PDA

View Full Version : The Grunting / Shrieking Competition


wings folded
1st Jun 2014, 17:56
It is the time of year when a couple of players of a rather silly game try to outdo each other with shrieks and grunts, all manner of ticks (swaying from side to side, tapping footwear with the instrument, wiping the fevered brow with a towel proferred by improbably young lackies (too young to be legally employed?), and they need ridiculous quantities of staff to supervise it all.

And it banishes educational and interesting programmes from the television.

Tennis! Bah! Humbug!

Krystal n chips
1st Jun 2014, 18:20
Alas, the condition is contagious, albeit in little clusters, thankfully.

Two years ago, one entered a "well know upmarket supermarket" ....at the same time as "madam" was proclaiming to the world....and my apologies in advance if my spelling, and her utterances, may not quite read as they should, but you will get the general drift...

" Soupies !....strawbies and champies for Wimbles !"......there was a special offer on at the time...one mused, silently for a change, that, possibly madam had led a rather sheltered existence and was thus unaware of more important matters in most of the populations lives.

Thankfully, when the event is broadcast on the News, and the BBC in particular, we no longer have to suffer the gushing "heroic exploits" of "heroic Tim"....which is a bonus.

One has often thought that, as with most Great British "institutions ", those who watch and perform should be in one....and that,, in this case, how nice it would be to see the venue converted to social housing.

500N
1st Jun 2014, 18:23
Maybe the women can't play good tennis and so practice the noises made during child birth ????? :O

RedhillPhil
1st Jun 2014, 18:49
But tennis players don't go in for molesting young inebriated ladies and the fans don't hooliganise the local town afterwards so it's not all bad. And, it's only two weeks out of fifty two.

wings folded
1st Jun 2014, 19:11
So far as I know, Crown Green Bowling enthusiasts tend not to trash the neighbourhood after a match either.

I have no idea if tennis players molest young or even aged inebriated ladies.

And no, it is longer than two weeks. Roland Garros, Wimbledon: it goes on and on....

DevX
1st Jun 2014, 22:13
Much, much worse than tennis is the flamin' World Cup 'kick a sack 'o wind' competition.........and for a whole ruddy month too! :yuk:

Noah Zark.
1st Jun 2014, 22:49
Wholly agree with DevX. The blanket coverage lets the broadcasters off from bothering to transmit anything else worth watching.
Also fully hacked off with hearing about the bloody Tour De Frog hereabouts.

Juud
1st Jun 2014, 23:09
Stop whining, switch off your televisions and listen to (educational) internet radio for a bit?

Oh sorry, switching off the e-pacifier; what am I saying?

Capetonian
1st Jun 2014, 23:11
It is monstrously boring and it dominates the media to an unreasonable degree. That said, the majority of the players and supporters seem to be decent people and some of the female players are not too hard on the eye.

If forced, I'd rather spend a day at tennis, with grunts shrieks and all, than a hour or so watching a bunch of overpaid louts kicking a pig's bladder around.

david1300
2nd Jun 2014, 00:06
Haven't watched a tennis match on TV for 15 years - probable never will again. But then others haven't watched my preferred sports for similar - to each his/her own. Just switch channels.:)

ExSp33db1rd
2nd Jun 2014, 00:49
.........watching a bunch of overpaid louts kicking a pig's bladder around. .....or a bunch of men done up like Jousting Knights chuck a ball at three sticks.

..........Just switch channels.Ours all show the same sort of thing at the same time, even programme the adverts so that one can't even avoid them by going to another channel. (course I could subscribe to SKY, and maybe watch other stuff, but that unvolves paying money, so that's out, too.)

I watch the news until it switches to Sports - any so called 'Sports' - then go and clean the motor bike ( but not everyday of course ) until it's time to decide if the Met. Man is telling total lies, or I may be able to assess the possibility of flying the microlight tomorrow.

The start and finish of the Olympics nonsense can entertain one for a bit, but as for the rest of it .............

Krystal n chips
2nd Jun 2014, 05:37
" switch off your televisions and listen to (educational) internet radio for a bit

Juud......just one tiny flaw with the above.....:).....whilst the whole event can be blissfully ignored by simply not watching....this is the easy bit...;)... the problem arises with the News and, certainly with the Beeb, the inevitable saturation coverage within the broadcasts....

And the complete restructuring of schedules to allow a grateful nation uninterrupted coverage....the fact that a fair chunk of the population are not even remotely interested never occurring to the Beeb.

