PDA

View Full Version : Friday Fun Airline Lingo


Piper1987
14th Nov 2014, 13:06
In need of a light hearted and humorous post for a Friday. Would like to hear funny lingo or names for passengers, baggage handlers and anything airline related.

I wonder if different airlines have different sayings, or if you have ever thought of something but applied a filter as sensitive ears were nearby?

To get the ball rolling one of my favourites is 'throwers'. It's particularly amusing when you see folks parading their expensive cases around at check in and the thought of how said cases will be treated!

The above was a poor choice of example as correctly pointed out by Pontius and Capetonian.

Pontius
14th Nov 2014, 13:20
It's particularly amusing when you see folks parading their expensive cases around at check in and the thought of how said cases will be treated!

Yes, f*#kin' hilarious. Oh, how I laughed as some disaffected youth dropped the belongings of someone from 30' onto the tarmac. My, how we chortled as their possessions were ruined because someone unknown to them was envious of the cost of their case and decided to show them how he would take his revenge.

Maybe we should come up with amusing titles and descriptors of people who think such things are 'particularly amusing'.

Capetonian
14th Nov 2014, 13:26
Having had expensive suitcases and contents ruined, I'm not sure that I see the funny side of that either ........... but moving on to what might be more humourous:

* Full service carrier : Padded seats, no charge for use of toilets.

* Low cost carrier : Bring your own cushions and toilet paper, credit card swipe for toilets.

* Cabin attendant : Two legged mobile device for extracting cash from captive audience

* Economy class : Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence.

* Business class : Exclusive area for use of badly behaved airline employees' children travelling free.

* First class : Exclusive area for use of airline employees travelling free.

* Open-Jaw : What clients do when they find out what their fare will be.

* Double open jaw : As above, but when they realise that this did not include taxes and surcharges

* Airline Club Lounge : Paradise-like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures.

* Fog: Weather condition, invisible to normal people, used by airports as an excuse for disruptions.

* NO REC : The passenger went online and booked his own flight.

* Direct Flight: 1) Connecting flight in disguise. 2) What civilians think a nonstop flight is.

* Baggage Sorting Area : See "Bermuda Triangle."

* Codeshare: Magic trick in which aircraft from several different aircraft leave from the same gate at the very same moment to fly the identical route.

* Gate Announcement: Vital information delivered over a defective sound system and given by specially selected personnel with severe speech impediments.

* " We will shortly be landing, and the captain has switched on the seatbelt signs. Please return to your seats and fasten seat belts " :
Understood by passengers to mean "leap up and start pulling luggage out of overhead bins whilst aircraft is on final approach in turbulent conditions."

* "We have not reached our final parking position. Please remain seated with seat belts fastened".
Understood as : Jump up and stand like sheep in the aisle pushing towards the exit doors which are still closed..

* Minimum Connecting Time: Time it takes for a gold medal sprinter to run between two gates.

* Overhead Luggage : Rectangular object expected to magically shrink from the size of a refrigerator to the size of a loaf of bread.

* On Time Arrival : Obscure term, meaning unknown.

* On Time Departure : Cabin doors closed within 15 minutes of scheduled departure. Subsequent delays irrelevant.

* Unforeseen circumstances : the captain got lucky last night and overslept.

mad_jock
14th Nov 2014, 13:35
The first time operating with a hostie from leeds the term Ironsides made me cringe.

Piper1987
14th Nov 2014, 13:38
Pontius and Capetonian apologies for any offence. Seems I chose a poor example there.

Pontius I'd be quite shocked too witnesses a case go 30 feet. Alas as I've not reached my goal of being an airline pilot yet I've only witnessed cases being 'thrown' from the baggage trailer to the conveyor belt.

Some great examples listed Capetonian!

victor tango
14th Nov 2014, 20:34
First thoughts are the actual airlines;

BOAC base over apex club, better on a camel
BEA back every afternoon
PIA pain in a**e
EI air fungus
TWA try walking across

G&T ice n slice
14th Nov 2014, 21:04
Profit : obscure accounting term rarely used in the air transport industry

DType
14th Nov 2014, 21:05
Jugoslav Air Transport
was
Joke About Time
but
I once managed to leave an hour ahead of schedule because I caught yesterday's plane which was 23 hours late.

Romeo Hotel
14th Nov 2014, 22:49
ETOPS - Engines turn off passengers swim

TheiC
14th Nov 2014, 23:14
Time to spare? Go by air.
Got all day? Fly Air UK.

