View Full Version : Wot anyone learned from the "big screen"...

6th Mar 2014, 17:06
Well, I watched Jurassic Park (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107290/) when that came out. Was enthralled and merely took for granted that T-Rex had indeed lived during the Jurassic, not 80 million years afterwards during the Cretaceous...? I know, I should have known better...?! :sad:

Bot wot say you on the matter of "big screen" edjukasion?

6th Mar 2014, 17:21
U 571.

That is all.

tony draper
6th Mar 2014, 18:05
Not to take a knife to a gunfight.:rolleyes:

Um... lifting...
6th Mar 2014, 18:19
Haute couture came along a bit earlier than we had been led to believe.


6th Mar 2014, 18:24
During the age of the 'Bikini' movies, you could only get laid if you lived in California. :{

6th Mar 2014, 18:42
Watched some submarine movie years ago and was enthralled to find that a submarine under the arctic ice cap was hit repeatedly by chunks of ice breaking off and sinking.

6th Mar 2014, 18:47
That cars never have to locked or unlocked and started, and that tyres squeal when cornering even on gravel, ice, snow, and wet roads.

That nobody can drink without having a cigarette on the go.

That people wake up in the morning and get out of bed looking immaculate and fresh.

6th Mar 2014, 18:53
Very attractive women are attracted to really goofy looking men.

6th Mar 2014, 18:58
Watched some submarine movie years ago and was enthralled to find that a submarine under the arctic ice cap was hit repeatedly by chunks of ice breaking off and sinking.

Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea. I seem to remember they also kept a convenient shark tank on board for the bad guy to fall into?

Bob Viking
6th Mar 2014, 19:02
If you work with nasty people, soon enough they will want to get rid of you when you know too much or are no longer required.
The following quote may go some way to explaining your future:

"Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".


6th Mar 2014, 19:24
That Spaghetti grows on trees !

From some TV show many years ago in the UK that was put to air as a joke.
Copious amounts of Spaghetti was cooked and hung on trees for the production !

6th Mar 2014, 19:30
Richard Dimbleby, Spaghetti harvest in the Po Valley.

After an excellent landing etc...

tony draper
6th Mar 2014, 19:32
If you're disarming a bomb,never cut the green wire, by all means put your side cutters on it then hesitate a moment just before you snip, then reach over and cut the red wire.

6th Mar 2014, 19:36
You will always find a parking space right outside wherever it is you want to be

6th Mar 2014, 19:42

"You will always find a parking space right outside wherever it is you want to be"

I am afraid I have to tell you that this is really true. Maybe not "right outside" but damn close. According to my mother, she was always amazed when I used to pick her up from the shops how close I managed to park. I haven't lost the touch either, it still occurs.

6th Mar 2014, 20:09
500N-But don't you live out in the arse end of somewhere? You just fight a wombat for a parking space :)

6th Mar 2014, 20:12
No, I live outer suburbs of Melbourne (when I am there !) but was referring mostly to the past when I used to live in a couple of suburbs in Melbourne (with parents) and mum doesn't drive so I was the pick up driver. But I still find I have a knack for finding available car spaces close to where I want to go.

6th Mar 2014, 20:16
If you're disarming a bomb,never cut the green wire, by all means put your side cutters on it then hesitate a moment just before you snip, then reach over and cut the red wire.

You sure it's not the green wire:p

6th Mar 2014, 20:19
I thought it was the blue ? :O

6th Mar 2014, 20:20
The bomb expert, the sharp shooter, the engine expert, was always called Kowalski and he never knew who hit him as they always hit him from behind.

Ascend Charlie
6th Mar 2014, 20:20
I learned that every helicopter sounds like a Huey
A good guy with a handgun can always hit the hidden bad guy with a rifle
Being punched in the face never hurts or leaves a bruise
Good guys only ever get a flesh wound, which makes him wince a little when the lovely lady pours whiskey on it, but then he can carry on with no ill effects
There is always a spare single sheet on a double bed for the girl to wrap herself in
Movie sex never needs "mopping up"

7th Mar 2014, 01:45
The members of the good guy's team die in the following order:

New Guy
Fat Guy (used to be Black Guy)
Decent Old Guy
Guy You Thought Was A Traitor
Cowardly Guy (just after proving himself)


Good Guy's Love Interest (so he can chase a new piece of skirt in the sequel)

7th Mar 2014, 02:08
Ascend Charlie - yes!!!!
You beat me to it.
Either a Huey or a Bell-47.
Irritates the hell out of the aviation geek in me... especially when the chopper in question is an MD500 or something else with a really high velocity main rotor or tail rotor (always thought they sounded more like a fixed wing light plane than a chopper) or even a fenestron!
Am off to set up a website with authentic gas turbine sound effects for the foley editors of the world to download....!
Fox 3 - true - but in many films, the brother still always gets it...

