Truisms

[KenV]

I'll start.

Life:
You start life with a bag full of luck and an empty sack of experience. The trick in life is to fill the experience sack before you empty the luck bag.
Corollary 1: good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.
Corollary 2: Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Only two bad things can happen to you:
1. You wake up knowing this is your last day.
2. You wake up not knowing this is your last day.

Aviation:
Nothing is more useless than altitude above you, runway behind you, or a tenth of a second ago.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
In a two-seat aircraft, the other seat is always occupied by an idiot trying to kill you.
There are three simple rules for making a consistently smooth landing. Sadly, no one knows what they are.

[Lonewolf_50]

If you can't hover you're _____________ (fill in the blank)

[mikemmb]

The classic for any pilot has to be.......Better to be on the ground wishing you were flying than the other way round!

[treadigraph]

If you can't hover you're _____________ (fill in the blank)

...certainly not John Farley... :ok:

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

In the event of an engine failure, we will look forward and crash visually...

[cyclic35]

"A superior pilot uses his superior judgment to avoid situations which require the use of his superior skill."
Frank Frederick Borman - Commander Apollo 8

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

There old pilots and there are bold pilots; but there is no such thing as an old bold pilot.

From my QHI in 1985.

NEO

[Lima Juliet]

There old pilots and there are bold pilots; but there is no such thing as an old bold pilot.

From my QHI in 1985.

NEO

And Frank Spencer in 1978 at 6mins 10secs...:rolleyes:

JqGpkWKCZiE

[Cows getting bigger]

Gravity sucks.

[ExAscoteer]

Thou shalt maintain thine airspeed least the Ground reach up and smite thee.

[langleybaston]

when I'm right no-one remembers, when I'm wrong no-one forgets.
Metmans epitaph.

If you have your back to the wind and low pressure is on your left ......... you are in the northern hemisphere. Aide to baby navigators.

[Maxibon]

Death and nurses

[langleybaston]

I'll take the nurses every time.

[cyclic35]

If during a night forced landing, the landing light shows a terrifying sight, switch it off.

[Duchess_Driver]

The inexperienced press on, while the more experienced turn back to rejoin the most experienced who never set off in the first place!

[ORAC]

Cyclic35,

A professional pilot is one who uses his skill and experience to get himself out of holes which they should have stopped him getting himself into in the first place....

[DirtyProp]

If it flies, floats or :mad: , rent it.

[Herod]

If you have your back to the wind and low pressure is on your left ......... you are in the northern hemisphere. Aide to baby navigators.

...and your bum freezes

[pasta]

If your wife tells you she won't be a minute, she's probably right...

[stilton]

Ignore people who spout truisms

[Wander00]

So, Pasta, how do you know my wife?


(The family always says that the inscription on her tombstone will be "I'm nearly ready")

[DirtyProp]

Italians do it better (everything, that is).

[DirtyProp]

Pineapple is NOT a pizza topping.

[cornish-stormrider]

Vehemently disagree
Pineapple is a pizza topping but only on Hawaiian pizza

[PDR1]

Never forget that three is ALWAYS greater than two – even for very large values of two

God said, "div D = rho, div B = 0, curl E = - δB/δt, curl H = J + δD/δt," and there was light.

"That was a great speech, Mr President. Every thinking American will vote for you."
"That's not enough. I need a majority."

A diplomat is a man who can persuade his wife she would look fat in a mink coat

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support

You cannot reason a person out of a position he did not reason himself into in the first place

Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else. I just don't happen to think it's an appropriate subject for an 'ethic'

"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world."
(Mary Shafer, JPL)

Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy

[PDR1]

All complex questions have answers that are simple, easy to understand and wrong

PDR

[goudie]

All women want to be wanted...they don't all want to be had

[Basil]

If you frequently get into situations like these two then flying is probably not for you!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/Capn_Basil/P1020605copy.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Capn_Basil/media/P1020605copy.jpg.html)
Picture hanging at Peppers, Corlette, Port Stephens, NSW, Australia. No photographer's name

[Basil]

If, at a weekend party in the mess, it seems like a fun or amusing thing to do - it will probably result in uniform pressing and polishing on Monday.

[Penny Washers]

Having two engines doubles the chance of an engine failure.

[Pontius Navigator]

Having two compasses ensures you are not sure where you are going.

