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Ancient Mariner
20th Aug 2016, 22:48
Cut off a small portion of my left hand index finger the other day, didn't quite agree with a table saw. Young, good looking female plastic surgeon stitched it back on, without any guarantees it will remain there.
Then, to my surprise, I realised that although I'm right handed I steer my fire hose with my LEFT hand.
How's about you guys? Ever given that a thought?
Are you a rightie using right or left, or a leftie...you get the picture.
Damned annoying, one must sit down like a wuss, or risk the wrath of SWMBO.
Per

SASless
20th Aug 2016, 23:07
Being very concerned about disturbing my Missus....I just put my foot in the Bog and pee down my Leg so she does not have to listen to the splashing. That relieves me (sorry...poor choice of Words) from having to rely upon digits to get the job done.

I am not Hen Pecked....just considerate!

Tankertrashnav
20th Aug 2016, 23:30
In the film About Schmidt the henpecked Jack Nicholson character is made to "sit down like a wuss" by his wife. After she dies suddenly, Jack celebrates his new found freedom by doing a hands on hips hosing down of the (tiled) bathroom floor.

Not recommended for those of us whose other halves are happily still with us!

Loose rivets
20th Aug 2016, 23:43
That was a bewilderingly depressing film.


It seems we use the 'other' hand as it is a stranger to some of our . . . deeper thoughts, and therefore offers a more pleasing communication of the flesh - albeit our own. :ooh:

lomapaseo
21st Aug 2016, 00:15
I need both hands to .....

parabellum
21st Aug 2016, 00:54
Whichever hand you use for the hose you still need the other one to prop yourself up against the wall, especially in the wee (sorry for the pun), small hours!

SASless
21st Aug 2016, 01:20
Very small Hands?

ChrisJ800
21st Aug 2016, 02:36
Just pee in the shower. Our old cat is happy to pee in the shower when she cant be bothered to go to the litter tray or outside.

Gordy
21st Aug 2016, 02:43
It's rare for us guys to ever hit what we’re aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something the ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling ya those little buggers can't be trusted. After all these years, I have now resigned myself to this: I no longer pee like a man - standing up. I now sit down and pee. I have been convinced that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if one more woman goes to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she is going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "Morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.

So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation once, to a woman. I told her...”look, it won't bend”. She said, "Sit down like we told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with “morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position lying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So the ladies have to understand that we men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

SASless
21st Aug 2016, 02:57
Knowing Gordy's Missus as I think I do...he probably sleeps with one Eye open just in case she has a Molly Borden Flashback over any number of transgressions he has committed.

Back in my younger days when I was first learning to fly helicopters, I figured out what Torque is all about early one Morning as I approached the Bog one a cold slick Tile Floor.

When my feet flew out from under me as I was pushing down on the Wife's Best Friend.....it came to me all of a sudden like.

Over the Years as the Tensile Strength waned I also figured out the effect reduced Rotor RPM has on available Thrust in the Tail Rotor and that correct control of the Torque demand could prevent loss of control issues.

Some darn sticky soled bedroom slippers helps as well.

I care not to venture into the effect of Arm has in the felt forces...as that is a topic for another day.

obgraham
21st Aug 2016, 05:31
Since I am the one to clean the place....I pee appropriately.

vapilot2004
21st Aug 2016, 05:42
This helmsmen steers his Western white pine masted schooner's scupper via starboard or port, Ancient Mariner, but if you want to read what I scribe in the log, better have me do it with me port flipper.

henrybluebottle
21st Aug 2016, 06:45
I'm with ChrisJ on this - it is liberating to just let fly in the shower then sluice the walls.
Is this an Aussie thing ?
And I'm a right-handed leftie.

DirtyProp
21st Aug 2016, 08:12
How's about you guys? Ever given that a thought?
Are you a rightie using right or left, or a leftie...you get the picture.
Damned annoying, one must sit down like a wuss, or risk the wrath of SWMBO.
Per

No hands whatsoever (no, I'm not using it):

https://wellnessbriefs.com/skin/frontend/default/theme205k/images/banner2.png

:ok:

DirtyProp
21st Aug 2016, 08:13
I need both hands to .....

