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IBMJunkman
24th Nov 2014, 04:41
Once upon a time, a pilot asked a beautiful princess, “Will you marry me”?

The princess said, “No”!

And the pilot lived happily ever after and flew fighters all over the world and
drove hot cars and chased skinny, long-legged, big-breasted flight attendants
and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age
and drank Weihenstephaner German beer and Captain Morgan and never heard
bitching and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftovers, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool.

And he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The End

John Hill
24th Nov 2014, 04:58
Is such a life unusual?

mikedreamer787
24th Nov 2014, 09:59
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of my spouse
And danced the clubs on Kiwi-polished boots.....
Moonward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of Moon-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - in the Philippines.
High in the domelit silence. Holding there,
I've scared the airsick pax, and flung their baggage through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning black
I've topped the turbulent heights with little grace
Where never A330, or even 777 flew.
And, while with fuzzy, sleep deprived mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of controlled airspace,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of the Chief Pilot
in the jump seat,
Who thinks he is God.

OFSO
24th Nov 2014, 10:02
Standing in Terminal 1 of BCN last week and seeing the aircrew coming off duty - handsome bronzed captains and first officers, beautiful blond blue-eyed svelte-bodied stews - and all looking happy and relaxed and - er - anticipatory - I'd say the OP isn't fantasy at all.

goudie
24th Nov 2014, 11:25
beautiful blond blue-eyed svelte-bodied stews

And the gels are rather tasty too OFSO:E

OFSO
24th Nov 2014, 13:36
But my memory stretches back to the white-bloused, tarten-mini-kilted Scots lasses staffing BCAL...now those were stunners !

teeteringhead
24th Nov 2014, 13:48
But my memory stretches back to the white-bloused, tarten-mini-kilted Scots lasses staffing BCAL...now those were stunners ! Or in the words of the old advert (to air of "California Girls"):

"Wish they all could be Caledonian Girls.....! :E

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR8e1rqIGG9jRO3vrkSQckmymsyk4Kbp2jaScLOXdD ZTJvVOl6l0vF2pXeX

[Will try and get the picture bigger!]

probes
24th Nov 2014, 13:54
Anyway. Why did she say "No"? Had a taller, darker and handsomer Captain (bigger purse, of course) in sight? So there's an unhappy story in the background? :E

Low Flier
24th Nov 2014, 14:24
British Caledonian - Caledonian Girls - 1983 - UK Advert - YouTube

Here you are, Teeter.

BA's alternate slogan nowadays, after buying and crushing BCAL and Midland and Loganair et al, is: "We'd like you to forget you once had a choice"

Null Orifice
24th Nov 2014, 15:26
Heartily agree with you, teeteringhead et al.

One trip I was on (across the pond) was notable for having ten - yes 10 - of those girls in the co-pilot's room for post-flight drinks.
I think it must have been the uniforms (ours, not theirs!) that acted as [email protected] magnets, although their tartan was quite fetching, too. :p Smashing girls, all.

Thanks for the memories chaps :ok:

radeng
24th Nov 2014, 15:29
I only ever flew BCal once. The service was so crap, the food so bad - even by airline standards - and the back of the set in front of me kept detaching and dropping into my lousy meal. Even SABENA was better.....

Low Flier
24th Nov 2014, 15:51
There was another BCal ad, this one back in the '70s when the airline really was one of the nicest in the world.
British Caledonian - A Better Way to Fly - Commercial from 1970's - YouTube

While searching for that ad, I found this rather touching and very representative album of photaes from the golden days when Scotland had a place on the world aviation stage:
British Caledonian Airways. (We Had Fun) - YouTube
It was a lovely airline. Real character. Very Scottish. Nothing at all like Brutish Airways and with none of the crappiness and greed of the Greek and Irish unmentionables and a world apart from the Murricane dinosaurs.
http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/sad/sad-face-with-tears-smiley-emoticon.gif

con-pilot
24th Nov 2014, 16:06
I only ever flew BCal once. The service was so crap, the food so bad - even by airline standards - and the back of the set in front of me kept detaching and dropping into my lousy meal.

I have to say my experience was just the opposite. I loved BCal and was very sad at its demise. The times I flew on BCal, it was more of a party than an boring trans-Atlantic airline flight.

Now I only flew BCal trans-Atlantic.

