View Full Version : "Draw the curtains" she said.

16th Apr 2014, 20:17
So I got out my little...

16th Apr 2014, 20:40
... piece of chalk, and I ...

Takan Inchovit
16th Apr 2014, 20:50
.... pointed it, straight at her ...

16th Apr 2014, 21:01
......and said "If you want a picture of curtains,...............

16th Apr 2014, 21:18
...you could simply go to ikea.com or summat. Anyway, there are no curtains, just louvered shutters on the windows...

Lon More
16th Apr 2014, 21:22
did that shut 'er up?

16th Apr 2014, 22:06
Non. "I have what you want. If you still want it. Do you still know what it is that you want?" she retorted...

17th Apr 2014, 00:19
"Course I do," I said, "I need a rubber, don't I................to clean off all this 'effin chalk."

"Have you got a rubber, then?"

17th Apr 2014, 00:33
Being American she totally misunderstood the reference to a rubber.

red wren
17th Apr 2014, 00:40
and slapped me on the face.

17th Apr 2014, 01:43
"Oh good" he said, "Its Dominatrix Day, I always enjoy these", so saying he...........

17th Apr 2014, 02:54
pulled out his whip, and whipped out his...

17th Apr 2014, 03:13
pencil with the rubber on it

17th Apr 2014, 03:26
As she said "Ooooh, that's a long one"

17th Apr 2014, 04:54
As he rubbed it up the wrong way...

17th Apr 2014, 06:42
...and made a huge stain...

17th Apr 2014, 07:03
I then lost the lead in my pencil...

17th Apr 2014, 08:39
... and as I couldn't draw the curtains, I checked TRABB for photographs of Drapes . . .

17th Apr 2014, 10:36
My wife told me last night that there was a chink in the curtains....well I looked for him of course, if only to humour her.

17th Apr 2014, 11:01
…Was it as shiny as this?

17th Apr 2014, 18:09
"Would you care to run that last question by me one more time?" I asked in some confusion. Just 30 seconds later, my mate at the NSA sent me footage obviously caught by my webcam (which I erroneously believed was "off" unless I put it "on"). With the comment that "the chink" in the curtains might actually be a certain "Mr. Iwong Yu", the proprietor of a local Chinese take-away...

17th Apr 2014, 18:26
who don't take credit cards because..

18th Apr 2014, 00:46
...they prefer cash

Pinky the pilot
18th Apr 2014, 13:48
'Moriarty, how many times have I told you not to drive that leather omnibus around the room in broad daylight? You know that the blinds are only drawn, they're not real.'

18th Apr 2014, 20:06
I won't be contributing to this thread any further.

I did make a post earlier today which has apparently disappeared into the ether (probably because I mentioned a "chink" in the curtains)...

But please continue "sans moi"...

With kind compliments to the JB Joint Shite Fighters...

19th Apr 2014, 00:07
I was bleeding but I could see nothing but the dust on the curving infinity of her back as I pushed the debris away... Florence, I gasped and then shouted it again but I saw at once that she whom I had loved and had made love to was dead...

The motes rode and swam before my eyes and there she was, white, English, her face blue and dead...

I shall never forget that...


19th Apr 2014, 00:40
Nor shall I forget when standing guard on the castle ramparts with eyes crossed, the monk beside me told me to "cast the mote from thine own eye" to which I took offense. Therefore I cast the monk into the moat amd undrossed my eyes as I double-crossed the monk afloat in the moat.

Which reminds me very little of the time when....

19th Apr 2014, 00:41
.... and it will haunt me forever but, though my grief, I saw the slightest beam of an upside to that futile, intimate tragedy which, surprisingly, was....

19th Apr 2014, 03:28
...best left to the imagination. However, as this is not the best place...

19th Apr 2014, 09:51
... to find oneself waking next to a stranger...

19th Apr 2014, 11:43
It was neither, it was traces of...

19th Apr 2014, 11:56
Jiff....which he had mistaken for sunscreen, while he was smearing her....

19th Apr 2014, 14:26
... lipstick all over his ...

19th Apr 2014, 18:53
...Business Class menu to indicate what he'd like to eat.

"Draw the curtains" she said again. "We're fed up with those ghastly economy passengers coming through and using our toilets."

19th Apr 2014, 23:49
... for improper purposes (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-436499/Exclusive-How-I-led-Ralph-Fiennes-astray-35-000ft.html)...