View Full Version : It is time this was done again..

John Hill
16th Apr 2014, 07:16
...I recall this from much younger days and way before anyone had a 'phone to record matters.

A car was being driven in a parade when there was a loud explosion and black smoke and flames burst from under the bonnet/hoot. The firemen rushed up and filled the engine compartment with dry powder then proceeded to pull out a few 'hot' bits of engine and throw them on the ground. All the while the driver stood by watching.

Then when the flames were out a fireman spoke to the driver and they shook hands, the driver then got into his burned out car and drove away! How could that be?

The car was a mini van with of course an engine in the rear and nothing but the effects and pyrotechnics under the bonnet.

I think it must be time for someone to do this one again! :E

16th Apr 2014, 07:34
The mini engine was in the front. The Hillman Imp had the engine at the rear.

John Hill
16th Apr 2014, 07:55
I am sorry I did not make my myself clear.

The normal Mini had the engine in the front but this particular vehicle had had an engine and transmission fitted at the rear for the purpose of the stunt.

16th Apr 2014, 08:11
A similar stunt on Candid Camera in the UK was when they ran an engineless Morris Minor (I think) downhill into a petrol station, put the petrol in, then asked for help when it wouldn't start. :p

My personal favourite was when they asked deliverymen to leave a packing case temporarily in a room where it only just made it through the door. When the deliverymen were absent, the team got rid of the original case and assembled one which looked identical but was just too big to get out the door again. Much bleeping ensued.

16th Apr 2014, 09:42
John - Wouldn't it have been easier to use a VW Beetle? No need to go to all that trouble of installing an engine in the rear! :)

I've seen a stunt at a country town annual re-union, where a bloke built a couple of bicycles with eccentric wheels, by using different length spokes on each side of the hub. It must have taken him a couple of weeks to set them up.
A couple of clowns riding the eccentric-wheeled bicycles around created great mirth amongst the watching crowd. It must have made for an interesting ride. The wheels were several inches (say, around 100-125mm) off-centre.

16th Apr 2014, 10:40
The best one for me was the "special"mini that had had the interior body turned into a large fuel tank but looked normal!When it was being filled in the petrol station the attendant kept walking round scratching his head as it accepted loads of gallons more than it should while the elderly lady driver looked on unconcerned!!!

16th Apr 2014, 10:50
John - Wouldn't it have been easier to use a VW Beetle? No need to go to all that trouble of installing an engine in the rear!Like the blonde looking into the front of a VW Beetle, couldn't start it so had opened the 'bonnet' and declared, unbelievingly to the second blonde who had driven by in her Beetle to see if she could help "I thought it was just me unable to start it, but some barsteward has pinched my engine !"

The second blonde said " don't worry, I have a spare one in the back, you can have that"

I remember a local fete where they had rigged a car so that the steering wheel worked the wrong way, and contestants were asked to drive it around a winding track. Such fun ! ( Actually, the trick was to hold the wheel at the bottom, then move it left to go left, once the trick had been learnt, it wasn't too hard )

16th Apr 2014, 10:59
East German Board Guard joke

EGBG pulls over a West German Porsche on his way to Berlin
"Zo, you decadent capitalist. What socialist people's regulations are you breaking zis time?"
"Nichts, I assure you"
"OK, open ze trunk"
WG goes to the front of the car
EGBG points and cocks rifle "I said, open ze trunk!"
"To ze back of ze car and open ze trunk!"
WG complies and opens the rear of the car
"Zo! You are smuggling engines!...........and it's still varm!"

16th Apr 2014, 11:09
When I were but a lad with a fresh licence, my parent had a VW Variant (a sort of estate version of a beetle on steroids).

I had moved the car and parked it in the road outside for some reason - probably working in the garage on a lovely sunny day (this is significant). Some time later there was a knock on the door and upon opening it I was confronted by two of Essex's finest law enforcers. One middle aged and one spotty youth out to impress. The conversation went something like this:-

"Is that your car?" spotty yoof asked. No, I replied, it belongs to my parents.
"When was it last driven?". A couple of hours ago when I parked it there, I said.
"We have a report that a car meeting that description was involved in an incident about an hour ago". Wasn't this one, I replied -its been parked there all morning.
Yoof walked to car with me and elder plod following, placed his hand on the bonnet of the car and said "you are lying, this vehicle has been driven in the last few minutes" - at which point I was unable to stop myself laughing out loud, which didn't go down well with spotty yoof.

When I gently explained that the engine was in the rear of the vehicle under the floor and would he would care to feel the engine temperature at the other end he was not amused. Fortunately Plod the elder, while managing (almost) to suppress a grin told him to get back in the plod-mobile, politely thanked me for my time and set off down the road.

