Code Brown

[melmothtw]

I'm sure I'm going to regret asking, but any folks have similar stories to recount?

What Happens When a Fighter Pilot Has Diarrhea in the Cockpit? | Quora (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/quora/what-happens-when-a-fight_b_6794524.html)

[Wensleydale]

There is a related tale from the Sentries operating from a deployed location in the middle of the Omani desert. One of the mission crew was taken ill by "tummy troubles" during the mission and was hastened down to the bunks near the toilet for the rest of the sortie. On return to base, the flight deck radioed for medical assistance for the sick crew member when they landed.... however, the Sentry was greeted by a fleet of emergency vehicles that followed down the runway and a medical response team hurtled onto the aircraft at the first opportunity. Investigations later revealed that the RAF hospital at the deployed location had received the message from ATC that one of the crew had "shot himself".

[Tlam999]

And then there's this classic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwCAiF61lM0

[melmothtw]

Investigations later revealed that the RAF hospital at the deployed location had received the message from ATC that one of the crew had "shot himself".

Ha ha, that can't be true. Too funny if it is though!

Tlam999, I'm crying with laughter at that link. The part at the end where he has to tell the rest of the flight what has happened, and you hear his front-seater cracking up is just too much.

[Wensleydale]

It really happened but I won't add any names to protect the innocent party.

[1.3VStall]

I remember an incident on Tonkas in the early 80s when a front seater had an attack of diarrhoea and they had to divert.

The ensuing flight safety signal gave rise to some amusing responses. One I remember suggested fitting the Tonka with a "TURDS" system:

Tornado Unwanted Residue Disposal System:ok:

[teeteringhead]

A second or third hand tale I'm afraid. Can't remember which mate told me, so it either concerns 8 or Naval 8 with Hunters in the Middle East, or just possibly 60 with Javs in Singapore - story is essentially the same.

Posting-in of new sqn boss coincides with delivery of a jet or two from deep servicing, so new boss decides to arrive in style in jet. Whichever the last night stop was, food and/or drink led to the "Code Brown" for new boss on the final leg.

Lands and taxis in, hoping for the quiet far end of the line, but is marshalled centrally on the pan (pun intended!) to be met by his predecessor the old boss - and the entire Sqn on parade.

Old Boss: "Welcome to (wherever it was)! (Whichever it was) Squadron ready for your inspection!" ...... :eek:

Different but associated dit:

Can't find the Youtube link, but there is one out there of a French female TV interviewer - in tight white trousers! - who f@rts - and follows through - while camera is rolling. She leaves hurriedly, but unfortunately turns tail (!) as she does, revealing the trousers are no longer "all white"!! :yuk:

I'm sure someone's got the link??

[Wensleydale]

"Happiness is a Dry Fart"!


Which reminds me of a very RAF word...... When my daughter was about 4, she was sitting in the back of the car, happily in her kiddie seat next to Grandma. During a quiet spell, the sound of a little trump reverberated through the car.


"What do we say?" asked Grandma.


"Badger" came the loud reply.


...and it was my fault when SWMBO debriefed me after the journey.

[Audax]

At Linton in the mid 70s we had a really good US exchange QFI. Some years previously, he'd been a FAC on the funny Cessna push/pull machine which could stay airborne for hours and inevitably, after a good curry, he was taken short.

Fortunately, he'd got that natty US helmet bag with him and managed to do the somewhat messy business into said bag. Back on the ground, he left the bag outside the Ops building whist he went in to debrief etc, when he emerged inevitably the bag had been pinched, you can only imagine the surprise the thief received when he delved into the bag.

A few years earlier, I was No2 in a Lightning 4 ship tailchase. When we landed and were walking in, No4 was acting oddly. During the tailchase, as No4 he was at the end of the whiplash and on one occasion as the g suit cut in quite sharply it made him empty his bladder into the boot of his immersion suit, the squippers were not too happy trying to dry things out.

[air pig]

When a nurse in a hospital asks for help with a code brown, it's amazing who quickly the place looks like the Marie Celeste.

[teeteringhead]

you can only imagine the surprise the thief received when he delved into the bag.

One recalls the apochryphal story of the heavy drinker who carried a hip-flask of "sober" urine against the possibilty of a "p!ss-taking" policeman after a breathalyzer.

His hip-flask was pick-pocketed on the Tube.......

