View Full Version : [WARNING - AVIATION CONTENT!] Who's never fantasized about...

24th Feb 2015, 23:46
...a pretty stewardess, her eyes pleading and whispering urgently in your ear: "We have an emergency, can you fly the airplane sir?"

Leave aside at least temporarily, all the questions about: why both pilots were incapacitated; why they consulted the passenger list and chose you; why there weren't any real pilots aboard as pax (commerical / even type-rated / or just PPLs) etc.

In my most recent interpretation on this fantasy, it was a B747-400, supposedly very gentle to fly or almost "flies itself". In fact the Captain was KO, the co-pilot was just blinded, but conscious for a few minutes at a time on and off (long enough to give vital instructions, where the checklists, main controls, instruments, switches etc. were located). Obviously, I navigated the airliner several thousands of miles to destination and made a safe, even exemplary landing. And despite all instructions to the contrary, insisted on taxiing the airplane off the main runway to a suitable parking spot (but not right upto the terminal parking ramp for some strange reason). I manage to sneak away and avoid all publicity. Until the intelligence agencies track me down. Despite the best efforts of the President (one of his close family was aboard the flight), I insist on my privacy. Eventually they give up, but the airline sets-up a multi-million $ trust fund for my pudicats and their carer... :ok:

Loose rivets
24th Feb 2015, 23:52
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/walnaze/Flying/BiiiigHat.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/walnaze/media/Flying/BiiiigHat.jpg.html)

John Hill
25th Feb 2015, 06:43
My fantasy was over in a fraction of a second, or maybe less. I was just a young lad sitting in the front right hand seat of a BN-2A climbing out of Milford Sound when I caught a glimpse of a sea bird ( Larus marinus probably) coming into view over the nose of the aircraft. There was an almighty thump and a startled gasp from the PIC, I immediately thought the bird had come through his windscreen and I would have to grab the controls (there was no yoke on my side) and somehow save the day. But not to be as the pilot was quite unhurt, startled maybe, and trying to give the impression that such events were all part of his normal working day.

25th Feb 2015, 11:12
Why would a Flight Attendant, experienced in airline operations (and absent any pilots on the aircraft), ask a passenger to sit in the seat, rather than just sit in the seat themselves? :confused::confused:

25th Feb 2015, 11:33
I have had the occasional fantasy about pretty Flight attendants.
None of them were ever about me being asked to fly the aircraft!!:p

25th Feb 2015, 12:02
I suspect that every recreational pilot who boards a passenger aircraft speculates inwardly: "I wonder if I could fly this thing and land it if I had to ....?"

I plead guilty. I almost certainly couldn't, although in such speculation I'm sure I could. We all probably think we could, even though we almost certainly would make an absolute porridge of the whole operation.

Still dreams are free, and anyway the aircraft virtually lands itself doesn't it?;)

25th Feb 2015, 13:04
Why not give it a try in a simulator? I see that some airlines will let you convert those thousands of useless frequent flyer points into time on one of their simulators. A mate of mine (onetime commercial pilot but not airline) did that on B747-400 simulator for an hour.

I am a former commercial pilot and have some experience on a non-certified B737-800 sim sufficient to be able to program the FMC and understand the basics of flying the thing. I was also told by a couple of rated 737 pilots that the sim was very close to the real thing as it realistically simulated the inertia which home simulators don't. So, if I ever get the call I would give it a damn good go. I can't do worse than the alternative of nobody does a thing and at least I will go down fighting. And, yes, every time I get on a commercial flight I wonder about getting the call..........hopeless aren't we!

wings folded
25th Feb 2015, 13:17
So you plop it down in one piece on RWY27 or whatever, taxi briskly but safely to the apron where the ambulance is awaiting the stricken pilot.

You're feeling rather chuffed to have avoided the orphanage on final.

Then the CAA prosecutes you for flying without the right licences... :uhoh:

25th Feb 2015, 13:21
I have had the occasional fantasy about pretty Flight attendants. They used to be a feature of airline flying.
Now a rare occurrence. :p

25th Feb 2015, 13:31
Well they're certainly not a feature of police flying🚁🚓😊

P6 Driver
25th Feb 2015, 21:01
Why would a Flight Attendant, experienced in airline operations (and absent any pilots on the aircraft), ask a passenger to sit in the seat, rather than just sit in the seat themselves?

So just who do plan to have serving tea and coffee while you're flying the aircraft then?

Bull at a Gate
25th Feb 2015, 21:22
I landed a 737 after both pilots ate the fish. Well it was in a simulator, but I still managed it, and wrote about it in JB. What I found was that there were so many things, apart from just flying and landing, which could get in the way of being a hero. For a start, I had great trouble working out how to slide the seat forward and then never quite worked out how to use the radio to call ATC. Plus I was lucky with the weather (no wind or clouds) and I knew where the airport was which made navigation easy.