There is a glimmer of hope however regarding another event .....reading the media reports over the last few months, it would appear "Ingurlund" will only be making a brief visit to Brazil.....although this will prove traumatic for those whose sole topic of conversation revolves around " the less than beautiful game ".....for normal people, their arrival back in the UK can't come soon enough.

acbus1
2nd Jun 2014, 08:11
educational and interesting programmes
Huh? Wassiss? :confused:

onemac
2nd Jun 2014, 08:21
I thought you were on about me bending down to pick something off the ground?

Don't like tennis.

Al

Yamagata ken
2nd Jun 2014, 09:20
Ha! Someone else who is flexibly challenged. Getting down to ground level is something that requires planning and preparation, and its not due to the size of my gut.

Exascot
2nd Jun 2014, 09:24
switch off your televisions and listen to (educational) internet radio for a bit

Haven't switched one on for 15 years :ok:

DevX
2nd Jun 2014, 09:30
Hey Juud, (bet you've not heard that one before), it's not just the idiot's lantern that's the problem as my ears are continually assaulted by the majority of work colleagues too. It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't already harping on for the rest of the year about the local or national footy. :yuk: To be quite honest I'm sick to the back teeth with it all.
At least the tennis, Le Tour, Olympics, etc. are only on for a limited time and are therefore a bit more bearable in my opinion.

Tankertrashnav
2nd Jun 2014, 09:48
Re the world cup, quite apart from the footie we are being submitted to endless programmes about Brazil, which the media seem to think consists of two places - Iponema beach and a vast favela. I notice that once journalists learn a new word (in this case the Portuguese for shanty town) they use it on every possible occasion :*.

ExXB
2nd Jun 2014, 12:07
Well,
The World Cup isn't really a competition between nations. It's a competition between who can give and receive the largest bribes. Qatar in the summer, Russia anytime, what were they thinking … (other than their pocketbooks).

FIFA and Sepp should be ashamed of themselves.

Juud
2nd Jun 2014, 12:07
DevX, guess I can see that, yes. Having to listen to colleagues continued chatter about something that bores you to tears must be very annoying indeed.
I rather enjoy the footie and the Grand Slam tennis, and so it doesnīt bother me when the subject comes up at work.

As for media saturation, as said I just donīt partake of the media in the same way. Listen to radio stations that couldnīt care less, and watch only pre-selected telly progs. When sport mad family members insist on wall to wall coverage, I sit somewhere else. :)

wings folded
2nd Jun 2014, 12:35
And the delicate little flowers who play this game are so fragile that if a gnat farts within one hundred meters, they are completely put off their concentration; absolute silence is required.

An involuntary tummy gurgle will have you thrown out forthwith.

And who came up with such an absurd scoring system? 15, 30, 40 love or something like that. Bollocks.

And think of all the cats who perished to supply their guts to string their instruments.

vulcanised
2nd Jun 2014, 12:41
Only time I bother to look at tennis is when the Queens Club is on.

Usually one or two watchable ball girls there.

MagnusP
2nd Jun 2014, 12:48
wings folded, I think the scoring came from the use of a clock face early on.

vulcanised, the Madrid Open Masters uses models as ball girls. :E

wings folded
2nd Jun 2014, 12:57
Magnus,

quarter past, half past and then twenty to? Can't find love on my clock faces, digital nor analog.

Puzzling at best.

MagnusP
2nd Jun 2014, 13:02
Thought to be from L'oeuf, as the zero looks like an egg.

wings folded
2nd Jun 2014, 13:10
Weird buggers, these tennis chaps. Zero looks like zero to me. Oval. Eggs are ovoid aren't they? Where does dewse or deuce or whatever hail from?

Odd, very odd.

cattletruck
2nd Jun 2014, 13:26
I got my ear clipped once when talking candidly about the machinations of world level tennis to someone involved in running it down here.

I see his point. Even though tennis is a game that can be played by all folk, it was once a pastime of the aristocracy. Modern world level tennis is now formulated to be very dramatic with high appeal to the social elite, it's up there with going to the opera. From these lofty heights (sorry about the pun) the game brings in the money and interest that keeps the sport alive at the grass (sorry another pun) roots level which also means kids getting exercise.

The players may grunt, growl, throw tantrums, roll around on the ground, look a million dollars, look sexy, etc, etc but they are all fabulous athletes who can barely string a sentence together when the microphone is shoved in their face after 2 hours of grueling tennis. It all adds to the appeal.

...and it's the one and only time I found a use for those 3D glasses when watching it on the telly.