[ian16th]

The short version of a long story.

May 1960, 214 Sqdn were sending a Valiant from Marham to Singapore none-stop. This entailed basing Valiant tankers in Cyprus and Karachi.

Muggins is in the Karachi party, a 3 week trip. We have 3 a/c and air crews and a Hastings full of ground crew and spares. The ground crew includes a Medical Officer!

Before the trip we are given 'bung you up pills', in 3 different colours. White, yellow and green, and a score card to keep of bowl movements!!! Each 'movement' was to be annotated by a character, 'H' for hard, 'S' for soft and 'L' for liquid. We quickly worked out that the white pills were the strongest.

To reduce the story, we ALL got dysentery! The operation was nearly scrubbed due to shortage of fit air crew, those that flew wore towels as 'nappies'.

On the Hastings flight back, we stopped at Aden, the MO read out a list of 6 guys that had been working that morning and sent them to SSQ. The rest of us were told to rest and drink lots of liquid. Someone calls out, 'Is beer OK doc?" He replied 'Yes'.

I have been following that sound medical advice ever since.:ok:

The leg from Aden to Khartoum over Ethiopia, with full Elsan's splashing all over, remains the worst flight I have ever had.

On return to Marham, we all were put into SSQ, where we drove the medics quite mad.

I returned to Karachi 4 more times, but we ground-crew were put into a better hotel, where the aircrew joined us. Much to their relief.

On the 1st trip they were hosted in the Pakistan Air Force Officers Mess!

[Sandy Parts]

Taste prevents me giving the full details of the apocryphal story of the AEOp undergoing 'brown system failure' who had to make use of the galley sink on hearing the loo was already occupied.....apparently to the great surprise of the pax sat at the galley table at the time.
Also heard many times the story of the Nav who returned to his seat with a small dark stranger poking out of the collar of his flying suit. Apparently he was guilty of not fully carrying out 'clear-range' procedures (1.pull suit FULLY down) prior to a brown drop.

[Willard Whyte]

There was a Dominie pilot who performed a similar manoeuvre, in his case said movement lodged in the arm of his flying suit, and was ejected when the chap thrust his arm back into the sleeve.

There was also a Herc FE (of some renown) who announced, on intercom, "I do apologise captain, but I appear to have followed through".

Personally I've managed to avoid a bowel movement whilst onboard an aircraft, albeit a mere 5K flying hours over ~20 years. A couple of potential occasions were avoided by means of a judicious pre-flight imodium, I'll admit.

[P6 Driver]

An AAC Gazelle pilot flying solo in the 70's had a catastrophic and liquid bowel movement while flying in Germany.

[Wrathmonk]

There is an occasional visitor to this board who obtained a temporary (ho, ho) nickname along the lines of 'Captain Crapper' during his time on a squadron (which may or may not have had a skull and crossbones in their squadron badge). Thank goodness for sickbags.....

And at least one Bruggen Tonka nav who was taken straight from his aircraft to his MQ so he could remove his rather dirty (on the inside) immersion suit in the comfort, and privacy, of his own bathroom....

[skua]

Can't help thinking this is an entirely appropriate thread for this website; and how much our inspiration, Fg Off Pprune, would have enjoyed it!

[Two's in]

Got caught short in Germany flying the Airfix Pursuit Ship (Gazelle), landed on in a newly planted field, squatted on the skid to avoid muddy boots, did the deed while Mate B kept it the rotors running and we then flew off. I always imagined the German farmer coming out to see how the crop was growing, seeing 2 parallel shallow gouges and a pile of steaming faeces, but no obvious signs of how it got there. Probably leading to him immediately reporting a close encounter of the turd kind.

[NutLoose]

A rather apt moniker there then ;)

[John Eacott]

Initially we were not too impressed with being tasked for a multi day casex in the Bay of Biscay on board an RFA while the rest of the Sea King squadron lived it up at a French Navy base, only being seen when they flew out to join us on task.

We were suitably chuffed when we found that they all had a deep case of upset digestive systems and the crews spent much of the time in the dip waiting their turn at the door to remove goon suits and squat. No idea who cleaned up the residue on RTB!

And the food on the RFA was, as always, excellent and safe :ok:

[BEagle]

In one of the best books ever written about wartime Bomber Command, Jack Currie's Lancaster Target, he describes an incident involving one of his gunners being taken short and asking to leave the turret in order to resolve the problem....

