My favourite Cathay pilot jokes are...

[Sam Ting Wong]

S/O's will leave!! They can't afford a family in HK, mate!

They don't have enough crew.. They f@cked it up completely.. They grounded flight XXX last week, no crew!!

The training system is about to collapse. They don't have the trainers. We will need XXX new pilots next year, no way we can manage that...



And my ALL TIME FAVOURITE, passed on from generation to generation:

Americans will leave. UPS is hiring.

[Yonosoy Marinero]

So the continually disrupted rosters, all those long hauls leaving with 2 S/Os, all those flights with an incomplete crew on the roster until the day it leaves, those pleading CC calls telling you they've run out of guys on reserve are just a figment of my imagination?

Dammit. I wish someone had told me before I started spending all that imaginary overtime I'm getting every month...

[Anotherday]

Yonosoy,

Numero Crunchero did a calculation a while back as to how much money the company saves in paying you overtime vs hiring more crew, paying housing for them, medical etc. Your overtime, up to a point, is saving the company money.

I think it was around 96 hrs, ??????????, so until you average 96 hrs for the year, as does the entire pilot body, yes enjoy your overtime it is a good thing for the company.

[asianeagle]

So the continually disrupted rosters, all those long hauls leaving with 2 S/Os, all those flights with an incomplete crew on the roster until the day it leaves, those pleading CC calls telling you they've run out of guys on reserve are just a figment of my imagination?

and yet the show goes on somehow, and no its not because of g day workers, its because they can still manage the roster, however distasteful it may be to some.
:sad:


Dammit. I wish someone had told me before I started spending all that imaginary overtime I'm getting every month...

can't remember when I last flew overtime, so based on Numero's previous calcs, we still fat with crew…from a company viewpoint that is.:ugh:

[Cavallier]

"We are getting the -8I. It's a no brainer!!!!!"

The Cav:cool:

[Fac6]

"We will get the A380 soon as we need the capacity"

"I'm going into training to make a change from the inside."

[main_dog]

"C H is about to leave"

"S K is gone..."

"They do the roster manually because any automated rostering program is unable to cope due to insufficient crew"

[Frogman1484]

If we vote no the company will give us a better offer!!

Contract compliance will bring us a better offer.

Contract compliance will grind the airline to a complete halt!

Management is stupid and don't know what they are doing!

[airplaneridesrfun]

Who ever said SK was gone? He is AT's boss.

[asianeagle]

"Safety is our priority" :confused:

[Cavallier]

It is probably very harmless but it gets said to me EVERY sector however it makes me chuckle :-

" Here is the CAR report for you to sign"

Response every time

"DID YOU SEND IT??"

Once again not a criticism just a funny observation!


The Cav

[swh]

Who ever said SK was gone? He is AT's boss.
If hypothetically one did a random internet search on "Vice President HR Cathay", I wonder what it would return.:confused::confused::confused:

[Frogman1484]

yes...safety is our priority...the best!!!!:ok:

[Frogman1484]

...this is a non assessable sim session....:=

[asianeagle]

" I am sure I am correct in thinking that the leadership team of the HKAOA will be as disappointed as the company team at the outcome of the vote on pay."
:mad:

[wateroff]

Some SO's did/have and will leave, CX couldn't plug the leak for a while, the count was up to 12 in one month.... That was a couple years back now.

When there's doubt, there is no doubt, just rip it off like a band aid.....

[Numero Crunchero]

"Any change in retirement age is going to have little or no impact on promotion prospects." (crews news summer 2005 - DFO)

Current command on ASL - approx 1150 - time to command 13 years.

Current CNs 55 and over - almost 300.

Command point if RA55 still in force - 1450 -time to command 9.5years.


We all knew increased RA was inevitable - but really, do they think we were that stupid?

[Sam Ting Wong]

I will retire with 50 ( SO, 25 yrs ish)

I will probably retire next year ( CN, 55 yrs ish)

[Hellenic aviator]

There's no money in Freight
:ok:

[kmagyoyo]

Yeah everyones pretty current so I'm going to take it...

[8driver]

"I heard they're going to be expanding the JFK base by (fill in some fantastic number)."