Find it?
:}

NutLoose
21st Aug 2016, 08:26
Surely it's the valet's job to hold it.

Ancient Mariner
21st Aug 2016, 08:44
Surely it's the valet's job to hold it.
Early 90'ies was an old guy in the men's room at Beijing Shangri La.
He'll greet you, offer you towels to dry your hands, lotions, smelly fluids, combs and brush loose hair and dandruff off your shoulders when all was said and done.
I always tipped him some small coins and after staying there for months in total we became as friendly as not one common word, exept for me being able to say thank you in Chinese would allow.
One evening he went too far though, while taking a leak he ventured to polish my shoes. Never has yours truly aimed better, nor struggled harder to surpress the mother of all farts.
Not the pleasing experience a good piss should be.
Per

alwayzinit
21st Aug 2016, 09:06
Getting the tip wet is a problem so Tippy Toes for me!







Then again I have very short legs!:E

UniFoxOs
21st Aug 2016, 09:08
Great thread. I tend to use both hands as, not being of the Jewish persuasion, I am doing two jobs at once, and I have never been able to do both accurately single-handed.

I was wondering, though, if there is any correlation between hand usage and dress direction - i.e. if you dress to the left do you use the left hand, and vice versa.

ORAC
21st Aug 2016, 09:25
Mods, surely this should be combined with this thread? (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/583143-precision-shooting-ultra-long-ranges.html)

VP959
21st Aug 2016, 09:52
It never ceases to amaze me how this place comes up with a question that seems obvious, but which I'd never ever thought about in over 60 years on this planet.

FWIW I'm right handed, but of the left hand persuasion when doing the business, and having done a small experiment this morning I can confirm that it does seem very awkward to try and use the "wrong" hand.

I sincerely hope that your left index finger recovers, AM, else I fear that you're in for more than the odd "misdirected fire" incident.

Ancient Mariner
21st Aug 2016, 11:10
No problem VP, it is only the outer portion of the finger, and I have been reliably informed that if it turns black and falls off, they will make a nice looking and smooth tip of the remains. One less nail to attend to then.
Grandchildren will be duly impressed when I pick my nose. :E
Per

Rob Courtney
21st Aug 2016, 11:54
Left handed and footed but play golf and cricket right handed. I also use scissors and eat right handed. I think the club sports came about because we only had a right handed golf club and everyone else played right handed at cricket.

When I was in the forces I had to learn to shoot right handed (SMG) and also the SAM system we used (Blowpipe and Javelin) was only for right handers!!

VP959
21st Aug 2016, 12:06
When I was in the forces I had to learn to shoot right handed (SMG) and also the SAM system we used (Blowpipe and Javelin) was only for right handers!!

A very common problem, as very few weapons are ambidextrous. I heard someone once argue that you could fire an SA80 left-handed, but when he tried, in order to prove he could do it, he discovered that the (hot) ejected casing hits your right arm and bounces back into your face..............

Pontius Navigator
21st Aug 2016, 12:25
If you break both wrists, and yr wife is not there, you soon find out who your second best mate is when it comes to shaking hands.

And when you only have hooks for hands things could be either painful or personal.

Rob Courtney
21st Aug 2016, 13:20
A very common problem, as very few weapons are ambidextrous. I heard someone once argue that you could fire an SA80 left-handed, but when he tried, in order to prove he could do it, he discovered that the (hot) ejected casing hits your right arm and bounces back into your face

The old SLR was a great weapon for a leftie like me, it was fine most of the time except when lugging the missile cans as well when it got a bit heavy. A mate of mine used to fire the SMG left handed but it involved bringing your right arm under the barrel to avoid the spent shell casings.

SASless
21st Aug 2016, 13:33
Why in the World would you suggest that?

There ain't a single one of the posters here that have the equipment to engage in anything remotely suggesting long range or precision shooting!



