View Full Version : Everyone in JB posting the "same old shite" (promoting "poo" research)...

26th Jun 2014, 16:07
I was somewhat pleasantly surprised to learn that the Neanderthals (http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-27981702) also ate vegetables together with meat (so far as the analyses of their shite goes).

I sincerely hope that Juud "especially" doesn't take any offence, or confuses Neerlanders with Neanderthals. ;) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v479/flapsforty/pinkdragon3.gif

There is a very important factor to take into account these days IMHO:

What goes in, can come out via 2 orifices. I know the difference, but do you?

Especially when it comes to Neanderthals with whom I identify quite closely. "Poo" is perhaps one of humanity's 21st Century enigmas (or enemas?). More research is required before dismissing the subject altogether.

PS. The French "NHS" have once again sent me 3 envelopes so as to allow me to send samples of my excrement for examination in their battle against cancers. I never bothered the last 2 times, but perhaps they're serious and I should?

PPS. Or perhaps I should merely send the French authorities links to all my shitty posts here in JB...?! :confused: :ok:

26th Jun 2014, 16:16
A serious response airship.

ALWAYS bother sending the testing kits back. Doing so saved the lives of two of my friends. If you wait until you are symptomatic, it is frequently way too late.

Wouldn't want to lose you that way! ;)

Shaggy Sheep Driver
26th Jun 2014, 16:39
Also, you might get to enjoy a colonoscopy. You will be able to watch on the screen the camera's progress into not only a place where the sun don't shine, but a place no-one has ever seen before. Unless you're Crystal & Chips of course - he spends most of his time up his! ;)

26th Jun 2014, 16:43
Or you might not get to see it. I was heavily sedated during mine.....

Lon More
26th Jun 2014, 16:50
In this case the Docs do know better. it can make the difference between life and death

26th Jun 2014, 16:55
Neither the faecal blood test or the colonoscopy necessarily show everything, though. A barium meal allows examination by X-ray of the small intestine, but a capsule endoscopy gives even more data.

The most popular capsule endoscope these days has a radeng patent incorporated, so I obviously have an interest - although not a financial one.

26th Jun 2014, 17:07
Thanks Wholi. You're wholly right about sending back the "test kits". :ok:

On the other hand though, I don't understand why the government/s (or even PPRuNe) wants to keep folks like me alive. I'm pretty fed up with "my lot" in this life aged 53. And don't see any reason why I should prolong this existence indefinitely just so as to satisfy the requirements of say most modern governments - (eg. I'm one of those who declare all their taxes and pay them) whilst "they" willingly let slip by most of those who should pay also.

Fed up of paying all those taxes on my admittedly slightly higher (just above average) income, subsidising all those "happy families" who don't question whether or not they can afford a child (just "doing it"), knowing the state will provide. I don't even really mind that. Except these well-provided "happy families" don't even give me any signs of appreciation when I walk down the street. And perhaps, why should they?

Dunno about you all. But I'm nearly completely ready for the "next life" (this one being somewhat disappointing). Being "reborn" as a cockroach would suit me fine. There are better alternatives admittedly, but supposedly cockroaches would be one of the best-equipped to survive a 3rd World War (the way it looks we're going) with the massive use of nuclear weapons. I'd just like to witness it all before becoming mere algae or slime afterwards.

PS. All I can say about Pablo Escobarís hippos (http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27905743) is that I wish all the stray hippos the very best. Hoping that they will continue to be allowed to live a free and wild existence in their new homelands in south America. In some ways, this is added insurance that in the event of some relatively small ō500m asteroid hitting the African continent smack-bang in the middle, there is a chance that hippos (hippoes) in south America might continue the species.

PPS. Of course, the Columbians could simply assassinate all of those ex. Pablo's hippos. I certainly won't be around (as a human-being I hope) at that time, but I wonder if at the same time, we (they) will ask questions about the origins of all the invasive "human" species occupying these countries. And whether or not they should also be simply "eliminated"...

26th Jun 2014, 17:16
Anyone had a rectally routed biopsy for prostate cancer? (No anaesthetic or sedation).
That's fun.

Shaggy Sheep Driver
26th Jun 2014, 17:23
I had 'gas & air' (nitrous oxide) for my colonoscopy. This meant I was fully aware of what was going on, and any pain (there wasn't much) could be dulled by some sharp intakes of 'happy gas' until it passed, with instant recovery to full awareness and no after effects.

Is it not the case that small intestine cancer is very rare, but large intestine less so?