Blacksheep
2nd Jun 2014, 13:27
I like watching tennis.
Slightly more active than cricket, much more civilised than football or rugby. Sprawling on the sofa with a mug of ice-cold Tiger and a plate of Missus's banana balls, while we chat amiably about match progress and criticise the commentators, is rather a nice way to pass a lazy afternoon. :)

MagnusP
2nd Jun 2014, 14:05
DEUCE comes from 'ā deux le jeu', or to both is the game, equal scores.

Ever watched Real Tennis (Royal tennis)? Even more confusing.

Tankertrashnav
2nd Jun 2014, 14:08
FIFA and Sepp should be ashamed of themselves.


Yeah right, that'll be the day!

wings folded
2nd Jun 2014, 14:13
Played it once... Hadn't a clue what I was doing or supposed to do. The shelf on the side seemed to be important, but for reasons unknown to me. I believe I lost, but the opponent could have told me I had won by a hundred points and I would not have known any better.

Lonewolf_50
2nd Jun 2014, 14:25
The Grunting / Shrieking Competition wings, from the title I thought this would be a thread about the United States Democratic Party's caucus. I was about to report it when I read the full text and found myself in complete agreement.

Monica Seles has a lot to answer for. :mad: Women's tennis is best watched with the sound off.

acbus1
2nd Jun 2014, 14:28
Thought to be from L'oeuf, as the zero looks like an egg.

DEUCE comes from 'ā deux le jeu', or to both is the game, equal scores.
...and 'let' is from 'l'ommellete de deux oeufs'.



Zees rosebifs weel belief anysink. :rolleyes:

MagnusP
2nd Jun 2014, 14:34
acbus1, an omelette with only two eggs does not exist. So there.

acbus1
2nd Jun 2014, 15:11
Merde, yew spotted ze onlee flaw in mai argumente. :(

MagnusP
2nd Jun 2014, 15:15
Merde, yew spotted ze onlee flaw in mai argumente.

And how are Yvette, Maria and "Michelle of the Resistance" these days? :p

acbus1
2nd Jun 2014, 15:28
Good moaning. ;)

wings folded
2nd Jun 2014, 15:43
And another thing. When they wack the ball into the net at 210 km per hour, why do they have the right to have another go at doing it? Pig bladder kickers do not get another bash if they miss the goal; jouster clad hurlers of balls at three chunks of wood do not either; improbably muscular blokes are not allowed to start again to try to bash an odd shaped ball down in the area so designated. So why do these prime donne get a second chance?

MagnusP
2nd Jun 2014, 15:43
Not sure how we got this drift going, but my favourite line was when Rene was in the cupboard with one of the girls, and complained "I was impaled upon ze 'andle of ze 'oover". :p

Hydromet
2nd Jun 2014, 20:17
Not sure how we got this drift going, but my favourite line was when Rene was in the cupboard with one of the girls, and complained "I was impaled upon ze 'andle of ze 'oover". That sucks.

500N
2nd Jun 2014, 20:21
Bit of a blow !

wings folded
5th Jun 2015, 17:52
All the players of this silly game seem to need to check that their spherical objects (tennis balls, not testicles) will bounce before going boldly forth into their short period of activity. They all bounce them for ages before getting on with their dull game.

They bounce the bloody things up and down for quite a while before despatching it towards the adversary.

Could they not have a minor dose of confidence that RolandGarros/Wimbledon/Flushing Meadow, et al, organisers would provide balls that bounce?

I hate June.

It is tennis all the time, Displaces worthwhile, interesting progs.

rgbrock1
5th Jun 2015, 18:04
All the players of this silly game seem to need to check that their spherical objects (tennis balls, not testicles) will bounce before going boldly forth into their short period of activity. They all bounce them for ages before getting on with their dull game.

They bounce the bloody things up and down for quite a while before despatching it towards the adversary.

Could they not have a minor dose of confidence that RolandGarros/Wimbledon/Flushing Meadow, et al, organisers would provide balls that bounce?

I hate June.

It is tennis all the time, Displaces worthwhile, interesting progs.

Wings. Is there a reason why you posted on a thread which hasn't been posted on for a year now? Just curious. :}:E

wings folded
5th Jun 2015, 18:24
Well, errrr, these abject tournaments seem to come round annually.

Logic is perhaps not my strongest card, but it seems to me to be a little bit logical that my tennis irritation (which extends beyond the elbow) equally comes round annually.

OK so far?

wings folded
5th Jun 2015, 18:26
And it was my thread, so I do as I please.