Mods, surely this should be combined with this thread? (http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/583143-precision-shooting-ultra-long-ranges.html)

lomapaseo
21st Aug 2016, 15:00
Right handed gobs who steer with the left hand do so in order to keep holding their ciggie with the right

Gordy
21st Aug 2016, 16:39
Right handed gobs who steer with the left hand do so in order to keep holding their ciggie with the right

Nah---That is where we work together:

WZ4WXbtXJ_I

Krystal n chips
21st Aug 2016, 17:08
Fascinating, however, manual dexterity associated with a bias towards the right has long been an evident trait for many.

That said, as this is JB, one is delighted to offer those for whom this may well be a quantum developmental leap, this useful information.....


Potty training tips - Pregnancy and baby guide - NHS Choices (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/potty-training-tips.aspx)

james ozzie
21st Aug 2016, 22:24
Slightly off the OPs question but still important.

I was once in a crowded public urinal in sandals and I became aware of the guy next to me (presumably with a prostate the size of a proton) back-spraying all over my feet. I now try to use the cubicles instead to avoid being sprayed by strangers.

I also blame construction quantity surveyors who save cost by cramming the urinals into ever smaller spaces.

Hydromet
22nd Aug 2016, 03:31
The old SLR was a great weapon for a leftie like me,True. Never had a problem with the M60 either.
Always good to have riflemen who are natural lefties.

mgahan
22nd Aug 2016, 09:20
Per,
Re your post #17:
In the 1970's there was a restaurant in Bangkok called the Galaxy. Interesting place: on arrival one would select a companion from the beauties assembled on the stairs to the upper floors. After that, you had no need to use your hands for the rest of the meal.

If you needed to visit the little boys' room, your chosen companion went with you to assist. As I remember, aiming was the least of the worries!!

Not sure the Galaxy is still there. I'll check week after next when I'm in town for APANPIRG.

MJG

Ancient Mariner
22nd Aug 2016, 09:39
Per,
Re your post #17:
In the 1970's there was a restaurant in Bangkok called the Galaxy. Interesting place: on arrival one would select a companion from the beauties assembled on the stairs to the upper floors. After that, you had no need to use your hands for the rest of the meal.

If you needed to visit the little boys' room, your chosen companion went with you to assist. As I remember, aiming was the least of the worries!!

Not sure the Galaxy is still there. I'll check week after next when I'm in town for APANPIRG.

MJG

One would hazard the guess that aiming at the ceiling would be the natural result?
Per

longer ron
22nd Aug 2016, 09:48
I am extremely right handed - one of the few jobs I voluntarily did left handed was removing/refitting the canopy rear MDC pin on a S Harrier (GR1/3 would have been similar).
I could fly left handed but it never quite felt natural LOL

NutLoose
22nd Aug 2016, 10:40
If you break both wrists, and yr wife is not there, you soon find out who your second best mate is when it comes to shaking hands.

And when you only have hooks for hands things could be either painful or personal. Whilst at Swinditz a trainee was standing by the water boiler out on the field exercise phase and the gas bottle exploded, he suffered serious burns and broken bones. Poor beggar spent months there as he was continually back flighted until serviceable. He had both arms bandage and one wrist in plaster i think, both were strapped across his body and every day he had to go to the med centre where a nurse would hold it for him or wipe his butt etc, they also used to feed him.... I felt sorry for him as after a while the novelty wore off for the nurses and he said he used to dread going when some of the staff were on, especially the male nurses as they were not exactly gentle.

parabellum
22nd Aug 2016, 22:45
mate of mine used to fire the SMG left handed but it involved bringing your right arm under the barrel to avoid the spent shell casings.


Rob Courtney - Just a bit puzzled, correct way to hold an SMG is with the non-trigger hand to clasp the perforated casing around the barrel from underneath. For a leftie shouldn't the empty cases eject over the top of his right forearm?

funfly
22nd Aug 2016, 22:57
Are those very low urinals in public toilets for people with very long willies ?

Loose rivets
22nd Aug 2016, 23:46
I'd forgotten woodies. But never any problem for me - I used a skateboard with a cushion on it.

Pontius Navigator
23rd Aug 2016, 15:36
At Cottesmore the urinal in the Officers' Mess was one long wall of porcelain. Splash back was a problem if you stood too close.

