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alisoncc
4th Feb 2015, 22:36
I suspect we have all at some time wanted to ask a question of the assembled throng, but have chosen not to fearing intense ridicule. Well this is where such questions can be posted without fear or trepidation, in the full knowledge that your question will be treated in the time honoured JB manner of p*ss taking.


To kick the thread off:

Yesterday I bought some thousand year old eggs at my Chinese supermarket. When I got them home I noticed the "Best Before Date" was January 2015. Is it still safe to eat them?

jimtherev
4th Feb 2015, 22:55
In a motorway gents toilet. Grandson aged 6
"Grandpa, what are condoms, and why are they chocolate flavoured?"

Windy Militant
4th Feb 2015, 23:19
Yesterday I bought some thousand year old eggs at my Chinese supermarket. When I got them home I noticed the "Best Before Date" was January 2015. Is it still safe to eat them?

Yeah you've probably got another two hundred years on them as it's a best before date not a use by date! ;)

lasernigel
4th Feb 2015, 23:20
Why did the chicken cross the road? Seriously??

Did the egg come before the chicken?

FullOppositeRudder
5th Feb 2015, 01:41
What the (insert expletive of choice) do you think you are doing?

Loose rivets
5th Feb 2015, 02:00
Question on R & N just now re the ATR 72 crash:


Is it possible at all that the pilot intentionally put the wing on the road, hoping it would bump the body of the plane over the bridge and make it to the water intact?

Fox3WheresMyBanana
5th Feb 2015, 02:13
I dream of the day when chickens are truly free to cross a road without having their motives questioned.

AnAussieNut
5th Feb 2015, 02:38
I have a question about cars powered by hydrogen.
Apparently the only thing that comes out of the tail pipe of hydrogen powered cars is water vapour,isn't fog just water vapour? so if we all drove hydrogen powered vehicles wouldn't there be more fog?

Cheers from dunnunda.

Paul

IBMJunkman
5th Feb 2015, 04:14
-lasernigel

Bigger question: did the rooster come before the hen?

obgraham
5th Feb 2015, 05:10
Bigger question: did the rooster come before the hen? Who cares?

alisoncc
5th Feb 2015, 05:24
The egg definitely came before the chicken, 'cos way back in geological time when chickens evolved there weren't any roads to cross. And dinosaurs were laying eggs way before chickens got in on the act.

One day mummy dino was watching over her clutch of eggs waiting for hatching day, and out popped a chicken, which she promptly scoffed. Luckily it wasn't the only one, otherwise we wouldn't have KFC now,

david1300
5th Feb 2015, 05:26
Why do we need a thread for Silly Questions :p;):ok:

speagle1
5th Feb 2015, 06:31
Why do we need a thread for silly question????

Because the internet wasn't there during Newton's time and and he asked (out loud!) the ORIGINAL silly question.......and found an answer!

This thread exists so that we don't ask silly questions out loud and thus remain eternally grateful to Newton for discovering stuff which eventually made this thread possible! And of-course for thinking aloud!

hiflymk3
5th Feb 2015, 09:10
Why do we need a thread for silly questions???


Silly question

mikedreamer787
5th Feb 2015, 09:22
I have a silly question -

I see a dirty flea-ridden street dog waiting to cross the road. When the light goes green he's off with a fast walk and intense face look that indicates he's truly got a destination to go to pronto.

The question is where the hell does a smelly filthy street mutt have to be at, and in such a hurry as if he's late for an appointment? :confused:

Allan Lupton
5th Feb 2015, 09:28
On seeing a "wet floor" plastic cone in a motorway services gents' toilet:

"Must we?"

Ka6crpe
5th Feb 2015, 09:28
Why do brown cows give white milk if they always eat green grass?

4mastacker
5th Feb 2015, 09:43
Surely the ultimate in silly questions is when the wife asks "Does my bum look big in this?"

Solid Rust Twotter
5th Feb 2015, 09:53
The workings of a superior intellect such as the canine mind are beyond us mere mortals, Mr Dreamer.

No doubt there was a tree that needed peeing upon...:ok:

mikedreamer787
5th Feb 2015, 10:03
Why did the chicken cross the road?Same reason ducks do. Next!