A little devil crept into Currie's head and he told the gunner that they were still in a hostile area, so he had to remain in the turret for the time being.

A while later, he relents and advises the gunner that it is now safe to leave the turret in order to do the necessary.

"No worries, Skipper - it's frozen", came the reply....:\

In more recent times, a certain Victor pilot (who may or may not have been known in his later VC10K days as 'Logger' McD***s) had occasion to use the Victor's V-bomber ration box for an unintended purpose on, one gathers, more than one occasion...:eek: Which can't have been much fun for the rear crew.

[Scottie66]

Wrathmonk,

I still have the badge but couldn't find the US captains bars that I was given with it...all I can say was that my aim was true and not a drop was spilled...

[Wensleydale]

There are many stories about the Shackleton elsan, including the females who flew as passengers and who had to divest most clothing to use the said item (and how many forgot to check that the tail lookout was empty first). However perhaps the most infamous was an American airman who we took flying during a deployment to Keflavic.


"Where's the Pee tube?" he asked.


"Use the Elsan", was the shouted reply.


A few minutes later, an embarrassed looking American approached the mission crew.


"I think I made a mistake sir".


He had wandered into the galley and used the oxygen pipe next to the elsan as a pee tube. The look on the faces of the flight deck crew as they turned round to look in disbelief as they were told in glee "...one of the Yanks has just p*ssed into the oxygen system".


The discussion then turned to how far into the system this fluid would migrate and whether it would get past the economiser, with the eng's advice of "don't fly above 8,000ft skipper". Fortunately an economiser change sorted everything out!

[BEagle]

Not quite as bad a mistake as this, the citation for the award of the MHDOIF to a F/Sgt in TeeEmm:

THE MOST HIGHLY DEROGATORY ORDER OF THE IRREMOVABLE FINGER (Patron : Pilot Officer Prune) has this month been awarded to F/Sgt **** for Failing to put his Hand Up when Wanting to Leave the Aircraft.

F/Sgt **** was a passenger in the rear of an Oxford which was on a daylight exercise. On completion of a period of instrument flying, at about 3000 feet, the pilot and instructor looked round and found that they no longer had a passenger.

It turned out later that F/Sgt ****, wishing to relieve himself, had opened the door of the aircraft, but instead of carrying on with the exercise had fallen out. He eventually returned to camp by bus with his open parachute tucked underneath his arm.

[Peter Carter]

Then there was the tale of the Canberra T17 pilot who, on a 1,000ft transit over the sea, was caught short. He put his pins in, unstrapped, and stood in the doorway to remove his flying suit, while flying the aircraft with his left hand. The AEO, who sat directly behind where he was standing, then held a helmet bag open while the pilot squatted….

[Surplus]

Taste prevents me giving the full details of the apocryphal story of the AEOp undergoing 'brown system failure' who had to make use of the galley sink on hearing the loo was already occupied.....apparently to the great surprise of the pax sat at the galley table at the time.

Oh go on Sandy, spill the beans, I'm sure N*** S****s won't mind! :E

[PARALLEL TRACK]

I had the misfortune to be in the same formation on a Tonka transit to the sandpit when one of the WSOs went through a protracted series of Code Brown stages until he finally delivered the package!

I will never forget the look on the ground crew/medics faces when they got to the top of the steps after the canopy was flipped.

A well known curry house near the secret base in Norfolk had a role to play in this episode.

Any other formation members remember?

What was his nickname?

//trk

[langleybaston]

This is a marvellous thread, I have sat here laughing out loud. I cannot contribute a great deal unfortunately.

I think Metpersons must have been uptight, because I never ever heard of any misadventures at work, although crappers were often a L O N G way away. The bases which gave me most anxiety regarding notice/timing were Nicosia [a thunderbox 100 yards away on the bondhu], Acklington and Finningley [before we moved into the Air Electronics building].

Dry Farting was a different matter of course ........ in airfield Met Offices the convention was to fart only in the teleprinter/ comms room rather than the workplace. In headquarters units the rule was that one could gruff in one's own office or the corridors, but not in anyone else's office.

JHQ was interesting in that one had to decide if one had time to be an officer. The airmen's bog was handy but very nasty, the nearest officers' one was quite a hike.

[taxydual]

OK, the following is not an airborne Code Brown (and I previously posted it in 2008) but..........