(From the interesting days of Carmen rostering. My highlight: one day, five sectors, four aircraft, three different flight deck colleagues, two hours late).

mikedreamer787
14th Nov 2014, 23:19
BOAC base over apex club, better on a camel

Boys Overseas After Crumpet

SABINA - Such A Bad Experience Never Again

superq7
14th Nov 2014, 23:22
If you want to take a chance fly Air France.

mikedreamer787
14th Nov 2014, 23:48
Rear Gunners - male hosties

Dolly Trollies - hosties

BRTs (Big Round Things) - Engines (when 767 was first introduced)

Throttle Bashing - continuous pulling/pushing of throttles to maintain speed (either MaP or EPR)

Cracking The Cricket - purposefully exceeding VMO or MMO

Piano Keys (don't hear that nowadays from the kids)- Threshold Markers

Carrier Landing - banging it on the deck VERY firmly

Captain's Sexual Advisor - Cadet pilot or Second Officer

ExSp33db1rd
15th Nov 2014, 00:03
Lufthansa - Let Us F*** The Hostess And Not Say Anything.

Baggage Handlers. Part of my Command Course prior to promotion was to visit various departments within the airline, to see what they did (mainly to justify their existence I think ).

Having observed the LHR baggage handling section, the chief loader asked if there were any questions ? I asked why they hadn't showed us the area where they teach the loaders to load my baggage upside down ? Left Right Left Right, about turn - P*ss off was the reaction. ( or words to that effect ! )

Self Loading Freight - passengers.
Punters - them wot paid our salary ( see above )
Monkeys in the Nose Cone - cabin crew description of pilots.
Flight Engineers - need to be able to do sums.
Co-pilots - need to be able to write
Captains - only need to know someone who can read.
Tart A - the female cabin attendant working in the First Class cabin, usually also responsible for feeding the flight crew. ( and occasionally dropping the trousers of the Navigator whilst he had his eyes firmly fixed to the sextant - but that's another story )

BOING
15th Nov 2014, 02:52
Somewhere in UK I picked up "dangle the Dunlops" for lowering the u/c. Occasionally used it in the US just to be non-standard in a harmless way. A surprising number of people got the message, others seemed totally confused.

Can anybody still decode FOFP?

.

Fliegenmong
15th Nov 2014, 03:02
BOAC - Bend Over Again Christine....:E

pigboat
15th Nov 2014, 03:11
Piano Keys (don't hear that nowadays from the kids)- Threshold Markers
Mike nowadays they teach 'em to land like the big boys, 1000' from the threshold even if the runway is only 1800' long.

..Bend Over Again Christine....

After landing at the wrong airport in Montreal once, it was Been Over At Cartierville. ;)

Tolsti
15th Nov 2014, 06:31
Trolley Dolly Rap.... Safety demonstration.

ExSp33db1rd
15th Nov 2014, 08:08
Can anybody still decode FOFPFcuk Off in Fine Pitch ?

After landing at the wrong airport in Montreal once, it was Been Over At Cartierville.
A student pilot returning to Cartierville on a solo execise, thought - BOAC can't be wrong, so he went and landed at Dorval !

The BOAC skipper taxied around and took off again, and landed at Dorval. When the stuff hit the fan - no info. on Cartierville, no performance calculations etc. etc. he said - well, I thought least said soonest mended.

He got away with it, too. Doubt that would happen today.

Not long afterwards another BOAC pilot landed at the wrong airport - might have been Sharjah vice Dubai, ( tho' that could have been much later, did happen with a VC-10 ) and the Deputy Flight Ops. Director said that the next pilot to do that would get the sack.

He promptly went to Manchester, and landed at the nearby USAAF base Burtonwood (?) instead of Ringway. He didn't sack himself.