Coffin Dodger
26th Jun 2014, 18:15
This meant I was fully aware of what was going on, and any pain (there wasn't much) could be dulled by some sharp intakes of 'happy gas'Very encouraged to hear that, thanks SSD. I too recently received the ominous 'blood in the poo' notification after sending off the three samples. After a further test followed by another letter and a subsequent 30 min phone pre-assessment from the hospital, I've been booked in for a colonoscopy in a week and a half's time. I'm going to opt for the entonox 'happy gas' as well since I'll need to be able to drive the 30 miles back home afterwards.

Although I can still climb large hills and walk 8-10 miles, it still make one think that at 59 I am potentially becoming more vulnerable to ageing.

26th Jun 2014, 18:59
Colonoscopies save untold thousands of lives. Everyone needs to have one at 50 years of age, and every five years after, even if their medical insurance or socialized medicine doesn't cover it.

Like the liver, the colon doesn't often exhibit painful or even noticeable symptoms until it's too late. The technology is there for the taking; take it!

26th Jun 2014, 19:04
Anyone had a rectally routed biopsy for prostate cancer?

Oh, yes.:ooh:


26th Jun 2014, 19:19
Anyone had a rectally routed biopsy for prostate cancer? Having survived rectal cancer some 16 years ago, that route for me is now closed!
Next week I will be 'enjoying' a penile routed biopsy for prostate cancer... for the third time!

Wholi is right, never delay giving samples or seeking medical advice re. suspicious symptons. I didn't, that's why I'm still here.:ok:

26th Jun 2014, 19:51
Ah, colonoscopies and the joy of picolax...:eek:

26th Jun 2014, 21:31
Time to inject a bit of humour into this morbid thread....


26th Jun 2014, 21:32
PS. The French "NHS" have once again sent me 3 envelopes so as to allow me to send samples of my excrement for examination in their battle against cancers. I never bothered the last 2 times, but perhaps they're serious and I should?

You'd be a dafty not to. A day after my 50th I received a kit in the post. Pretty good if you ask me. Just completed my second one, all clear!

26th Jun 2014, 21:55
Thanks all, for the updates.;)

26th Jun 2014, 22:42
Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours - Dave Barry - MiamiHerald.com (http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html)

Recommended reading ........ hilarious! Specially the bit about MoviPrep. Don't ask, just read the article.

I have two pieces of advice for anyone about to undergo this procedure.
1) Never trust a fart
2) Never be more than 3 seconds away from a toilet

27th Jun 2014, 00:19
If you've ever watched a close friend or associate die in prolonged agony from that most evil and most virulent of all cancers - bowel cancer - then you wouldn't hesitate to ensure that you're regularly tested - particularly if you have a family history of bowel cancers.
A lot of people worry about dying in a falling, disintegrating, fiery plane wreck - but I can assure you, dying of bowel cancer is much worse than that.

27th Jun 2014, 06:55
A friend of mine was diagnosed with bowel cancer. He discovered it one morning when, in his words, "I was sh*****g blood". He lasted 5 years: it mestasised into his liver and despite taking part of his liver away, it still got him in the end.

So unpleasant as the test may be - and they don't, in my view compare with a nasal endoscopy looking for throat cancer or a cataract operation or a root canal job - it's worth getting them done. I had one of the possible symptoms of bowel cancer, which is in fact diverticulitis, and that's annoying enough....

Getting old is a bu**er but the alternative is worse.

27th Jun 2014, 07:40
. . . a nasal endoscopy looking for throat cancer Yes. Twice. The endoscopy wasn't nearly as bad as having what felt like half my throat ripped out and biopsied - negative, thank goodness.

But I still have the cough. :(

27th Jun 2014, 09:00
If you've ever watched a close friend or associate die in prolonged agony from that most evil and most virulent of all cancers - bowel cancer

Well, I don't know about that.

I would probably call cancer of the oesophagus the most evil.

27th Jun 2014, 09:15
It's rarely that everyone on JB seems to be in agreement but in this case they are and for good reason. I have a good friend who refused to send his tests back, "it's just too embarrassing". I, and others, keep having a go at him about it but he just won't budge - still, one day we might succeed.

And as for the advice about the pull-through with a wire brush to clean the system out first you won't believe how fast that stuff can get through your system.

27th Jun 2014, 16:56
I'm pretty sure that I read somewhere once "that sending human-excrement in the post" was quite a serious offence. Can anyone confirm or refute this?

