!) as "Hairy Blues". Which irritated exposed skin more than somewhat - so the girls had removed their skirts.

I should also add that this was before tights had gained general acceptance.

Net result: OO and OS confronted by 5 x Section Officer Harveys. (Poorer quality shirts, but good legs!)

Which explained the lack of a 'phone call. (Thank you Sergeant!). And they were in mid brew-up/fry-up.

"Oh hello Sir, fancy a brew and a bacon butty?" (I assure you nothing else was offered )

A stitch up for the baby pilot for sure - but a most welcome one which I remember in detail.

And I STILL remember!

[RFCC]

Honington in the mid 70s. The Ord Off and Ord Sgt pitch up together for the morning flag raising. Now, the flag pole was located opposite the guardroom at the main gate and so there were always plenty of customers for the standing to attention bit. Comes the time to raise, the OS can't find the whistle and after a panic search, still no whistle. "Well, YOU'LL just have to whistle" says the Ord Off to the Ord Sgt. Just try pursing you lips to whistle with the Ord Off facing you grinning like a Cheshire cat and an attentive audience from the many troops passing by.

[Pontius Navigator]

At ISK the flag got stuck. I think the rope got looped over the gaff. Consternation. I calmly told the OS to organise a cherry picker PDQ before John Pack the staish saw it.

He was held in high regard and MT soon had the flag fixed. Don't know if JP ever knew.

[BATCO]

As the Station Rock at RAF Swinderby (about 1984-5) I was responsible for three main areas: initial GDT for all SRT recruits; GDT for the Station (and Lincolnshire County Military HQ); and the Station Fire Section. When, as OO, I was told of a fire in a MQ I duly ordered the Fire FS to the scene. The FS protested that he was there to respond to potential flying incidents not actual fires in MQ. I overruled him and the Fire Section subsequently rescued a lady from the upper floor of the burning MQ well before the local authority fire service arrived.

Carpetted by the Station Commander, I was informed that I didn't control the Fire Section - that honour belonged, he said, to OC ATC - and that I had put the EFT crews at risk by removing their crash/rescue cover. I replied that as far as I recalled I wrote their F6442s, was OC their barrack block and the Fire Section building, and heard their (many, many) Orderly Rooms as Junior Subordinate Commander. If OC ATC wanted to take on those tasks I'd be very happy. I also added for good measure that they had most certainly saved the lady's life.

The carpetting ended abruptly, I retained the Fire Section and the Station Commander bought me a beer at the next happy hour. And I'd do the same again.

Regards
Batco

[BEagle]

Chivenor 1981. OO turns up a couple of minutes early to salute the flag one morning, only to find neither ensign nor Ord Sgt were present. Knowing that the Stn Cdr was a zealot for such things, he goes off to look for the missing Sgt.

A few minutes later, a little after the appointed hour for ensign hoisting, Ord Sgt rushes up with flag. On seeing no trace of the OO, he decides to blow whistle, hoist ensign, step back and salute it, then blow the whistle again.

All this is observed by an incandescent Stn Cdr, whose temper is raised further when the OO returns. "YOU, MY OFFICE, YOUR HAT NOW!"

Mate attempts to explain, but words fall on deaf ears and he is invited to volunteer for another 7 days of OO...

Later the Stn Cdr's office was moved to the new location in the posh new Handbrake House - and it overlooks the flag pole. I knew that it took exactly 10 sec to walk from the car parking spot to the saluting point and had seen the Stn Cdr peering out of his window, obviously hoping to catch another victim. But with 12 sec to go, I casually got out of my car, marched over to the saluting point and called "3...2...1...NOW" to the Ord Sgt. Ensign lowered exactly on time, but I could feel the Stn Cdr's glare on the back of my neck as I went back to the car... :)

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Colt late 90s. I was SDO and was called out at about 2am to a fire in one of the airman's blocks. Fire crew (Station one) already on scene. Lots of scantily clad bodies milling around outside on the grass: More females than males!
That fire certainly spoilt someone's night of fun.

Luckily no major injuries but it was close, a tea-light candle had melted through the top of the TV it was on and set it alight. Room occupant had fallen asleep and had to be rescued. In one sense he was a very lucky man as you could see the silhouette made by the soot on his bed, but not as lucky as at least one of his mates (if you know what I mean ;-) )

[oldmansquipper]

Hmmm. Many Ord Cpls, Ord Sgts and OOs in my time, luckily most of the JOs I dealt with listened, and they went smoothly. Advising a Fg Off first tourist JP at Laarbruch that it was HIS job, and not mine to close the LL Club (JR Naafi) and the bar on a dance night - when the rocks were in town was not really an example of.a sympathetic Ord Cpl.

But the incident with Stn Duty personnel that sticks in my mind was during GW1 when I was at HQSTC. As an SME and Eng Auth I was called in from home at about 0300 to locate a number of the extremely scarce new fangled GPS things for the secret squirrels. A number had been obtained under several dubious funding regimes (STF, COs fund or whatever) and were jealously guarded by the individual units.

All went well at first, including me arranging a civilian helicopter to courier a few down from Scotland. (I always thought that WO was the most powerful rank but this proved it!!) lord knows who actually paid eventually....but I digress.

One unit did, however, prove difficult. I spent some time locating the units duty eng ops only to be told that he was not prepared to release said items. OK said I, "put me through to your OC Eng then". Again, he refused, much to late to disturb OC Eng for some random WO from Strike. Explaining for the third or fourth time I asked "Are you sure?". " Yes I am bl**dy sure" was his reply. It seems that Flt Lt X felt that his unit should not give up these scarce items on his watch.

I believe my rapidly penned "immediate" personal signal to his Station Commander changed his mind, and the items were released PDQ. His apologetic phone call came the following day.

Signals - remember them? .....I doubt that "Twitter" would work as well!

As for who actually released the secret and immediate signal? I couldn't possibly say, but when one is alone in an 'above ground' soft office whilst all the movers and shakers were cowering down the hole, necessity becomes the mother of invention.

[Hydromet]

As a young Cpl, I was acting Orderly Sgt while most of the unit was on exercise out in the bush. Nice and quiet, until some of the civilian employees - mess staff, cleaners - got on the turps and started doing damage. Called OO, who went white and broke into a sweat, and vanished. Trouble continued, so went to the guardroom, grabbed two large privates (that doesn't sound right), confiscated the remaining alcohol and read the riot act.

Troops return to barracks, Cpl Hydro told to report to Bn 2IC. Expecting a bollocking, get a 'Well done'. His teenage son, unknown to me, was one of the civilian employees, had seen what was happening and removed himself from the scene. Later reported to his father.

Oh, the confiscated alcohol? Who knows what became of it.:cool:

[Ogre]

I was Ord Cpl at Kinloss the day Thomas Hamilton made himself front page news at Dunblane primary school, not really a major issue for for us but at the time the main gate to camp was being rebuilt so the Ord Cpl was shipped out to a portacabin by the back gate on the Findhorn road. As all the TV channels were filled with the coverage all night long all I had to watch was the gate guards (not very exciting) and an aged VHS cassette of Tommy Cooper (not marginally better).

Saying that I was also Ord Cpl at the same station the night the river Ness was going to break its banks into Inverness town centre. We'd just got rid of the defaulters, packed the solitary prisoner off to bed, bade the OO good night and settled down to watch some educational movies the Ord Sgt had provided, when the phone rang. This was the OO, we'd been requested to provide manpower to fill sandbags and shore up the river defences by the civilian council. So we packaed away the entertainment and started trying to work out what we needed and how to get it. Lossie was going to provide a 3 tonner and sandbags, so we had to find the manpower to fill and lay them, but where do you find a dozen "volunteers" at midnight?

By this time the OO was back in the guardroom and we all started ringing round. The duty airman was left to watch the front desk and provide refreshments while I was given the task of getting in-flight catering to provide box meals. Once I'd roused the duty sandwich mechanic, I told him we need 20 or so box meals delivered to guard room pronto. It took a bit of convincing that yes I was serious and no it wasn't a wind up, but I think what swung it was after telling him what we needed for the third time I casually said "well if you won't help, give me the number of the catering officer". After short silence he whispered "you wouldn't dare...." but without resorting to actually phoning his boss we got out meals.

Unfortunately the night shift Nimrod line could not provide manpower to assist, the snow and ice party was called out to swell the ranks and in the middle of all this a young fresh faced (and out of breath) WRAF burst through the guard room door and announced that some one had banged on her door and told her to report to the guardroom in her combats. She was then directed to get on the bus that had just pulled up outside, along with a dozen burly airmen who had been rounded up. She was next seen on the morning news trying to carry a sandbag...

By 04:00 the fuss had died down, the OO went off to write up his report and the Ord Sgt and I tried to fill in the daily occurrence book with approximate times for what we thought was the actual sequence of events. By the time the WRAF guardroom Sgt arrived we'd more or less sorted it out, the flag was up, the prisoner had been woken (he'd slept through the whole thing) and we were ready for knocking off. When the WRAF Sgt breezed in and asked "Quiet night then?" the Ord Sgt went "Well.....let me give you the headlines first...."

[Saintsman]

Reported for Orderly Corporal duty first thing at Akrotiri, only to be told to come back later.

Reason was that all the cells were full because the regiment had been building bazookas in the Pen Club out of tins cans and using lighter fluid to send all the light bulbs in the club flying around.

It took them all morning to deal with it, which was fine by me.

When I did finally report, only one prisoner was left in the cells and he was one of the stars of the 'Mata Hari' debacle, where a number of young lads were accused of spying, only for them all to be found not guilty at the Old Bailey.