OK?

rgbrock1
5th Jun 2015, 18:38
So it is your thread, wings. I hadn't noticed. Yes, you may do as you please with it. I was just curious, that's all. :}

Windy Militant
5th Jun 2015, 18:38
Could they not have a minor dose of confidence that RolandGarros/Wimbledon/Flushing Meadow, et al, organisers would provide balls that bounce?
I hate June.

It is tennis all the time, Displaces worthwhile, interesting progs.


A few years ago after much complaining about this, one of the Tennis tournaments hired a sports department of well known University to bounce test every ball used.
I found out about this when I rolled up with a loan camera. Technically we weren't supposed to loan kit for commercial use but the poor sods were working flat out with four high speed cameras testing dozens of balls. They were given tubes of supposedly identical balls which they would then drop from a given hight, note the bounce and select those that fell within the tolerance given. When I arrived the place was like a ball pool with all the discarded ones that didn't pass muster.
Nowadays they have an automated system at the factory.
Any way it ain't all tennis try ITV 4 21:00hrs for the TT highlights.:ok:

wings folded
5th Jun 2015, 19:27
A few years ago after much complaining about this, one of the Tennis tournaments hired a sports department of well known University to bounce test every ball used.
I found out about this when I rolled up with a loan camera. Technically we weren't supposed to loan kit for commercial use but the poor sods were working flat out with four high speed cameras testing dozens of balls. They were given tubes of supposedly identical balls which they would then drop from a given hight, note the bounce and select those that fell within the tolerance given. When I arrived the place was like a ball pool with all the discarded ones that didn't pass muster.
Nowadays they have an automated system at the factory.
Any way it ain't all tennis try ITV 4 21:00hrs for the TT highlights.:ok:

I suppose you are referring to motorcycle competitions? My utter derision of tennis is equalled by the contempt I have for motorised "sport"

I am sure the chaps are quite skilled, but on normal roads I am daily terrified by the leather wearing band who believe that quaint round signposts with a number within the red ring do not apply to them.

When I see one in my mirror, I pull to the appropriate side (left in UK, by and large right elsewhere) to let them go screaming past, because I do not want to be involved in their "accident"

They often courteously acknowledge; raised left hand in UK, extended right foot elsewhere.

I am glad to see them on their way.

Too many times, (four now), I have encountered mangled wreckage a bit further on. In 46 years of driving, that is 4 too many.

wings folded
7th Jun 2015, 16:02
There are some in my entourage who seem to want to watch this boring stuff.

Passing in front of the television en route to doing much more worthwhile things (clipping toe nails, watering geraniums) I observed two things of the Paris tennis waste of time:

1) Grunting is at peak level. It is the final, so I suppose they are the best at it.

2) When one of the prime donnas loses a point, he smashes his raquet on the ground.

Call it sport? Pheeeeewwwwww. Complete bollocks.

obgraham
7th Jun 2015, 16:17
At least it is done by humanoids, not horses.

BWSBoy6
7th Jun 2015, 17:10
When I saw that line about Rene, I thought you were referring to that tennis player, Rene Stubbs, who bats for the other side!!! :}:O:O Those quotes would have been appropriate for her too!

I know, I'm blonde and I need to keep up.........! :):bored:

Mrs Bws

BWSBoy6
15th Jun 2015, 19:09
And another thing..what's this going for a pee caper in the middle of a tennis match? In the good old days they didn't and surely, you're sweating enough urea to negate the need?

More gamesmanship. Trying to break your opponents rhythm!

Mrs Bwsboy

Fareastdriver
15th Jun 2015, 19:44
The thing that amazed me during the French Open was the number of adverts for BET365. Who would bet on a tennis match. Blokes are the betting people and they don't watch tennis.
What a waste of an advertising budget.

Avitor
15th Jun 2015, 20:01
The grunts annoy me so much I take the view that commentary is for the blind, I remove sound.....peace.

ATNotts
16th Jun 2015, 08:19
The thing that amazed me during the French Open was the number of adverts for BET365. Who would bet on a tennis match. Blokes are the betting people and they don't watch tennis.
What a waste of an advertising budget.

The amount of advertising for online betting and other forms of gambling (poker, bingo etc) on UK TV at present is unbelievable. Of course it's aimed at those without money, who can least afford to bet, and are probably using state benefits to bet with.

The UK is storing up (another) massive problem for itself by not regulating gambling advertising. The government should also be looking at banning or restricting sponsorship of sports events by gambling companies - virtually all of Matchroom Sports events (snooker, darts and boxing) are sponsored by Bet365, BWIN, Ladbrokes, William Hill, Bet Victor etc. etc.