7th Mar 2014, 06:16
Ah yes, and when the trusty flying machine is hit, thick black oil will leak out of every bullet hole and smoke will trail from the undercarriage. Also, the most common way to set up a police roadblock is 2 cars nose to nose, with a 2 metre gap between them...

Pinky the pilot
7th Mar 2014, 06:20
And when the hero is rescuing the Female, at some time during the running away from the danger/bad guys/whatever she will stumble and fall over.

7th Mar 2014, 06:24
and a six gun is really a seven or even an eight gun.

7th Mar 2014, 07:33
Very attractive voluptuous women who are desperate to experiment in every known sexual position are attracted to short balding Jewish men with big noses.

Acting 101: Just before you spill your guts stand by the window looking out into the distance.

A A Gruntpuddock
7th Mar 2014, 08:42
Always keep one foot on the floor when having a legover.

Never knew the rules for sex & snooker were the same until I saw that.

7th Mar 2014, 09:49
All Timers on IED's have a big red digital display which slows down as you approach Zero.
Helicopter rotor blades slow down as the Helo lands- according to the soundtrack.
Air combat is conducted with the contestants less than 200 yds apart.
Only minor pilot characters wear their oxygen masks and have their visors down.
WW1 fighters were actually capable of 350 mph dives and 70 deg climbs and made screaming noises with their rotary engines.
Some air-to-air missiles can fly for several minutes pursuing their targets without overhauling them.
Sound travels in Space.
Passengers can change the airliner they are flying in mid-flight.
Cigarettes can burn backwards and beer refill glasses.
The hero is never shot in the buttocks.
When stealing aircraft, pilots don't need to spend a few minutes looking around the cockpit first.
The USAAF participated in the Dam Busters raid( losing a B-17)
Satellite imagery can be enlarged to read wrist watches.
RT language is always totally open and fully descriptive of what's going on.
Control columns have to be moved over 30 degrees to initiate any response from the aircraft.
"Skipper", "Kite", "Crate", are common terms of aviation parlance.

Dan Gerous
7th Mar 2014, 10:24
All aircraft sound like Harriers.

No need to count rounds, all magazines have an infinite capacity.

Takan Inchovit
7th Mar 2014, 10:31
High pitched violins going scree scree scree repeatedly, scares the bejesus out of you!

Very low pitched bass violin going uuuhh huh, uuuhh huh, uuuhh huh makes you want to get out of the water in a hurry.

7th Mar 2014, 10:38
An aircraft signifies that its in trouble by suddenly emitting a kind of screaming droning noise.

This continues until it either hits the ground, or our hero-pilot recovers the situation.

Mostly, it's terminal though.

tony draper
7th Mar 2014, 10:42
When a small payment is required just reach into your pocket and you always pull out the exact amount needed without looking or requiring any change, also every drink in a Western Saloon costs a silver dollar.

Ascend Charlie
7th Mar 2014, 10:50
Women in movies never say, "Sorry, it's the wrong time of the month..."

REAL men are able to toss back tumblers of raw spirit and not pull a face or gag.

There were never any teenagers in the Wild West, just adults wearing Stoopid Hats, and babies.

Only ever recall seeing one western that showed a public toilet behind the pub

If a telephone is visible in the shot, it will ring.

When the call abruptly finishes, the callee will tap the little doodad and say "Operator! Operator!"

7th Mar 2014, 11:24
Very attractive voluptuous women who are desperate to experiment in every known sexual position are attracted to short balding Jewish men with big noses.

How do you think they got the part in the first place? ;)

The hero is never shot in the buttocks

Unless he's an 'ordinary guy' hero - Forrest Gump!

Only Nazi Paratroopers do their helmet straps up. - straps are EVIL

7th Mar 2014, 11:28
Colour blindness is not a survival trait in bomb disposal experts. Especially those called Kowalski.

straps are EVIL

Fox3, you're watching the wrong kind of film. :E

7th Mar 2014, 12:51
All frogs the world over make the same 'riddit' sound.

7th Mar 2014, 13:39
That striptease and bosoms (and red garters) caused stirrings .. down there .. that would accompany me for the rest of my life.

