View Full Version : Have you put the seat down?

22nd Jan 2015, 23:14
It get's worse:

BBC News - German court rules that men can urinate while standing (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-30937492)

22nd Jan 2015, 23:58
and here I was thinking I didn't need a courts' permission to stand while I have a piss...

23rd Jan 2015, 00:05
I was assured by a Muslim tyre mechanic from the south east of India that Muslim men are required to urinate sitting down. Calling them "sitzpinklers" and not really masculine, might be problematical.

23rd Jan 2015, 00:10
Next time I'm piss drunk I think I'll
piss all over the dunny floor just to
piss the landlord off.

But I hope it doesn't start a pissing
contest about costs. That would be
a pisser as we drink piss together a
lot down the pub.

23rd Jan 2015, 02:11
Good God, fancy going to court over something like this! Blokes who piss on the floor should clean it up, or take more care - it's that simple.

After all, if they went to use the toilet after a woman, and found she'd pissed on the floor, there'd be no end to the row!

I never cease to be amazed how grubby a large proportion of the population is, when it comes to toilet use - and particularly public toilets. How hard is it clean up behind you? Too hard, obviously, for a lot of people.

It sounds like this tenant was a proper grub, and I don't think there should be any argument about what damage he had to pay for. I trust he got lumbered with all the court costs as well.

23rd Jan 2015, 02:56
Court decision or not, from my experience wandering in and out of public toilets, a hell of a lot more men should sit to pee.

23rd Jan 2015, 03:47
Fully agree.
On the other hand, you haven't had to clean the 'ladies' toilets either, have you?
That'll open yer eyes.

23rd Jan 2015, 06:55
Isn't it irrelevant how the offending liquid came to be where it was? Being there it caused damage and likely couldn't be classified as normal wear and tear.

This guy by his actions, or inactions, caused damage and he should be required to put it right.

(Spoken as an ex-landlord.)

23rd Jan 2015, 07:11
As we are a 2:1 ratio household (M:F) it is my belief that the seat should be left up, as more of us stand to pee than sit.

The counter-argument to that, from she-who-sits-to-pee, is that women pee more often. That is undoubtedly true, and indeed one of the design flaws of the female of our species is that not only do they have to pee more often, but it is a total rigmarole and and something that they cannot do proudly behind a tree or a hedge or indeed out in the veld as part of a bonding ritual after 5 or 6 Windhoek Lagers.

No surprise that the symbol of Belgium is Mannekin Piss and not Vrouwtjie Piss.


23rd Jan 2015, 07:23
A couple of years ago I installed "self lowering" toilet seats and lid. Since then I'm in the habit of lowering both (a jentle nudge is all it takes) when I have done my business.

Now, despite lifting the lid takes the same amout of effort as lowering the seat, I have never had a complaint about the seat and lid being left down.

Oh, the things we do for marital harmony.

G&T ice n slice
23rd Jan 2015, 08:38
As a young lady remarked to me once: "For a man, the whole world is his urinal"

23rd Jan 2015, 08:47
It get's worse:

a courts' permission

If you can't leave the seat in the right position, it would still be nice to have the apostrophe in the correct place.

23rd Jan 2015, 08:51
it would still be nice to have the apostrophe in the correct place.
It get's worse:People who live in glass house's ..................!

23rd Jan 2015, 09:01
No problems out this way ! Out in the Far East, the ladies stand on the seat!!!! Used to squatters.:)

23rd Jan 2015, 09:07
Those were quotations from the first two posts.

23rd Jan 2015, 09:08
I wasn't having a go at you ....... I just couldn't resist.

joy ride
23rd Jan 2015, 09:14
At a previous home I made a foot lever on the floor with a connecting rod to the seat, like a pedal bin. While standing with a foot either side of the cludgie, right foot naturally rested on the pedal and raised the seat, then a counter-balance lowered the seat when you left.
When seated, feet were well forward of the pedal so it never got in the way.
A modern version would have a switch and electric motor system.

All that is needed now is for Henry Crun to make an electronic Crow which senses any pee puddle on the floor and springs to work to mop it up.

Domestic peace.

23rd Jan 2015, 09:20
What is it with wimmin and bog seats?

For the past few years, we've got along perfectly well with white seat/lid sets costing less than a tenner from the big blue and yellow scandyhooligan emporium. Now we're getting the bathroom refitted, she wants some poncy soft-closing sculpted kit at 130. The cost of this bathroom refit (back to the brick & start again) is now more than we paid for our first house. :*

joy ride
23rd Jan 2015, 11:46
Nice one, the Pee-Cleaning Robot Bed Louse!