[Frogman1484]

Long service leave will not affect us as this is a new company we are opening:ok:

[Frogman1484]

Intimidation will not be tolerated...here is your first stage sick letter!:D

[Lowkoon]

Load factor hit a record of 93% across the group, 2% below expectations with China's crackdown on corruption affecting our front end, and softening freight figures on the lead up to Christmas and fines for illegal price fixing tightening our rear end.

[Frogman1484]

Even though we just made $3.4 billion dollars profit, times are tough and need to reduce costs.

[White None]

"She really loves me, we have a lot in common, it's nothing to do with money" :ok:

[asianeagle]

We don't normally change a duty to reserve.:eek:

CX093 to ANC is departing on time.

[Pucka]

It's a 63..... Number on the I phone.." Hey, hi, is that Steve...?"... "Yes..what's up?"...there's a brief period of confusion and non recognition.." Steve, how's things..."..."Fine..but who is this, I had a late night and kicking off today a little slow..."
"Steve, it's Eric..Eric from.....Crew Control..we just wondered......"

[Frogman1484]

Can you help us out on a G day we have no one on reserve!:E

[Long Dong Silver]

After every sim... "...now have the rest of the day off!"

[crwkunt roll]

First 3 words of the latest Friday Telex.......... "Today I'm happy".

[beefy botham]

The Friday Telex.

[pill]

I feel like I'm 45 again.

I hear Ric is leaving.

The check and training joker system. ( don't give them anything, but lets take from the others)

"O" days. O = off day right.

As we enter the final quarter of 2014 it is difficult not to feel a level of disappointment

[AD POSSE AD ESSE]

2008 - "The sky is falling, CX is doomed! Help us out by agreeing to SLS, sign up quickly and in return we will give you 25 years of housing." PS (gentlemen's agreement only - trust us!) " :ok:

[Yeager]

"Getting hired by Cathay is the best thing that ever happened to me"
"I love waking up in the morning knowing I have to go fly the CX jets"
"The new hire Hong Kong Cabin Crew are awesome"
"RH doesn't know what his doing"
"The training department has cleaned up its acts - we only have reasonable trainers left now" :D:D

[Baywatcher]

Yeager

If you didn't mean that, you wouldn't stay surely?

[Yeager]

after a fleet forum with the preacher ".. it was good to see you all.." :p:D

[8driver]

"just some minor debrief points....."

[Hellenic aviator]

"Usually when someone is sick with Ebola, they are so unwell that they cannot travel" - GMO (MH) :ok:

[asianeagle]

I never go on PPrune:E

[Soul planet]

We are the world's best team!!! :}

[Sand Man]

"Come visit us in the fleet office at any time, the door is always open"

[Soul planet]

"We are the best service straight from the heart!!" while putting on the world best cabin crew mug lid onto my cup.

[Bangaluru]

"I'm going into training to give something back."

"I'm going into training because my wife said it would be a good idea."

"I'm running CRM courses because my roster was cr.p. I was going to work way too often."

[goathead]

'I get 1.0 hrs credit for being a CRM facilitator.'

And I get a go at the ISD girls ....:ok: , behind my wife's back :ok:

And the 3rd floor thinks I am a legend And I think I'm a legend :D:D

[Threethirty]

"Did you check the paperwork?'

[main_dog]

"Happy with flight plan?"

"Can't see any reason to take anymore..."

[cxorcist]

"No, no, flight plan fuel."

No, I don't need the sector.
No, I don't want the sector.
Flight plan fuel is fine...

[LS8C1]

''I've read the notams''

[kmagyoyo]

We've obviously flown together :E

[Cpt. Underpants]

"My 3-bar was fine, but the star chamber STILL failed me"

[Cavallier]

"When I turn 58-59 I'm out of here"

[Cpt. Underpants]

The missus and I are tight. She and the sprogs will move down to Oz and I'll commute. She'll be awright mate...

[Cpt. Underpants]

If we vote no, the company will have to come back with a better offer...

[Hellenic aviator]

Tank to engine

[Fac6]

"Check"

"Clear right, left"

[boocs]

"I've got my 5 year plan" or "I'm outta here in 4 years"

b.

[Cpt. Underpants]

"There's no way they'd try a 49ers stunt again. They just can't afford that sort of negative publicity..."

[letsfly75]

"If we don't vote yes we're giving up free money!"

[channis]

satvoice lost

For the 10th time, shut the **** up...:ugh:

[Will IB Fayed]

Although people aren't leaving in droves, we deserve a 20% pay rise.