[NutLoose]

I remember the OS turning up under the weather at Odi having been to some function at the Sgts mess, he promptly collected the ensign from under the desk went out and hoisted it about 3:00 am, he then retired to bed with instructions to wake him 15 mins before the OO turfed up so he could have a kip, at which point he told him he had already done the flag hoisting.

[Wander00]

Not "duty dog" story, rather more "always on duty". Early 80s and I was OC PSF at a fighter station in the Lincs Wolds. Quiet Sunday afternoon at girlfriend's house in Louth (she ex wife of a guy on same station since posted). Her phone (not a mobile in those days) rings, she answers and with a grim face hands phone to me. "It is the Binbrook Duty Officer for you, and tell him next time it would be polite to first ask if you are here!"

[longer ron]

One of the 'funnies' I remember.
RAF Brandy,Sunny Pembrokeshire in the late 70's.

Elderly couple seen driving round peri track/taxyway - they ask somebody - ''Is this the road to St Davids ?'' :)

I would not have liked to be any of the Gate Guard team at the subsequent Inquiry/'interview' LOL.

Brandy had a fairly remote Gate Guard hut on the little lane which was the main entrance to the camp.

[Old Bricks]

I was OO at Gatow one day while the Berlin Tattoo was on. The station and all the empty hangars were full of army personnel, horses etc up from "The Zone" as participants. Called to the guardroom late one evening as a soldier had been brought in, out of his brains, having tried to break up the NAAFI bar and take on all of the RAF Police. Had a look at him (from a sensible distance) and gave normal instructions to lock him up, supervise, call medics if necessary and I would sort out with army in the morning. Off to bed, then strolled down to guardroom at about 0700 to do one's duty. Asked Orderly Cpl how the man was. "No idea, sir. A very big and angry RSM came and got him at 0500." Thinking this is a bit of a cheek, disregarding RAF justice blah blah etc, passing RAF Police Cpl says - "I know where he is. One of the airfield mobile patrols is watching him running around the perimeter track pursued by an angry, big RSM in a Land Rover shouting at him all the time. He's been going round since 0500 - even the East German guards on the fence seem to be amused".
I left it at that. The army seemed to have everything under control.

[Pontius Navigator]

One hazy summer Sunday afternoon in 1962 at what is now HMP Highpoint, the OO, APO Tim Hankey, was alerted by the guardroom that a light aircraft had landed. APO Tim, supported by a few members of our Nav Course made his way to the aircraft. They were lost, not difficult with so many airfields all looking the same.

What better place to land than the School of Navigation. Tim gave them directions with due allowance for wind and they were soon on their way.

Next day "Did you collect landing fees Hankey?"

[MPN11]

Old Bricks, I had a similar at Bisley during the Services Championships. Although not exactly OO/SDO, I was the RAF Liaison Officer with the Army who ran the camp during the meeting.

Drunken and violent airman pinned down at the base of a hedge by 4 or more colleagues one evening. I summoned formal assistance from the camp Guardroom, which materialised in the form of a Landy and 2-3 Gurhas armed with pickaxe handles. I encouraged them to avoid using their implements, as they back-pedalled him to the Landy, hurled him into the back, sat on him and set off for the Proper Guardroom at Pirbright (then the Guards’ Depot) with me in my Landy in hot pursuit. I arrived to hear the slamming of a cell door and the bellowing of the Staff Sergeant Guard Commander, who appeared to be in full control of proceedings. He and I sorted out some Admin details, but the airman was getting restless and banging on his cell door. The consequential “BE QUIET” must have been audible in Guildford!

Airman returned to Unit the next day, presumably with supporting paperwork by a separate route, for action there ... leaving his Station Shooting Team one man short.

[MPN11]

And, apart from the foregoing, my many stints as OO, SDO and even ‘Duty Stn Cdr’ (a weekend peculiar at Waddington shared between a handful of Stn Execs) don’t seem to have produced any tales of note at all!! :)

[Four Turbo]

OK. OO at Wildenrath early 60s as a Pilot Officer. Lowest of the low, always last in line! Evening duties required a fire check of the kitchen after it had closed. Did so - to find head chef and pretty head waitress hard at it on the 'Table, meat preparation'. (yes, honest) Nobody knew why from then on I only had to sit down at dinner to get instant service and the biggest steak! Mike T.

[DeepestSouth]

RAF Bicester – 1974. There was a national alarm, fuelled by the ‘red top’ newspapers, that terrorists were at large in the UK with man-portable anti-aircraft missiles, intending to target civilian airliners and/or military aircraft. We had, of course, quite a few Chipmunk aircraft based at Bicester although the rather better armed F-111 aircraft a few miles away at Upper Heyford might have been at more risk! One dark night, with the Alert State high, I was the OO and on my night patrol of the airfield perimeter. It was very dark as I entered the old WW II bomb dump area, totally unlit but still accessible with narrow roads between 10ft high mounds. It was overgrown with bushes and scrub and clearly a good lurking place for bad guys. Torch in hand, more than usually alert, I wandered along the tracks when suddenly there was the most almighty noise, crashing about and general mayhem in the bushes immediately to my right. Fearing the worst and preparing to run or fight(!) I was confronted by a ghostly white shape which went very fast right past my head, very close, followed by something bumping into my right leg! It was very nearly a ‘brown underpants moment’ and it took several minutes for my heart rate to fall after I realised that I had disturbed a fox intent on a meal of barn owl. A stiffener in the Mess Bar was required!

[PlasticCabDriver]

OO on BFT at Cranwell and the delights of going up to Waddington to collect signals to deliver to Digby. Digby the f*cking Signals Unit that couldn’t receive its own f*cking signals.
Once it happened 3 times in a single night, plus the usual Cranwell stuff.
And then the looks of disapproval/LMF/not-really-FJ-material when the next morning I had the temerity to ask for a few extra hours of kip as I’d got precisely none the night before.
And all those middle of the night summonses (particularly on a Fri night as all the desk officers clear their desks on a Fri afternoon) to the Comcen to read Priority signals (“can’t read them over the phone to you Sir”) covering such vital stuff as SAC Bloggs fitter’s course being delayed from 4 months hence to 4 months and 1 week hence, and information so essential to the security of the realm that it really had to be sent Priority such as the lack of the correct colour of WRAF tights in the system.
There are some bits of service life I don’t miss.

[Pontius Navigator]

PCD, ah yes, the Priority Friday afternoon desk clearance. A good reason to scheme and avoid a Friday duty. If you got lucky you could retaliate with a priority, personal for acknowlegement.

[Wensleydale]

the delights of going up to Waddington to collect signals to deliver to Digby

The same happened at Finningley where the OO had to travel to Bawtry to get the signals. On the night that Skylab came back to earth, the projected impact point was sent on the hour every hour as a classified priority signal meaning that the poor OO had to drive to Bawtry and back at least once per hour throughout the night to discover each time that Skylab would go plop into the Pacific.

On the subject of the Friday night "unimportant" priority signals, I heard the (probably apocryphal) story that one OO used to send an immediate confirmation of receipt signal for personal attention of the originator, thus getting his own back. This story came out after one OO at Valley was dragged out of bed at silly o'clock to find an immediate correction to a signal for the families' officer which read "for 1953 married quarters read pre-1953 married quarters".

[langleybaston]

Desk clearance UK HQs vs JHQ Rheindahlen.

For a substantial part of the year [memory fails] there was an hour's difference. with JHQ an hour ahead. This may just have contributed to the light cavalry charge, on bikes, downhill across the grass, at knocking off time on Fridays. That and a curry with happy hour.
My Met Office boss at Bracknell [my other one was SASO RAFG] was wise to this, as he had held the post before me. Thus Gosome got earlier and earlier, a pint or two pints earlier on some occasions. Drunk in charge of a bike in Germany could result in losing the driving licence. Pushing a bike, wazzed, from the Mess to Portadown Way was a big ask.

[Tengah Type]

March 65. Just celebrated 21st Birthday and 1 Years seniority as a Fg Off at Tengah.( It was hell, but somebody had to do it ). I returned from a detachment in Borneo on the Friday afternoon to find I had been "volunteered" to be Station Orderly Officer on the Sunday. Sunday duly came with the standard hangover from Friday Happy Hour and the Saturday entertainment ( often a continuous event ). All was well until about 10am when there was a fire in an Airman's Married Quarter. No Casualties, so all was well. Then there was the Intruder Alert, some locals intent on a thieving mission. Then there was the alleged " attempted murder"( domestic) in an SNCO's Married Quarter. I inspected the Airman's Mess Lunch, but missed the Officers Mess Lunch as I was then called to talk to the Singapore Police about "an attempted suicide" by a Station airman trying to jump off a bridge in Singapore City, and arrange his recovery by the RAF Police and Medics.
Then I had to call in ATC, Fire Crews etc to meet An RAFG Canberra on detachment at Kuantan, which was arriving with an airman who was a Class A Compassionate Case to UK, The BOAC VC10 was being held at Payer Lebar until he arrived. I arranged for the Duty Storeman, Duty Armourer and Duty Clerk to meet the aircraft in the dispersal to relieve him of his kit and rifle and ammo and provide en-route documentation. The Duty Driver was on hand to speed him to Payer Lebar. A further fire and another "Domestic" occured during the rest of the afternoon. The usual Signals runs, Flag Wags, and inspection of the Airmen's meals were also completed.
I just made it to dinner, before it finished, to find a Flt Lt I did not know, also in uniform. I asked him why and he told me he was the Station Duty Officer and what a boring day he had had with nothing to do as he had had no calls at all!
It transpired that, whilst I was in Borneo, that the duties of OO and SDO had been split due to the work load during the Confrontation, and the Station Routine Order had not yet been issued. Hence nobody on the station knew of the new arrangements and accordingly were calling the OO. I told the SDO he was now in charge and could read my report in the morning. I inspected the defaulters, checked the keys and retired to the bar for a couple(?) of well earned Tigers.

[Wensleydale]

I believe that when it was decided to merge the roles of SDO and OO into one duty, it was planned for there to be just a SDO. However, it states in QRs (or it did) that the SDO had to be a Flt Lt minimum rank and therefore it was named Orderly Officer to open the duty to Plt Offs and Fg Offs (and WOs in some cases).

[Pontius Navigator]

WD, and SNCOs on occasion. Many 'traditional (habits)' duties have been shuffled for convenience. OCpl raising the flag as SNCOs diverted to guard commander, sqn ldr duty stn cdr as 5 wg card thought it came round too often. Duty controller, a sqn ldr duty to flt lt for same reason.

As long as S misses F they get away with it. Like I said, tales of the Real Air Force.

[Fitter2]

I vaguely remember at Coltishall 66-69 Orderly Corporal stood and saluted while Orderly Sergeant blew whistle and raised/lowered the flag. The first time I did Orderly Sergeant somebody important had died so it was a half-mast job. I knew the bit about taking it to the top first, but not that (as I was informed later) in the RAF half mast is one flag width below the top, not about 1/3 of the way down (as I had observed on the previous occasion). I has a phone call from the SWO informing me of my iniquity. Now the St George's flag on our church tower is hoisted correctly as required (until the Bishop tells me otherwise).

[Dan Winterland]

Getting ready to salute the rag at Brize at 0759 one Sunday morning, the orderly Sergeant said "Shall we raise it half mast Sir?" I hadn't seen or heard any news that day, having only just recently dragged myself out of the Orderly Ofiicer's scratcher and was looking forward to the free breakfast. On asking why, I was informed that Princess Diana had been killed in a car crash a few hours earlier. "S'pose we should" was the answer. All I could think about as the flag went up the pole was "this is an excellent time not to be OO at the RAF's busiest transport base!". My replacement was already at the guardroom one minute later, and the phone was already ringing for the OO. He had heard the news and wasn't looking very happy. He didn't have a good day. incidentally, the Brize Station Standing orders mentioned that "The Orderly Officer is to drink in moderation". There it was in black and white - drinking was obligatory! I was a bit fuzzy headed because when embarking down that path, judgement gets progressively impaired and the line between moderation and excess had become ever so slightly blurred. It was a bit of a conundrum.

Other Orderly Dog tails:

I was called out to the WAAF block at one station as a young LACW was going to throw herself out of the top floor because her boyfriend had dumped her. Some bright spark suggested finding out who the boyfriend was and getting him to come and talk to her. Seemed like a good idea at the time, and as he was in the RAF at another station nearby, quite feasible. So this was done. When he turned up, it transpired that he was a mate from my Initial Officer Training - something which was strictly forbidden at the time. I left his rank out of my report!

One day as SDO at Swinditz, I had been informed that there were defaulters for inspection after all. I arrived at midnight to see a whole parade lined up - only the Standard and band were missing!. One entry had just failed a snap block inspection and they had been immediately put on Station defaulters. I walked up and down the lines trying to muster as much interest in the bullsh!t proceedings as a gash aircrew type could , and of course, being in basic training - they were near immaculate. But one guy attracted my attention because he was very nervous. A closer look revealed he had no socks!. It seems his 'mates' had nicked them as a joke. The duty Corporal wanted to convene a firing squad, but I couldn't care less and told him to find them before morning.

After landing on a training flight one day, the boss asked me to get to the guardroom ASAP as one of the students had been arrested by P&SS and protocol required someone from the establishment to sit in the interview. I was expecting something serious like drugs. But once the tape recorder had started and everyone had introduced themselves, Fg Off Nastygit produced a photo of an asre with a bottle stuck in it. I lost it immediately and with the tears rolling down my eyes, I suggested holding an identity parade as the arse had an identifiable zit. I was expelled from the interview and the Sqn was instructed to send someone more mature and responsible. I managed to see my replacement before he went in and mentioned that under no circumstances was he to laugh when shown the photo - without mentioning the subject. Of course, he also lost it when seeing the photo. The case collapsed. What had happened is that the student had left his camera lying around at a party and his course mates decided to add to his photo portfolio, Not knowing what was on the roll, he gave it to Boots in Newark to process and when they saw the photos with others of people in uniform, they handed it to the Police at the nearest RAF Station, Newton - HQ of P&SS.

[NutLoose]

That was a favourite trick at the Brize disco if a girl left her camera on the table when she went to have a dance, leg it to the bogs with several mates and take various photos of different tadgers before returning it to the table.
:E

Incidentally an old aquaintance worked at the tip near Bedford and all the images confiscated by Boots would be tipped into the landfill once or twice a year, he said you would be walking across site when all these photos of " Readers Wives" would come blowing across the site, they would all pick them up and compare them with each others collection.

[Tashengurt]

It was standard that anyone foolish enough to leave their camera in flying clothing prior to a gash trip would have several photo's of squippers backsides on the film when developed.

[alwayslookingup]

At ISK the flag got stuck. I think the rope got looped over the gaff. Consternation. I calmly told the OS to organise a cherry picker PDQ before John Pack the staish saw it.

He was held in high regard and MT soon had the flag fixed. Don't know if JP ever knew.

I think I knew his daughter, Sarah....

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

... the Brize Station Standing orders mentioned that "The Orderly Officer is to drink in moderation".

There's a pub in Reading called The Moderation. Very handy for the Benson Orderly Officer!

[pr00ne]

Reading to Benson? Quite a way...

[lsh]

A pal and I were both very new Sergeant's, at Gutersloh.

One evening, he received a call as Orderly Sergeant reporting that someone was "on the roof of the Airman's Mess porch, peeing on customers below at the Chicken Inn"!
With great presence of mind, he arrived on scene and, very loudly, called on the person to stop "spilling drink from a can onto innocent people".
It worked!
Chap came down, a few disgruntled customers, all sorted.
I guess a few washing machines were on overtime - but he defused it brilliantly.

lsh
:E

[rogerg]

When I did my first OO, I made the mistake of inspecting the jankers front first then down the back. When it came to "officer on parade dismiss" they all turned left and was on the wrong end. The orderly sgt had a little smirk!!

[PTR 175]

Two minor incidents of note apart from the many hours wasted filling out visitors forms and handing out keys. At least that has some form of automation now.

First one. St Mawgan. Whilst in the guardroom one night I had a rather scruffy person apppear at the window wishing to hand himself in. Aparently he had gone AWOL some time ago and his concience bought him to the nearest military establishment. Now, that gave me a dielemma, do I lock him up in the cells for the night and all the palarva that goes with that or do I send him on his way working out that another day on the run would not add to his troubles, so I told him to come back in the morning when the day staff were there. Guess what, he did.

Lastly. whilst on detachment to Deci with 1 (F) Sqn I had the pleasure of OS. Which included Container checks, avoiding the Itallian guards and shuting down the Nuragie club. I was given that day because my Flt Sgt who did not like me knew what was on that night and wanted me to fail. Not normally a significant problem apart from the fact that the last RAF Phantom Sqn were there on their last trip away. It was rather lively to say the least. The staff in the Nuragie were fine and I was accosted by the Phantom Sqn Flt Sgt on my entry, who incidently i knew, he said he would look after things if i left them alone. Which i did. I popped back at the stipulated times and all was logged correctly. At closing time i gave them another 30 minutes or so in co-operation with the club staff and went back all was quiet and empty. pheww. Next morning at work the Phantom Sqn Flt Sgt came over to say good bye and thank me and handed me a large ice cream from the terminal building as a gift.

[Teamchief]

Orderly Corporal at Laarbruch AOC’s day late 80’s. Nobody available to relieve me for lunch so I asked one of the Cloggie blanket store boys to cover for me whilst I went to the mess. On return I asked stand in o/cpl if anthing had happened in my absence. Big perm’d hair civvie replies ja! Just one airman told to get his hair cut by the SWO reporting to the Guardroom to get it checked! I said it looked very short but should be ok! I bet said airman was very impressed!

[Old Bricks]

How to Get Orderly Officer Duties Really, Really Wrong
The following saga tells the story of what happens when an Orderly Officer really makes a c*ck of it. Thankfully it was not me, but was from army unit down the road in Berlin. Said unit had no comcen, so was served by Gatow. If a signal arrived out of normal hours, duty comcen operator would phone army OO, who would send army duty driver to collect. Only a 10 minute trip between the two sites. Among Gatow comcen operators was one chap blessed (or cursed?) with a totally unintelligible Glasgow accent that required subtitles even face-to-face. Gatow OOs were used to him and whatever he said on the phone, OO always went to comcen to retrieve signal to read in detail. One night, Glaswegian comcen operator phones army OO to tell him there is a casualty signal. Army OO's unit was currently deployed down in West Germany on exercise, leaving only a rear party in barracks. One sgt had had a heart attack and is VSI. Army OO sends driver to collect signal, but then demands that comcen operator reads him the text over the phone. Instead of waiting for hard copy, OO rushes round to MQs to tell wife of Sgt A that he is VSI and she needs to prepare to be driven from Berlin to his side in hospital. To help in sorting out upset wife, calls on neighbour to help - wife of Sgt B, also deployed on same exercise. Meanwhile, driver arrives with hard-copy signal, plus another one which has just come saying that Sgt B has moved from being VSI to deceased.
As you can imagine, the dwang that OO had dropped himself in was bottomless and getting deeper. Most of bn officers were deployed, so finding appropriate level of saviour from those remaining was very difficult. To cut a long story short, OO volunteered to make a very substantial personal financial contribution to the CO's Welfare Fund, and, as far as I remember, was OO for the majority of the rest of his tour (or career, which I should think became the same thing.)

[sitigeltfel]

Old Bricks, I had a similar at Bisley during the Services Championships. Although not exactly OO/SDO, I was the RAF Liaison Officer with the Army who ran the camp during the meeting.

Drunken and violent airman pinned down at the base of a hedge by 4 or more colleagues one evening. I summoned formal assistance from the camp Guardroom, which materialised in the form of a Landy and 2-3 Gurhas armed with pickaxe handles. I encouraged them to avoid using their implements, as they back-pedalled him to the Landy, hurled him into the back, sat on him and set off for the Proper Guardroom at Pirbright (then the Guards’ Depot) with me in my Landy in hot pursuit. I arrived to hear the slamming of a cell door and the bellowing of the Staff Sergeant Guard Commander, who appeared to be in full control of proceedings. He and I sorted out some Admin details, but the airman was getting restless and banging on his cell door. The consequential “BE QUIET” must have been audible in Guildford!

Airman returned to Unit the next day, presumably with supporting paperwork by a separate route, for action there ... leaving his Station Shooting Team one man short.

I was at the inter services meet in 1973 when the Gurkhas did all the camp donkey work. At that time a lot of the teams had their own bar/clubhouse and the Nepalese lads preferred to drink at the Royal Marines bar. One evening, at closing time, they were "reluctant" to stop drinking and leave. The RMP were called and after negotiations had failed, their boss told the dog handlers to send the dogs in. Cue lots of little brown men jumping out of the windows! Dogs seemed to be the only thing they were afraid of.

[BEagle]

Sending in the dogs doesn't always work...

At some POW camp in the war, the Russian prisoners in one particular hut were having a riot. Rather than risk any of his men, the German commander instructed that the dogs should be sent in.

3 rather unpleasant Alsatians were bundled through the door. Much woofing and yelling followed, then a couple of yelps before one came racing out with its tail between it legs and eyes bulging in fright.

Its colleagues were the first fresh meat the Russians had received since they'd been there...

[DODGYOLDFART]

There was a time along while ago when I came to believe that Orderly anything was handed out as a virtual "Jankers" for junior officers and NCO's. Is this still the case?

[MPN11]

There was a time along while ago when I came to believe that Orderly anything was handed out as a virtual "Jankers" for junior officers and NCO's. Is this still the case?
IIRC it was an illegal punishment, but used in lieu of formal proceedings.

I was awarded a week’s OO at Tengah by my SATCO. He intended to have me Court Martialled!! After having a ‘discussion’ with D/SATCO outside the office, he went back in and persuaded SATCO that it was not on. D/SATCO came out, told me SATCO had climbed down (and calmed down) and told me to accept what I was about to be given. I lost any shred of respect for SATCO in consequence, as what I had done was perfectly legal IAW orders etc. A very annoying week of OO passed without further incident, although (also being a shift worker) it effectively completely buggered my social life for a fortnight.

[Pontius Navigator]

MPN, we once awarded a very useful but potentially arguably punishment which ended with 3 week's nights for the miscreant.

He, a rather large lad, had engaged with a diminutive MT driver. The latter was given a period of detention thus depriving MT of a driver and increasing the workload on the others. Our man was awarded forfeit of pay - about one month's worth.

As he was now distinctly short of cash it was suggesting that he might like to volunteer for the night shift for 3 weeks of a paper exercise. He did a good job, subsequently worked for Pitchfork and got an exceptional report and last i saw, a few years later, a big grin and cpls tapes.

[BEagle]

Formerly an RN aerodrome, the layout of RAF Brawdy was such that the only OMQs on base were for the Stn Cdr and other Execs.

So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

A really nice chap and his generous gesture was much appreciated.

[Harley Quinn]

Formerly an RN aerodrome, the layout of RAF Brawdy was such that the only OMQs on base were for the Stn Cdr and other Execs.

So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

A really nice chap and his generous gesture was much appreciated.

I've known quite a few Stn Cdrs do that in the last couple of decades, one even brought sherry and mince pies into the guard force when I was Gd Cdr over Christmas

[Pontius Navigator]

A friend of mine was duty NORMAR controller at Pitreavie Castle one Christmas. FOSNI came down bearing Sherry with his ADC bearing mince pies. They brought AOSNI, an ex -201 Sqn CO, now 2*, who brought himself, obviously dragged out by the Admiral.

[teeteringhead]

I've known quite a few Stn Cdrs do that in the last couple of decades, one even brought sherry and mince pies into the guard force when I was Gd Cdr over Christmas On one (to remain nameless!) Station I was once on, Staish and Execs actually manned the gate for a couple of hours on Christmas Day so the guards could get a Christmas lunch at home.

Reinforced by OC Police and/or OC Rocks to ensure someone (of less than Wg Cdr rank) was present who could be trusted with a live weapon.......:eek:

[Danny42C]

DODGYOLDFART https://www.pprune.org/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.pprune.org/military-aviation/612571-orderly-dog-4.html#post10239016). (#62),Is this still the case ?Sure was in 1954 !

[MPN11]

On one (to remain nameless!) Station I was once on, Staish and Execs actually manned the gate for a couple of hours on Christmas Day so the guards could get a Christmas lunch at home.

Reinforced by OC Police and/or OC Rocks to ensure someone (of less than Wg Cdr rank) was present who could be trusted with a live weapon.......:eek:
Had similar, with SATCO and OC Ops doing jobs they really weren’t trained for! :)

[ShyTorque]

As I posted on the other thread (the one that I think prompted the beginning of this one) an officer of equal rank to mine (OC General Duties Flt) awarded me "Jankers" of a week's OO for me having the temerity to escape from the station early by being posted. IIRC, I did none of them.

[Wensleydale]

At one Station, the defaulters were no longer obliged to parade in No 1 uniform but could use their No2. However, the OO still had to wear No1s. In effect, it was the OO who had to make himself presentable rather than those under punishment!

[MPN11]

... it was the OO who had to make himself presentable rather than those under punishment! And rightly so, IMO! :)

MPN, we once awarded a very useful but potentially arguably punishment which ended with 3 week's nights for the miscreant.We had an airman who was always missing the bus for the Morning shift at Strubby. At interview with D/SATCO, he blamed insomnia and difficulty waking up. The solution was to put him on the [later start] Day shift, unless there was Night Flying ... where he would then have the afternoon and the subsequent morning off. Af the FlyPro was somewhat variable, said airman never knew what shift he as on from one day to the next. After a couple of weeks he claimed he was cured and asked to be allowed to try again.

[Skeleton]

I remember dropping the Ensign at ISK during a blizzard, I pulled the rope and it was stuck, pulled a bit harder, then a lot harder and the rope gave, along with a lump of ice the size of a football, which was heading straight for my location, i neatly stepped to one side and it smashed into the ground next to me. I thought "that was close" and carried on. As i about turned, the Orderly Officer was grinning from ear to ear. The Staish was right behind him also grinning from ear to ear, they were both pilot's I knew well from their visits to the simulator where the simulated ATC service we provided, often added to the problems they already had. I remain unconvinced to this day that one or both of them had not spotted the ice, despite their pleas to the contrary. Happy days.

[Minnie Burner]

Visiting Lyneham (can’t think why) late one evening and a well-known NZ Flt Lt was SDO, as he often was for weeks at a time, apparently. At 2259 and 59 secs the bar shutters are unceremoniously dropped without any request for last orders.
Me: “That’s a bit rude”.
SDO: “Don’t worry, we’ll go fishing when the bar-steward has buggered off, I did learn something at Binbrook”.
So we did for an hour or two.

I (much) later heard that NZ Flt Lt was Wg Cdr Ops. At Lyneham.

[Pontius Navigator]

However, the OO still had to wear No1s. In effect, it was the OO who had to make himself presentable rather than those under punishment!
As OO, staying at home 6:miles off base, I would put my rain coat on over a comfy sweater and No2 trousers, drive in, do the necessary, and drive home.

[MPN11]

As OO, staying at home 6:miles off base, I would put my rain coat on over a comfy sweater and No2 trousers, drive in, do the necessary, and drive home.
Bloody scruffy aircrew. Say no more. :D

[NutLoose]

RAF Odiham and a well known rock ape, nice as pie when sober but could swing the other way when not, OS called out to a rumpus at the NAAF 1, turns up and hearing who and what, decides to wait outside, RAF plod turns up and asks what's happening, OS tells him he is finishing his game of pool and will be right out.. Duty Plod not having that goes in and clears the pool table........ probably by a few inches as he recieves the pool cue at full swing, Duty Plod carried out on stretcher, Rock comes out having finished the game and walks back to Guardroom with the OS.

[BEagle]

As OO, staying at home 6:miles off base, I would put my rain coat on over a comfy sweater and No2 trousers, drive in, do the necessary, and drive home.

What an appalling admission of idleness! I was always taught that you should imagine how you would pass scrutiny if the defaulter was inspecting you! So, well-pressed No 1 HD, polished OP shoes and your best SD cap were de rigueur - and you arrived at the Guardroom at exactly the appointed hour to the second!

[NutLoose]

Chap at RAF Halton on OCpl for week, his offence, he had a class of all female trainees, a rarity and had them doing sit ups etc, he had them on their backs and legs raised with hands behind their heads doing tummy tucks when he walked down the line pointing and going haircut.... haircut... etc,

[Wander00]

Nutloose - you bad person.....

[taxydual]

Back in the early 80's, yours truly was Orderly Corporal at RAF Linton on Ouse. The fact that I was permanant staff at RAF Topcliffe held no water, so we were Joe'd to help out the LOO JNCO's spread the load.

Saturday night, Trafalgar Night. The LoO Officers Mess was handed over to our Dark Blue brethren to celebrate some unpleasantness somewhere off Spain or whereever.

The junior course attending RNEFTS at RAF Topcliffe had, that weekend, been despatched to do 'Adventure Training' for the weekend. This consisted of loading 10 RNEFTS students into a minibus and sending them to Scotland.

At 0 early o'clock, I received a telephone call, in the Guardroom, from a hospital in Scotland, telling me that the RNEFTS student minibus had had an altercation with a ditch, and that the minibus had come off worse resulting in a number of walking wounded (minor cuts and bruises) but one casualty that the Docs were concerned about. This RNEFTS student was mentioning abdominal pain that seemed to be getting worse.

The Docs at the hospital were requesting permission to do an exploratary op to ensure the studes kebabs were where they should be and OK.

Now, trying to find a SDO or RNEFTS Topcliffe Naval Officer who (at 0130 on a Sunday morning) wasn't 'tired and emotional' was even beyond the magic powers of Corporal's, so, yours truly, gave consent for the exploratory op. (Possibly illegal, but humanitarian................)

Outcome was, the RNEFTS stude with gut ache survived the op, with his innards declared Fully Serviceable, but had / has to endure an operation scar across his (no doubt) nubile body for the past 35 years courtesy of the LoO Orderly Cpl.

For that, if you are a PPruner and recognise yourself, I humbly apologise for the pain you suffered. I also thank God for the anonymity of these Forums.

[Union Jack]

Chap at RAF Halton on OCpl for week, his offence, he had a class of all female trainees, a rarity and had them doing sit ups etc, he had them on their backs and legs raised with hands behind their heads doing tummy tucks when he walked down the line pointing and going haircut.... haircut... etc,

Sounds like a close shave to me....

Jack

[Pontius Navigator]

Sounds like a close shave to me....

Jack
I wonder what was said after the GP was matched out.

[PlasticCabDriver]

What an appalling admission of idleness! I was always taught that you should imagine how you would pass scrutiny if the defaulter was inspecting you! So, well-pressed No 1 HD, polished OP shoes and your best SD cap were de rigueur - and you arrived at the Guardroom at exactly the appointed hour to the second!

and ensuring you then breathed red wine fumes over them just so they knew how inconvenient this all was having your evening interrupted!

[ORAC]

OO? Luxury!!

The duty I hated getting fingered for was doing the pay parade.

Report to Accounts and count and sign for a large briefcase full of nites and coins plus pay sheets (and count it carefully - twice - I was once given £10 short when that was a lot of money). Then spend the next 24-48 hours walking all of the unit to all the section durin all their various shifts to give them their weekly due, walking alone in the dark down unlit roads and alleyways with more cash than I earned in a year. Persuading the SDO to keep it in the safe overnight. And at the end, if you found you’d miscounted paying out (nobody ever complained about being given too much) finding the balance out if your pocket.

[MPN11]

ORAC ... OMG, Pay Parade! One of the nauseas of being OO at Tengah on Pay Day for the hundreds of Locally Employed Personnel. As with your dit, Accounts issue vast sums of Singapore dollars and cents, worked out somehow to the last coin. Fortunately the pay was done indoors, in an office, and the LEPs came to us. But ... the prospects of getting the denominations correct [as envisaged by Accounts] every time was minimal, so although you might get the payments correct, the last 2 guys would each want [say] $12.50 and all you had left was a $20 and a $5! :(
One always did Pay Parade with a personal stash of small change and small notes to allow final adjustments to be made!

[ShyTorque]

Report to Accounts and count and sign for a large briefcase full of nites and coins plus pay sheets (and count it carefully - twice - I was once given £10 short when that was a lot of money).

In the 1980s, at very short notice I was made heli detachment commander for supporting a NATO joint special forces exercise in Denmark. I was told a sub-imprest was ready for collection. Having not been to Denmark before and having just come back from another det in Belize (and being based in Germany), I had no idea about exchange rates. I counted out the money (which seemed to take forever and filled most of my nav bag), signed for it, went back to the squadron and we departed very shortly afterwards. On arrival, I discovered we were living in very basic conditions at a training camp (sleeping in a bunkhouse with no furniture) and there was no secure place on site to lodge the cash because there were no permanent staff. After a few days it suddenly dawned on me how much cash I actually had in my bag...it was more than the value of a small house! I used my nav bag as a pillow for the rest of the week. When I took the money back to base SHQ it took them two hours to re-count the cash - thankfully all was correctly accounted for. It appeared someone at Gutersloh had made a mistake with exchange rates and issued me with ten times the value of the cash I was supposed to have taken.

[NutLoose]

When in Deci one of the guys went over to the mainland on a couple of weekend days off to see a girl he had been writing too, he changed a wad of cash on the station and set off, arriving he was horrified to find Deci had issued notes that had been withdrawn from the mainland, but we're still in use on Sardinia and no one would touch them. When in Rome as they say, so he contacted the Embassy who called out the Air Attaché, he ave him personal monies to tide him over until he got back to Deci who took the funny monies back and sent funds to the Air Attaché to reimburse him.

[Pontius Navigator]

I was OO at Finningley, a proper parade. I had a shade over £1,000, about a year's pay for an aircrew PO. The airmen were drawn up outside and the FS called each forward in turn. I short changed one airmen £10. He had to wait until all were paid and I had £10 left over.

Thankfully bank accounts were then introduced

[Danny42C]

PN (#90)Thankfully bank accounts were then introduced
We had our troubles in earlier years, too. From my memoirs:
"The solution which McInnis had worked out was this. I got my chaps to sign a duplicate blank Acquittance Roll (they must have had sublime faith in me), and flew down to Cochin with both copies. There the accounts clerks entered each man's pay on the Rolls beside his signature, and worked out the coinage. The Accountant Officer handed over the cash, keeping one signed Roll, so he was in the clear whatever happened.

I flew back with a bag of several thousand rupees and the other Roll, held a Pay Parade (our only Parades) and dished out the money. What would happen if I crashed on the way back ? How would they sort that out ? Luckily, it never happened and the airmen always got their pay !"

[BEagle]

In 1993, we were taking part in EX BOLD GAUNTLET at Guetersloh. A multi-national borex involving a display of commitment escorting transport aircraft along an imaginary corridor.

As usual, our F-4 detachment was being stitched up by the penny-pinching scribblies. However, my time on Vulcans and knowledge of entitlements meant that, after a few curt words with the local acker-basher, I was able to go down to the flight line to give the FS i/c the good news that I'd secured some allowances for him and his lads and would be able to give them the cash whenever he wanted.

At this his eyes became moist with distant memories. "Sir", he said, "That means we can hold a pay parade! Haven't seen one of those since the days when I was in (some obscure corner of empire). All the lads formed up and marched forward one by one for their pay. It'll be just like old times!"

I assured him that we didn't really need to be quite so spit and polish - just a nominal roll would do and I'd tick them off one by one as I paid them. That rather spoiled his day, but the lads were very glad to get their detachment beer vouchers. Of course no-one ever thanked me....

BOLD GAUNTLET had its moments though. At one party, a schoolie decided that she fancied a French Mirage pilot with whom we were chatting, so went up to him in the bar, threw her arms around his waist and gave him an obviously lustful look. So he put down his cigarette and beer, excused himself, went down to the Kellerbar and DCO'd, then returned to his conversation having relit his cigarette and picked up his beer as though nothing unusual had happened. Quelle sang-froid!

[NRU74]

Beags,
’DCO’d’ ?
Can you still use such a term in these times?
I might have to ask Pprune to refer you for ‘diversity training’ or whatever course has been established recently !
...and he smoked in the Mess ! - that dates us.
.

[Fareastdriver]

I was taking a Puma,XW209 to the factory in Marseille to have the poly intakes fitted. It was suggested that one of the HQ staff might come with us for the experience. Eventually a brand new Pilot Officer in Accounts was chosen. As he was an accountant then logically he should hold the imprest and this was approved by OC Admin who would personally brief him. We couldn't crack the south of France in one go so we night stopped in Nantes. We gathered in his room to collect out allowances and when he opened his briefcase it was packed with blank French taxi receipts.

[BEagle]

Once upon a time the Corgi Carriers had some trip to Russia. One of their number managed to find some Russian till receipts on the floor of wherever they'd been, then tried to submit them to back up the rather large FSI claim he'd made.

A few days alter TQF received a polite request from the acker basher querying the size of the claim and inviting that it should be resubmitted. To make the point, the request was written both in English and Russian....

[Krystal n chips]

In the 1980s, at very short notice I was made heli detachment commander for supporting a NATO joint special forces exercise in Denmark. I was told a sub-imprest was ready for collection. Having not been to Denmark before and having just come back from another det in Belize (and being based in Germany), I had no idea about exchange rates. I counted out the money (which seemed to take forever and filled most of my nav bag), signed for it, went back to the squadron and we departed very shortly afterwards. On arrival, I discovered we were living in very basic conditions at a training camp (sleeping in a bunkhouse with no furniture) and there was no secure place on site to lodge the cash because there were no permanent staff. After a few days it suddenly dawned on me how much cash I actually had in my bag...it was more than the value of a small house! I used my nav bag as a pillow for the rest of the week. When I took the money back to base SHQ it took them two hours to re-count the cash - thankfully all was correctly accounted for. It appeared someone at Gutersloh had made a mistake with exchange rates and issued me with ten times the value of the cash I was supposed to have taken.

You may be interested, or otherwise, to learn that your own, and many others, trip to Denmark directly benefitted from my own on 431 MU.

Denmark was our "jewel in the crown " location, made a change from the usual RAFG locations after all, and XV kindly provided the opportunity when two of their Buccs had a brief but passionate meeting mid air when operating from Karup. The trip was "memorable " from the onset, however, it was the not so little matter of LOA that came to prominence .We were pleasantly surprised to learn we had to pay for our food and that the cheapest meal cost Dkr 9 which was the total daily sum of the LOA. This clearly did not leave much to contribute to the local economy not helped by, when we said as much to Bruggen, the bean counters asking the very last person they could have chosen to confirm all was well, a senile C/ T who drove non stop "to save money ", the RAF's, not his, from Bruggen to Karup and who found one meal a day was more than adequate, for him, plus his nights did not involve anything more than Horlicks.

Our boss, being one of the very few Engo's who actually knew about both engineering and management decided to investigate himself. He diligently followed our advice, to comply with driving regs, obviously, to night stop in Hamburg and then carried out a detailed investigation on arrival at Karup over the course of about 5 days. The result, on his return, was an almost overnight increase across the RAF as a whole to an LOA of Dkr27....how he managed this we never found out but he did have some useful contacts it seems.

Back to the tedium of the topic and it wasn't my fault I was soaring over Bruggen one Saturday when on O/Cpl when it was lunch time and one of the delights was to sell meal tickets at the Mess. Some people got a bit upset about this so called dereliction but, as I pointed out, had it been that imperative they could have contacted me on the infamous "Storno " we were expected to cart around, and which I duly had with me. Unfortunately, "Storno's" could be temperamental as we know and the "on / off switch was notable in this respect. Thankfully, the glider radios were less so and the broadcast to report "immediately !!" was heard by somebody returning to the launch point.

[Haraka]

For various reasons I had a "chit" in 1975 to grow my hair and moustache long preparatory for an upcoming detachment from Coningsby to Aldergrove.
As a going away present, naturally I was made O.O. on my last night before departure.
Looking like a part-time bus conductor I turned up to inspect the defaulters' parade. On questioning the first lad as to why he was in attendance I got the predictable answer......

" Having long hair, Sir"

Of course.

[charliegolf]

I did only one Orderly Sgt in 5 years substantive in the rank. Is that a record? I also distinguished myself at the evening defaulters' parade. After sniffily looking them up and down and sending them away, I saw myself in the traditional guardroom big mirror. I could have died- my tie was loosened and askew, and my top button undone. I had had a little lie out on the OS's scratcher in the mess, timing my walk to perfection. But I forgot to smarten up. Sounds lame, but I was mortified at the time. The OC must have noticed... Git!:O

CG

[Wander00]

Hmm, pay parades. Watton, mid 60s, and 360 was 25% RN, aircrew and ground crew. Pile of money on the desk, long queue, and the money pile always seemed to go down more quickly than the queue. usually worked out OK in the end. Navy you stacked the cash in their upturned cap. I remember being astonished at putting in excess of £100 in one guy's cap, when £100 was worth.....

Early in second career at Binbrook as OC Accts, OC Admin, the lovely Mike west, on first working day of the New Year came into the office shaking a signal. Apparently, at the back end of the previous year a number of Lightnings had ended up in Norway, ferrying engineers and bits for a broken jet. None of the guys had any civvies and the Embassy had advanced a fairly large sum of money for then to but shirts, slacks and shoes. The Embassy wanted their money back. Rang the impromptu imprest holder, then a young fg off, later gp capt, and enquired gently where the change and receipts might be. "No problem" he said, "in my bureau at home , I'll bring them in tomorrow". apparently a phone call from my boss to his hastened his arrival, with cash, in my office. I even persuaded the stn cdr to write off the clothing bought so they did not have to give that back as well. Hey ho. Happy days

[ian16th]

For various reasons I had a "chit" in 1975 to grow my hair and moustache long preparatory for an upcoming detachment from Coningsby to Aldergrove.


When Coningsby re-opened after its refurb to V-Bomber standard in 1956, I was one of the 1st people posted in on a Monday.

The job of virtual SWO was taken by several Sgt's, Flt Sgt's and W.O.'s as a more senior person was posted in.
Each guy in the job seemed to draw up a new Ord/Cpl and Ord/Sgt list in alphabetical order.

My surname begins with 'A':{

I was only there for 12 months, but I think I did more Ord/Cpls at Coningsby than the rest of my service.

[ShyTorque]

I did only one Orderly Sgt in 5 years substantive in the rank. Is that a record? I also distinguished myself at the evening defaulters' parade. After sniffily looking them up and down and sending them away, I saw myself in the traditional guardroom big mirror. I could have died- my tie was loosened and askew, and my top button undone. I had had a little lie out on the OS's scratcher in the mess, timing my walk to perfection. But I forgot to smarten up. Sounds lame, but I was mortified at the time. The OC must have noticed... Git!:O

CG

Obviously why you were never invited to do it again.... ;)

[NutLoose]

RAF Macrahanish, turfs up at the guardroom wearing flying kit to hand in the keys for what was laughingly described as transit accomodation and looking the worse for wear, SWO looks at me and says we don't get many Sgt aircrew up this way, thinks to myself "and you haven't got one now".... But who was I to burst his bubble.

[charliegolf]

Obviously why you were never invited to do it again.... ;)

Had it been an invite I'd have politely refused the first one!

CG

[glad rag]

. This clearly did not leave much to contribute to the local economy not helped by, when we said as much to Bruggen, the bean counters asking the very last person they could have chosen to confirm all was well, a senile C/ T who drove non stop "to save money ", the RAF's, not his, from Bruggen to Karup and who found one meal a day was more than adequate, for him, plus his nights did not involve anything more than Horlicks.

.

I think I ran into him after that as a FS, when he attempted to drive non stop [bar driving around in a circle on the ferry ok ok] from Leuchars to Beauvechain [on the very last of the mighty F4's exercises] the only thing that stopped him was [no pun intended] the accelerator cable first melting then solidifying on the sherpa.

Hey look BMC we got cruise! :eek:

[Prangster]

Officers Mess Cpl Steward advances on you with a deadly gleam in his eye.'Are you the duty ATC camp orderly officer sir?, Can't deny it. 'Flt Sgt cooks compliments would you please come to the airmens mess asap he has a problem with a cadet' Arrive at mess find 6ft 2" Flt Sgt holding 4,8" cadet by scruff of his neck at said Flt Sgts shoulder height Cadet looks terrified but can't see grin on SNCO's face. 'Problem Flight?' 'Sir I can't stop the little beggars eating one meal they's paid for it' Shakes cadet. 'Some of 'em comes round twice.' Shakes cadet. 'If I'm magnaminous I ignores it'. Shakes cadet. 'However sir there are limits and when they comes round a third time', well that's why you're here'. Drops cadet who stands quaking. 'Alright Dale, for that's the miscreants name, a slight built, undernourished lad from a poor family. Hop it I'll sort this out with the Flt Sgt' .
Outlines cadets home situation to the still grinning 6' 2" Irishman'. 'Right Sir, I'll sort the beggar out just you send him to me every morning from now on'. So they worked him to death and fed him up, he left that camp a stone heavier and unsurprisingly went on to become an RAF cook. I caught up with him some years later at Linton on Ouse just after his kitchen won the Command Catering competition. My lunch? Stone cold.

[JW411]

It was about 55 years ago and I was young and daft. A Saturday night Squadron Do was on the horizon and I invited a nurse that I had recently met to be my partner in joy. Then I discovered that two other young ladies that I had an interest in were also going to attend. I could see that my life would shortly not be worth living. After some considerable thought, I went to see our Adjutant who was a wise old Master Siggie. "Mister Evans" said I "I am in some difficulty and the only solution that I can see is for me to become Orderly Officer on Saturday night". A couple of hours later he sent for me and told me that the matter had been arranged so I was off the hook. What is the punch line? The miserable sod who was rostered to be Orderly Dog that night charged me £20 to do his duty (and £20 was a lot of money in those days)!

[Pontius Navigator]

The miserable sod who was rostered to be Orderly Dog that night charged me £20 to do his duty (and £20 was a lot of money in those days)!
The reminds me, when £20 was a lot of money impecunious officers could buy duties and certain wealthy ones could avoid such onerous task. Bosses didn't like JOs that were financially independent.

[ivor toolbox]

I think I ran into him after that as a FS, when he attempted to drive non stop [bar driving around in a circle on the ferry ok ok] from Leuchars to Beauvechain [on the very last of the mighty F4's exercises] the only thing that stopped him was [no pun intended] the accelerator cable first melting then solidifying on the sherpa.

Hey look BMC we got cruise! :eek:

Was that the same one that would only address you by your surname?

Ttfn

[rolling20]

RAF Macrahanish, turfs up at the guardroom wearing flying kit to hand in the keys for what was laughingly described as transit accomodation and looking the worse for wear, SWO looks at me and says we don't get many Sgt aircrew up this way, thinks to myself "and you haven't got one now".... But who was I to burst his bubble.
Ah Macrahanish. One hot ( for there) summers day,whilst standing at the steps of an Andover listening to a SAC describing the job he had just done changing one of the aircrafts radios, a Dove taxied up, might have been a Devon and a small gathering was there to meet it. Suddenly a fierce tyraid was directed our way. I looked up to see an apoletic Squadron Leader storming towards us, shouting 'do your jacket up!' Being attired in my best UAS flying suit, I didn't know what he was on about, until I realised he was talking to the poor SAC. The poor chap had been sweating in his shirtsleeves, in the stationary Andover and he had done the job in quick time so the crew could get on with their mission. He muttered, ' I don't know why I bother'.

[lsh]

In the 1980s, at very short notice I was made heli detachment commander for supporting a NATO joint special forces exercise in Denmark. I was told a sub-imprest was ready for collection. Having not been to Denmark before and having just come back from another det in Belize (and being based in Germany), I had no idea about exchange rates. I counted out the money (which seemed to take forever and filled most of my nav bag), signed for it, went back to the squadron and we departed very shortly afterwards. On arrival, I discovered we were living in very basic conditions at a training camp (sleeping in a bunkhouse with no furniture) and there was no secure place on site to lodge the cash because there were no permanent staff. After a few days it suddenly dawned on me how much cash I actually had in my bag...it was more than the value of a small house! I used my nav bag as a pillow for the rest of the week. When I took the money back to base SHQ it took them two hours to re-count the cash - thankfully all was correctly accounted for. It appeared someone at Gutersloh had made a mistake with exchange rates and issued me with ten times the value of the cash I was supposed to have taken.

Well, at least you used the imprest as a pillow, rather than stowing it under your bed and using an under-age Norwegian girl as a pillow...........

lsh
:E

[ShyTorque]

Well, at least you used the imprest as a pillow, rather than stowing it under your bed and using an under-age Norwegian girl as a pillow...........

lsh
:E

I have no idea who that was! :eek:

(But I did once meet a very attractive Norwegian granny who wanted me as her pillow ;) )!

[Roadster280]

Formerly an RN aerodrome, the layout of RAF Brawdy was such that the only OMQs on base were for the Stn Cdr and other Execs.

So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

A really nice chap and his generous gesture was much appreciated.

Quite normal in the Army for CO and RSM to be Orderly Officer and Orderly Sgt respectively on Christmas Day. Or Duty Field Officer and Orderly Officer respectively, if the unit has that structure.

[Avtur]

So when the problem of Christmas Day SDO cropped up one year, the Stn Cdr announced that he would do Christmas Day SDO and was sure that his Execs would volunteer for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

That reminds me of a quite embarrassing incident on my first ever Orderly Sergeant: I had volunteered for a Christmas Day OS at St Mawgan as a 21 year old single guy (yes, I can hear the city fathers groaning about the weight of the plastic Sergeant's wallet), when at 2200 the OO failed to turn up for the key register inspection and defaulters parade, of which there were unsurprisingly none. So after calling the OO, expecting some young JO or wizened WO, I was somewhat confused when the person answering the phone said “SDO” (STM had an OS, OO, and SDO in the 80s). It really didn’t register, so I impolitely asked whether their watch was serviceable, because both mine and the guardroom clock was reading 2215. “Will be right there Sarge” came the answer, and I hung up feeling chuffed that I had one up on them. Imagine how shocked I was when the Staish (who I knew reasonably well when he graced our flight deck) entered the guardroom. I immediately stood up apologizing profusely, only to be handed a can of Kestrel from the OM chough’s bar, and be told that although I was correct in my assessment of the situation, I should consider how better to present it. Lesson learned.

[132bod]

Been lurking for years, here's one of my memorable duty dogs:

Ord Cpl / Dep Gd Cdr RAF Scampton mid to late '80s, approx 22:30 I received a phone call from Lincolnshire Police along the lines of "One of your neighbours north of the airfield has reported an empty car in one of the passing places on the single track road outside the fence. We've checked the registration & it doesn't exist! Thought you ought to know."

PIRA activity aginst mainland military installations was at it's height (Ternhill, Wyton) so I wasn't happy. There are 5 of us (6 if you count the Duty RAFP) to defend the unit. so i called out the Ord Sgt / Gd Cdr, who in his turn called out the SDO. Meanwhile we tried contacting the Duty RAFP who was out on his SSA site checks and of course in the STORNO blackspot.

As everyone was assembling in the guardroom, the Duty RAFP arrived back and said "Hang on that registration is familiar" and scooted of to return with his duty book - in the back of which was a list of civilian registration plates applied to HQP&SS military vehicles and there it was. Panic over - sort of, we were subject to a penetration test. He advised we just carry on as normal & when they completed what they do, they would come & make themselves known.

Sure enough an hour or so later a Sqn Ldr Provost Officer came to the guardroom and then got a strop on when I asked to see his F1250 before letting him into guardroom. This was defused by his Flt Sgt showing me his F1250 & warrant card, but he did query the incresed security as it wasn't normally like this. " Been like this since we've been live armed Flt" said I. Big pause, then business carried on.

Later the SDO showed me the flash signal ordering all physical penetration testing to cease immediately. Seems HQP&SS didn't know all Support Command Stations were now protected by Airman with actual guns 'n' bullets!


Incidentaly, witnessing the Stn Execs first ever weapons handling tests with a SLR made me think that Christmas lunchtime was definitely a time not to be anywhere near the main gate.

[NutLoose]

Ahh Station Commanders.

Brize LSS used to man the gate 24 hrs a day leading onto the airfield in lieu of doing Station gate guard duties, Anyway a certain J/T on shift was doing his week on the gate and in the early morning rush quite a queue could build up as airfield driving permits were checked, up rolls the Staish and hands over his pass, eagle eyed J/T notice it has expired by several days, it went like this...

"Sorry, you cannot come on the airfield Sir, your airfield permit is expired"
"You do know who I am Airman"
"Yes Sir, you're the Station Commander"
"And you do know who it says authorises the use of these airfield passes on my Station?"
"Yes, you do Sir"
"Then please let me on"
"Sorry, no Sir, If I was to do that you could charge me for failing to carry out my duty, now could you please turn your vehicle around, others are waiting to get on."

At which point the said J/T walks back and starts ushering cars full of grinning faces to reverse up so the Station Commander can reverse up and turn around.
Staish reverses up turns around and bogs off at speed to MT or wherever to get his permit reissued.

Later called into the office and asked did you stop the Staish from entering the airfield, apparently after he had calmed down he had phoned the section to congratulating him for being fair and correct.

[NutLoose]

I remember the live armed fiasco in the 80's at Brize, for some reason we were called to bolster the main gate, muskets were issued and then it was rumoured we were going to be live armed, so green cards were requested, ammo duly arrived and was being handed out and then removed again, muskets later on incidently were replaced with pick axe handles to be replaced with muskets again some time later..

Some poor Civi contractor turned up during all this farce and vehicles were thoroughly checked during the heightened alert, an air pistol was found in his boot ( left innocently in there by his lad apparently ) and he ended face down, palms up on a wet road in the rain, shivering with cold or fright and with a musket pointed to his head, while the Civi plods were called.. I hate to think what he said to his kid when he finally got home.

[132bod]

Not quite Orderly dog, but manning the gate at scampton early evening, vehicle pulls up.
"Can I see your ID please?"
"Don't you recognise me Cpl?"
"No Sir, that's why I wish to see your ID."
"Is there a Stn Execs board in your guard post?" Alarm bells in head and cogs whirring now.
"Yes Sir."
" Well I suggest you familiarise yourself with it!" As he hands his F1250 over.
Fortunately I do read SRO and recognised the name, so I replied "The board still has your predecessor on it. You're the new OC Admin Wg. Have a good night Sir."
Didn't get an apology, but there was a new photo on the board when I started shift the following evening. He'd only been in post a week.

[ivor toolbox]

Ord/Cpl at a large base in South Wales, you know the one, it had two of everything... picked for duty on the training side, part of O/C duties involved security container aka safe checks, cos RAFP were too busy fending off the viet taff or something. O/S has gone to close up the mess, gets a phone call, "better go start your rounds, I've been held up by mess admin". So taking obligatory walkie-talkie, map of the secret safe locations and a few bunches of keys toddle off.
Crossing the parade square car park notice a Renault 5 getting a suspension work out, quick shout "O/Cpl! What's going on here" , window of said Renault 5 opens to reveal the O/S having it large with the camp bike... think my comment was something like "nice admin"

Ttfn

[Null Orifice]

A long time ago, at a large transport base somewhere in Wiltshire, I was catching up on a backlog of station duties that I had fallen behind with due to my fulfilling various downroute commitments. These backlog duties included a couple of Orderly Sergeant slots, one a weekday and one a weekend, a spot of gate guardianship, plus another weekday Ord/Sgt that I was detailed for, at short notice, due to one of my colleagues becoming a temporary 'fixture' somewhere in the Caribbean.
After completing a couple of these duties I noticed that the SDO whose name appeared on the duty board was the same person as that on my previous duty. I was absolutely amazed to find this 'coincidence' reoccurred on my next duty, some two weeks later.
After dismissing the duties and defaulters from the 6 o'clock call, I struck up a conversation with the Orderly Officer who I knew from a previous posting. On mentioning the 'coincidences' regarding the SDO's name, the OO cracked a smile and told me, in confidence (of course!), that the SDO had transgressed the boundaries of behaviour expected of an 'Officer and Gentleman' at a Mess function. Apparently, his behaviour following an OM Summer Ball involved him making an entrance in a public area on a bicycle, totally 'sans kit', and with a monocle dangling from his manhood. Normally, this event may have passed with some jocularity, or perhaps ribald derision from his, by now, unthirsty fellow officers: however, there just happened to be some ladies present, including the wife of a senior officer. The aftermath was that the name of the naked cyclist (sorry, SDO!) remained on the duty board for one month. There may be those Ppruners who remember the occasion (in the 70s) and could give any further insight.

[NutLoose]

AS guards have been mentioned, late 70's at Odiham and the station finally starts to move into the 20th century, the old gate barrier with the concrete block on it as a counterbalance is replaced by a new raised heated building and electric barriers...

Enter the Station Commander in his new staff Mini, said Staish flag flying drives up to the gate and the guard opens it and salutes him, Staish being low down in a mini and the new box being raised up does not see this, so decides to reverse up to ask why he wasn't saluted, unfortunately by this time the barrier is on its way back down, design oversight means it does not have a stop button, nor does the guard have a line of sight on the Mini and as these things play out, the barrier comes crashing down on the new Mini pinning it in place and damaging the roof....

Staish now on the way to a coronary gets out and starts to berate the guard, enters the SWO who watching this all happen from the pavement as he is coming out to see the guard and confirms he did salute and that the Staish is all at fault.. car dragged out from under barrier causing more damage as it needs to complete the cycle before it can go back up, days later barrier hastily modified to allow it to be stopped mid travel and the direction reversed.


..

[charliegolf]

Colin Reineck perchance Nutty?

CG

[NutLoose]

Cannot remember, long time ago, could have been. Checked google, looks like him.

I know we had one that insisted we asked for their ID cards everytime he entered even though we knew who he was and he had charged people in the past for not doing it, a New Staish arrived and was getting peeved with this, he asked me do you know who I am?, I replied of course I did, but it is written into the guards orders that we must check it. His next stop was the guardroom to remove it from our orders.

[Dougie M]

Null
I couldn't swear to know the nude cyclist but the monocle is a dead giveaway. There were a few high spirited officers (hooligans if in the Airmens' Mess) who transgressed during this time which meant that the rest of us were rarely called to do Station Duties. One especial moment of personal gratification was arriving at the Station just as the Ensign raising whistle was blown. I stopped my car by the flag pole and the WRAF Orderly Officer who was late on parade saluted. The autumn wind caught her raincoat which blew open at the rear showing that she hadn't quite finished dressing before hurrying out to the guardroom. It must have been chilly in knickers that tiny.

[MPN11]

The reminds me, when £20 was a lot of money impecunious officers could buy duties and certain wealthy ones could avoid such onerous task. Bosses didn't like JOs that were financially independent.
Catching up after a week of sunshine .,,

Was interviewed by my IOT Flt Cdr at Feltwell after paying my Mess Bill, who asked if I had ‘independent means’. I bluffed my way through that, and then next Mess Bill was even bigger. ;)

No, I was skint and in debt for the next 15 years, having started off by blowing my Initial Officers Uniform Allowance on a car!

[NutLoose]

Good man.... They gave me an interest free payment to tide me over going from weekly to monthly pay into my bank, so I blew it on a Telly

[vascodegama]

Nutty

Cant swear to it but it sounds like more than a slight resemblance to my cse Cdr at FY

[Krystal n chips]

Ord/Cpl at a large base in South Wales, you know the one, it had two of everything... picked for duty on the training side, part of O/C duties involved security container aka safe checks, cos RAFP were too busy fending off the viet taff or something. O/S has gone to close up the mess, gets a phone call, "better go start your rounds, I've been held up by mess admin". So taking obligatory walkie-talkie, map of the secret safe locations and a few bunches of keys toddle off.
Crossing the parade square car park notice a Renault 5 getting a suspension work out, quick shout "O/Cpl! What's going on here" , window of said Renault 5 opens to reveal the O/S having it large with the camp bike... think my comment was something like "nice admin"

Ttfn

This location wouldn't, by any remote chance, be the same one where, when "enjoying " the delights of being on fire piquet for a week, we were allocated the lethal pick axe handle to defend the realm against all who may threaten our nations security.

Allied to which was the inspired thinking, I use the term in the very loosest sense, of an RAFP Sgt who, with an attention to detail that must surely have warranted a mention on an honours list, had worked out how long, and how many paces, it would take to transit around the West side infrastructure as we diligently patrolled the area.

He would, in fact, appear from time to time during the evening to remonstrate with those of us who had exceeded his speed limit.

To add to the euphoria of the week, at the initial briefing, conducted by the above Sgt, he solemnly stressed we would be permitted no less to.....ride in a fire engine ! This because the fire section was on the East side and we had to go across to the West to be fed at weekends. As an aside, said fire engine duly trundled along the peri-track at a sedate 20mph, this in contrast to those of us who may, due to the unreliability of speedometers in those days, have made the transit on Friday evenings once ATC had gone home, about 5 times faster than the fire engine.

[Wander00]

Colin Reineck -brought back a memory, flew my IRT at the Towers in 65. I passed. Is he still with us?

[Sideshow Bob]

I did only one Orderly Sgt in 5 years substantive in the rank. Is that a record? I also distinguished myself at the evening defaulters' parade. After sniffily looking them up and down and sending them away, I saw myself in the traditional guardroom big mirror. I could have died- my tie was loosened and askew, and my top button undone. I had had a little lie out on the OS's scratcher in the mess, timing my walk to perfection. But I forgot to smarten up. Sounds lame, but I was mortified at the time. The OC must have noticed... Git!:O

CG

I can beat 1 in 5 years; none between remustering as Airman Aircrew in 1997 and leaving in 2012

[NutLoose]

Allied to which was the inspired thinking, I use the term in the very loosest sense, of an RAFP Sgt who, with an attention to detail that must surely have warranted a mention on an honours list, had worked out how long, and how many paces, it would take to transit around the West side infrastructure as we diligently patrolled the area.

I believe he was then posted to RAF Bruggen on QRA duties as I walked in one morning to see a CPL Plod dilligently counting teaspoons full of coffee out of one of those catering tins as his Sgt had deemed someone was using to much coffee in their drinks or stealing it and he wanted to know how many portions the tin held, i.e one spoonful per cup. I mentioned to the copper why don't you count them into a cup and then see how many cup fulls are in the tin.... His eyes glazed over, so I left it at that and moved on..

..

[charliegolf]

I can beat 1 in 5 years; none between remustering as Airman Aircrew in 1997 and leaving in 2012

Skill Bob. Respect mate!:ok:

CG

Never did a parade tho', after Swinditz. That's one in eight!

[Fareastdriver]

Eighteen years; two parades. South Cerney and Wings at Oakington. Airborne in the fly past for three others.

[Pontius Navigator]

Caught too many parades :(

Best - organised weekend in UK and avoided parade.

Worst - played the no greatest card for Remembrance parade in Stamford - Fail - dress order changed to no breadboard and it was cold and wet.

[alwayslookingup]

Null
I couldn't swear to know the nude cyclist but the monocle is a dead giveaway. There were a few high spirited officers (hooligans if in the Airmens' Mess) who transgressed during this time which meant that the rest of us were rarely called to do Station Duties. One especial moment of personal gratification was arriving at the Station just as the Ensign raising whistle was blown. I stopped my car by the flag pole and the WRAF Orderly Officer who was late on parade saluted. The autumn wind caught her raincoat which blew open at the rear showing that she hadn't quite finished dressing before hurrying out to the guardroom. It must have been chilly in knickers that tiny.

C130 Nav, did some time as Flt Cdr at Henlow late 70s, initials RC? Had a good story about why he wore the Monocle.

[lsh]

I have no idea who that was! :eek:

(But I did once meet a very attractive Norwegian granny who wanted me as her pillow ;) )!

Lt RN on exchange with 33 Sqn.......but not for long!

lsh
:E

[Null Orifice]

Alwayslookingup:

That's the man. Never heard his monocle story though!

[alwayslookingup]

Alwayslookingup:

That's the man. Never heard his monocle story though!

From the man himself. OASC Medical. He knows he has a dodgy eye and doesn't expect to get through for aircrew but examining MO inexplicably tests good eye twice and passes him! He kept quiet about it until operational. Can't remember how he managed to keep his medical cat (early/mid 70s, glasses a no no) but made quite a thing of the gammy eye and wore the monocle with some panache. Hadn't heard the other story about him above, but the monocle's a dead giveaway.

[alwayslookingup]

Orderly Sgt at Coningsby, early 70s, little Irish guy, initials EC. Come 1700, time to lower flag, he mixes up and accidentally lowers small pennant at the top of the flag pole instead of the main Flag. Reputedly the SWO, who just happened to be nearby when the whistle went and snapped to attention, had a sense of humour failure and intervened in no uncertain terms.

[tremblerman]

S.W.O. at Leuchars had a corporal puppy name of Henry I think.
892 Sqdn. Royal Navy were also based at Leuchars.
Come embarkation time to the Ark, some wag puts a notice in the corporals club to the effect that anybody who wishes to visit the Ark put there name below and they will get put on the next chopper out.
Only 1 name goes on list ....... Henry!!!
This is too much for the matelots to stand so they stick him on the next one out.
Then comes a small problem.
Choppers only take people out to the Ark, they do not bring them back !!
One big problem suddenly blows up.
S.W.O. wants to know where his puppy is, meanwhile 892 are desperately trying to 1. Hide Henry from the Old Man and 2. get him back to Leuchars.
I believe they somehow managed to get him back and the story was quietly put to bed
Some of us "crabs" know what happened though .
,

[alwayslookingup]

Alwayslookingup:

That's the man. Never heard his monocle story though!

Something of a ladies man, I believe his nickname at one time was R*b the Kn*b?