Capetonian
15th Nov 2014, 08:14
This has been done to death but some may find it amusing :


AEROFLOT Airline Every Russian Or Foreigner Leaves on Terrified
Accidents Expected Regularly On f****** Lethal Old Tupolevs

AI Allah Informed

AIR FRANCE mAIRde France (merde is French for shit)
An International Reputation for Rude and Non Caring Employees

AIR ZIMBABWE After Independent Rhodesia, Zimbabwean Imbecile Mugabe's BlackAirline Became Worst Ever.
After Independent Rhodesia, Zimbabwean Idiots Motivated Black Apes Before White Engineers

ALIA Arabs Like It Anally

ALITALIA Always Late In Takeoff And Lucky If Arriving

AUSTRAL Argentina's Useless Shitty Third Rate Airline
Argentinian Users Shun This Rotten Airline

AVIANCA A Very Inferior And Nasty Colombian Airline

BALKAN Bulgarian Aircraft Leaving Kiss Arse Now

BWIA Britain's Worst Investment Abroad

CAAC China Airlines, Always Crashing

CATHAY Commie Arseholes Took Hongkong AwaY

CSA Cute Stewardesses Available / Crappy Service Aboard

CUBANA Crashes Usual Before Arriving at Nearest Airport
Castro Usually Boards Another National Airline

DELTA Don't Expect Luxury Treatment Aboard

EMIRATES Expat Managed Indian Run and Thousands Exploited Sexually

GARUDA Gets Airborne Relying Upon Divine Assistance

IBERIA It Breaks Every Rule In Aviation
Its Badness Exceeds Records In Aviation

OLYMPIC Onassis Liked Young Male Pinups in Cockpit

PIA Please Inform Allah / Paki Illegals Aboard

QANTAS Queers And Nymphos Trained As Stewards

SAA Shitting All over Africans
South Africa's Apology for An Airline

SABENA Such A Bloody Experience Never Again

SAUDIA Saudi Airlines Underhand Deals Include Alcohol

SWISSAIR Swiss Wankers Insist on Sexless Stewardesses And Impeccable Reliability

TAP Transports All Peasants

TAROM Travellers Avoid this Russian Organised Mess

VARIG Virgins Are Rare In Guanabara

VIASA Venezuela's Insolvent Airline, Sadly Absent

Fareastdriver
15th Nov 2014, 09:16
SASHA Save ah souls we're hairborne again.

barry lloyd
15th Nov 2014, 13:18
A few alternatives and additions to Capetonian's list:

BWIA But will it arrive?

GARUDA (For those of us of a certain age:)) Goes All Right Under Dutch Administration

LIAT Luggage In Another Terminal

OLYMPIC Onassis Likes Your Money Preferably In Cash

SWISSAIR Swiss Women In Silk Stockings Available In Rear

TAP Take Another Plane

TAROM Try Another Ruddy Operator Mate

VARIG (Brazilian version) Vários Alemăes Roubando Inocentes Gaúchos (A reference to the German origins of its founder and the fact that it started life in southern Brazil - gaucho country)

LAP (Once upon a time the Paraguayan national carrier - Paraguayan version) Lineas Aereas Peligrosas (Dangerous Airlines)

SAHSA (Honduran national carrier) Stay At Home Stay Alive

Capetonian
15th Nov 2014, 13:35
Vários Alemăes Roubando Inocentes GaúchosAssorted Germans robbing innocent gauchos. One of the world's oldest airlines until its demise, it was founded and run by Germans, hence the efficiency. I think the founder was called Otto von Niemeyer.

AVERIACO, a pun on 'averiado' (broken down), on AVIACO, a very third rate Spanish airline, now defunct.

charliegolf
15th Nov 2014, 14:28
SASHA Save ah souls we're hairborne again.

Fareastdriver, do you recall what TACA was meant to stand for. Not so PC these days!

CG

Fareastdriver
15th Nov 2014, 14:51
Yes I do. Take Any Citizen Anywhere.

charliegolf
15th Nov 2014, 15:22
:ok::ok::ok:
CG

Edited to add: back in the 80s, one or both (can't recall) of TACA and SAHSA's aircraft used to sit on the pan leaking like sieves! Very offputting.

BOING
15th Nov 2014, 15:58
We were sitting in a hotel room post-flight having the usual few drinks and, as usual, the stories got more wild as the liquid in the bottles sank. At one point the Captain broke into the conversation and said "Before we get into the story about the idiot who landed at the wrong airport in Dubai I will warn you that it was me". Silence.

Apparently he had been flying the Atlantic regularly but so that he could get certain days off in the month he had broken the pattern and bid Far East trips. What he did not know was that while he was flying the Atlantic Dubai had built and commissioned a brand new airport (this was in the late 70's oil boom) so he, relying on memory, rolled in and landed at the old airport which was sort of on the approach to the new one. Three other crew members watched him do it.