Red Garters - Rosemary Clooney - YouTube

Ancient Observer
7th Mar 2014, 13:58
That Julie Christie was the most beautiful woman in the world.

7th Mar 2014, 14:42
Crikey SSK: at age 5...?! :eek:

Why I'm still using a 10 year old PC running XP Pro: Whaddaya mean by 8 bit / 24 bit, 256K color? Technicolor, I'll settle for nothing less... :ok:

PS. I knew that those Tiger tanks in "Kelly's Heoes" were all 'mock-ups', because in the close-up shots, what was supposed to have been very thick armoured steel had a very definite "grain" to it, most commonly found in wood.

PPS. And of course, in the same movie, both the Sherman tank's 75mm and the Tiger's 88mm cannons were fakes. I mean, how could anyone have fitted such massive cannons onto a 35mm film negative.

tony draper
7th Mar 2014, 14:56
The night sky always has a full Moon in it,Hollywood's Moon does not show phases.

7th Mar 2014, 14:58
They weren't the Droids I was looking for.

7th Mar 2014, 15:12
It is nearly always christmas in the US and/or it's snowing.

tony draper
7th Mar 2014, 15:14
When you break into the Emperors Tomb that's been sealed up for three thousand years, save on your batteries because the torches on the walls will still be burning.
Also a single candle will light up the largest room or cave like a night sun on the police copter.

7th Mar 2014, 15:17
The good guy's white stetson will stay white, even after a dusty punch-up with the guy in the black hat.

7th Mar 2014, 16:51
In the South all the men look like Colonel Sanders and the women all have big hair...oh, wait....

Um... lifting...
7th Mar 2014, 16:56
In dramatic or crime films, it rains every night in Los Angeles.

In comedic films, it never rains at night in Los Angeles.

Re: Kelly's Heroes. It would appear you missed Oddball's Sherman weapons systems briefing.

Here it is again:


7th Mar 2014, 17:01
Every paper sack of groceries has a stick of French bread poking out of the top.

7th Mar 2014, 17:17
It suddenly struck me: that if the "big screen" and/or Hollywood ruled the World, we'd be able to watch all the movie/s before eventually deciding whether or not to really invade, go to war or whatever in the first place...?! :ok: :confused:

PS. Um... lifting..., glad to see someone else here who remembers Kelly's Heroes :ok:

tony draper
7th Mar 2014, 17:32
Detectives no longer chase ordinary murderers, they wont get off their arses unless it is a serial killer.:rolleyes:

7th Mar 2014, 17:41
You do sometimes get a geography lesson when the action switches to "London, England" or "Paris, France" etc.. :rolleyes:

7th Mar 2014, 17:59
I've never ever quite gotten over the sound-effects used in the ALIEN movie scene where the Nostromo's computer receives the initial communication from "HQ". They sounded like some late '70s / early '80s era punch-card accounting machine...?! Yet the space-craft Nostromo was supposedly so advanced as to be a simple "bulk-transporter" of minerals traversing the galaxy...?! I'm not even going to mention the scary bits.

Make up yer own minds:

Alien 1979 - Initial Sequence - YouTube

If you dare...

Ancient Observer
7th Mar 2014, 17:59
Hollywood movies that are called humourous or funny are neither. Peculiar would be a better description, but I guess that doesn't sell so well.

Woody Allen movies are all about him and his shrink.

7th Mar 2014, 18:25
If you are watching a whodunnit film you can eliminate the black guy.

The black guy is never allowed to be the bad guy!

On the other hand if its a Hollywood film you can bet your shirt on it being the English guy :*

7th Mar 2014, 18:46
That's only because all the most important and mythological Hollywood and "big screen" heroes have invariably been mostly white, or else if darker-skinned, somehow also embodied all the very best attributes of their fairer-skinned folks.

In reality, the USA really does have a dark-skinned President (without the planet Earth being threatened of annihilation by aliens or asteroids etc.) today...?!

Might be awhile before we get our first "black" James Bond" though...?! :(

7th Mar 2014, 18:49
Ahhh, Alien! I learned what hormones were.

Ripley - YouTube


But, unlike airship, I still haven't learned how to get just one YouTube clip into a post!

7th Mar 2014, 20:17
I learned that I flew C-123s.