Late '70's at an 'aerodrome somewhere in England'.

The Boss (and I mean THE BOSS) was coming to make sure that we were looking after the aeroplanes and other bits and bobs she had loaned us.

The Staish thought it was time for his Other Buggers Efforts and so decided to put on a show. A Royal Guard of Honour came top in his list of bullsh*t.

Joe the SWO trawls the unit for blokes who were 6 feet tall (not 5'11", not 6'1", he wants an Other Buggers Efforts too) to make up the main cast of this performance.

Through an accident of birth, my oppo and myself satisfied Joe's requirements (and being a pair of prats by not hiding or limping ) we found ourselves on a shortlist of 2 to join Joe's Chorus Line.

Now, my oppo was (and still is) a bit of an imbiber of most things alcoholic (he draws the line at Toilet Duck), he also appreciates being allowed to gently enter the world of sobriety in the mornings, no sudden movements etc etc.

To his horror (and to the rest of us) Joe and the Staish decided upon practice, practice, practice weeks before the main event. To make matters worse, the practices were to take place at first sparrow's fart, so's not to deny us the pleasure of a full day at work afterwards.

Oppo did not take kindly to this. His personal time to recover from the reveries of the previous night were severely curtailed. His efforts at the rehearsals for Joe SWO's Royal Variety Performance were not good. His efforts at 'Present Arms' would have made Corporal (Dad's Army) Jones look like a Coldstream Guardsman.

Joe thought he was taking the pi$$, not realising that oppo was recovering from the pi$$.

Slowly it began to dawn on oppo, that perhaps to avoid more severe listening-to's and other threats from Joe and after all, it was for THE BOSS. (Oppo was a great fan of THE BOSS). that he should curtail his nightly intake and perhaps take up cocoa for the duration instead.

The transformation was dramatic!! A figure of immaculate military bearing arose from the ashes, the Staish smiled, Joe SWO smiled even Joe's dog smiled. Sod the Other Buggers Efforts they thought, this means Knighthoods all round. Arise Sir Staish, Arise Sir Joe SWO. I swear you could see it in their eyes.

Come the final Full Dress Rehearsal. Brigade of Guards, QCS, b@llocks to the lot of you, nobody could beat us, we were good.

So good in fact that the Staish invited the members of the Royal Guard of Honour to have a small alcoholic refreshment (at his expense) to thank us for our efforts (oh, and also to put the fear of God up us just in case it went wrong).

After drinkies and associated small talk 'it's Ma'am as in ham, not Ma'am as in farm' etc served up by Mrs (soon to be Lady) Staish. We were sent on our way to prepare for the Main Event the following morning.

Oppo, now rather pleased with himself, full of military bearing (and two halves of Staish's beer) decides that a pleasant pre-Royal evening in the company of the NAAFI'S finest barmaids is perfectly in order. Thankfully, I had a prior engagement with the future Mrs Taxydual so had to decline his kind offer of an evening of fine wines and glistening conversation.

I imagine, gentle reader, you can guess the rest.

Come the morn, you have never seen anything like it. 6' of military bearing converted into a potato sack. There were no two pounds of him hanging straight. His breath would have killed small children. His eyes had to be seen to be believed. 'There's life, Jim, but not as we know it'.

It went steadily downhill from there on in.

The March-on he stumbled. The Royal Salute he fumbled.

Then the crowning glory. During the Inspection came a barely audible bubbling noise followed an odour of such grossness that no-one could miss it for what it was. Oppo had sh*t himself. The looks of horror on the faces of the great and the good was spectacular. As to THE BOSS, she didn't turn a hair and carried on if nothing had happened. She knew though, oh she knew. I saw, for a fleeting second the look in her face as she passed me. "Tommo's sh*t himself again".

Where are you Tommo? If the telling of this doesn't force you out of hiding, nothing will.

[Haraka]

Hi Beags.
Your Oxford story could well be based on fact. One well known fault of the "Ox box's" door was that pulling the wires to the "Open" pins was right next to the wires to the "Jettison" pins. Many sorties ended during crew exit with the door falling off onto the ground. Thus falling out of the aeroplane after pulling the wrong selection would seem to be a distinct possibility.
Not the first - or the last aeroplane , to have an unfortunate close location of devices that were easily confused, leading to embarrassing mis-selections.......