23rd Jan 2015, 11:53
Statistically, a study (https://www.msu.edu/~choijay/etiquette.pdf)
has shown the optimum strategy is to leave the seat where it is when you've finished, assuming it causes equal psychological offence to either gender. This would be the 'equality' approach in a household with equal numbers of males and females. However other research (see below) with more sophisticated inconvenience modeling shows that, in a household of 1 female and 1 male, the male should put the seat down (sorry guys). If there are unequal numbers, it depends. See here
UP OR DOWN? AN EFFICIENCY-BASED ARGUMENT FOR OPTIMAL TOILET SEAT PLACEMENT | SCQ (http://www.scq.ubc.ca/up-or-down-an-efficiency-based-argument-for-optimal-toilet-seat-placement/)

23rd Jan 2015, 11:59
"Despite growing domestication of men in this matter,

That statement gave me the willies....glad I only visit Germany. :}

23rd Jan 2015, 12:02
"Despite growing femification of men in this matter,

Fixed it.

Cyber Bob
23rd Jan 2015, 12:33
Magnus P wrote: "Now we're getting the bathroom refitted, she wants some poncy soft-closing sculpted kit at 130."

Magnus, just think of the benefits if you give her one (The seat I mean!)


23rd Jan 2015, 12:49
You should move to France....the toilets one encounters there don't have any seats......

G&T ice n slice
23rd Jan 2015, 13:35
Magnus P wrote: "Now we're getting the bathroom refitted, she wants some poncy soft-closing sculpted kit at 130."

I that frightens you MAgnus, DON'T just DON'T let her even start to consider the possibility of maybe thinking about remodelling the kitchen

My dearly beloved niece has just had her new kitchen and I believe that single-handedly she was the cause of the unexplained jump in GDP in the last quarter.:eek:

23rd Jan 2015, 14:34
Always put the lid down as well as the seat. Two good reasons:-

1. It hurts less (I spent a couple of years in digs run by a lady who was into Feng Shui - you either put the lid down or got belted round the back of the head).

2. Leave the seat up, annoys the women; leave the seat down, anno0ys the men; but leave the lid down and (much more importantly) it annoys everyone.

23rd Jan 2015, 21:19
As we are a 2:1 ratio household (M:F)

One will have to do one's own maths, but in my 1:1 household the chances of he seat being needed in the down position -assuming a similar number of "urges" per sex per day - is 3:1

N'est ce pas ?

23rd Jan 2015, 21:30
Save some water, piss in the sink.

23rd Jan 2015, 21:34
I've never fully understood the idea that it's good manners for men to leave the seat down, so that women don't have to put it down.

Why is it that way round?

I have tried for years to introduce a regime where women leave the seat up, as a matter of good manners. If it's ever achieved I'll let you know, probably from beyond the grave.

23rd Jan 2015, 22:06
Don't they have washbasins in Das Reich?

A chum of mine recounted a tale of being awoken at RAF Akrotiri by an almighty crashing noise from the adjacent room. Next morning he asked the room occupant what the heck had happened...

"I was taking a leak in the washbasin and it fell off the wall", was the reply...

...from the female air load mattress :eek:

23rd Jan 2015, 23:06
I'm so glad I have a large garden.

24th Jan 2015, 01:21

Please sit down to pee...

24th Jan 2015, 01:33
Men put the seat up as a consideration to women, so that no tiny drop of splatter goes on it.

Women must be rushing into the bog in a desperate hurry to get their knickers down, and without checking, sitting down on the cold rim by mistake. (?) How else can we explain the problem?

24th Jan 2015, 04:10
Reversing at speed, without a rearview, can cause problems.

B Fraser
24th Jan 2015, 08:44
The longer the rifle, the better the aim.

Just saying'


uffington sb
24th Jan 2015, 09:08
Keramac in Germany make a range of urinals for the home.

Joly - 1 (http://www.keramag.de/en/joly.html).

Perfect for gobbing into and as a place to put your fag ends :}

24th Jan 2015, 09:21
I like the Schipol solution :

joy ride
24th Jan 2015, 09:26
Years ago one of the colleges at Oxford or Cambridge had pictures of bees in the urinals, placed at the point where splash-back would be prevented.

Latin for bee = Apis, geddit?!