That was a bit of a surprise. :ooh:

7th Mar 2014, 20:35
LookingForAJob, my remaining force leads me to believe that both you and Jonesy (the pudicat) were similarly disappointed. Ripley (for some inexplicable reason), decided to put the pudicat into a separate deep-sleeping chamber. If I'd have been Jonesy, I'd have simply jumped into her chamber, and once she relised that there was no alternative, settled comfortably into the cleft between the 2 hills / mountains etc. :ok:

PS. con-pilot was an actor / actually flew airplanes in Hollywood as well as in real-life?! Someone, pinch me... ;)

7th Mar 2014, 20:40
The black guy is never allowed to be the bad guy!:*

However, Token Black Guy will be the first one eaten by killer cockroaches.

In a war movie, the guy who's just heard his wife is pregnant, or is just about to be married, or has just been married, will be the first one to die. I pointed this out to my girlfriend a while ago when one of the soldiers in a movie we were watching had just got engaged, and, lo, he was dead twenty minutes later.

Actually, I think it was Token Black Guy that time, too.

tony draper
7th Mar 2014, 20:41
A sidewinder is very good against ground targets as well.:rolleyes:

7th Mar 2014, 20:50
American cops always hate someone taking 'their' murder / robbery. They don't have enough work to do as it is.

Sex has something to do with waves.

Mobile phone batteries never go flat, but just before something dangerous is about to happen, they lose signal.

Captain Dart
7th Mar 2014, 21:09
A dog on a movie or TV show will always give a little whimper when a close-up shot is taken of it; just to emphasise to the viewer that it is, indeed, a dog.

7th Mar 2014, 21:21
[You will always find a parking space right outside wherever it is you want to be]

Yes, if you live in Northern New Zealand.

I get proper miffed if I have to park even outside the NEXT shop to the bank, post office, dairy. Occasionally, but not very often, I park just outside the village and walk in, just to get a bit of exercise !

7th Mar 2014, 21:38
PS. con-pilot was an actor / actually flew airplanes in Hollywood as well as in real-life?! Someone, pinch me...

Nope, in the real world I flew 727s flying for the United States Marshal Service Air Operations Division, in the movie 'Con Air', which was about us, they had us flying C-123s.

7th Mar 2014, 21:54
Might be awhile before we get our first "black" James Bond" though...?! :( Suggest you do a little research on Shaft (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEaRCAcfOEQ) ... :E

tony draper
7th Mar 2014, 22:24
All movie 7x50 binoculars have a magnification of about 200.:)

8th Mar 2014, 00:09
The correct way to take evasive action when being shot at in a dogfight is to perform a barrel roll. (Other manoeuvers worthy of mention include a 30 degree bank, and a steep dive.)

All aircraft engines make the big radial engine noise.
(Except if they actually are radials. Then they make a turbine noise.)

The basic rules/physics of flight (eg:bank to turn) are also applicable in outer space.

Cessna 172's sound like Tiger Moths. Unless they're involved in a dogfight, then they sound like 206's.

Old aeroplanes always misfire/backfire, even at full power, and fiddling with the throttle or fuel selector with great skill makes them come right.

When the engine fails on any aircraft, the warning horn sounds exactly like a WW2 fighter (or a Stuka) in a very high speed dive.

Having sex while wearing underwear is the norm.

When you're in a dodgy situation, threatened by some unknown horror that will pick your friends off and mutilate them one by one, the correct procedure is to separate and wander off alone.

Possession of a pistol will always ensure victory over a those with a machine gun. Or even several machine guns.

When walking into a dark room wherein lurks an intruder, the correct challenge is to call out "Hello, is anyone there?" (For best results, be attractive, female, and wear a negligee.)

dubbleyew eight
8th Mar 2014, 03:09
You can actually hear the engines of enemy space craft from your space fighter.

as you crash into the nearby planet the tempo of the music picks up.

the vacuum of space is actually full of orchestra music.

people from all over the world have identical american voice laughter ...even out in the vacuum of space.

Solid Rust Twotter
8th Mar 2014, 08:42
A sidewinder is very good against ground targets as well.

IIRC, Randy Cunningham got a lock on a ground target (overheating truck) in Vietnam one night, and sent an AIM9 into a truck park on the HCM trail. Even got a few secondaries.

8th Mar 2014, 09:23
I learned many useful things from the cartoons shown on the big screen:

1) If you run off the edge of a cliff and don't realise that you have you will not fall.

2) The anvil will always fall slower than you and when it does hit you it will hit you on the head.

3) Any head hit by an anvil will be pushed flat but will then bounce back to be bonce shaped.

4) If you run through a wall you will leave a silhouette that matches your shape perfectly.