.

pigboat
15th Nov 2014, 16:35
ExSp I seem to recall they had been cleared for 24R in Montreal and landed on 28 in Cartierville, which runway was as long or longer than the one at YUL. Eastern did the same trick in the same place with a DC-9 some years later, while the Cartierville runway was under repair. When he took off on the 'ferry' flight to UL the tower had either been decommissioned or was inop, and he had to dodge runway maintenance equipment. :ooh:

There were some good stories out of Cartierville. A reporting point for 28 used to be St. Joseph's Oratory on the north side of the mountain. That got shortened to Joe's place by harried controllers, but then the Archbishop of Montreal got wind of it and complained about a lack of respect for St. Joe, so that ended that. There was a well-known university - also a reporting point - that got shortened to the rat's nest after they began cranking out separatist politicians.

SMT Member
15th Nov 2014, 17:13
AVIACO After Visual Inspection, All Corrosion Ok
SAS Salmon, Always Salmon
BA Biblically Anal

RedhillPhil
15th Nov 2014, 17:38
I was told that BOAC after the Comet affairs was Better Order A Coffin.
QUANTAS
Queer And Nasty, Take Another Service.

victor tango
15th Nov 2014, 18:54
Expanding the thread a bit;
Soon after the B747 had started ops into LHR someone described the aircraft as

Aluminium and rubber overcast.

Which I thought summed it up.

Also remember the Coronado? Was it smokey joe or similar?

barry lloyd
15th Nov 2014, 19:48
I think the founder was called Otto von Niemeyer.

Close! Otto Ernst Meyer, together with Ruben Berta and Helio Smit made up the German contingent.

For my money (and they got a lot of it!) one of the best airlines ever. Excellent service and 'greaser' landings after almost every flight. Lovely people to work with, too.

main_dog
15th Nov 2014, 21:11
Back in the days when Alitalia cabin crew could get away with anything and still not get fired, one particularly blunt male flight attendant was known amongst the aircrew community as "Principino" (the prince) for his less than royal demeanour and (lack of) customer service.

At the time even on medium-haul economy, passengers had a choice of (typically) fish or meat, but "Principino" would stroll down the aisle randomly tossing meals left and right. Once a freqent traveler protested, "isn't there a choice?" to which Principino apparently retorted, "sure, either you eat or you don't!"

Another time, manning the drinks cart on a longhaul flight from Miami, a particularly obese american lady requested diet coke, to which he allegedly shook his head sadly and answered, "madam, it's too late..."

:}

Fliegenmong
16th Nov 2014, 06:41
No 'U' Redhillphil!!

QANTAS

Queers and Nymphs Take all services

ExSp33db1rd
16th Nov 2014, 08:07
.......one particularly blunt male flight attendant.......BOAC had a few of those too, remember one going to close the curtains after take-off, obserevd the F/Class cabin, and said - Hey, aren't you Lord so and so ? and aren't you that guy we see on't Telly, and aren't you in the Governent etc. etc. and finally said - why are you flying with us, you could buy your own Boeing.

Doug E Style
16th Nov 2014, 10:59
Here are a few things I hear people say when disconnecting the auto-pilot for the approach/landing:

"Brace, brace"
"This is me"
"De-stabilising"
"Motion coming on now"
"It's white-knuckle time"

Private jet
16th Nov 2014, 13:51
Flight Engineers were affectionately known as "The Coachman"

( If you can't immediately work out why, its because they were seated behind a couple of @rseh*les!......)

fitliker
16th Nov 2014, 14:55
Wildcountry company unofficial motto :


We haul you and your junk ,sober or drunk






Not sure whether they meant the pax or the pilots :)

Nopax,thanx
16th Nov 2014, 17:34
a couple from the freight industry.....

TNT - tea'n'toast or Tomorrow, Not Today

UPS - Useless Parcel Service, or 'Oops' (when your shipment goes missing)

ian16th
16th Nov 2014, 19:30
For my money (and they got a lot of it!) one of the best airlines ever.

The best airline food and booze I had.

I was lucky enough to travel business class with them Joburg to the USA via Rio several times. The only airline I travelled with that had a 'wine waiter'. He was equipped with a handy little trolley, the top section was a sort of ice box with the white wines and the lower shelf held the reds.
One leg fro Joburg to Rio, there was a very nice Châteauneuf-du-Pape, every time the trolley passed, my glass was topped up. I managed the bottle before Rio :ok:

innuendo
16th Nov 2014, 20:06
Thought BWIA stood for, "Britain's worst investment abroad".

Hydromet
16th Nov 2014, 20:34
EWA, (East West Airlines) aka Eenie Weenie Airlines.