One Wg Cdr Ops, AKA Skin Head (I am sure he has passed on but his family may be here) was distressed to get his bulled toecaps spoilt by the drops.

Being a senior officer he had clout, and a glass screen, a foot high, and angled outward, ensure such drips and splatters never again sullied his shoes.

ehwatezedoing
23rd Aug 2016, 16:05
I'm a fake ambidex.
Meaning I can learn to do something from either side but once I learn it, I cannot swap.

So I'm left handed for anything about raquet's play but will throw a stone from my right hand or write from the right. Kind of a sucking hability when playing tennis :*

(Can't serve for the help of me unles I swap hand)

ChrisVJ
23rd Aug 2016, 16:49
After forty odd years of using table saws without a guard I finally bought one with a decent arrangement and, being old and therefore risk averse, have been using it guarded for nearly a decade.

Pissy then (and stupid) to to catch my left index finger in the back of the blade about three months ago. Took off half the nail and a big chunk of the tip. Wrapped it up in clean bandage and in spite of wife's prognostications that it would all turn black and fall off (the finger, the finger!) and various puss weeping blisters, it has healed almost the same shape it started but is still rather stiff, (the finger, the finger,) in the mornings.

Apparently I use the dexter as I didn't notice the occasions especially and the newly renewed stream (TURPSED just before) still mostly went where it was hoped.

SASless
23rd Aug 2016, 16:51
I would not suggest you try sticking the Wife's Best Friend into that same Saw.....:E

G-CPTN
23rd Aug 2016, 18:31
When my daughter was learning to write, she would pick up the writing implement in whichever hand was convenient to her.

If it was her right hand the text was 'normal' - if it was her left hand then the text would be 'mirror' writing.

For years she would confuse b with d.

We believe that she was dyslexic - though with a bright brain (but not 'academic') - however she did go on to university and earned a degree.

Pontius Navigator
23rd Aug 2016, 19:16
ChrisVJ, I was sawing an irregular oak log. The saw took it and the next to index finger on left hand. Wrapped hand in RED blood coloured tea towel and off to surgery - B-off, so we went to A&E. A bit of play acting and I got triage then had to wait hours for doctor, X-Ray, doctor and the decision - no transfer to major hospital and no stitches.

The downside was having to sleep sitting up with hand elevated for two weeks - Mrs PN is a nurse. No scars only a slightly odd nail. I must say, I made several visits to hospital, never saw the same doctor twice, was seen absolutely on time except the last when we were about to go on holiday. I was seen and out before the appointed time.

Not one was born in this country.

Ancient Mariner
23rd Aug 2016, 19:29
Glad my wife's not a nurse, slept normally. Just bent a piece of thin mild steel and taped it around the finger to protect it from bumping into stuff. Padded the steel with foam. Nurse at hospital mighty impressed when she removed the stiches yesterday. Tip looked good, not black yet and reconnected at the right angle.
Per

llondel
23rd Aug 2016, 21:37
I'm of the sinister persuasion but use my RH for aiming the fire hose (OK, more like a garden hose but not nearly as long).

I remember being annoyed by the ending of the film Gattaca because apparently the reason the lead gave himself away was because the guy he was impersonating was left handed but he always gave urine samples using his right hand.

I do a lot of other stuff with my right hand, and other stuff I just use whichever hand is convenient (good when using a screwdriver in a tight space) without really having to think about it.

Martin the Martian
24th Aug 2016, 13:48
Having just read through this thread, I will undoubtedly need to pay a visit to the little room down the corridor in short order, and am already getting an anxiety attack just thinking about it!:sad:

Bob Lenahan
24th Aug 2016, 19:14
When yopu take a leak and there's a piece of toilet paper, or a small turd, don't you pretend like you're a fighter jet and strafe the ship?

obgraham
25th Aug 2016, 03:25
When yopu take a leak and there's a piece of toilet paper, or a small turd, don't you pretend like you're a fighter jet and strafe the ship?
Actually. no. For some reason, inexplicable, I flush that down before peeing there.