24th Jan 2015, 10:00
Keramac in Germany make a range of urinals for the home.

Joly*-*1 (http://www.keramag.de/en/joly.html).

Perfect for gobbing into and as a place to put your fag ends :}

Oy, it's got a {expletive deleted} lid on it. Won't have that!

24th Jan 2015, 11:07
Old chap says to his nurse "I pee'd like a horse at three o'clock this morning and shat like a donkey at eight!" Nurse says "Good for you!" Old chap says "I didn't wake till eleven". It comes to us all.

24th Jan 2015, 11:28
After a spell in the pub, a young chap manages to convince a nurse to spirit him into the nurses' block, for a spot of how'syerfather. Where men are definitely forbidden to tread....

...in the early hours he announces that he needs to visit the loo.

"Can't you use the sink - isn't that what men do?", she suggests.

"Err, OK, sure you don't mind?", came the reply.

"Just get on with it!"


....aah, that's better....

....have you got any paper?"


24th Jan 2015, 14:06
Kind of reminds me of the old bikie joke ....

Bikie runs into a mate, and mate is pleased to see him, and asks how he's going. "I heard you got married?, mate says.

"Yeah, I did. But I had to get rid of her, the bitch was lazy and wouldn't do a thing around the house!"

"Why's that?" ...

Well, every time I went to piss in the sink - it was full of dirty dishes!!"

24th Jan 2015, 21:33
OFSO mentioned that France has toilets without seats, same here in Brazil. It's hit and miss as to whether toilets have seats or not and, to be honest, toilets in some restaurants and especially gas stations can sometimes be so filthy that I wouldn't consider sitting down. My better half has obviously grown up with this situation with an interesting result; I can't count on the seat at home being up or down. She doesn't complain if I leave it, but by the same token I have experienced the unexpected lower runway surface after the flare at 3:00 am! (had to put some aviation content in).

24th Jan 2015, 23:32
It was often my observation that in so-called "third world countries" the best way to make a quick buck would be to fly in a planeload of shock absorbers and toilet seats. They are both obviously in short supply.

Solid Rust Twotter
25th Jan 2015, 04:36
Don't see the problem. If she wants it down she can put it down. If I want it up I can lift it. Either party getting small minded about it will achieve the precise opposite of the desired outcome.

25th Jan 2015, 06:39
Well, that's what I thought - but women tend to see it differently.
If anybody could SATISFACTORILY explain it to me, I'd be eternally grateful.

Solid Rust Twotter
25th Jan 2015, 06:56
Nothing that gets 'em off your back faster than leaving it down and sprinkling a drop or two on the seat (even if it's just tap water) each time you go for a wazz.:E

25th Jan 2015, 09:37
I've solved the problem in this house, to a greater extent.
I built a separate gents' bathroom!

My loo has a "soft close" seat and lid, both of which are quite easily manipulated to the most convenient position as appropriate and as far as I'm concerned, are always left down after use (never dropped my phone down a toilet, unlike others I know....

I clean it myself and it's always cleaner and fresher than the ladies' one next door!

But why do women leave the lid up and the bog roll trailing on the floor after they've sneaked a visit? It's a dead giveaway but neither of them will ever admit it. :rolleyes:

25th Jan 2015, 10:11
I don't know what it is about women's toilets but on the odd occasion when I've had to use the 'other' loo, for example at a place I worked at when then men's was being cleaned, they were absolutely disgusting and stinking.

25th Jan 2015, 10:14
I think this is why women want the seat left in the correct place - so they don't have to sully their lily-white fingers by having to touch it.

Hence, they don't like cleaning it, either. :oh:

25th Jan 2015, 11:48
He guys, if you think we've got it bad read this missive from my S-I-L. The misses thought it was funny!

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.
Every cubicle is occupied..

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance.

In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this. As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long andwhy is your bag hanging around your neck?

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public toilets. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.

It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.

At least she didn't call it a 'bath' room!

30th Jan 2015, 06:15
Whenever we go a to concert at the Entertainment Centre in Brisbane, toilet usage at 'interval' is interesting. Because the queue for the ladies is sooo long, the ladies start sharing the gents facilities, just making their own queue to the cubicles, which are located past the urinals. These queues just go between the two rows of guys and it all seems to work fine, unless one is prone to stage fright.

30th Jan 2015, 12:37
Put the seat down? WTF? I'll put the damned seat down when she puts it up after using it. Until such time, I shall either pee all over it or leave it up. Choice is hers.