[thunderbird7]

Quote:
Taste prevents me giving the full details of the apocryphal story of the AEOp undergoing 'brown system failure' who had to make use of the galley sink on hearing the loo was already occupied.....apparently to the great surprise of the pax sat at the galley table at the time.
Oh go on Sandy, spill the beans, I'm sure N*** S****s won't mind!

The pax being Air Attaché to Oslo or some such like, the skippers dad IIRC......

Or the apocryphal tale of the motorbike captain on his way to the Falklands and the flying suit not rolled down quite enough...... Allegedly.

Followed by (thread creep alert) "keep an eye on my bag Sergeant"...."I can still see it sir on the apron" as OC 201 is changing gear at FL200.....

[27mm]

Long ago and far away, a Twin Pin cruised over the jungle; one of the crew was taken very short, but managed to dump it all in a honk bag. He then wondered how to dispose of said bag and without forethought pushed it through the DV window; unfortunately, approx 90 knots of airflow met said bag and promptly shoved it back into the cockpit, shredding the bag and spraying its contents everywhere......:yuk:

[NutherA2]

I remember Oelof Bergh reminiscing about his experiences in Korea, where he was flying Meteors “on detachment” to the RAAF; one of these concerned getting caught short while airborne.

Being fairly agile at that stage of his career Oelof managed to unstrap, lower his flying suit and shreddies, spread his map over the seat pan (no double entendre intended) and relieve himself.It turned out not to be the most comfortable experience, though.

Since he would not be hands on the controls for a while, he had trimmed the Meatbox into a level gentle turn, so that the resulting orbit would mean he had finished his c***p more or less where he had started. Sadly, he said, he hadn’t noticed part of the orbit took him over the communist anti-aircraft defences, so some parts of his Code Brown were more nervous than others.

[Lima Juliet]

One of the first lady navs on Dominie had to use the 'thunder box' whilst going through turbulence. The result? Blue parts being washed down with cartons of Orange Juice by the NCA instructor. Would have been alright if it was one of the stunners - although I'm sure she was for some of the NCA I knew! :E

---------

F14 exchange USN RIO (read nav) on the F3 transitting back from Cyprus. The food of the good 'ole US of A had not prepped his lower gut for the delights of the Shalimar Curry House in AKR. The result? A full strip down in the back of the jet and then a very well aimed dump into his white cardboard packed lunch box! Someone had some pictures having flown inverted over the top with a camera clicking away at the poor chap.

---------

First night madness and another Nav had a few too many Brandy Sours in the Mess at AKR. He comes storming out of his room in the morning threatening to kill everyone for smearing crap all over his walls, until someone pointed that he should look at the state of his own hands. Thence on known as Bobby Sands for the rest of the APC!

---------

Ex DYNAMIC IMPACT (I think) from Moron AFB. The Sqn has drunk all the river bars in Seville dry of Baileys - served in what seem like pint pots. The next day everyone is passing Baileys through their No 2s. Someway out over the Atlantic off the coast of Portugal the formation leader announces that his Nav "needs to go home". Portugese and Spanish ATC are very accomodating and clear us straight line to Moron AFB for an 'in flight medical issue'. As we break into the circuit at Moron the Nav calls "It's too late!!". Luckily he was wearing a goon suit, so a hose was just popped into the neck seal for a complete wash out!

---------

The worst I ever had was a yellow alert after the transit from UK to AKR. We were met at the steps of the F3 by the advance party and bussed straight to the last 20 minutes of Happy Hour. I was bursting. So I made straight for the Gents throwing off G-pants and pulling my flying suit around my ankles thinking that a No 2 may also be in order. As I sat down, my fella went between the bowl and the seat - I let rip and watch a beautiful golden arc going into my flying suit around my ankles. I do not have the sphyncter power to shut of the 270 Bar of urine coming out of my body. I then have to wash my flying suit in the sink and then spend the next 20 minutes standing there in my boots, T shirt and undies drying it under the hand dryer and explaining what has happened! And I missed Happy Hour and ended up with one of the crap rooms in Animal House...:}

LJ

[Pontius Navigator]

Wensleydale, you covered the pee-tube, remember the picnic bar in the elsan?

Of course the other happiness was releasing the dry Gary, often 10 hours old, on undoing the immersion suit.

[Budar]

Concraptions;

n: a case of particular agonising stomach pains experienced before giving birth to an extremely virulent form of excrement. Usually experienced during flight the day after a visit to the 'passage to India' . Particularly debilitating whilst piloting an aircraft.