Having a nav gives you a chance of knowing where you have been

[alwayslookingup]

If a Diplomat says Yes, they mean Maybe.
If a Diplomat says Maybe, they mean No.
And if a Diplomat says No, they're not a Diplomat.

[langleybaston]

The only sensible numbers of watches to wear is one, or three.

[ACW599]

>Nothing is more useless than altitude above you, runway behind you, or a tenth of a second ago....<

or fuel in the bowser, or a forecast valid until eight hours ago.

[ORAC]

If you can keep head when all about are losing theirs; they know something you don't.

[Lonewolf_50]

When meeting the Admiral's new (second) wife at the cocktail party, 'nice rack' is not the correct way to compliment her lovely dress that is cut to display same, no matter how many cocktails the both of you have had.

[Pontius Navigator]

If a Diplomat says Yes, they mean Maybe.
If a Diplomat says Maybe, they mean No.
And if a Diplomat says No, they're not a Diplomat.

When mother in law says "I'll think about" I respond, "That's a no then" but I never professed to be a diplomat.

[Ali Qadoo]

Hold my beer and watch this...

[DirtyProp]

A woman's body is God's greatest masterpiece.
A woman's mind is God's biggest mess.

[DirtyProp]

Men don't lie, they simply describe perfectly plausible alternate realities.
Sadly, women have one reality only.

[DirtyProp]

Starbucks does NOT sell coffee.
The jury is still out on what they're really selling, but it ain't coffee.

[squeaker]

47.6% of statistics are simply made up.

[George K Lee]

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.

All strategies need a Plan B.

The Plan B should be better than "and then we all starve to death in a snowbank outside Smolensk."

When a statement begins "It's not that I don't...", the speaker doesn't.

[Haraka]

Tracer works both ways.....

[Pontius Navigator]

Americans can't make tea.
Brits can't make coffee.

[DirtyProp]

"I motori sono come le donne: bisogna saperli toccare nelle parti più sensibili."
Enzo Ferrari

Engines are like women: you have to know where to touch them.

[cynicalint]

It does not matter who you vote for, the government always gets in!

[Melchett01]

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

War is God's way of teaching geography to Americans

Love many, trust a few, always paddle your own canoe.

[oxenos]

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal condition.

[unclenelli]

I'll take the nurses every time.

A graduate of Finninley Nav School?

[gr4techie]

Avionics are smoke powered....

... Because when smoke starts leaking out of the boxes, the fairy kit stops working.

On my fitters course the instructor told the class "radar is voodoo magic. Nobody really understands how the system works".

[Hydromet]

Women need a reason to have sex; men need an opportunity.

When it comes to shopping, the reverse is true.

[FantomZorbin]

There's always one in every bunch of twelve :ugh:

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

The rotors on a helicopter are only there to keep the pilots cool.

When they stop turning, watch them start sweating ...

[tartare]

Michael Caine accent:
"If you can see the camera, then the camera can see you.
Not a lot of people know that."

[Pontius Navigator]

Microphones pick up sounds.

Not a lot of prime ministers know that

[Penny Washers]

47.6% of statistics are simply made up.

And 99% of them are wrong.

[mikemmb]

If in the event of a crisis you can keep a clear head whilst all around you are panicking

...............you clearly have no comprehension of the gravity of the situation!

[Danny42C]

"More than three's a Mutiny !"

[Danny42C]

"Complaints will not be entertained after leaving the Pay Table !"

[Danny42C]

"They can do anything to you in the R.A.F. lad - except put you in the family way - and they'll have a damned good crack at that !"

[BEagle]

The IP is never on the same 50 thou as the target.

"I'll bet this'll look good on camera!"

[Basil]

If an advance is going well, you're walking into an ambush!

[goudie]

The Battle plan ceases to exist, the moment you engage with the enemy.

[Pontius Navigator]

Prior planning prevents piss pour performances

Time spent on reconnaissance is seldom wasted

If it doesn't work before take off it won't get better in the air

[Fareastdriver]

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

[DirtyProp]

We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
That means you too.

[Mac the Knife]

"Not everything worth doing is worth doing well"

"If you can't learn to do something well, then at least learn to enjoy doing it badly"

Mac

:=

[mgahan]

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

MJG

[cavuman1]

Flying is not inherently dangerous, but to an even greater degree than the sea, it is unforgiving of any carelessness, incapacity, or neglect.