Why do brown cows give white milk if they always eat green grass? Cos we wouldn't drink it if it was green or brown. Next!


the wife asks "Does my bum look big in this?"If she has to ask then yes she does. Next!


did the rooster come before the hen?Who cares? But whether the hen was disappointed or not is the subject of another silly question. Next!


if we all drove hydrogen powered vehicles wouldn't there be more fog?No. But the air would warm up and give the greenies more to complain about.

sitigeltfel
5th Feb 2015, 10:39
Surely the ultimate in silly questions is when the wife asks "Does my bum look big in this?"

"No dear.........it looks big in everything"!

Flight_Idle
5th Feb 2015, 10:52
It's well known that Thermos flasks keep hot thing hot & cold things cold, but few question how Thermos flasks actually know which one to do.

Exascot
5th Feb 2015, 11:06
True story told to us from the manageress of the lodge involved. Japanese lady going out for a game drive in the Kruger National park.

Guide: 'Madam it would be best if you wear a hat to protect you from the sun'
Tourist: 'Why, hasn't the park got a roof on it?'
Guide: 'No madam'
Tourist: 'Well how do you keep the birds in then?'
Guide: :ugh:

Solid Rust Twotter
5th Feb 2015, 12:35
Surely the ultimate in silly questions is when the wife asks "Does my bum look big in this?"



The answer that'll earn you hot tongue and cold shoulder for sure is "Well, it's not that big a room to begin with..."

MagnusP
5th Feb 2015, 13:00
Flight_Idle, It was rumoured that David Beckham keeps a cup of coffee and a choc-ice in his thermos.

goudie
5th Feb 2015, 17:15
You're about to perform the wicked deed and she asks, ''you do love me, don't you''?

OFSO
5th Feb 2015, 17:28
You're about to perform the wicked deed and she asks, ''you do love me, don't you''?

To which the answer is (and I do apologise for the vulgarity) "Of course I love you, I'm f*cking you aren't I ?" This answer has been given by millions of men and it is believed a negative response was only uttered once since Cro-Magnon times, but it was said too late to change anything.

Monkeys, of course, do not have the dubious gift of speech. Some of them do have bright blue or red buttocks (one or the other but not both) which explains a lot.

OFSO
5th Feb 2015, 17:39
And now a silly question. Where I live the wind has been blowing at up to 175 kph (this afternoon's weather forecast) for the past four days and is forecast to continue until Sunday at least. The wind is described as "polar" which I suppose means where it's coming from (it certainly feels like it if you go outside with things unprotected), and is blowing over the entire length of the Catalan Pyrannees, a couple of hundreds of km.

To sum up, then a fair amount of cubic metres of air.

Silly question: where is it going to ? Doesn't seem to be windy down near Gib, doesn't seem to be especially cold down there, and the pressure isn't all that high in N. Africa. I remember seeing some kind of huge space vacuum cleaner used to suck out all the Earth's atmosphere (I admit, this was in Mel Brooks "Spaceballs" so probably not based on fact, actually almost CERTAINLY not based on fact) but where is all the wind going ? and will it come back one day ?

ian16th
5th Feb 2015, 17:49
The wind is described as "polar" which I suppose means where it's coming from (it certainly feels like it if you go outside with things unprotected),

What we called a 'lazy wind'.

Too lazy to go around you!

ZH875
5th Feb 2015, 17:56
Why do shops that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

Ascend Charlie
5th Feb 2015, 21:26
OFSO, all that wind gets captured, some of it going into politicians, the rest goes into tennis balls, footballs, basketballs etc.

Fox3WheresMyBanana
5th Feb 2015, 21:30
Why do shops that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

I have seen several branches of Denny's in the US that do not have locks.

However most shops will close on public holidays, so they aren't 24/7/365

obgraham
5th Feb 2015, 22:21
I have seen several branches of Denny's in the US that do not have locks.
Who'd want to break IN to a Denny's?

11Fan
5th Feb 2015, 22:22
I went to a shop that had a sign in the window that said "Open 24 Hours but they were closed. The next time I went back I questioned the clerk. I mentioned that the sign said open 24 hours but you were closed last time I was here. He said "yeah, just not in a row."

meadowrun
6th Feb 2015, 00:29
If so, why not?

eticket
6th Feb 2015, 02:44
How many moments are there in a while?

mikedreamer787
6th Feb 2015, 03:01
For that matter how many tads in a moment?

I've a feeling the tad is the metric version of the imperial moment - but a smidgen shorter.

Which of course leads me to ask the definition of the smidgen......

G-CPTN
6th Feb 2015, 03:36
Be right back in a tic . . .

Stanwell
6th Feb 2015, 03:45
A while?
Well, that depends..
It can be anything from 'a little while' to a 'long while' to 'some time'.
Hang on a tic, I'll go check on that - back in a moment.

I also understand that a 'smidgen' is a slightly lesser quantity than a 'soupcon'.

Ascend Charlie
6th Feb 2015, 06:49
When discussing a woman's breast size, the term "geebie" came up , which is apparently the equivalent of a British Standard Mouthful.

There is also the engineering term of RCH, a very small measurement, I believe there are a thousand RCH in a Smidgen. RCH = Red Cntu Hair.

Exascot
6th Feb 2015, 06:54
If a shop is only open 24/7 of course it needs locks on the doors for the other 364 days of the year. Now that was a really stupid question. :ugh:

I hate that term. I even wrote to my bank about it asking what I was supposed to do with Internet banking only available on the 24th July. Never got a reply.

henrybluebottle
7th Feb 2015, 08:49
24/7 is a pet hate of mine. To me it means about 3 1/2 ( a bit more than pi). Shirley it should be 24*7 ??

mikedreamer787
7th Feb 2015, 13:59
That pet hate of yours must piss you off 24/7/365 Mr bottle.

My pet hate? "my bad".

Your bad? You mean your bad horrible breath? Your bad stinking body odour? What?

MadsDad
7th Feb 2015, 15:12
That pet hate of yours must piss you off 24/7/365

But at least you get one day off every leap-year.

probes
10th Feb 2015, 16:50
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/02/10/2587CD0100000578-0-image-m-11_1423563734217.jpg

is water from the washing machine used to flush the toilet? And where's the ladder you need to 'operate' the machine?

(more funny pics Hilarious collection of world's worst estate agent photos of houses for sale | Daily Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2947277/Terrible-estate-agent-pictures-homes-dodgy-decor-random-animals-bizarre-furnishings.html))

M.Mouse
10th Feb 2015, 17:04
Are lovers on a hill inclined?

OFSO
10th Feb 2015, 21:33
is water from the washing machine used to flush the toilet?

No, there's a cold water feed to the washing machine connected to the feed to flush the toilet, and the waste hose is fed into the grey PVC pipe on the left. Quite professional really, I would have just let it fall into the wc ! Now what's that pipe and valve thing on the right ? Control for the antigravity system holding the washing machine in place ?

alisoncc
10th Feb 2015, 21:44
Actually it's not a washing machine. It's a centrifuge used to separate out the solids in order to recycle the water through the household taps.

G-CPTN
11th Feb 2015, 00:01
where's the ladder you need to operate the machine?
Ani fule kno you stand on the seat.

probes
11th Feb 2015, 07:11
oh, thank you, G-Cptn, very much - obviously there are fools fooler than any! :E

alisoncc
18th Feb 2015, 04:04
Is it the Chinese year of the Sheep or the year of the Goat? Or are they interchangeable? I am fairly sure that my supernarket meat counter thinks they are.

TWT
18th Feb 2015, 04:31
Speaking of units of measurement,what is the metric equivalent to

1 x bee's dick ?

Is it more or less than a smidgeon ?

Solid Rust Twotter
18th Feb 2015, 04:57
Equal to three gnats' pubic hairs IINM, Mr TWT.

ilvaporista
18th Feb 2015, 09:54
There is only one things smaller than a bee's (gnat's) dick...
And that is the hole in the end.

Stanwell
18th Feb 2015, 10:20
The last thing that goes through a bug's head when he impacts your windscreen?
His arsehole.

Flight_Idle
21st Feb 2015, 08:17
I've often wondered how they train chickens to lay 'Small, medium & large' eggs. It must change on a daily basis, according to demand.


It cannot be easy for the chicken, who is used to laying large eggs for weeks, to suddenly have to lay small eggs & I just cannot imagine them being able to suddenly change overnight.


The only logical answer that I can think of, is it being a gradual process over a few days, with the inter-size eggs being rejected & sold off cheaply to commercial omelette makers.


Perhaps they use small electric shocks, on laying a wrongly sized egg, or something like that, but it would seem inhumane.


I guess I'll just have to ask a farmer, for the question has been bugging me for sometime now.

Paraffin Budgie
21st Feb 2015, 11:24
Can animals from different countries understand each other, or do they all moo, meow, bark or whatever in different languages?

And, for you pedants out there (you know who you are), I don't mean can a French cat understand a German cow, for example. That would be silly.

G-CPTN
21st Feb 2015, 12:01
BBC News - Chimps 'learn local grunts' to talk to new neighbours (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-31128237)

Chimps Learn New Language When They Change Locale - NBC News (http://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/chimps-learn-new-language-when-they-change-locale-n300776)

alisoncc
21st Feb 2015, 13:21
I've often wondered how they train chickens to lay 'Small, medium & large' eggs. It must change on a daily basis, according to demand.The same way they train ALTP's to fly different route lengths, that is through the application of phenomenal effort over an extended period.

:E

probes
21st Feb 2015, 18:33
I don't mean can a French cat understand a German cow, for example. That would be silly.
not half as silly as expecting a French man understand a German man?

Paraffin Budgie
22nd Feb 2015, 08:29
Or an man (any man) to understand a woman (any woman). Equally silly.

sitigeltfel
22nd Feb 2015, 08:51
not half as silly as expecting a French man understand a German man?

If they live in Alsace, no problem! ;)

RedhillPhil
22nd Feb 2015, 13:26
If a cat is left in a cattery why isn't a dog left in a doggery?

Capn Notarious
22nd Feb 2015, 13:45
With all the people that walk and climb on them.
How could we demonstrate: the mountain is wearing away and losing weight?

Hydromet
22nd Feb 2015, 20:39
If a cat is left in a cattery why isn't a dog left in a doggery?...and where will I leave my bugs?

Ascend Charlie
22nd Feb 2015, 23:33
At least we know that infants will enjoy their infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.

Random SLF
24th Feb 2015, 08:28
Why haven't the degrees of the compass ever been decimalised?

Tankertrashnav
24th Feb 2015, 09:48
Well you get mils compasses where the circle is divided into 6400 mils (or 6000 in the case of Russian ones) but thats not really decimalising it.

So the answer is - dunno!

Flypro
24th Feb 2015, 10:32
Why is the shortest distance between two points always across the grass?:confused:

ArthurR
24th Feb 2015, 10:41
Why do they sell mountain bikes in Holland?

Stanwell
24th Feb 2015, 12:01
".... always across the grass?"
Easy - to give you a better chance of stepping in doggy-do. ;)

TheRick
24th Feb 2015, 12:48
How many flight attendants can you fit into one bed with my giant ego and little dick

vulcanised
24th Feb 2015, 15:14
Depends how much space your watch is taking up.

Lonewolf_50
24th Feb 2015, 16:58
Why haven't the degrees of the compass ever been decimalised?
There is no need to (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/experts-time-division-days-hours-minutes/).

toffeez
24th Feb 2015, 20:09
My preferred term is Hosties. Fortunately one can fit in fewer flight attendants if they play Aussie Rules at the weekend.

tony draper
24th Feb 2015, 22:02
What would you rather be or a wasp. :)

fitliker
25th Feb 2015, 02:53
If you find yourself in a bar full of mingers,
Just remember that beauty is only a light switch away,
Five two's is as good as a ten.


And if she asks YOU to wear the bag on your head ,your the minger :)

alisoncc
18th Apr 2015, 06:20
Time to resurrect the silly question thread.

Did Wills and Harry have to swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen when they took the her shilling? Given that the one I swore stated "her heirs and successors", it would have been a bit of a circular argument for Wills.

ORAC
18th Apr 2015, 09:06
I met this pope down the pub the other day; diamond geezer he was. Mind you he did drink lager.....

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CCzDhEnWgAACRpI.jpg

ExSp33db1rd
18th Apr 2015, 09:30
Why do they pack stuff in childproof packaging that only a child can open ?

Tankertrashnav
18th Apr 2015, 10:03
Has anyone ever been buried with some military honours?