16th Apr 2014, 11:58
ExSp33db1rd Come along now, own up, you stole that blonde joke from Post 551 in Pesky Nigerian Scammers, yesterday. Plagiarism, pure and simple, that's what it is, mutter mutter, unforgiveable, mutter mutter, fella should be horse-whipped.....waddya mean it's the oldest joke in the world.....that's me................mutter mutter .......where's me pills....

John Hill
16th Apr 2014, 12:22
I wont try to explain the mini van prank...:confused:

A quite novel stretched limo..

16th Apr 2014, 12:29
pvmw - Your story reminds me of the time the brother was pulled up by heavy haulage police, whilst driving our crawler tractor transporter (known as a "low-loader" in Oz and the U.K., and a "low-bed" in the States).

This unit comprises a tractor unit ("prime mover") and semi-trailer style of transporter hitched together via a turntable or 5th wheel.
They're treated as separate units by the authorities, and registered accordingly with their own number plates.

The heavy haulage division teams of the Police Dept always consisted of two coppers in a van, one wise old Sgt who was wise in the ways of trucking, and one probationary constable, who was always being taught "the ropes" by the old Sgt.

This particular time, the Sgt spoke to the brother, who was literally "dirtying his trousers" at the thought of what they'd find wrong on an old rig, and how he might be able to talk his way out of any charges.

Meantimes, the young constable was off on a "fault-finding" hunt, as he did a circle of the whole rig looking for problems that warranted the issue of a infringement notice.
He came tearing back to the Sgt, and breathlessly exclaimed - "Hey Sarge!! Guess what I've found? The trailer is carrying a different registration plate to the truck!!"

The brother told me later, the look of disgust on the Sarges face was priceless - as he dismissed the young constables "infringement find" with a withering glare.
He said the Sarge was so cheesed off, he merely wrote a ticket for a damaged wheel nut, then ordered the young constable back into the van, climbed in himself, and promptly departed the scene! :)

16th Apr 2014, 12:37
Rolls Royce were developing their power-steering.

They had acquired a steering box from the USA which when installed had had to be inverted and, therefore worked the 'wrong' way.

The most senior engineer arrived to drive this car, and the workers assembled to watch how he would manage.
He achieved the test drive without incident then got into his own car and immediately drove into a wall.

16th Apr 2014, 12:48
I recall our very first mouse-driven PC. My then assistant (now our Head of Research) said ‘I’ve seen these’ and promptly grabbed the mouse the wrong way round – with the flex at the wrist end – and proceeded to navigate round the screen saying ‘it’s not as easy as it looks’.

16th Apr 2014, 13:00
I recall our very first mouse-driven PC. My then assistant (now our Head of Research) said ‘I’ve seen these’ and promptly grabbed the mouse the wrong way round – with the flex at the wrist end – and proceeded to navigate round the screen saying ‘it’s not as easy as it looks’.

Wonder what he would have made of the IBM nipple.

16th Apr 2014, 13:04
Wonder what he would have made of the IBM nipple

T'were a she (but not blonde)

16th Apr 2014, 13:07
T'were a she (but not blonde)

Aah well, how was I to know when you carefully worded your phrase excluding all gender references. :cool:

16th Apr 2014, 15:40
During our training course in how to use mouses etc. there was a long line of PCs on a boardroom type table, trainees for the use of. One bloke ended up with his mouse in front of the bloke two screens along (rather upsetting the bloke between) since he hadn't really got use to the "pick it up and move it back in the air" movement to get a llooooooonnnnnnnngggggg single move.

16th Apr 2014, 16:25
Years ago my father bought himself what was then a "new fangled" Instamatic camera. He took great pride in showing the family how you no longer had to wind in the film, because it had a film cartridge, the built in flash etc.

We were all impressed but he then proceeded to put the window of the built in flash up to his eye and took a photo.....of his nose. He couldn't see properly for hours afterwards, nor could we stop laughing.

16th Apr 2014, 23:51
Heathcote Road in outer Sydney is a civilian road, but passing through Holdsworthy military area, is used by many military vehicles and was patrolled by both civilian and military police.

A civilian policeman pulled up a large army truck for speeding, but in response to his questions as to why he was speeding, could only get replies along the lines of 'Not me, mate.' Took licence details from the man in the right hand seat and issued the ticked, despite repeated claims of 'Not me, mate.' Of course, when it came to court, he made it clear that it was a left-hand drive truck, and was signed as such.

17th Apr 2014, 00:15
Macbeth - "If it were done when 'tis done" - YouTube


17th Apr 2014, 06:33
ExSp33db1rd Come along now, own up, you stole that blonde joke from Post 551 in Pesky Nigerian Scammers, yesterday.

No,first heard it around 1958, haven't heard it many times since, thought it was about time to make sure it doesn't die.