Ed

[mahogany bob]

I'm a man with strong principles - if you don't like them I have others!

[Pontius Navigator]

Don't fly too near the Sun, Icarus

[622]

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional!

[Willy Miller]

The best advise can be found on a box of matches,

"Keep dry and away from children"

My personal moto,

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should"

WM

:ok:

[goudie]

If you want something doing properly, get a man in.

[Shiny10]

If the Royal Air Force had wanted you to have a wife it would have issued you with one!

[oxenos]

Ain't the internet wonderful.

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

went all the way to Australia and back in only 27 hours and 32 minutes.

[Geordie_Expat]

As posted some time ago by someone much more knowledgeable than myself:


Don't trust any aircraft where the wings are faster than the fuselage.

[N.HEALD]

"Never put off until tomorrow something you can put off until next week"


"The secret to a long and happy life is hard work and clean living - avoid them both"

[langleybaston]

A graduate of Finninley Nav School?

No, I taught the studes there!

[langleybaston]

once is a precedent, twice is a habit, three times is a custom of the RAF.

[Pontius Navigator]

If it is raining it will continue or stop.
If it is sunny in UK it will rain.

Met offices don't need windows.

[oldmansquipper]

Squipper porn...

If your parachute fails, its not the fall that will kill you, just the sudden stop at the end

[Penny Washers]

If at first you don't succeed, give up at once.

[ACW418]

I am about to give you your opinion.

ACW

[Cazalet33]

The only acceptable excuse for running out of fuel is:- bullet holes.

[tartare]

...or - when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

[Fareastdriver]

Give us the job and we'll finish the tools.

[thunderbird7]

It never pays to be clever or helpful in this job.

[ORAC]

Everybody talks about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it.

No matter what goes wrong, there is is someone who knew it would.

The female is deadlier than the male.

The higher up the tree the monkey climbs.... the more you see his ugly side.

Dumb breeds dumb.

[Wander00]

Of course I will still love you in the morning - (and others that are probably not suitable for a public forum)

[Null Orifice]

The job's not finished until the paperwork has been done!
(Insert a mental picture of small child on a potty with a roll of toilet paper in its hand).

[Cazalet33]

Three things of no use to a pilot:


Fuel on the ground

Runway behind you

Height above you

[LOMCEVAK]

Child on a flightdeck visit: "When I grow up I want to be a pilot".
Captain: "Sorry, you can't do both".

The 4 rules of flying: 1. Don't crash. 2. Don't break the aeroplane. 3. Don't p**s off the locals. 4. Don't get caught.

[pulse1]

My favourite:

If you keep doing what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got.

[Shackman]

If it was good enough for Nelson it's good enough for the FAA

[cyclic35]

Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

We were told, "Laugh lads, things could be worse".
So we laughed, ans sure enough things got worse.

[JAVELINBOY]

Sh1t happens

[Cazalet33]

If it was good enough for Nelson it's good enough for the FAA

Half-height half-blind half-cripple, pickled in brandy.

Sounds about right.

[JAVELINBOY]

If your boomerang doesn't come back it was probably a stick

[DirtyProp]

If your stick doesn't come back, you have a dumb dog.

[goudie]

Nothing matters very much and most things don't matter at all.

[denachtenmai]

It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission :E

[denachtenmai]

If it doesn't say that you can, then you can't. RAF.

If it doesn't say that you can't, then you can. Navy.

Den, (ex RAF, but did some time with the fish heads)

[Pontius Navigator]

If it doesn't say that you can, then you can't. RAF.




To which you can say "It is safer and easier to say No, than to say Yes"

And the corollary,

"If you bypass the CoC and approach the big cheese he will say yes."

[Basil]

If it doesn't say that you can, then you can't. RAF.

If it doesn't say that you can't, then you can. Navy.

Den, (ex RAF, but did some time with the fish heads)
"Intend depart Gan 17May1969 1400Z to Masirah for calibration task*."

(* "Thereby permitting two days beach and bar activities on Gan." Not transmitted.)

[Penny Washers]

There is a perfectly sensible and obvious answer to the problem . . . . . but for the moment it escapes me.

[West Coast]

A woman's body is God's greatest masterpiece.
A woman's mind is God's biggest mess.

I'm gonna go test that one on the missus....let you know.