" bloody hell boys I knew that ruby was a bad idea, my concraptions are 3 mins apart and I'm 2cm dilated...... Emergency div required........":yuk:

[snippy]

After his recent episode do you think Harrison Ford will be contributing to this thread?:ooh:

[BEagle]

Hi Haraka! I'm not sure if you were on the same ULAS Summer Camp at Thorney Island as I was in 1970?

One fine day I noticed one of our Chipmunks being taxyed (dual) rather rapidly from the RW, then coming to an abrupt halt on the taxiway. The hood flew open and out hopped 'Stumpy' who set off at an urgent pace towards the hangar door. With his little legs, it would have been impossible for him to be bent double, of course, as his bone dome would have hit the tarmac.

Fortunately he made it - just, so he told us after he'd walked back to the crewroom looking much happier. The cause? A local curry house the previous evening!

[NutLoose]

There was the VC 10 at Brize, tech for a week or so with various spurious snags listed that sat out on a distant apron with the doors all open.....

They had a frozen blue ice problem on one of the aft bogs and the decided remedy was a palouse air start trolley blowing a miniscule amount of hot air into the valve to melt the blockage, a suitable piece of timber was wedged on the said bog seat and up against a firm bit of trim and warming began..... a loud bang was heard as the said timber departed and a fountain erupted in the aft cabin... seats were changed on the quiet, trim was replaced with other sourced items and everything eventually looked as before...... except the smell, that took a skip load of air freshener and a couple of weeks of circulating air to disperse... ;)

[Pontius Navigator]

Budar, 2cm, wow.

You need to practise contractions as well.

[Avtur]

Was flying from Sal in the Cape Verdi Islands on Royal SAR. HRH POW was flying back home from S America. Having spent the day with the crew on the beach on a seemingly overcast but pleasantly warm day, we finally got airborne about midnight local en route St Mawgan in a "Mighty Hunter".

Soon after we were airborne, the line-up to the one and only toilet was growing, and several people were starting to get stomach cramps and feel quite ill. Severe sunburn was also starting to manifest itself (lessons learned from overcast conditions) and people were really starting to feel bad (Lord Flash; that was you in particular). As time progressed, needs must, and the galley sink was now operational as the second toilet. The alligator steaks (which were gross) clearly had a special "smoking", being adjacent to the sink, and by the time we reached Blighty most of the crew were severely (and seriously) debilitated.

Turned out we had all caught Dysentery; presumably from the shower water.

Thankfully our services were not needed that night, and most grow bags remained green. The state of the sinks and toilets is another matter. Apologies NLF, we did try.

BTW; how do you do Royal SAR now?

[lsh]

The centre hatch in the Puma floor is a low pressure area.....!

(So is the back of the door!)

lsh
:E

[teeteringhead]

Can't find the Youtube link, but there is one out there of a French female TV interviewer - in tight white trousers! - who f@rts - and follows through - while camera is rolling. She leaves hurriedly, but unfortunately turns tail (!) as she does, revealing the trousers are no longer "all white"!!

Found it! (not clever enough to embed it!)

Apologies to the French (there's a phrase I never thought to use! :ok:), but the TV reporter was Dutch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb6zFLQeWBk

[Lima Juliet]

When it comes to Code Brown, this is one of my favourite scenes from The Inbetweeners...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX7YWpbUGbs

LJ :ok:

[Corrona]

Many years ago, whilst holding at RAF Lossiemouth, I had taken to going for a stroll along the beach after work each evening. On one memorable evening I felt a stirring that forced me to quietly declare to myself full blown an emergency state poo in a matter of minutes. I immediately headed back towards base, however I already had serious doubts as to whether I could hope to make it in time. As I made to to cross the golf course I realised that I had a split second decision to make. a: make a dash for it with the hope of reaching a toilet, however clearly there were big risks with this option bearing in mind the remaining distance. Or option b: accept that I wasn't going to make it back to a toilet and opt for a controlled ditching in the bushes on the golf course.

....I casually walked passed the "no dog fouling on this golf course" sign and slid into the bushes to do the business:}

[Tiger G]

Should have made it a "hole in one", would have been interesting for the first putt of the day ;)

[langleybaston]

That would have to be a VERY small bigjob surely?