[Yeager]

There is no such thing as a walk around - The SOPs says external inspection

All the old trainers on the Boeing fleet are gone and it's not the way it used to be, things have changed a lot - and it's much better now

I just don't care

Straight fours - all good

[Captain Dart]

Hey, remember the old (A Scale) Cathay wife jokes?

What did a Cathay wife wear to her husband's funeral: a black tennis dress.

Why did CX pilots hide HKD 1,000 bills down their trousers: it was the only $1,000 their wives would't blow in Lane Crawford.

What would a Cathay wife do thirty minutes before sex: drop her husband off at Kai Tak.

One Cathay captain didn't bother reporting his wife's stolen credit card; the thief was spending less than his wife had been.

On a more serious note, those same A Scale wives' well-paid husbands routinely went that extra mile , worked days off and 'helped out' in typhoons...and the real JOKE is the lowering experience levels within the company.

[CYRILJGROOVE]

I was recruited to do a fast track command but the AOA screwed that up by negotiating it away.

[Frogman1484]

By one of our new female JfO.

I was head hunted by Cathay!:yuk:

[AQIS Boigu]

Frog,

Was that the "newspaper SO"?

[gofor]

Frogman, By the same person I believe, But heard it by others too

"I wont be here long, might leave in a year or so to do something totally different..."

[Eikonoklastes]

Newspaper SO?

[LongTimeInCX]

Think of either 'heavy duty suspension', or 'wide'!
That should give you a clue!

[Shoebox]

On the 777...

"Before Start checklist... :cool: i mean Pre Flight checklist :confused: "

chortle chortle

[Will fly for Cash]

Q: "How many CX pilots does it take to change a lightbulb"?

A: "One - he holds it in position and the world revolves around him"

[CXKA]

It's actually 3!

The one originally rostered who due to multiple roster changes and body clock abuse calls in sick.

The second who is on reserve but in OT so will not be called.

The third who 'helps' out on a G which in turn screws up the first guys roster again.

....and so the cycle continues.

[BlunderBus]

PILOT RESPONSE...."you get it"

[BlunderBus]

Income was 6 Billion.....20% below target

[asianeagle]

When CX city was originally built and just completed, there was a long weekend.
No workers on site, only the bamboo scaffolding remained, which was coming down first thing on return from the weekend off.

Monkeys came down from the hills of Lantau and climbed the scaffolding, taking up residence on the what is now known as the 3rd floor.

On their return, the builders removed the scaffolding, not noticing the troop on the 3rd floor…..

And to this day, the monkeys are still there :}:}

[jumbobelle]

some points to debrief-more for my benefit than yours

[main_dog]

"Take the rest of the day off"

[Bangaluru]

35 minutes to landing

[Hellenic aviator]

flight time today is 12:11 minutes.

(because that extra minute is noticeable) :ooh:

[crwkunt roll]

As has been stated previously, our executive has set aside money for the pay deal but there is a finite amount.

[Yonosoy Marinero]

"Your sector, but I choose the rest".

[plainpilot11]

to the SO:

"You can have any rest you like, as long as it's the first."

to the SO:

"Since we're really tired, you're going to help pull us through this flight."

to the SO:

"So, how many hours do you have?"

[Lowkoon]

Go Arounds are Free!

[Bob Hawke]

All go arounds maybe free, but they must be conducted with the on going fuel efficiencies in mind, that is, at no cost to the company.

[crwkunt roll]

to the SO:

"So, how many hours do you have?"
This is a joke thread, not a serious question thread!!!!

[plainpilot11]

Jokes produce laughs, whether visibly displayed, or internalized. It's a joke.

[Gnadenburg]

CX sent a senior pilot to KA a few years ago on some sort of an exchange program.


Senior CX Pilot to KA F/O weeks prior to the introduction of the new SOPs:


" Today, why don't we fly using CX procedures "


F/O ( ex GF ):


" Sure, as long as on my sector we fly using Gulf Air procedures " :D


Same CX guy:


" These superior procedures have stood the test of time "


I hear they'll be gone altogether by next Christmas .....

[4runner]

From a S Afrikaan colleague of mine.

Me:"how was Cathay"?
Him: "errrrr, if I were in charge of the airline, I would conduct a psych eval and ask 2 questions....1....are you from Oz? 2....Are you from NZ?...."