Sallyann1234
24th Nov 2014, 16:40
No doubt there will be a new Caledonian airline,
when the SNP have seized independence and are flush with cash. :E

funfly
24th Nov 2014, 16:57
I used to fly as a passenger to Lagos with BCal every few weeks - made loads of flight with them over about 15 years.
Brilliant airline I used to think.
Those were the days.:ok:

Anyone notice that Africa is shaped like a big bum and Lagos is placed.…..:mad:

FF

teeteringhead
24th Nov 2014, 16:58
And here is the bigger version of the picture I promised in post No 7:

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/fb/8c/70/fb8c7039c1bea38eff5ea5debf1de434.jpg

Absolutely shocking!! Those girls are SMOKING!! :eek::eek:

Capetonian
24th Nov 2014, 17:27
I loved BCal. Best ever airline. In fact it was largely due to early experiences with BCal that I decided on a career in aviation and travel.

goudie
24th Nov 2014, 17:30
Absolutely shocking!! Those girls are SMOKING!!


Are they? All I saw were sssusspenders:E

Low Flier
24th Nov 2014, 17:33
Ff,

Happiness is v1 at Lagos!

I loved BCal so much that I even forgave them for sending my luggage to Benghazi (or was it Tripoli?) after a flight to Fiumicino. For a decade or more I got annual letters from the Gomhorriya offering me a return ticket to come to Libya on Libyan Arab to collect my bag. I declined, always saying that I'd rather fly with a Scottish airline. After PA103 they took that all the wrong way! Grumpy cuntz, Libyans. They just cant take a joke.

OFSO
24th Nov 2014, 17:43
A cooked breakfast served between LGW and Frankfurt, and a guy* exposing himself in the back row of seats. Those were the days ! A wonderful airline.

* Not me. You've heard the story of course.

con-pilot
24th Nov 2014, 17:53
As for the smoking bit, one time we had a maintenance delay leaving London. The captain turned off the No Smoking sign, opened the rear side doors and told us that anyone that wanted to smoke while we were delayed, could go to back of the aircraft and smoke.

So I do and there are about half the FAs are back there smoking as well, we had a great time. One was a stunning red haired, very well built young lady and before she left, she gave me her phone number.

Which I somehow lost. :{

FLCH
24th Nov 2014, 21:12
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/fb/8c/70/fb8c7039c1bea38eff5ea5debf1de434.jpght

Smoked beef, chicken or fish ?

ExSp33db1rd
24th Nov 2014, 21:48
Put out my hand, and touched the face of the Chief Pilot
in the jump seat, Who thinks he is God. A psychiatrist died and on arriving at the Pearly Gates was met by St. Peter, who said ...... I'm glad you're here, we're having a little trouble with God, he thinks he is a BOAC Captain.

Anyone notice that Africa is shaped like a big bum and Lagos is placed.

Once flew with a Captain who had served in the Middle East in the RAF, he said that the Persian Gulf is the ar****le of the Empire, and Basrah is 100 miles up it.

galaxy flyer
25th Nov 2014, 00:05
ExSp33db1rd,

DXB being a recent improvement in the digestive tract.

GF

mikedreamer787
25th Nov 2014, 04:08
Back when airlines and even the riff raff had class -

Wqm0_pNXsMs

Loose rivets
27th Nov 2014, 00:46
Talking of happy pilots and Tripoli or Benghazi, it was the latter and I wasn't happy.

We'd asked for someone to clear our left pitot head and a tall lad tugged out a huge trolly with nitrogen and oxygen bottles on it. It was just as he pushed a rubber tube over the head that I fought to open the window.

I screamed NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! just as lots of glass and funny little cog wheels landed on my lap.

John Hill
27th Nov 2014, 02:29
Loose Rivets, the HS768 had been on the ground for about an hour then started the take off run, they got to a goodly speed too before screeching to a halt in a cloud of blue smoke. The local mason bees had spent the hour busily trowelling over every pitot and static port on the aircraft.

ExSp33db1rd
27th Nov 2014, 05:59
'course, you could just forget to remove that red flag emblazoned " Remove Before Flight", too.

Did that once with Mrs. ExS on board - she still doesn't know. ( I think ! )

(GPS groundspeed and a look at the angle of dangle of the windsock on approach worked just as well.)

Solid Rust Twotter
27th Nov 2014, 06:48
Just cook 'em off with pitot heat, Mr Speedbird.


Assuming it's the el cheapo plastic type, that is...