PDA

View Full Version : Spider that can give men four-hour erections found in Tesco bananas


om15
12th Mar 2015, 21:15
Tesco have launched a novel advertising campaign to attract customers,


A mother was scared stiff after opening a bunch of supermarket bananas and finding rare spiders whose bite can give a man a painful four-hour erection.
Maria Layton, 43, spotted the arachnids after opening the bag of yellow fruit she bought from Tesco.
She found the bananas, shipped from Costa Rica, were infested with eggs from the Brazilian Wandering Spider - the most deadly in the world.
As soon as she discovered the cocoon they started to hatch so she quickly put them in a sealed container in the freezer and called Tesco customer services.
The species is deadly and its venom can kill a human in just two hours - but can also give male victims a four-hour erection.

419
12th Mar 2015, 21:18
The species is deadly and its venom can kill a human in just two hours - but can also give male victims a four-hour erection

So basically, two hours of the erection can't be used.

Shack37
12th Mar 2015, 21:22
So basically, two hours of the erection can't be used.



Nor can the coffin lid be closed:E

Ascend Charlie
12th Mar 2015, 21:22
Anything more than 2 minutes is a bonus....

con-pilot
12th Mar 2015, 21:30
Oh great, just what I need, another four hours...

SilsoeSid
12th Mar 2015, 21:54
No comments on the first sentence of the op? :E

Checkboard
12th Mar 2015, 22:00
The spider bite causes ischaemic priapism (low blood-flow constant erection) - and that is no joke. After an hour or so the blood keeping the penis erect begins to clot, and the solution is to cut open the penis and squeeze out the blood like sauce from a sauce packet.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/09/20/article-2039610-0E004CA000000578-795_468x261.jpg

You then need irrigation (water to wash out the remainder), shunt surgery (to keep further blood out) and all sorts of other bother. Permanent erectile dysfunction or problems and scar tissue is common. :{

Don_Apron
12th Mar 2015, 22:23
Can anyone put me onto a store where i can get one of these spiders. My wife hates spiders but after reading the thread title she has asked me to post. :}

Tankertrashnav
12th Mar 2015, 23:01
Tomorrow, as on every Friday, Mrs TTN and I will be doing our weekly shop in Tescos, and as usual I'll be selecting a bunch of their excellent bananas...

...with more than my usual care ;)

Traffic_Is_Er_Was
13th Mar 2015, 00:08
A mother was scared stiff...

Whilst her husband was.......

treadigraph
13th Mar 2015, 00:31
Competition is stiff, but I understand Pfizer are developing the venom into a new product, Varachna...

Takan Inchovit
13th Mar 2015, 06:47
... solution is to cut open the penis and squeeze out the blood like sauce from a sauce packet.

Can it be sucked out?

Andy_S
13th Mar 2015, 08:35
So basically, two hours of the erection can't be used.

At least not by the afflicted party.......:E

Traffic_Is_Er_Was
13th Mar 2015, 10:03
Nor can the coffin lid be closed

But with judicious use of a hole saw, you gain somewhere to hang the wreath!

MagnusP
13th Mar 2015, 10:21
Get ready for the distaff side suffering a mass outbreak of erechnophobia! :p

IBMJunkman
13th Mar 2015, 15:51
Ever seen a flacid banana? I have not.

OFSO
13th Mar 2015, 16:33
I assume the EU will be drafting laws governing the maximum bend permitted in the erection.

onetrack
14th Mar 2015, 08:44
I'll wager 98% of males who spot, and who rapidly open this thread, only see the "4 hour erections" part of the title ... :suspect:

OFSO
14th Mar 2015, 09:16
I don't know why anyone would want one. Surely after use it needs retraction and putting away. It would be like flying a plane with gear not retracted.

Takan Inchovit
14th Mar 2015, 10:46
It would be like flying a plane with gear not retracted.

Simples, stay in the circuit and perform a whole lot of touch and goes.