Kansas is so flat you can watch your dog run away for a week...

Friendly fire isn't.

[Pontius Navigator]

Work expands to fill the time available.

If you want a job doing give it to busy man.

If one man takes half a day to dig a hole two men will take a day. Three men will take a day and a half, and four never.

[Shiny10]

If we can't fix it then it's not broken!!!!!!!!


"Home is where the Air Force sends you".

[langleybaston]

Have we done

If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move paint it.

Then there is the most frightening sight in the world to a Pongo: an officer with a map.

Ditto to a bootneck: a matelot with a rifle.

[Penny Washers]

Quite right, Pontius. A similar one is:

A boy is as good as a man.

Two boys are as good as half a man.

And three boys are no use to anyone at all.

[Penny Washers]

Wind is made by trees, waving their branches about.

[Pontius Navigator]

If we can't fix it then it's not broken!!!!!!!!

If it works before British Gas services it they will repair it and return again and again.

[ricardian]

Half-height half-blind half-cripple, pickled in brandy.


You've obviously met one or more of my flight commanders from my time in the RAF (1959-73)

[ricardian]

Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem — neat, plausible, and wrong.

Henry Louis Mencken (12 September 1880 – 29 January 1956), "The Divine Afflatus" in New York Evening Mail (16 November 1917)

[Rosevidney1]

No good deed goes unpunished. Ever!

[DirtyProp]

If it ain't Boeing....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....it's gotta be Airbus!

[DirtyProp]

A picture is worth a 1000 words....

http://the305.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/not-everything-is-flat0in-florida-christina-model-600x445.jpg

[Pontius Navigator]

If you can't fix it with a hammer its electrical.

[overstress]

If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move paint it.


Full version:

If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If it's too big to pick up, paint it.

[oxenos]

If you can move it, don't.

[Hydromet]

All battles take place on the edge of the map.

[ORAC]

You don't win wars dying for your country, but by making the other side die for their country.

[Pontius Navigator]

If yuo misspost on prune the grammar nasties will get yuo

[Easy Street]

"The more I practise, the luckier I get."

And one given earlier, but not in its proper wording:

"It's better to be down here wishing you were up there than to be up there wishing you were down here."

[langleybaston]

whenever one was posted, or [in afterlife] whenever one moved house voluntarily,one always needed a minimum of three OS maps to cover the local area. Four occasionally.

[pasta]

whenever one was posted, or [in afterlife] whenever one moved house voluntarily,one always needed a minimum of three OS maps to cover the local area. Four occasionally.
I once read an article which pointed out that, since most of the area of a map is actually fairly close to at least one edge, this is indeed almost inevitable.

[Basil]

The definition of a Scottish gentleman is one who CAN play the bagpipes but refrains from doing so.

[Basil]

No good deed goes unpunished. Ever!
Ain't THAT the truth - he said - bitterly ;)

[Dutystude]

If you don't think you will like the answer, don't ask the question.

[goudie]

You get what you pay for

No such thing as a free lunch

[gr4techie]

If you rotate the turret of a Warrior infantry fighting vehicle, 15 turns anti-clockwise then the turret will fall off and the vehicle has to be towed away for maintenance.

[57mm]

Drive for show, putt for dough.

[KenV]

When making project estimates, divide by two, then increase to the next higher unit.

For example:
If you're told it'll take 5 minutes to fix, it'll actually take 2.5 hours.
If you're told it's a 4 day job, it'll take 2 weeks.
That two week overhaul? That'll be one month.
That one month redesign? Actually half a year.
That two year development project? One decade.

[Wander00]

My wife says any job she gives me takes forever.....

[Penny Washers]

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

[ORAC]

A pilot, despite the swaggering exterior, is capable of the feelings of love, affection, care and pride. It's just they don't involve anyone else.

[DirtyProp]

Strongly disagree.
I have those feelings towards my own airplane as well.

[ORAC]

Never, never ask someone in a bar if they are a fighter pilot. If they are, they'll tell you; if they're not, you'll embarrass them.....

[DirtyProp]

Never do business with the Navy!

[tartare]

"To be somebody or to do something.
In life there is often a roll call.
That’s when you will have to make a decision.
To be or to do?
Which way will you go?”

John Boyd.

Never a truer word spoken in my opinion...