Otherwise, I'm not entirely against sending off some samples. But the envelopes are quite small. Just how much sample faecal matter (use teaspoon measurements for clarity please) should I put in each?

And what if I don't completely trust the French NHS? Can I send another sample off to one of you for independent analysis?

27th Jun 2014, 17:05
The sample cards supplied by the British NHS have a 'cavity'.

Faecal matter is to be spread using a supplied spatula and then the 'door' closed to protect the contents so the quantity is regulated.

The difficult bit is defecating into a container rather than into the water closet (so that you can recover the sample).
I use a children's 'po', but you have avoid urinating into the container.

27th Jun 2014, 17:12

28th Jun 2014, 07:26
Catch it in some toilet paper.

The quantity required is very small - a smear perhaps 0.1mm thick.

You can imagine describing the person who processes it describing the job -

"What do you do for a living?"

"I examine people's sh*t all day"

28th Jun 2014, 08:48
Catch it in some toilet paper.Easier shat than done.

28th Jun 2014, 13:23

Even me, overweight as I am and with irritating arthritis in various places, can manage it on my own!

28th Jun 2014, 15:21
I would certainly not want to deter anyone from using these tests, but they will only detect blood in the stools.
Two months after a negative from a test I started to get a pain in my gut and a feeling of being slightly obstructed. Eventually proved to be a polyp in the colon which had become malignant. Because it had not started bleeding, the test had not detected it, and if anything the false negative delayed diagnosis, because everyone though the test had eliminated that as a possibility.
Colon removed, biopsy indicated that it had not spread, and 5 years later all is well.
My advice would be, get the test done, but if after you get a negative you later get a problem, go to the doc, and keep going back until they find the problem. Bowel cancer is very common, especially amongs us old b*ggers (I don't mean b*ggers literally, I assure you)

On a lighter note, but still on the subject of poo collection. 25 years ago,having got a BSc, followed by an MSC in fish biology, our son was offered a post as a research assistant in the North of Scotland. The project was to establish the quantities of salmon taken by seals. Salmon have a bone in their heads which develops rings with age, like tree rings. By studying the bones in seal poo, the number and size of the salmon eaten can be deduced. Guess who had to collect it.
I delighted in telling people that he now had two degrees and a job shovelling sh*t.
He appeared in a TV programme dong just that. We have it on VCR (remember those) and show it to his kids if he gets uppity.

28th Jun 2014, 16:22
Quite so, oxenos.

The faecal blood test is a good start, but if there are any other symptoms such as pain, changed bowel movements and so on, it needs further investigation.

The colonoscopy found a polyp in me, although it wasn't malignant, and the other problems in my case were because of the development of diverticulitis.

28th Jun 2014, 16:56
Colonoscopies save untold thousands of lives

Quite so - mine included. 25 years ago this year (and I'm only 50 now.....). First symptom was exceptionally low red blood cell count at a routine (as was then the case....) military blood test [without which, at the tender age of 25, it would probably have been far too late for me had nothing been noticed before the full symptoms kicked in]).

Lost count of the number of colonoscopies I have had since - next one in September. Hate the build up to each and every one but love the reassuring cup of tea, a digestive biscuit and the words 'all clear' at the end of it!

And besides some people pay hundreds, if not thousands, to cleanse themselves. I get it free on the NHS!!

Shaggy Sheep Driver
28th Jun 2014, 18:59
Does the faecal blood test actually test for blood? I'd heard it tests for 'high iron content' in the stool, indicative of blood being present. I got a false positive which led to endoscopy which discovered several non-bleeding benign polyps which were removed. I suspect the false positive was triggered by my natural high iron count.

Endoscopy followed a year later by another (clear) and three years later (earlier this year) a colonoscopy. The consultant couldn't quite get to the end of the colon due some residual poo but the 90% or so he saw was OK, so he's going to do it again next year. I'm not complaining!

28th Jun 2014, 20:45
Currently undergoing prophylactic treatment myself. Had one big polyp at the top of the bowel removed in one procedure. They're going after another three on August 21. All non-benign thankfully, but they may not stay that way, so whip 'em out.

It's the bastard MoviPrep that sends me into a cold sweat. The procedure was a breeze compared with the evening before where my arse had a white flag waving out of it. :eek:

28th Jun 2014, 20:55
All non-benign thankfully

Not sure I'd be thankful if mine were non-benign ...


1st Jul 2014, 05:22
Malignant and GrumpyOldFart... ;)