Great fun!

Espada III
25th Feb 2015, 23:23
There is an excellent video on you tube from Baltic which shows exactly how difficult it is for an amateur to land an aircraft safely at the first go. It's effectively impossible.

26th Feb 2015, 07:05
the story (ok, fantasy) sounds so sweet, airship, I think I'll try to get on the same etheral waves, too. :)

26th Feb 2015, 08:46
100% impossible for a passenger to do it on the type of aircraft I fly.

Shaggy Sheep Driver
26th Feb 2015, 08:57
I love the cartoon I saw some time ago where a junior hostie dashes into the flight deck saying to the two startled pilots "quick, the chief steward has collapsed. Can either of you two mix a bloody mary?".

26th Feb 2015, 09:09
The closest I ever came to having my fantasy being fulfilled was when I was 19, pax on a 727 from Adelaide to Sydney. I was seated next to the lady in charge of training TAA's air hostesses, as they were then called. Although she was about twice my age (seems young now) she was quite attractive and friendly. I was a QF apprentice & was about the enter the army, supposedly to learn to fly.
After take off, there was a problem with the undercarriage, so she took immediate emergency action and ordered us each a scotch.
Eventually we returned to Adelaide and we chatted while a replacement Viscount was brought from Melbourne. When it arrived, she arranged for me to do most of the trip up front.

Near enough?

26th Feb 2015, 10:51
I think the first version of this was told in Runway 08, by Arthur Hailey. (First published 1958) Although a Passenger did take the controls, after the both pilots had the fish, he did have piloting experience.

This story was repeated in "Airplane", but there too, the passenger was a pilot. In "Airport 1975" they also lost the pilots, but managed to sneak another on board (thanks to the flight attendant)

26th Feb 2015, 20:18
100% impossible for a passenger to do it on the type of aircraft I fly.

ShyTorque---not so fast.....

How to Land a Helicopter After Your Pilot Has Been Killed (http://www.wikihow.com/Land-a-Helicopter-After-Your-Pilot-Has-Been-Killed)

26th Feb 2015, 20:39
Surely you would just set any airliner up on an autoland? I'm assuming ATC would be kind enough to vector you to an nice long runway with cat 3 capability. No need to even touch the yoke. They even stick the brakes on for you.

26th Feb 2015, 21:32
Autoland doesn't control the Energy (speed/height) or aircraft configuration for the approach. This is in fact the hardest thing for new pilots to learn - even trained and on the line, new airline pilots need a bit of advice from the Captain for this... :8

26th Feb 2015, 21:40
How to Land a Helicopter After Your Pilot Has Been Killed (http://www.wikihow.com/Land-a-Helicopter-After-Your-Pilot-Has-Been-Killed)
Yer - that looks pretty do-able. :suspect:

26th Feb 2015, 22:04
Autoland doesn't control the Energy (speed/height) or aircraft configuration for the approach.Er..pretty sure autoland controls the height, clues in the name surely...:), OK autothrottle would control the speed if we want to be pedantic. Aircraft config straightforward unless a complete clot.

The stoneage autopilot on the Arrow I fly will fly an approach if you trusted it to (which I wouldn't personally).

26th Feb 2015, 22:18
If you read the Professional Pilots Rumours Posts you will realise that todays airline pilots are actually incapable of flying the aircraft should something untoward happen.

It could be suggested that all the fatal accidents in recent years have been caused by pilots unable to cope with aircraft malfunctions.

Apart from one where the pilots seem to have themselves decided to make their aircraft totally vanish.

26th Feb 2015, 22:55
Hmm - may not have expressed myself fully ;)

Autoland is great - for the last 1000' or so - the bit where the aircraft is configured and ready to land...

It's when the aircraft is at 286 knots, no flap, no gear, FL077, altimeter for landing not set, perhaps 25 nautical miles to landing (but ATC allowing anything you need, obviously)

Joining the two positions above up (managing the energy of the aircraft) is the hard bit. ;)

26th Feb 2015, 23:25
I understand your banter now skipper. Well I would hope that they would set me up on a 30 mile final at 2,500 with everything dangling and speed set to capture the GS. This is assuming of course that there are no solid bits between me and the runway at 2,500'...:)

27th Feb 2015, 00:41
Don't forget to lower the wheels.

27th Feb 2015, 02:06
Fantasy at FL350 (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-436499/Exclusive-How-I-led-Ralph-Fiennes-astray-35-000ft.html)

Ralph Fiennes lived out his fantasy at FL350....;)

27th Feb 2015, 02:39
I just watched an Air Crash Investigation episode dealing with the Fedex crash at NRT,the thing that struck me was how something like the timing of when to flare the nose could have such a dramatic effect,that's what would scare the hell out of me if I was ever put in such a situation,and I'm fairly sure that autoland wouldn't be much help at that stage of a landing.or would it?.