[Barksdale Boy]

Memorable remarks from teachers I greatly respected:

Translate ideas not words

Mozart never knew when to stop

Enid Blyton has much to answer for

Always back the favourite at a point-to-point


Everything else at school was mere detail

[Wander00]

Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it appears at first instance

[Treble one]

Told to me by an ex RAF Fighter Pilot and Ex Captain in the Airlines.....


The 3 most useless things in aviation:


Fuel you've burned.
Altitude above you.
A commendation from the CEO of the Airline....

[ShyTorque]

Today's favour may well turn out to be tomorrow's obligation.

[Haraka]

Following on from 111, a couple more old favourites:
The air in your fuel tanks.
The runway behind you.

[Pontius Navigator]

MT is always late.

[Herod]

Attributable to today's Times. Ex Ukip MEP calls for the death sentence for suicide bombers

[DirtyProp]

Ex Ukip MEP calls for the death sentence for suicide bombers

Would that be a bit overkill maybe?

[Dead on Time]

better to be 5 minutes late than dead on time :\

DoT

[Wander00]

UKIP with it's firm grasp of the pulse.....

[thunderbird7]

BA's IT systems are second to none.

Edited to add; sorry. Wrong section. Should be in the '18 Gp Cake & Arse' thread.

[langleybaston]

any privilege attributable to the next higher rank is removed as/when one attains that rank.

and a weather one:

many a forecast has been ruined by one last look at the observations to check.

[Fareastdriver]

If in doubt, back out.

[Pontius Navigator]

The wife spends your pay rise before you get it.

The wife will spend twice the actual pay rise (if she went to the same school as Diane Abbot.

[Pontius Navigator]

If it's the last item in Stores you can't have in case someone wants it.

Always go to Stores with someone, then you can get it if someone says they don't want it.

[goudie]

PN the part could be on a shelf next to the store man, you can almost touch it
but if you don't know the part no.....

[Mechta]

"Its no good pointing at it, the computer says we haven't got any."

[langleybaston]

and an "anti-truism"

"Wilbur, Orville, that thing will never fly!"

[Lonewolf_50]

If you don't know what it does, don't mess with it. (Maintenance adage)
If the sky isn't the same color as your special instrument card, don't go flying. (Special instrument cards were sky blue)

[Pontius Navigator]

If it works don't fix it - British Gas take note

[wub]

Experience is gained in direct proportion to equipment ruined

[goudie]

When a mechanical/electrical system goes tits-up, it'll be the last thing you check, that was the cause.

[DirtyProp]

The management is never responsible.

[Fantome]

AN ARIA (always remembered instructor's advice - or admonition ) -

"The only time you were on track was when you were crossing it!"

"That compass is good for only one thing. It'll tell us whether we are
pointing straight ahead."

The late Harry Purvis (he flew with the RAAF in the war and before that with Kingsford Smith and after with PG Taylor) used to say after every landing "Got away with it again."

not exactly a truism but worth the repeating .. . . the KLM 747 skipper who was told by approach that he appeared to be slightly left of the localiser - (strong Dutch accent ) - 'Yes . That is correct. And my first officer is slightly to the right of it."

[teeteringhead]

And a very old CFS(H) instruction to wannabe QHIs:

"The only demo your students will reproduce with 100% accuracy is your behaviour on the ground!" :E:ok:

[GlobalNav]

When a mechanical/electrical system goes tits-up, it'll be the last thing you check, that was the cause.

Correct, why would you keep checking after you find it?

[ahwalk01]

Never start a war in a half hour time zone

[Herod]

Never start a land war in Asia

[Pontius Navigator]

Don't write the post-conflict history if you lost.

The winners write the history.

If you did it, it was collateral damage.
If they did it it was a war crime.

[noflynomore]

Women just aren't like us humans

and, for the over 60s...

Never pass a public toilet.
Never waste an erection.
Never trust a fart.

[GlobalNav]

Never waste an erection.


If you can find one?

[tarbaby]

Never pass a public toilet.
Never waste an erection even if you are by yourself.
Never trust a fart.

[goudie]

When you become old the second thing to go are your knees

[Pontius Navigator]

There are two sorts in the Mess, those that piss in the sink and liars.

[Pontius Navigator]

A woman moans that men leave the seat up.

A man does not moan that women leave the seat down.

[Penny Washers]

If all else fails, go read the flamin' manual.