Later I learned about how difficult it was to undo the catches on girls bras and how impervious their knickers and knockers were to intrusion but that had less to do with what was on the screen and more to do with male teenage lust, the darkness in the cinema and the fortitude of girls generally.


8th Mar 2014, 09:37
That when a car goes over a cliff it will instantly turn into a fireball before even contacting the cliff face or the ground.

Pinky the pilot
8th Mar 2014, 11:02
And in the older black and white movies which are set in the early 1940's there will always be a radio, generally playing' swing' music at a low volume which, at a sudden pause in actor dialogue will always increase radically in volume with a voice dramatically announcing that the Japanese have just bombed Pearl Harbo(u)r!:E

8th Mar 2014, 18:35
That it is easier for Hollywood actors to have important second careers as politicians (Ronald Reagan immediately springs to mind, George Clooney and his efforts over Darfur is still a work in progress), compared to the other way...?! :(

8th Mar 2014, 18:47
....in order to drive a car you had to hold the steering wheel in a death grip with hands in the 11 to 1 position and then swing them back and fore through about 30degrees either side of dead centre (se any jimmy Stooart movie).

It took me a long time to unlearn that tecnique when I finally did get a car.

The Ancient Mariner

Krystal n chips
9th Mar 2014, 09:12
In every American household dining scene, irrespective of the location or meal time, the table is always immaculate, fresh flowers and fruit in abundance, and the meal consists of at least 5 courses, all perfectly prepared.

Makes you wonder why Wendy's, Mc Junk et al were ever developed really..:p

Gridlock never happens when driving in city streets, irrespective of whether the location is the U.S or the UK.

And, in America, if you break down in some isolated rural location, the bad guys invariably appear a very short time later.....just like that ! ( as Tommy Cooper would have said )

Cyber Bob
9th Mar 2014, 09:46
I watch so many movies and the following bug the hell out of me

Escape hatch in a lift/elevator - seen one lately?
Nerd manages to hack into a government agency computor in 12 secs
Said nerd has a 200 character password
Swaying of the steering wheel when driving
Caller says, "Turn onto channel 5" - Hero turns on and sees the bulletin from the very beginning

People live in apartments with a 2000sq ft kitchen
Apartments in Paris always have a view of the Eiffel Tower
Drinking coffee from an (Obviously) empty styrofoam cup

Good guy walking away from an explosion directly behind him
Said hero becomes invincible when stripped to the waist
Hero always misses the villian by seconds
Best friend/cop partner of hero always dies 3 days before retirement (Se7en excluded)
Hero's new wife will be killed shortly after wedding or on honeymoon
Hero always gets shot in the shoulder

Ugly girl removes glasses and becomes instantly hot - also sprouts boobs
Family breakfast- Mom cooks, kids eat at table, Dad grabs toast/coffee and is late for work

Thunder and lightening always happen at the same time
Taxi drivers never say anything when handed the fare - they never give change either
Prison gym - always a guy bench pressing with free weights. Hero pushes bar down on neck

Kids always know more than adults and an 8 year can already hack a computor

Men always drink whiskey through clenched teeth and gain 3 days stubble after a night on the lash

You gave us Ripley - I raise you with

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ2ai_IZ9QSkBemGI6YRaZopqnCafHUWLHoQSIuItW 2HCEKpDaomxwp1SYHvQ

9th Mar 2014, 19:04
And, in America, if you break down in some isolated rural location, the bad guys invariably appear a very short time later.....just like that !

That's realistic in New York

It's like passing through a car wash. Massive changes to your car occur in minutes

Try it

9th Mar 2014, 19:23
When traveling somewhere dangerous with a group, never be the guy wearing a red shirt.

Away Team

9th Mar 2014, 19:26
In space always carry a fire extinguisher.

Spaceships always meet the right way up to each other.

10th Mar 2014, 03:26
War was neater, or the world was poorer because nobody used to bleed in war films.

Germans/Japanese/"the enemy" would get shot and arms flailing, fall to the ground in a neat pile without fuss. British/American/French/"the goodies" always seemed to have enough strength to empty a magazine or throw a grenade. The onse exception to this is the wounded enemy soldier who plays dead until everyone lets their guard down then shoots the heros sidekick

Women were heavily pregnant without a lump showing, then gave birth without mussing their hair or makeup.

Ascend Charlie
10th Mar 2014, 12:16
From watching some movies late at night, I learned that everybody has a smaller d1ck than me.....:eek:

...or at least they tell me I am a bigger d1ck than those actors...:suspect: