Apocryphal Tales

[dubbleyew eight]

There were a series of really spooky reports of UFO activity on the Nullabor Plain.

(for the geographically challenged the Nullabor is on the south side of the middle of Australia)

Truck drivers doing a lonely run across the Nullabor at night seemed to see the greatest number of UFO's.
Their reports were all similar. They'd be driving along with not a single other piece of traffic for miles when there would be an almighty roaring sound and a really bright light would flood the area. then the roaring would stop and blackness would descend around them again.
Naturally the truckie would be scared out of his wits but often they would stop and hop out to have a look around.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing around to give an indication of what the UFO looked like.
occasionally they would see a meteorite streaking across the sky.

Tales of the UFO encounters seemed to stop when the F111 was taken off active training.

The unsubstantiated rumour was that F111 crews doing low level night navigation exercises would sneak up at high speed on a solitary truck on the highway and pull up in a 'dump and burn' with full afterburner, peeling off at 70,000 ft and, killing the afterburner, would streak off to complete the nav exercise.
all unsubstantiated of course....

certainly put the wind up a lot of truckies. ...or so I'm told. :E

[Pontius Navigator]

Same guy told a particularly unresponsive Alcobury F-4 to assume the callsign "Stupid One".

I heard it was a pair who, on check in, confessed to having forgotten to get a callsign. They were told to adopt the callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two.

Not sure the type, could have been F111 :)

[diginagain]

Tasked for a bit of troop training, a mate and I took a Lynx to Sennybridge for a couple of days. We were tasked from the camp in Sennybridge itself to start lifts on the area after first-light, but day one dawned a little claggy. We got airborne and called-up our customer on the radio, and asked him about the vis on the area. "Four feet" came the reply, with a hint of Nepalese. "Are you sure?" we enquired, as we could see a good deal more than that "I can only see four feet" he assured us. By this time we'd found the troops, so we landed, shut down, and went to have a chat with the Toms, whose Radio Operator was sat inside a 9x9, four feet away from the tent wall.

[Vendee]

Indeed. Despite Unit Orders concerning NBC readiness states, during the prelude to GW1 on the day Saddam fired 3 Scuds across Iraq, some of those who'd been at Muharraq for months could be seen frantically trying to open double-sealed NBC kit - which we'd been ordered to have broken out and kept close to hand....:rolleyes:

But that was the attitude amongst the "It'll never happen" brigade.

I was at Muharraq during GW1. The drill was to mask up first, run to the nearest shelter and put on the suit/gloves/overboots. We got very blase because the scuds were always aimed at Saudi and we used to put the suit etc on very slowly in the hope the all clear sounded before we got the kit on. One day a scud landed a couple of miles away (but felt like it was just outside). You never seen blokes get their suit/gloves/boots on so quickly :eek:

[ACW599]

>I heard it was a pair who, on check in, confessed to having forgotten to get a callsign. They were told to adopt the callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two.<

Not wholly apocryphal -- I heard the leader of an A10 pair on handover to London Mil in about 1989 confess to forgetting his callsign. The aircraft were told to adopt the callsigns 'Dummy One' and 'Dummy Two' which they duly did. I had the distinct impression that the penny didn't drop.

[Cabe LeCutter]

I think that you may find the train stealing story was in UK, an RAF helicopter pilot I seem to remember.........No name, no pack drill :E

Heads down, look out for the flak.

[Pontius Navigator]

ACW, that is probably the true story as with a pair of F4/F111/F15D there would need to be 4 stupid ones not two.

However 1989 seems a little late so maybe he used DUMMY not to confuse with an earlier use of STUPID :)

It was not an impossible trick though. The original chinagraph was waterproof wax. The later version was water soluble. Also quite a few aircrew adopted the finer felt tip which was also water soluble. Use one of those on you knee pad on a wet day :)

I am sure many of us have been there with vital notes/frequencies smudged out.

[Rossian]

.....is true. The chap concerned was my flt cdr at South Cerney in 1963. OC Germany sent him to the Deutche Bahn train drivers school. His pass certificate was beside his commissioning cert on the wall in his quarter.

The Ancient Mariner

[NutherA2]

OC Germany sent him to the Deutche Bahn train drivers school.As I remember CC's own account:


The full and unredacted account said that when the AOC heard of the incident he telephoned the Fassberg Station Commander and said an investigation (possibly a Summary of Evidence) be undertaken with a view to a court martial. He was less than happy when the Station Commander replied that he had already taken action and given summary punishment, so that the matter had been dealt with. AOC asked what punishment had been given and was even less happy at the response "Well Sir, I told CC that I wouldn't have any of my officers doing a job for which they were not qualified and sent him to the Station shunting yard for a week".

CC's first court martial came later following the loss of an aircraft in the four-ship he was leading and he was given the traditional punishment posting to tow targets at Sylt, so the AOC may have got his revenge after all.

CC is much more respectable these days and lives in New Zealand.

[teeteringhead]

There seem to have been a number of Wessex "dits" here, so I'll chuck in another.

A Wessex from Odiham (dates the story!) was doing Stage 1 and USL training just up the road with Sandhurst cadets.

Part of the essential USL kit was the "earthing probe", robust electric string with a prod at one end and a spike at the other, to disperse the (sometimes enormous) static charge which Walter had generated.

Aircraft runs in to see smartly dressed cadet handler, with probe in right hand and (highly polished brass) earthing spike .......... in his left hand.

Aircraft and load successfully earthed .... but not entirely as per SOP.:E

[Gerontocrat]

And another.
ISTR once seeing a parking ticket issued to a Wessex, pinned up in the 18 Sqn crew room in Gutersloh (late 70s).
The story went that while on exercise on the Causses de Larzac, the aircraft had somehow managed to find itself recceing the noodie beaches found down on the nearby coast.
It being a hot day, the crew decided a dip in the Med was in order, so put the aircraft down on the side of the coastal road and went for a quick swim.
On their return, they noticed something under the windscreen wiper, which turned out to be a parking ticket issued by the local constabulary.
Vieux Guillaume must have had a chuckle as he found the Wessex illegally parked, written out the 'papillon', then climbed up to affix the notice in the traditional position.
He probably dined out on the tale for years afterwards.

[LoeyDaFrog]

I recall a tale (told by a distant family member who was serving at the time) of an RAF Regt JO, who, on receiving his first mess bill on taking up an exchange post with a Regt from the Household Div, was required to present himself to the CO to explain that said mess bill would put him into severe financial straits. What with it's size and him being only a mere Flt Lt (with family an'all).
"What do you normally pay?"

"About £100 a month, Sir"

"So be it! £100 a month it is then"

And so, for the rest of his tour, his mess bill was exactly that, £100 a month!

Probably not true, but would love it to be as Uncle C**** always did tell a good tale....

[BEagle]

NutherA2 wrote:....the traditional punishment posting to tow targets at Sylt...

Flying the RAF's last Tempests from a holiday island? Must have been some punishment!

Hope Ces C enjoyed it!

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Slight Diversion to Household Division, told to me by a Captain in the Blues & Royals on a very long night sailing watch

1980's: New Cornet, parents in trade (:yuk:), turns up at Knightsbridge Barracks in new Golf GTi, very nervous about his lack of private income. Day appears to go swimmingly, but at cease work he returns to find his new car missing. After a fruitless search, he seeks out the Adjutant.

"My car appears to have been stolen"

"'Course not, dear boy. You'll find it where you left it. I'll show you"

Outside, a Porsche is sitting where he left his Golf.

"Can't have you driving round in a Golf - lowers the tone - so I got you a proper car"

"But.., but.., I can't afford that!"

"Not to worry old chap; aware of your sitch...I got you a secondhand one"




The Adj put it on his Mess Bill in installments.

[thing]

Gut 70's. Heard a tale that some army guys were having a battle in the Naafi so plod take the dogs along and let them loose. Exit dead dogs thrown from Naafi windows.

True one and rather odd. I was at Crewe station waiting for a train one day in the dim and distant past when a young lady on the platform was being accosted by a drunken serviceman. He was in civvies but you just know when it's a serviceman. I went to her assistance and convinced drunken man that his future lay on the tracks as a train buffer unless he backed off. (Turned out he was a sailor).

I chatted to young and attractive lady, can't remember saying much other than my first name and I was off back to such and such a place, usual small talk. When I arrived back at my unit later that night I entered my locked room and found a bottle of Moet on my pillow with a note saying ''from the lady at Crewe'.

I've often wondered about that one.

[racedo]

When I arrived back at my unit later that night I entered my locked room and found a bottle of Moet on my pillow with a note saying ''from the lady at Crewe'.

I've often wondered about that one.

No Milk Tray :ugh:

She could have stayed but then again being as you have been such a gent you would not tell us ;)

[thing]

It was actually around the time when the Milk Tray adverts were in their prime and I did get a certain amount of stick from gentlemen I thought were friends....

I heard from a man that knew a man that knew that she was the daughter of a high ranking officer on her way home from Uni. Which probably explains the entry into my locked room...

My Dad was on the board of Leeds Uni and knew a retired General who was something to do with it. (not the Crewe staion story) The General told him tales that Dad passed on to me that would make your toes curl...:)

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

In the days before Health & Safety, I was part of a Milk Tray team during our Uni's Charity Week. For a donation, we would 'black up' and deliver a box unseen. Sometimes it just required a 'diversion' and a bribeable (or preferably persuadable) key holder, but abseiling off roofs or edging along window ledges in the dark were in the mix. Huge fun!

[Pontius Navigator]

I recall a tale (told by a distant family member who was serving at the time) of an RAF Regt JO,

I seem to remember that tale too. :)

PS,

A friend of mine, a proper Cranditz officer (like BEagle) had a holding attachment with the Blues and Royals. Seemed to have a lasting effect; he retired as an AVM.

[ORAC]

1970s, when RAF mess kit required the soft shirt for less formal dinners and a stiff starched wing collar shirt for more more formal occasions.

RAF regiment is providing the guard at Buckingham Palace. SOP is the guard commander has to be in mess kit to be called to attend dinner if a missing guest means numbers have to be made up. Junior regiment officer is called and dutifully attends dinner on best behaviour.

At end of dinner said officer is approached by Duke of Edinburgh and thanked for attending etc. Duke then enquires, knowing rules, why said officer is wearing a soft front shirt, did he not have a wing collar available?

"Oh yes sir!! But we were told they were only worn for special occasions!!...

-------------------------------------

Reference railway stations.

Back in 1960s, when uniform was worn for travel prior to IRA campaign, a Sqn Ldr detrains at Paddington enrolee to MOD and is accosted by a little old lady (LOL).

"You there!!", demands the LOL addressing the SL, "take my bags"; and marches off towards the taxi rank.

Slightly bemused/amused SL grabs LOL's suitcases and follows her to a taxi and loads them for her.

"Thank you", says LOL, "here's a shilling", thrusting a coin in his hand.

"No need", says the SL graciously with a smile, 'I'm a Sqn Ldr, not a porter".

"Oh, I am aware of that", says LOL with an equally gracious smile, "Junior officers only get sixpence!"

[NutLoose]

RAF Upavon trialling various vehicles for service use, one of the vehicles that they trialled was a London Taxi. Which to be honest would have been a good acquisition.

Trouble was even though painted RAF grey with a yellow cheat line down the side and Royal Airforce emblazoned along the yellow band, every time it went down the local Railway Station to pick up XYZ it was filled with half of the local population telling the SAC driving take me to..... And they used to refuse to get out even when told it was one of her Majesties finest.

[Flight_Idle]

A well known story from the seventies...


A group of airmen manning a green goddess during a fireman's strike, all as keen as mustard to go & strut their stuff in front of the general public.


A little old ladies cat is stuck up a tree, so the intrepid airmen go on a pussy rescue mission. The most junior airman is 'Volunteered' to go up the ladder & face the hissing pussy, which is showing its claws.


The most junior airman eventually descends the ladder, hissing pussy in his arms & gives it the grateful old lady.


The junior airman nurses his minor wounds & the rest have the glowing feeling of having carried out a good public relations exercise.


The very keen airmen then drive off to their next mission, rendering the little old ladies pussy as flat as a pancake under the wheels.

[FantomZorbin]

NutLoose


RAF Brampton had a taxi to take the great & the good to Huntingdon BR in the 80s/90s

[charliegolf]

There was a Puma story doing the rounds that someone rolled one (on purpose) and lived to tell the tale. An 'admirable' geriatric crewman used to tell it back in the 80s.

CG

[NutLoose]

Gz

It seemed the ideal vehicle to me, after all that was what it was designed for, cheap to run, carried a good load, plenty of pax room. Better than some of the junk we bought.

[charliegolf]

Are we still on Pumas Nut? :E

CG

[NutLoose]

:E angled at GZ, a Puma never met that criteria ;)

[kaitakbowler]

Nut, FZ,

the black cabs, were procured at the instigation of Sqn Ldr Brian Tiller who as MT2a could see that Brampton were at times sending 2 cars to the railhead, often at the same time to collect pax. The taxi holding 5 was ideal so eventually Brampton had 2 of them. They became commonplace, and IIRC we had one at Gut, was often used to take the staish to functions where he wanted to reinforce his "Britishness".

When the Nissan engined variant appeared in the middle '90's it was clocked at 90 mph on the A1 (I had to deal with the speeding ticket that appeared)

PM

PS Not me driving!! One of my J/T techies.

[ricardian]

Another Green Goddess story
Chip pan fire in civilian kitchen, Green Goddess arrives with very keen but minimally trained crew.
Into kitchen with (large-ish) hose connected to GG.
Cry of "water on".
Airmen has difficulty aiming and controlling the very strong jet of water but eventually puts out the chip pan fire.
Unfortunately in the process of correcting his aim the jet removed most of the kitchen cupboards from the wall and left the kitchen inches deep in water and looking extremely sorry for itself

[Wensleydale]

Re the story of the mess bill with the household cavalry. This happened to two aircrew chaps from Lossiemouth who were detached to London during the fireman's strike at the end of the 1970s. I understand that when they went to see the adjutant about the original mess bill, they were asked what their income was. When they told him what their salary was, the Adj then said - no, I know about that, but what is your income: he could not believe that an officer had no private means of support other than the hobby money paid monthly by the MOD.

[thing]

When I was in the Falklands I set up a little guitar teaching business for some extra income but mainly for something to do. One of my studes was a young army officer, can't remember what regiment but he had that fascinating ability of being able to talk without moving his top lip. He was actually a decent bloke but talk about from a different planet.

I'd seen plenty of war films depicting mythical upper crust army officers but of course you think that there surely can't be people who are actually like that. Well, there are. More of an eye opener for me than for him I think. He had an odd way of talking about his men; he was very warm towards them but you got the feeling he would talk about his favourite horses in the same way. As I say, decent enough stick and friendly enough towards me ..'Ah, Awayeff, vewy diffwent to us, vewy diffwent' he would say. Probably breeding rare pigs in Wales or something now.

[John Eacott]

Dave (M'Larky Jim) Mallock told a tale about his early days as a Mid flying Whirlwinds. Helicopter aerodynamics was a thinly taught subject, so when he decided to see how fast the Whirwind would go the ensuing barrel roll caught his attention fairly smartish.

Copious coffees in the crewroom before he was able to go and discuss matters with his Splot, resulting in a much deeper knowledge of retreating blade stall and its effects :eek:

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

I had a senior Naval Officer relate a similar story to me:
"When you're upside-down in a helicopter and can see Windsor Castle and Heathrow airport at the same time, you know you're in trouble."

[Wageslave]

Gazelle (Hiller?) on low level nav training in Cornwall. Stude to beefer, "Rock bucket ten o'clock high"

[Not a Crew Chief]

Thing:
The NAAFI dogs incident was Akrotiri and Rock Apes, but these are apocryphal tales.
Flight Idle:
If every green Goddess crew that allegedly rescued a cat then allegedly ran over it there'd be world shortage of cats.


One of the many subjects of the "there's some sh*t on the end of this stick" stories may well be barking orders on the great parade ground in the sky. Obituary in latest RAF News for WO John Overall. Sorry can't do linky things. RIP Sir, I'm sure you understand why we all ran away with our long hair and dirty working boots whenever we heard you were patrolling.

[Neptunus Rex]

W8
Not Nullabor, it's Nullarbor. Although it might sound like an Aboriginal name, it is from the Latin 'Null Arbor' meaning 'No Trees.'

:cool:

[Plastic Bonsai]

'Tween the Wars, RAF pilot gets caught short on a flight showing an Army Major around the mountainous Tribal regions of Persia. No alternative but to go where he was.

After the flight the Major thanks him for the tour and says "What was that fluid that leaked back from your cockpit?"

"Err petrol?" hazards the pilot.

"Oh no" said the Major thoughtfully. "It wasn't petrol. I tasted it.. it wasn't petrol...."

[Airborne_Junglie]

Sat in the tower watching what ATC do while I was converting to the Wessex (somebody had decided it was a good idea). Area controller talking to an F-111 and trying to get clearance for it to cross an airway. London Military aren't answering the phone and it's getting tight.

Eventually ATCO says "There's no traffic, so I'll count you into the airway and when you're in go to full throttle to minimise the time you're there." This seems sensible and all goes quite well. ATCO tells the F-111 that he's clear and the Aardvark resumes normal flight. Then the message comes through "Err...I think I may have gone supersonic back there."

There's a pause. It's a long pause. Then the Approach Room Supervisor picks up the mic. "We won't tell if you don't. Good day."

[WebPilot]

We had a Welsh training Sergeant whose exercises always ended up with all of us "being dead". We called him Dai Horribly

[NutLoose]

Gut 70's. Heard a tale that some army guys were having a battle in the Naafi so plod take the dogs along and let them loose. Exit dead dogs thrown from Naafi windows.



I was at Gut on detachment when there was a bomb scare in the NAAFI.
Everyone evacuated outside, at the time there was a snooker competition that had been running for a month or so and it was finals night, the place was packed as we all watched the final and we were all getting p*ssed.
Arrives PC plod and his sniffer dog in his van as we all stand outside, we all watch through the window as he lets the dog up onto the table kicking the balls all over the place.
Needless to say this didn't go down to well, and when he comes out to announce all clear he is aghast to see his police van sitting upside down on its roof.


Odiham, something similar, we were all kicked out of the NAAFI as the police go in to search the place, People were not happy and when the police came out their blue light was missing off the Landy, Plod says something along the lines, I am going to go back into the club for 15 mins and when i come out I expect to see my blue light returned.... 15 mins later he emerged to find his blue light present and correct...... sitting on the road where his Landrover once stood :E

.

[racedo]

Odiham, something similar, we were all kicked out of the NAAFI as the police go in to search the place, People were not happy and when the police come out their blue light was missing off the Landy, Plod says something along the lines, I am going to go back into the club for 15 mins and when i come out I expect to see my blue light returned.... 15 mins later he emerged to find his blue light present and correct...... sitting on the road where his Landrover once stood :E

They only doing as he asked :E

[OldAgeandTreachery]

Lossie mid 80s. USAF F111 diverts with hyd problems and is directed to park on the same dispersal area as 8Sqn. There were two Shacks on the line. After shutting down and climbing out, the pilot of the 111 asked the VASF see- in team: Are you guys shooting a World War Two movie? What aircraft are those?
He was politely informed that no; a movie was not being shot and that said aircraft were,in fact, the UK's first line of defence by providing Airborne
Early Warning. His response was not clearly articulated but sounded like clucking bell!

SATCO sent a small package to SENGO(Mike Duguid, I think) with a 6 or 7 inch piece of fabric in it which had been found on the runway. The fabric was used on the Shack to cover gaps on wing joints but also as a waterproof cover over the flare firing aperture. It wasn't uncommon for it to be replaced after a training trip.
The memo that came with the fabric expressed concern that a vital piece of the aircraft had dropped off and SATCO felt the need to return it as soon as possible to ensure the ongoing serviceability of the national QRA commitment.
Taking it in the right vein SENGO then put a grotty piece of frayed string into the envelope and sent it to ATC with his own memo. Which read: Thank you for your concern re the piece of fabric. You will be pleased to know that although it did come from one of our aircraft it is not vital to safe flight. If, on the other hand, your staff find anything like this we would be very worried indeed!

[Big Unit Specialist]

Laarbruch, mid nineties: Lots of snow on the ground and on a well oiled Friday evening some snowmen get built near to the NAAFI. Duty plod see this as a challenge and drive their noddy car through all the snowmen they find during the course of the evening. But the snowmen keep popping up in lots of different places and are demolished at ever increasing speeds........... One snowman had at its heart one of those huge concrete planters..... Game then stopped abruptly, as did the land rover.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[glad rag]

Laarbruch, mid nineties: Lots of snow on the ground and on a well oiled Friday evening some snowmen get built near to the NAAFI. Duty plod see this as a challenge and drive their noddy car through all the snowmen they find during the course of the evening. But the snowmen keep popping up in lots of different places and are demolished at ever increasing speeds........... One snowman had at its heart one of those huge concrete planters..... Game then stopped abruptly, as did the land rover.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Just proof that snowdrops were/are thick as **** and had NO corporate memory as this seemed to happen at least once a decade!!

Good sport though :E

:D

[MPN11]

RAF Tengah, late 60s.

As "Tengah Times" would say, "There is no truth in the rumour that" (or TINTITRT)
... that during a Friday afternoon an F6 from 74 needed to divert to RAF Changi.
... that during that evening's VIP Dining In Night (RAF 50th Anniversary?) it was deemed appropriate to recover the aircraft to Tengah.
... that the recovery was co-ordinated by Storno with ATC by a 74 guy on the Mess roof.
... that as Sir Rochford Hughes (CinC FEAF) stood up to speak, the F6 overflew the Mess at <insert height here> in full reheat.
... that timing was so perfect that OC 74 Sqn remained in post.

Not apocryphal ... sorry, wrong thread :cool:
I was way below the salt that evening, but well placed to crawl on hands and knees to the loo if necessary.

[Educated Armourer]

Allegedly told me by the individual himself while instructing me on the Spartan CVR(T) armament. As a newly qualified artificer, he arrived at his new unit as the subject of a wind up that everyone, apart from him was in on. He was told by his boss to go and do the yearly service on the gate guard. Being Army, the gate guard was a Crimean war era cannon. Never having serviced one previously and not realising that he was being watched by half the unit, he circled it a couple of times before giving one of the wheels a bit of a kick. At this point, the wheel collapsed and the cannon rolled onto its side. Fortunately not injuring the artificer.

Leaving the cannon where it was, he returned to his boss who had received a multitude of angry phone calls and was told to p**s off to lunch. While eating his lunch he was approached by the captain of the small bore shooting team that knew he was a good shot and asked him to shoot 10 cards and give them to him later – issuing him with 100 rounds of .22 ammo. The range was in the roof space of the Sergeants’ Mess (wouldn’t get that authorised nowadays) and he shot his cards and returned to work – the fire engine passing him in the opposite direction at a great lick of knots on his way.

The ammo he had been given had been .22 tracer which had landed in the bullet traps that were stuffed with cotton waste and had subsequently caught fire. It was half way through his first day. He had destroyed the gate guard and burnt a good portion of the Sergeants’ Mess down.

[Bill4a]

There is a story that has no truth whatever that at a certain Borneo airfield 2 SIB bodies were being lifted up country a bit by Whirlwind. They parked their shiny white, clean Landrover outside the squadron offices and departed about their duties. When they returned the next day they couldn't find it, and called for transport and left leaving their now green Landrover where it had been parked. There is not a word of truth in this and I deny it absolutely! :rolleyes:

[Haraka]

And the fun ensuing after turning the Air Portable LR fuel cock to the in-between tanks position.
Noting that certain RAFG very minor personalities commandeered such vehicles in the 70's as their personal chariots (they looked sexy to non-op folks trying to look macho -but were pretty hopeless) without having a clue how they worked.
The ensuing traffic jam in front of the mess,blocking all the execs getting back to work post a Guterlsoh Friday Lunch hour ,witnessed from the Goering Zimmer was a delight.
Followed by a quick dash down to the LR to throw the cock whilst said individual was furiously phoning the unit's MT section.
Then watching when said Unit MT turn up , throw the switch, resulting in immediate start -up..,,, in front of the entire aristocracy of the base who are blocked up behind the vehicle and now a half hour late back for work.

[Q-SKI]

Remember being on exercise as a Puma crewman somewhere in Northern Germany. The exercise was stopped for a visit to the troops by their Colonel. My self and said pilot were dutifully standing in front of our trusty Puma when the Captain showing the senior chap around made a bee line for me and said" I'd like to introduce Sgt ******, he called me a cup cake!" Pilot turns a shade of puce and the Captain explained that I had made him do sit ups sometime in the past as he had cocked up his emplaning and deplanning drills and I hadn't noticed that he was on officer! The Colonel looked at me for a while, then smiled and said well done and walked away. I had a rather one sided listening to from the pilot that evening.........;)

[taxydual]

Early '90's, I had an SAC in my flight called Colin Andrews (I've changed the surname but not the first name). He was universally known as Col.

Now Col was a slightly out of the ordinary SAC. For a start, he was in his early 30's and, although he looked like a sack of spanners in uniform, his civvie dress was always immaculate. Blazer, flannels, military tie etc.

It came to pass that Col was selected for a 4 month tour in the Falklands. So come the day, Col presents himself (immaculate in MUFTI) at Brize for onward transportation to all points South.

As it happened, also travelling South that evening was the roulemont for the Resident Infantry Unit. The DAMO had been informed that the CO of the pongoes was turning up at Brize to see off his guys. The CO was a Colonel Andrews.

Enter SAC Colin Andrews with his carry-on briefcase marked 'Col Andrews'.

I think you can guess the rest.

To give Col his dues, he managed to bluff his way through a considerable quantity of G and T in the VIP lounge before being rumbled.

[Wensleydale]

Mistaken ranks?


Many moons ago, on a Shackleton Deployment to Keflavic, one of the mission crew (who had imbibed a few drinks) introduced the Flt Lt Shackleton captain as the Detatchment Commander Shackleton Atlantic - or should I say that he abbreviated this title to "Det Com Shack Lant". The result was a quick beeline of American SOs who wished to meet such a distinguished guest.

[Pontius Navigator]

CD, 'twasn't me but I wish I had. Give us a clue.

[Haraka]

My ex-Boss, years ago as a commissioned ex-ranker Fg Offr of the Int.persuasion was fired across the Pond to talk to the cousins on a matter of mutual interest.
He was amazed at the VIP reception he had and was greatly impressed by the reverence in which he seemed to be held.
Finally at, a dinner in his honour the penny dropped , when he was introduced thus:

"Gentleman , may we raise our glasses to our distinguished guest :

" FLAG Officer D.... O...."

[Vendee]

When I was at Wittering around 1986, I knew of an airman by the name of LAC Bond. Now when young Bond joined up, some wit at PMC thought it would be funny to make sure his last three was "007".

LAC Bond didn't find it quite so funny as he spent most of every station exercise face down in a puddle at the wrong end of an SLR barrel.

[papajuliet]

Once knew someone who,during his RAF National Service [ late 40's] served in the postings division of the Air Ministry. He and his mates took great delight in arranging some special postings - just three examples...
as many as possible ginger haired men to one unit.
ditto part disabled men to one unit [ they weren't too successful with that]
an SP, who upset one of the postings men, was given a posting, allowed a day or two to settle in then posted on - several times.

[mad_jock]

as many as possible ginger haired men to one unit.

That's just timeless priceless humour.

[Big Unit Specialist]

At Cranwell we may have arranged to have the cadets Marshall, Wyatt and Earp to be on the same Flight...... We may also have put all the Smiths in one Flight along with their Flt Cdr, Flt Lt Smith...... That last one may or may not have been for just one day...

[Jsanders]

Never served as a regular – but one thing did happen to me…….

While working for an Italian company whose training centre was in Haslemere
in the 1980’s -we were awoken one night by two aircraft from somewhere nearby landing very noisily on the rugby pitches and various army types running out the back then suddenly running back inside and taking off.

Fifty of us witnessed it – does anyone remember it ?

[Daf Hucker]

When Capt (later Maj) Hohn of the CAF was on exchange at Kinloss, he described himself as Commander Canadian Forces Kinloss (COMCAN FORSKIN) ;)

[wub]

Then there was the DI at Swinderby shouting "has anybody seen AC Mains?" Only to receive the reply "you can't see electricity corporal"

[GreenKnight121]

Q-SKI - sergeants must always keep their pilots in line and on their toes. ;)

former Sgt. Jon A. USMC 1981-89.

[Q-SKI]

Nice one, couldn't agree more:D

[November4]

Late 1980s and OC of a Movements Sqn at a base in North Wiltshire drives his service vehicle into the local town to do some shopping or something. Meets his wife and gets a lift home with her.

Next day as there is no service car outside his MQ he reports the vehicle as stolen.

Some days later MT get a phone call asking why a service vehicle has been abandoned in the car park.

The same one where the OC had left it.

[November4]

Same forgetful OC of the Movements Sqn....

DAMO doing his midnight checks hears a ghostly whining coming from the OC's office. With great trepidation he opened the door to be met by the OC's dog bounding out of the office.

The OC had taken the dog into the office for the day and forgotten to take it home with him at the end of the day. Said dog had been locked in the office from cease work till midnight. Took ages for the office to smell fresh again....

[Basil]

Some 'do' in the mess with copious totty floating around.
Bas repairs to loo to return some beer and, whilst in the process of doing so, in walks stark naked Squadron Leader who also proceeds to 'syphon the python'.

Bas: "Good evening, Sir."
SN Sqn Ldr: "Good evening."

Bas leaves first and loiters around entrance hall to see if departure of SN Sqn Ldr will co-incide with arrival of (almost) fully clothed giggling girls. No such luck! The gentleman emerged and disappeared of into the darkness of the west wing - Rats! :sad:

[langleybaston]

At Cranwell we may have arranged to have the cadets Marshall, Wyatt and Earp to be on the same Flight....

Bugger! No Virgil?

[DeepestSouth]

This one is true! Small Oxfordshire station, my first tour, and my Flt Lt boss - responsible for station admin, decides the female staff are not - erm - visually appealing enough. He needs to improve the 'totty rating'. Over the next few months, all new appointments are made on basis of youth and 'looks'. A bit later, we have a visit from local plods, supported by USAF plods - it appears that we have recruited quite a few local ladies offering well-remunerated out -of- office hours services to local men, including USAF personnel. Our station has become the contact hub for such activities and matters were getting way out of hand! Took a while to sort out!

Same chap got me a week's OO for a post-dining out foray to the Sgts Mess for a bit of revenge 're-arrangement' of a room. Unfortunately, room next door was occupied by the SWO...!

He was a superb boss, though!

DS

[sitigeltfel]

Mid 70s, RAF Bawtry/HQ 1Gp.

One of the duty NCOs tasks was to check that the gate to the AOCs residence was secure after midnight. This involved walking down an unlit path through the woods and a couple of airmen decided to play a prank after leaving the NAAFI. They lay in wait and when they heard footsteps approaching, jumped out screaming. Instead of the expected cries of shock, they received a stream of expletives from AVM Lagesen, who was heading home from the mess.

It became common knowledge who the culprits were but no action was taken as it was believed they got the biggest fright.

[Wander00]

Many years ago the comcen at W.....n had a bit of a "reputation"

[Wander00]

Talking of Watton, anyone know if Wedge Thorpe (RN pilot, later a solicitor) is still around. We also attended the same W London Grammar School, although a few years apart

[Danny42C]

Re #316 (Basil), in my day there was an old chestnut about an officer, court-martialled for being found running starkers down a London/Cairo/Delhi/Singapore hotel corridor. On his behalf it was pleaded that he was appropriately attired for the sport in which he was engaged.

The verdict of the Court is lost to posterity.

D.

[MPN11]

Before I arrived to do the Area Radar Course ( which I thoroughly enjoyed, Danny) it seems that a degree of nefarious activity was carried out by some Local Service Airwomen at a certain Radar Unit near Bournemouth. It seems, as I was told, that the 'call centre' was the Allocator at the Radar Unit, who related the messages to the WRAF block.

Numerous postings apparently followed, followed by some sort of posting regime (with LS Airwomen?) but by the time I got there the "Grimmies" had largely been replaced by nice, normal, lasses.

None of this may be true, of course.

[Warmtoast]

No Radar Returns — Gan, Addu Atoll Incident - 1962

The night is one of those which can only be read about in a Mills and Boone novel - but is real. The warm, gentle, breeze blows off the Indian Ocean and rustles the Coconut Palm tree leaves. In the distance is the soft murmur as the rollers break on the reef. Stars shine down and seem no more than arms length away. The moon shines so brightly as to make it possible to read a newspaper, outside, in the middle of the night, and I can - I tried!

Things could be perfect, or as perfect as they can get on Gan, but the situation has gone horribly “Pear-shaped”.

It’s like this; manpower on the Transit Aircraft Servicing Flight dictates a permanent three-shift system each twelve hours “On” and twenty-four “Off”. No weekends, no Bank Holidays, no leave, nothing but “Time Ex” to relieve the repetition. We have Two/Three Airframe trades, Two/Three Engine, two Electricians, two Instrument and one “Electronics” man, plus a Boss, on each shift. The usual total of thirteen is definitely unlucky for some.

At the moment we have a problem. Due to sickness and family difficulties back in the UK we are down to just one “Electronic” representative, Cliff, among the three shifts. He can’t work 24h/day, so he is not on any one shift, but available at any time. “Available” in Cliff’s language means that you have to search the right watering hole in order to catch him for work when he is required. We need him tonight because we received a “Tech Warning” from a Britannia coming in from Singapore, “No Returns on CCWR (Cloud Collision Warning Radar)”. This means the crew cannot use Radar to see tropical storms ahead. They won’t be happy with a “Turnaround” servicing and Take-off again. Gan has to increase its population from around three hundred to four hundred with all the feeding and shelter for crew and passengers this entails, until the aircraft is fit to fly once more. No-one is happy at the prospect. Cliff must be found!

Everything that can be done is done and we are ready for the arrival. As the aircraft stops we go through the turn-round procedure. Cooler, Oxygen/Air bottle/Bog Trolleys, Ground Power Unit, Fuel Bowsers etc. are brought into position and the inspection starts and finishes as far as we are concerned, Radar excepted. Excuses are found to go onto the A/C to see how the Shift Boss is getting on with the Navigator. The “Rover” arrives - the driver has found Cliff. Mixing him and the Navigator is likely to be a problem. Cliff looks and smells like someone who hasn’t showered, eaten or slept for some time. The Nav. is immaculate; for someone who has just flown a leg from Changi, he is a walking miracle. SD hat TDC, creases only where required in trousers. No sweat streak down the middle of the shirt back above a ramrod spine, tie straight and mat black. Shoes with no marks to mar the high polish and not a pinpoint of a sweat on his brow. A regulation picture.

Cliff gets down to business; that is, he sits at the Nav’s station and closes his eyes. Electricians hover with AVO Meter and lamp and batteries at the ready. “Check Resistance between “D” and “F” on Number Three plug”, the check is made and the result passed back to Cliff. “Check between “A” and “K” on Number Two”. The assistants down in the “Forward Freight” carry out further instructions as requested, the shift boss anxiously consults his watch, the Nav. stands waiting (Why doesn’t he sit, go away, or at least, lean). Time passes, Cliff sweats even more, brow furrowed, heads peek out from the forward freight, everyone is at the ready, waiting for him to work his magic. Our meagre store of spare “Boxes” etc. for the CCWR system are gathered and we are ready to change, repair as far as we can or just thump the item that Cliff indicates is U/S, but he seems stuck. Everything is back to the way it was when we started. We are going round in circles. The A/C is cleared of equipment, except for Ground Power and the Cooler, ready to go when it’s fixed. We await Cliff...

“Run it” said Cliff. In no time I have three and four going in S’fine and the radar “ON”, we wait. Time seems to stand still, no one moves. The roar of the GPU intrudes above the engines and they are the only sounds in the world, apart from the thump, felt rather than heard, of the oscillating scanner. Suddenly, Cliff surges to the front of the cockpit, crying “Let me see that f*****g display”. He stares at the screen, turns to me and says “Stop it”. He stays there as the engines stop and the steps come in. We wait for Cliff to say something.

He turns and says “Who snagged this f*****g thing?”

“I did” states the Nav.

Cliff looks at him and, apparently, sees him for the first time. He puts his face close to the Nav’s, breathes out, and tries to focus. Everyone stays frozen in impossible positions, thinking he has finally cracked.

“You?”

Cliff hangs on his tie, flows round him and then pulls him, by the tie, to the top of the steps, we follow. He swings his spare arm in a gesture that covers the star-spangled firmament and declares.

“Can you see any f*****g clouds?”

Then, “How do you expect to get any f*****g returns?”

The Nav enters the cabin while Cliff stumbles down the steps and into the back of the Rover, shouting “Get me back to the 180”. It goes off. So do we, fast.

No one but the Shift boss and the Nav. is on the A/C. Everyone is back on the Flight veranda, gazing back at the Brit and wondering what will happen now. After a few minutes the shift boss comes in and calls “Ops”.
“The Brit is finished, F700 cleared, and it’s ready to go”.

I suppose we never will find out what happened after we left the A/C, or what was said - unless someone really knows.........?

As related to me by someone who was on 99 Sqn at the same time as me.

[GreenKnight121]

Tale from Vietnam:

Marine Gysgt is downing brew in a bar in Saigon, before heading back to a "hotter" zone. USAF Captain is badmouthing "jarheads", and throwing looks at our stalwart Leatherneck.

Too many beers and too much pride get together and something snaps. Aware of the penalties for assaulting a zoomie pilot, he looks around and sights a junior birdman - a USAF LT. who is snickering at the Captain's comments.

Gunny picks up LT. and throws him onto Capt., then stalks out of the bar.

Upon reaching his unit he is called in to speak to his Major about his "weight-lifting". When asked just what he thought he was doing, he thought furiously before replying: Sir, I was just registering a complaint with the Captain about poor inter-service relations.
When he was queried about having involved the LT., he replied: I was just following the Chain of Command, Sir!The story varies as to the Major's reply, but legend holds the charges were dropped with the admonishment to "never do that again".

[The Oberon]

Not very P.C. these days but at Wittering in 1966 fairly normal.

The SWO had wreaked his revenge by picking most of the GoH from Victor Line Sqn. and those that hadn't manage to get out of it were assembled outside the armoury to draw arms. One of the unfortunates was a Nigerian electrician known as Joe.

The SWO then numbered and sized off the GoH, Joe ended up in the centre of the rear rank. At this point OIC GoH appeared and spotted Joe in the rear rank, he pointed at Joe and told him to swap places with the airman who was centre front rank. Joe smartly came to attention before saying "Tell you what sir, I have a better idea. Why don't you put me on a lead, and stand me in front of the band ?" For all further rehersals and the parade, we had a different OIC.

[FantomZorbin]

MPN11


Oh true, very true!!


Many years later, when much water had flowed over the Pebbles under the bridge, I was in quarters at said place (the Unit had closed by then), just up the road there was a large home for senior citizens ... I often wondered ........ ;)


Then there was the OC who enlivened Dining-In nights with his pistol!!!

[MPN11]

FantomZorbin ... all clues and hints registered and confirmed, Sir :)

The pistol was the sad end to the tale, but not a suitable subject for airing here.

[Yeller_Gait]

Now when young Bond joined up, some wit at PMC thought it would be funny to make sure his last three was "007".

Around the time I joined up, back in 1985, there was Cadet Bond given the 007 last three, and also a Cadet Plank with 000 last three. At least one of these two is still serving.

Y_G

[SASless]

US Navy Base.....Subic Bay.....height of the Vietnam War....Port visit by a British ship of some kind. Chief Petty Officer's Mess (Club to us.....). Much drink and frivolity....until this exchange was overheard by too many.

Yank...."Well.....we don't see you Brits helping out very much in this War!"

Briit...."No you don't....the North Vietnamese seem to be doing quite well without us!"

Any doubt how that turned out?

[FantomZorbin]

MPN11


Totally agree sir.

[charliegolf]

There was a story that a scorned rent-a-bride at Odiham poured petrol on the cheating plod whist in bed, and ... well, WOOF!

CG

[NutLoose]

There used to be a plod there with a huge skin graft under his chin in the late 70's

[stevef]

Heard this in the 70s: Apparently some airmen detailed to paint kerb stones pre an AOC's inspection spilt a gallon of said stuff all over the road. Instant solution (to spare the SWO's wrath) was to square off the large spillage, so giving the impression that the marking was there for a reason. Even more apparently, the meaningless spot was annually repainted as a matter of course.
Also heard of a Shack crew found in a discotheque after a forced night landing somewhere in Scotland.
Probably all NAAFI lore told after a few pints of Tartan.

[Wensleydale]

Stevef,


If I remember correctly, the Shackleton crash-landed near Culloden Moor and burned out although all of the crew got out OK. I heard that the crew were picked up from the local pub/village hall where the local dance was in full swing....


Was it not at Finningley where the square of paint existed - outside the Nav School I believe. In a similar vein, the car parking spaces painted up for OC 50 Sqn and his execs at RAF Waddington were refreshed every year for AOCs, despite the Squadron not having been there for many years.

[Pontius Navigator]

Re #316 (Basil), in my day there was an old chestnut about an officer, court-martialled for being found running starkers down a London/Cairo/Delhi/Singapore hotel corridor. On his behalf it was pleaded that he was appropriately attired for the sport in which he was engaged.

The verdict of the Court is lost to posterity.

D.


Danny, I heard that one too. However around 63-64 at Finningley, sqn ldr returning to the Mess one Saturday morning from a round of golf spots naked female running from East Wing to West hotly persued by naked OC Admin.

Naturally he blinked.

Moments later naked female - not sure if it is the same one - runs through the hall from west to east pursued by naked officer whom he recognises at the staish.

Sqn Ldr decides a second round of golf and a stop at the 19th is called for.

[The Oberon]

It was told to me as at Lynham.

An unwanted airman, awaiting admin discharge was working for the SWO. One of the jobs he was given was to plant a couple of sacks of daffodil bulbs. I wasn't till early spring that a crew member of an aircraft in circuit, looked down to see that they had been planted to read " F*** O** "

[gr4techie]

Anyone know the tale behind this photo? If the FS saw that photo, first thing he would say is "Hangar floor needs tidying".

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/petert.pandm/RhodesianCanberra.jpg

[NutLoose]

Yes been covered before, it's a fake.


Oberon

We did similar at the end of our course, previous courses had been done for their farewell party trick as they were still present, so we decided to do ours that wouldn't be apparent till long after we were long gone. We used a large amount of fuel drained from a jet and killed the grass outside the DI's office with the same words and his name.......... A following course in the block let us know it was mission complete as it showed from the stairwell of the block after a week or so... Much to the DI's chargrin. Seeding it never worked, so they had to returf and that showed up for months.

:)

[Tashengurt]

I'm sure I saw a large daffodil CND logo at the end of Leuchars runway once. Anyone confirm?


Posted from Pprune.org App for Android

[thing]

My first line chief, now sadly departed was one of those characters that the mob seemed to be full of in the 70's. He wasn't in the habit of wearing a tie in the mess which used to get him into all sorts of trouble with the PMC. In the end he was banned for a month and told that he must on no account turn up again to the PMC's mess without wearing a tie. The month up, J*** turned up and strolled into the bar wearing a tie...and nothing else. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

Same unit in deepest Lincolnshire. One of our techy Sgts broke his leg and was in a cast for the required amount of time. On having the cast cut off and being declared fit for service use he decided a few beers in the mess were in order. Feeling in the mood for singing he stood on a bar stool, promptly fell off and...broke his leg.

[Wander00]

CCF RAF Section camp at Tern Hill about 1960/61 ish. Impromptu game of football near some open vehicle sheds. Someone knocked over a foam fire extinguisher - Foam everywhere and the clean up took HOURS.


Same camp and we were on parade with the Station, must have been Saturday morning. Parade set off for the march past and they had put us cadets directly behind the senior officer, probably a wg cdr, as Parade Commander. He limped, amazingly. Turned out he had an artificial leg. Absolute disaster.

[thing]

Falklands 94, I was working in the Timmy hangar and we had a cat. It used to sleep on my computer monitor. Story had it that it came off a RN sub thereby earning it's name of 'Deeps'. It was the most spoiled cat in the southern hemisphere. I've always thought it was a bit of tall tale having a cat on a sub but at risk of humiliation for my lack of RN knowledge would there have been any possibility that it did actually come off a sub, maybe as a stowaway?

[goudie]

Back in the early '70's streaking was all the rage.
BZN Sgt's mess bar was fairly crowded one night when, from a door at the far end a streaker suddenly appeared, with a brown paper bag over his head.
He dashed the length of the bar and was gone in a flash.
''Who the f***k was that?'' growled a grizzled old Chief.
''Well he wasn't from 99 Sqdn'' cried an attractive young female Loadie.
Silence, as questioning eyes all turned towards to her:O

[Agaricus bisporus]

BRNC Dartmouth, late 70s or early 80s.

RM Colour Sergeant is drilling a squad of "internationals" on the parade ground and of course it's a complete shambles. Tick-tocking, out of step, turning the wrong way etc etc. Clr Sgt becoming quietly apoplectic. At the end of the detail he keeps them going for a few minutes to make them late and get the idle sods to run to their next assignment- when a WREN Officer Under Training walks by - and stops to watch, and laugh...

Clr Sgt halts his squad, turns on the unfortunate lass and in his best parade ground bellow observes, "I don't know what you're laughing at, Ma'am, you've only got one c*** to look after, I've got a whole squad of them"!

Unfortunately the Commander's window was open, and he was sitting at his desk.

The story goes that the poor old bootie was at the gate with his kitbag packed within the hour.

[BEagle]

Wensleydale wrote:

In a similar vein, the car parking spaces painted up for OC 50 Sqn and his execs at RAF Waddington were refreshed every year for AOCs, despite the Squadron not having been there for many years.

Parking could be quite awkward outside the OM at Sunny Scampton in the late '70s. Naturally all the wheels, of which there were many, had their reserved slots. As, it seems, did the DOE District Works Office. Naturally we thought that such a very blunt civilian shouldn't have such a thing, so his sign kept disappearing and he would often find some aircrew mate's car in 'his' slot.

Complaints to the Stn Cdr had little effect, so one day we watched with interest as some workers turned up with a strong steel pole and a concrete mixer. A hole was dug, the concrete poured and The Blunt One's sign duly installed. We watched politely whilst this was going on......which should have rung alarm bells as it was clear that something was being planned.

As soon as the magnificent erection had hardened to such a state that nothing short of a near miss by a 1000 lb bomb would shift it, the plan was hatched. It was very simple; 'DOE DWO' was sprayed out and 'STN JFO' replaced it - it had become the Station Junior Flying Officer's private parking space! :ok:

But I gather that the Stn Cdr, having got rather fed up with the moans from The Blunt One wasting his time, decided "OK chaps - enough is enough" and the sign was soon restored to its original state.....

Not quite in the same league as the force-landed Shacklebomber crew in the disco, one day we diverted our Tin Triangle to Kinloss after a heavy snow storm had blacked most of Lincolnshire. No room on base, so we were in the local hotel with only our immersion suits. Which was a bit of a problem for the AEO (Col. S*g**y) as his own suit was in for servicing and the label on his chest said ' Spare - Sock size 7 '. We grabbed him and held him down whilst this was rapidly amended to ' Cock size 7" ', much to the amusement of the local 'ladies' in whichever pub we quaffed a little later that evening!

[teeteringhead]

In the very late 60s - 68 or 69 - the baby pilot APO Teeters was a student at Linton or Syerston (for curious reasons I spent time at both).

One time one was Orderly Officer (OO) being "looked after" by a aged (at least 30!) Orderly Sergeant (OS). One of the later duties - maybe 2130 or so - said:

Draw Commcen keys from Guardroom, 'phone Commcen, go and check security etc. Which we duly did - except the 'phone call.

" But Sergeant - it clearly says 'phone first!"

"Trust me sir..............."

Now the Commcen (WRAF manned) was co-located with PBX (ditto),and was also where Duty WRAF hung out. About 5 girls in all, with 2 or 3 bunks (double or triple).

Now in those days, Airpersons' uniforms were made of blue blankets,known affectionally (NOT!) as "Hairy Blues". Which irritated exposed skin more than somewhat - so the girls had removed their skirts.:eek:

I should also add that this was before tights had gained general acceptance.:eek::eek:

Net result: OO and OS confronted by 5 x Section Officer Harveys. (Poorer quality shirts, but good legs!)

Which explained the lack of a 'phone call. (Thank you Sergeant!). And they were in mid brew-up/fry-up.

"Oh hello Sir, fancy a brew and a bacon butty?" (I assure you nothing else was offered :E)

A stitch up for the baby pilot for sure - but a most welcome one which I remember in detail. :eek::eek::eek:

Lucky BEags was up the road at The Towers - not sure he'd have survived the encounter. ;)

[Haraka]

Drove in to Syerston c.1972 .( Literally - a Triumph Spitfire just fitted under the Guard Room road barrier with an inch or so to spare.)
The Station was under C&M and it was a really weird experience.

Grass cut, everything immaculate, electricity humming away -and not a soul in sight.
Like something out of "Village of the Dammed"

[BEagle]

Lucky BEags was up the road at The Towers - not sure he'd have survived the encounter. ;)

Well, quite. In those days there were very, very few females at the Towers, apart from rather a nice dental assistant and also a trim Fg Off(W) on some engineering course. If I recall correctly, a cheery "Morning love!" from Flt Cdt Haraka was frostily rebuffed by "Don't you normally salute officers?". A response of "Sorry, sir" didn't help...

But (mandatory) Church attendance on Sundays was brightened considerably by the sight of the Ass. Cmdt's teenage daughter....:)

[teeteringhead]

Think Syerston may be expanding - OC 2 FTS has many plans to build his Empire there.:eek:

[Wander00]

Beagle's Scampton story reminds me of Binbrook 80/81, stn cdr's residence had had a makeover at cost which would (with inflation, have stood comparison with a certain VSO's curtains (allegedly). Final flourish was a new nameplate for the house which was "Something" Manor. Within hours, various wg cdrs had conspied with PSA for additional nameplates at the other pre-war MQ - Lions Leap (OC LTF), Maple Manor (OC 5), Eagles' Eyrie (OC 11), etc. Stn Cdr very not amused.

[Roadster280]

Think Syerston may be expanding - OC 2 FTS has many plans to build his Empire there.

That seems a natural choice, now that they have cleared nearly all the buildings there.

[thing]

"Don't you normally salute officers?". A response of "Sorry, sir" didn't help...


I always used to call WRAF Officers 'Miss'. Not out of any sense of mischief, it just came out that way followed by a hasty 'Sorry I meant Ma'am Ma'am'. My cuz became a WRAF Officer when I was still in, she had been a cute little bridesmaid at my wedding and had always been a little princess. Couldn't wait to call her 'Ma'am' to see what she said...And no I'm not telling you...:)

[Wander00]

I may have posted this before, but in the early-ish 60s there was a plan to introduce WRAF into some posts. ATC was chosen because it was away from the awful (sex starved) cadets. Meeting to discuss the plan was falling apart on the difficult problem of loos - only 2 in ATC - "Officers" and "Airmen". "OK," says SATCO, "we'll put a tent outside". "But squadron leader" says the Command WRAF Officer", my girls like permanent erections.

[langleybaston]

The story went at Guetersloh c. 1967 of a SNCOs Mess Fancy Dress Do, attended briefly by a sergeant on duty and therefore not in said dress.
When asked what he was attending as, he pulled his trouser pockets inside out and said "an elephant!".

"Elephants have trunks!"

"I can soon fix that!"

and did ......................

[BEagle]

A shame that the OM has long since disappeared at Syerston. But the new A46 dual carriageway is very welcome indeed. Apart, that is, from the ridiculous junctions at the Newark end.

Those rampant WRAFs knew very well that it was strengstens verboten for baby pilots to 'become involved', so would tease us mercilessly. During the ULAS Summer Camp at Abingdon in 1973, as I'd already passed my PFB I didn't get much flying, so was stuck on the Ops Desk phone for most of the time, getting hourly weather actuals etc. from the Air Traffic assistants. One chirpy little WRAF became a 'phone friend' as she was often on duty; she asked if she could come over after work to see what we all did. So I readily agreed and one afternoon this very pretty little lass turned up in a short summer dress with rather a low neckline. And not much else....:E...as became abundantly clear when she bent forward to peer into the cockpit of a Chipmunk, 'innocently' looking up at me with big round eyes asking if I knew what everything was for.....:oh:

Someone must have told the grown-ups that this naughty little wench had paid us a visit, because next day we were given The Word about 'fraternising with airwomen' := ....and the career-limiting consequences.....:uhoh:

[Wensleydale]

In the 1970s, Linton on Ouse possessed a couple of very rudimentary instrument navigation trainers for the Jet Provost - not a proper simulator but it allowed one to navigate a route while flying on instruments. When not in formal use, student pilots could ring the operator of this facility and book it for a short session of check-list training etc.


Unfortunately, an edition of the Linton phone directory was published with a couple of the digits incorrectly swapped around, mistakenly giving the phone extension for a WRAF officer in SHQ. Feel sorry for APO Bloggs who innocently rang the number, failed to register that it was, unusually, a female voice at the other end and when trying to reserve the "Type Instrument Trainer" (as it was called) blurted out "Can I book one of your TITS for 30 minutes this afternoon please?".


The offending equipment was renamed the "Jet Provost Instrument Trainer" (J-PIT) shortly afterwards.

[thing]

Young SAC I knew was put on a charge after a WRAF officer had done something to annoy him. He told her, with some justification it has to be said, that 'You need f****** with the rough end of a pineapple Ma'am.'

Apparently the charge room went all subdued tittering as the charge was read out...:)

[Wander00]

Talking of young ladies at The Towers reminds me (63-65 time) of the stunningly pretty daughter of Padre C..K. A couple of years after I graduated I went to see my cousin in Northwood - who was with with said stunningly pretty young woman. He said that his mother had yet to discover that she was left keep the flat (or somewhere) warm on a Sunday morning, whilst he went and drove his mother to Northwood Methodist Church

[langleybaston]

The unamused Binbrook staish in 80/81 would have been, I think, Bob Barcilon?

[Canadian Break]

Or perhaps Tiger Carter?

[MPN11]

Apocryphal? Truth is often stranger than fiction!!

So ... Name Plates ... RAF Locking, late 70s.

In the middle of the exec's OMQs on Flowerdown Road lay the residence of the Stn Cdr. A charming, witty and very astute gentleman whose only downside was a large and slightly inept German Shepherd. However.

He decided to, not unreasonably, call the residence "Hector's House". For the benefit of younger readers ...
Hector's House - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hector's_House)

Needless to say his less humorous successor renamed it Flowerdown House.

[Neptunus Rex]

Indeed Sir, a true story. One Friday evening, 10th January 1964 Shackleton XV 710 from 120 Sqn took off from ISK, then headed west. Some 20 minutes later they suffered an uncontrollable overspeed on No 3 engine, which subsequently fell off the wing. The No 4 engine then caught fire and the captain, Flt Lt, later Sqn Ldr 'Pop' Gladstone, carried out an immaculate forced landing, wheels up, on Culloden Moor, with the landing lights and the flames from the burning Griffon to guide him, as well as his co-pilot calling height from the Radar Altimeter.

The crew of ten all survived without major injury, but, one young Sergeant ran off to get help without telling anyone. When Pop and his co-pilot, one Jimmy Lee, got out and held a head count, there was one missing. Without hesitation, Pop and Jimmy went back into the now blazing aircraft to make sure that there was nobody trapped in the fuselage. Courage indeed!

"Flt Lt Gladstone's calmness, leadership and gallant behaviour undoubtedly saved the lives of his crew and prevented loss of civilian lives and property." (From Pop's citation.)

Jimmy had transmitted his 'Mayday' on Kinloss Approach, which was he frequency in use. The Kinloss fire crew drove along the main Inverness road until they saw the flaming wreckage, then went cross-country directly to the burning Shack. Apparently they managed it in an astonishing time. BZ to them.

Pop Gladstone was awarded a well-deserved Bar to his AFC for saving his crew that night. On the other hand, Jimmy was castigated by the Board of Enquiry for not making his first call on Guard. Wrong!. The SOP was, and is, to make the first call on the frequency in use.

The locals remarked, with respect, that Pop and his crew were the first Englishmen to fall on Culloden Moor since 1745.

How do I know all this? The story was still a legend when I joined 120 Sqn in 1966, but in 1965, on the Varsity AFTS at Oakington, I had the privilege of flying with one of the finest QFIs I have ever known, James Aloysius Lee.

Yes, the 120 Sqn Crew did end up that night at a local Caelidh for a dram or twain. Also, the Station Duty Officer at Kinloss had the nous to order the bars in both Officers' and Sergeants' Messes to remain open until the Crew had returned and been suitably refreshed after their ordeal!

All's well that ends well!!!

[dragartist]

Wonder00, your tale about the tent for the WAAFs reminded me of the following. Not sure if you were at Wyton when the Happy Eater was built for the OCU. Daddy Dragartist was showing a visiting Senior Officer around the new building. Senior man askes about the facilities for the new WAAF who he had noted earlier. "Don't worry" Dad says, "we are teaching her to use the standups."


Good to see that building is still being put to good use by the Air Ambulance.

[NutLoose]

The story went at Guetersloh c. 1967 of a SNCOs Mess Fancy Dress Do, attended briefly by a sergeant on duty and therefore not in said dress.
When asked what he was attending as, he pulled his trouser pockets inside out and said "an elephant!".

"Elephants have trunks!"

"I can soon fix that!"

and did ......................


Gibraltar, a mighty frontline Jag Sqn flying the flag as a deterrent. Troops arrive on the Britannia trooper and promptly head to the Naaf 1 for a drink, turfing up they espy a cleaner and for some reason a couple whip their willies out and say what about these then love.... Or similar
She was not amused and neither was her husband a Sgt Plod... Result they were arrested charged and thrown off Gib, indeed they departed on the same flight from whence they came back to Germany..

Now the strange bit, both flashed the woman, both were charged, both charges were read on the Sqn and in front of the same person, But both got different fines, we could only summarise that size does indeed matter when it comes to charges..

[oxenos]

Car parking Slots.

On 42 Sqn it was commented that the Nav Leader's was the easiest to find, and the Pilot Leader's was the easiest to drive into. Seemed reasonable.

120Sqn / Culloden Moor

There was a story that when one of the crew got home, having lost his keys in the forced landing, he had to bang on the door to get his wife to let him in. Wife opened door and said " Where the hell are your keys". "I've been in a crash", says hero. Wife smells breath, says "You liar, your trip was cancelled and you've been in the bar all this time" and slams door.

[luoto]

May I just but in to thank you, as a non military man, for these great tales that have me giggling like a loon. I can only imagine how even better they are for those there. Butting back out to receive only mode now

[Hydromet]

OTU 1966. Commandant, Col. 'Ringo' G....s, has a habit of taking a stroll through cadets lines, preceded by his labrador dog.
One afternoon, cadets sitting around outside rooms polishing boots, brass etc, when labrador appears at one end of lines. Sharp-eyed cadet spots it, calls "Stand fast!" in anticipation.
Ringo appears at other end of lines, to find cadets at attention or saluting his dog.

Extras all round.

[Wander00]

LB - Bob was a star, especially considering his tour started with the death of his new Son in Law in the Hyde Park bombing. No, his predecessor, DC, for whom the FLMs of 5 had a record played on Radio Lincoln "The Fool on the Hill". Did not go down well either, nor discovering (by head count) that 30% of the strength was missing from the Station Photograph, setting in train a massive witch hunt to identify those missing.

[teeteringhead]

setting in train a massive witch hunt ... Given the obvious photographic evidence, not the most testing of witch hunts I guess ......

[Wander00]

A4 photograph, 7-800 faces - not very distinct, difficult to identify individuals - at least that was the general response of flt and sqn commanders tasked with identifying those missing

[ian16th]

Haraka,

Literally - a Triumph Spitfire just fitted under the Guard Room road barrier with an inch or so to spare.You were lucky!

There was a similar barrier at Akrotiri circa 62-4, before the area to the Tower and Electronics Centre.

I was manning it one night when the OO came along in his Triumph Spitfire, insisting that I didn't lift the boom, so he could see if he could get under.

He did. At walking pace.

On his return journey, he didn't stop and went though at about 30 to 40 MPH, the car must have been bouncing a bit, as he didn't quite make it! :sad:

I bet his insurance claim made interesting reading.

[Haraka]

You were lucky!
Different Spitfire same game. Bored one night at White Waltham on a ULAS flying weekend, two of us took off to Maidenhead.
After an evening in Skindles, we discovered that a Spitfire would just go under the barrier of the town's automatic multi-storey car park.
A great game then ensued for about twenty minutes, screaming up and down the ramps both ways from top to bottom and back of the building.

Now one doesn't normally expect to find a policeman standing in the middle of the third floor of a deserted car park with his arm up at around midnight ........

However, said car park was sited right next door to the Maidenhead Cop Shop.

It was an interesting conversation that ensued.

[BEagle]

ian16th wrote:On his return journey, he didn't stop and went though at about 30 to 40 MPH, the car must have been bouncing a bit, as he didn't quite make it!

I bet his insurance claim made interesting reading.

Yes, a village and its idiot are easily parted....:rolleyes:

Haraka, was your colleague in crime perhaps one R***r E******w?

Skindles, eh? You must have been wealthier than most!

[Haraka]

Might have been ....:O
and yes, it wasn't called "Swindles" for nothing.

[gr4techie]

120 Sqn Shackleton crash lands on Culloden Moor

A bit of an unusual place to put the Shack down as Culloden battlefield is only 4.4 miles from the end runway 23 at Inverness airport and all it's fire cover.

[hoodie]

I reckon if you've already had one engine fall off the wing, and another on the same side is burning and cannot be extinguished, the aircraft gets put down NOW and not in just a mo'.

All the fire cover in the world is no good if your wing falls off 4.4 miles away.

I am only a humble engineer, though: what do mil aircrew say?

[gr4techie]

I know its no SR-71 but how long does it take a Shackleton to cover 4.4 miles?

I'm only a humble engineer too, but I would have thought it's more risky to put down NOW than a runway that doesn't have any obstructions to hit.

I'm not criticising him, I'm just interested in the decision process.

[Shackman]

Pop's aircraft had lost one engine that had fallen off and taken half the rudder with it, the other engine and wing on that side was burning and they had insufficient power to stay airborne. Thanks to the damage to the tail/rudder the aircraft was also in a gentle turn towards high ground and at night. By the light from the burning wing he saw a potential landing area, chopped everything, put it down and they all walked (ran) away from it. Well deserved (and one of the very few) almost instant awards of the AFC.

Of note if the Nimrod that had the engine fire over the Moray Firth had tried to make it to Lossiemouth (also only a few miles away) instead of the instant decision to ditch it the outcome would have also been catastrophic.

There are times and emergencies which are designated as 'LAND IMMEDIATELY, even if that means landing in an unsuitable area and includes ditching, as continued flight is inadvisable' (or similar words). That is what captaincy is all about - the decision to do so is yours and frequently instantaneous - just ask Chesley Sullenberger.

PS - 1. We reckoned the magnesium alloy mainspars would only last about 2 mins max in a fire. 2. We had another Shack on 205 Sqn that had an uncontrolled engine fire en route Gan to Changi at about 8000ft -although they tried to ditch, the wing folded before they reached the water.

[TroutMaster]

Wyton in the very early nineties, lovely day, Canberra 8 miles to land. Phone rings in ATC. “I’m watching 2 cows running down your runway mate, a white one and a brown one.”

“Roger that.” Turns to Controller, “Sir, there are cows on the runway.”

“F%$£* me, Callsign on approach overshoot, runway is Black, I say again….”

Canberra cruises through. A ‘throng’ suddenly gathers in ATC Local.

Controller, “Ring 51, tell them those cows are running toward that parked Nimrod.”

“Yes sir.”

Both cows jog past ATC, towards the Nimrod, dragging a barbed wire fence.

A chief suddenly appears, jogs manfully out of the big flappy rubber double doors, crosses the dispersal. Protects Nimrod. Waves arms to fend off approaching bovines. Cows undettered, increase speed and chase him back through double doors. Throng laughing.

Station Commander arrives in Local, throng dissolves. “Where are they now?”

Controller, “The white ones lying down somewhere on Married Quarters, sir. Not sure about the brown one.” Pause. Storno crackles to life……”Rover -Tower…(pause)..”Tower this is Rover pasture message?” (Laughing in background). “Rover - Tower, How now brown cow?”

Station Commander trying not to laugh. Station Tannoy, “All non essential personnel report to ATC etc” A posse of @ 100 people walk in a well ordered line across the length of the airfield, marshalling a cow. Warm grass, skylarks above. The vast open silence of an unused airfield. Cow spotted, cow lies down. Farmer appears with trailer. Brown cow won’t obey instructions to embark trailer. ATC SAC, “My dad has a farm, let me try…” Walks over to cow. Cow pricks ears up, stands, interested. “Ya…Ya…” Cow starts pawing lumps out of airfield, breathing heavily. Posse shuffles backwards. “Ya Ya Ya…” Cow suddenly covers 20 feet in @ 2 seconds, airman takes cows head squarely in between legs and is launched backwards over cow, a perfect somersault. Everyone is laughing, including the SAC. Cow moves back into position and, satisfied with outcome, lies down, chews cud. Police sniper team arrives. (Not making this up!). Farmer nods. Cow chews cud. A rifle is assembled in front of awestruck posse. Posse shuffles back, again. A rifle is aimed. Cow stands up, interested. Crack!

Cow leaps into air, all 4 hooves jerk 90 degrees to starboard. Thud. Cow works, cow stops working. Round of applause! Police leave. Posse back to normal duties with the bemused thanks of the Stn Cdr. Aircraft start to circle and land.

Happy memories.

[The Oberon]

During the mid 60s, a new No.1, known as the T63 was introduced for ORs.

The issuing of the new uniform was a shambles, you were called to clothing stores only to find your jacket had arrived etc. etc. There were other problems with cloth deliveries to the manufacturer, as a result of the shambles, the following appeared in Wittering SROs :-

" Due to further delays to T63 uniform issues, WRAF skirts will be held up until SNCOs without trousers have been satisfied"

[ian16th]

During the mid 60s, a new No.1, known as the T63 was introduced for ORs.I had to buy mine for AOC's Parade at Coningsby, 1957.

It cost £7+, a lot more than the quarterly Clothing Allowance. If your allowance went to Zero, you made up the differencce from your pay.

By the early 60's surely recruits were issued with them?

[langleybaston]

LB - Bob was a star, especially considering his tour started with the death of his new Son in Law in the Hyde Park bombing.

Yes, I knew him at Guetersloh, 19 I think, and Pete Naz was the other Flight Commander. Good customers, usually gave feedback even if I was right with the contrail forecasts. Which was not often, but that's another story ............

I had to do the annual inspection of Binbrook Met Office just after the Hyde Park bomb and a good WingCo Ops tipped me off before I made the mandatory office visit to Stn Cdr.

Dreadful wicked business.

[ian16th]

A rifle is aimed. Cow stands up, interested. Crack!

Before my time, so this really is an apocryphal tale.

At Yatesbury the 25 yard Rifle Range was alongside a field, containing cows!

A class of Boy Entrants were having Range Practice.

One Boy, swings trusty Lee Enfield to point at cow. Bang! Cow drops dead and Boy carried on shooting at target.

[racedo]

Cow leaps into air, all 4 hooves jerk 90 degrees to starboard. Thud. Cow works, cow stops working

Were Catering notified that Beef could be on menu for next week ?

[Roadster280]

Police sniper team as in RAF Police, or civilian police?

If the latter, what was wrong with the SLRs in the armoury?

[charliegolf]

[QUOTE]If the latter, what was wrong with the SLRs in the armoury?[QUOTE]

Maybe the armourer was a retrained storeman?

CG

[TroutMaster]

It was the latter, civvies from Peterborough.

The guards were not used because the Station Commander said something about..."I'm not having some airman shooting up my airfield."

Yes that was it.

The farmer and his son dragged the cow (with our help) up the ramp and took it away, so no free beef was obtained.

I remember the son put his finger into the bullet hole, (much to our astonishment) and said "Look 'ere faaaaaather," Roight in 'is brains."

Fond memories!

[racedo]

Police sniper team as in RAF Police, or civilian police?

If the latter, what was wrong with the SLRs in the armoury?

Yeah you give 20 SLRs to guys to go out and shoot the cow.....

Result
7 personnel in hospital with gunshot wounds
8 passing civilians similar
16 sheep dead
22 Squirrels
1 Car property of Staish looking like swiss cheese
1 Bank held up
19 windows
22 aircraft shot (not even airborne)
and
1 Cow who got tired of the noise and wandered off for some quiet.

[racedo]

The guards were not used because the Station Commander said something about..."I'm not having some airman shooting up my airfield."

In posting what I did above I just knew no way would he have wanted to unleash that against the cow..............

[Wander00]

I was at Wyton until Summer 93, but don't recall the cow incident. Staish left a couple of weeks after me, so must have been the "new" team. bit hard on the cow though, and no doubt the farmer was compensated.

[SASless]

I remember the son put his finger into the bullet hole, (much to our astonishment) and said "Look 'ere faaaaaather," Roight in 'is brains."


Brains and the Plod....definitely mutually exclusive concepts!

[Wensleydale]

Sounds like a load of Bullocks to me! (or perhaps OC block had called for a Bull Night).


Edited to add.... perhaps the Canberra pilot had asked for a Steer?

[Roadster280]

20 SLRs? Sounds a bit overkill, and as you say, prone to a cock-up of titanic proportions.

Give one SLR and a mag to a RockApe Cpl or Scuffer (unless there are any real soldiers on the camp) and have at it. I just think it a bit embarrassing for the Armed Forces to have to call in civvy coppers to shoot a cow. Certainly on a full-size unit with plenty of small arms and ammunition.

Actually, scrub the Scuffer. He'd probably use his pistol and just get the cow very angry.

[racedo]

20 SLRs? Sounds a bit overkill, and as you say, prone to type of dog-up of titanic proportions.

Yeah I know but makes the suggested ending a bit better with 20 :p

[goudie]

To shoot or not to shoot the cow? Horns of a dilemma!

[MadsDad]

Ok, RN rather than aviation related (although it does have a bit of aviation content), told to me by a mate who was an ex-Killick stoker.

Anyway his frigate was on a visit to the USA. After the ship had docked they needed to go to the bank to get some cash, to pay the crew. Quite a lot of cash in fact - 250k or so, lots back then in the late 70s. So the captains secretary phones up the local police to ask for an escort, "can't help you buddy, very busy day but where you're going be careful, it's bad there".

So arrangements were made for an armed guard, and off they set in the ships hire car. Very shortly after the secretary walked into the bank flanked by a couple of sailors carrying sten guns the local police did find cars to check out the 'robbery occurring'. Apparently though they never checked the car so the CPO sat quietly in the back with a bren gun on his lap went unnoticed.

(The story did include the ships Lynx with the required missiles following the car to the bank, 'just in case', but I don't think that was true. Honest I don't).

[thing]

To shoot or not to shoot the cow?

Hey, build a big enough box and you could have Schrodinger's cow. Two states. The shot state and the not shot state.

[Wander00]

Is that the "Steer" who was C-in-C in the early 90s?

[TroutMaster]

Some very cheesy jokes re those Wyton memories....very nice!

But I swear it all happened, just like I saw it.

I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment."

:)

[Roadster280]

Shamelessly stolen from Arrse:

RSM is in his office eating a packet of jelly babies. He finds them not up to the usual standard, so jails them.

Provost sergeant goes and collects the jelly babies, and takes them back to his guardroom. Finds it funny, kicks back in his office and eats the jelly babies.

RSM visits guardroom sometime later to check on the situation, and Provo confesses he ate the jelly babies.

RSM jails Provo for eating the prisoners.

[langleybaston]

We had an exploding cow at Guetersloh c. 1968.

I may have told this one before but here goes ................

Not on the airfield but immediately south there was the biggest daytime thunderstorm I have EVER seen, and it went on and on. [the forecast was a no-brainer, so a warning was out good and early, which made a nice change].

Heaving it down with rain, but that would not stop my intrepid observer venturing forth to the screen at 15 minutes to.

He'd got to the raincoat/hat bit when there was a massive lightning strike and almost simultaneous thunder. We were both looking at the cows quietly grazing, thinking they were deaf or stupid.

The one that took the lightning bolt exploded, entrails, tail, horns .............

Intrepid Observer turns white.

"No", says I "I wouldn't go out, and neither will you".

The only time I was ever a party to inventing parts of an ob.

I had lunch with said observer a few weeks ago. Lucky Jim.

[Wensleydale]

I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment

In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."

[dragartist]

I don't recall the Wyton incident. I was there from 81 through 95.


I did hear a story about an MSP (Heavy Airdrop Platform) being dropped on and killing a cow on the DZ. Apparently the smell was not very nice and the MSP was written off. I have seen a few bent ones in my time but they are very tough.


I would love to know if this was true.


One thing I do know to be true was a pinz carrying live 88mm mortar rounds fell from an MSP during the drop. The rounds started going off. The guy with the video camera kept filming having buried himself in a rut in the ground. Big Paul the REME Tiffy carried on walking around the burning heap so calmly as if nothing was happening. I am sure one day these films will appear on you tube.

[NutLoose]

There was the live centreline 1000 pounder fell off a Jag at Red Flag when the Liney pulled the pin out, he stopped it rolling and pulling the arming cable out with his foot. He popped inside to let them know what happened and as a bit of a joker they didn't believe him until someone looked out of the window... It was shuffled out of sight before the Americans saw it.

[Cabe LeCutter]

Lossiemouth, late seventies. A rather sartorial navigator called Mick G******* had a habit of wearing Rupert Bear trousers, much to the disgust of the Stn Cdr. One night in the bar the Staish finally cracked and asked G if he had any other trousers, Mick replied that he had and was told to go and put them on. Our hero returned in a beautifully cut Saville Row suit of Canary Yellow to be asked if he had anything else and if so to put it on. Mick returned wearing another beautifully cut suit in Lime Green, the atmosphere was now starting to become cooler. Asked again if he had something else to wear Mick returned in an equally well made suit but in Shocking Pink. Atmosphere was now becoming arctic and Mick was told to go and put on something that was not a suit, he returned with trousers of one suit, waistcoat of another and the jacket of the third. :p:pWhen the explosion died down, Mick was banned from the bar for one month; he had the largest stack of tinned beer in his room that I have ever seen, it reached the ceiling.:ok::ok:

Heads down, look out for the flak

[teeteringhead]

Ah - Mick G******!

One recalls an occasion when he was Nav on VIP trip in Norn Iron.

Flying over a golf course, the VIP was heard to remark:

"Ah - The Royal County Down! I'm told the 5th there is the best hole in NI!"

MG: "I beg to differ, Sir!!" :E:E:E

[langleybaston]

I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment

In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."

It got the chop, anyway.

[Wensleydale]

"It got the chop, anyway"


Part of "Joint" Operations perhaps?

[Bernoulli]

Wensleydale.....re post 335.....the spilt paint at RAF Finningley. I met the bloke who claimed to have knocked over the tin. MAEOp Murgatroyd. He was in his 50s at RAF Leeming in about 1990 having finally left the kipper fleet when I knew him and he described being a young recruit learning his craft and being told that prior to the forthcoming AOC's Inspection he and his mates were to paint kerb stones. The way the military do. Once the tin was over what else could they do but make it 'official' by making a nice square.

Now I can't be certain about the truth of Derek's tale but I do know for a fact that the square was still there in 1981 when as a student Nav I had to paint it again, just prior to an AOC's Inspection. It was on some innocuous bit of road in the middle of the Station and had obviously been re painted many times before I got to it.

[Agaricus bisporus]

Ha! That really takes the brisket.

[expatfrance]

I was privileged to be awarded with my wings by a retired ACM who has several tales to his name.
The first was when he was a S/Ldr at Ternhill in the late 30's and they had a dining in night. After the meal, as is customary, they indulged in the odd tipple. He decided to see how quickly the fire brigade could react, so set fire to one of the wings to the mess. The reaction was very swift BUT they had just built a new access gate and the fire engine got well and truly stuck. The wing suffered serious damage and was unusable. The said officer was hauled in front of the OC and when asked what he was going to do about it replied "I will have a new wing constructed, Sir" This he promptly did and got away with it. Cost him a bob or two.

Later he was in a bar when an Army Officer tried to push past him. This he took exception to but the officer said to him "Do you know who I am, I am Lt Col Sir J... S...., now move" He replied " And I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"

[SASless]

I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"

During Vietnam years, my Chinook unit supported the Aussie's down at Nui Dat, and forged a close personal relationship with those fine Soldiers from Down Under. We had an informal exchange program....for Parties...BBQ's....and general mayhem.

One evening, a few of them was up at our place at Phu Loi....the BBQ was done with....the business of the visit was underway.....and being Monsoon season our Gazebo was being flooded by ankle deep puddles of rain water. Being addled brained puddle stomping became in vogue along with hanging from the exposed rafters and drinking pints of Beer while upside down.

Our Unit Commander, a Major, being the usual Prick he was....took great excess to the goings on and began to make a real scene. One of the Aussies dropped from the Rafters walked over and made inquiries as to what was the Major's major complaint. He was told rather bluntly it was none of the fella's business and he should sort himself out, get back into uniform, and retire for the evening.

The Aussie put on his shirt.....returned and then reminded our Major of how the Rank Structure worked in the Australian Army.....by pointing to his rank devices and noting they showed him to be a Brigadier which he reckoned was a few pay grades superior to the American rank of Major.

It was the Major who pissed off back to his Quarters.....and the Party continued in a very respectable manner.....well actually....a very dis-respectable manner but one that went down in the record book.

[FrustratedFormerFlie]

CCF at my school, early 1970s. Parade rehearsal for inspection by GOC Norn Irn (which narrows the choices of which school!). Parade commander a RNVR Lt (ie a schoolmaster in a dark blue uniform with gold braid that had barely previously seen daylight), addressing RN contingent commander an RNR Lt. of somewhat greater age. This being rehearsal, best uniforms are not being worn by most and RN contingent commander is sporting a moth-eaten uniform jacket (with impressive amount of fruit salad) worn over an off-white seaman's poloneck.

Parade commander hollers across parade ground to RN contingent commander "You Sir! Where DID you get that uniforrm?!"

Reply: "In the Convoys, Sir; where did you get yours?"

[expatfrance]

SAS

Our Unit Commander, a Major, being the usual Prick he was...

Met quite a few in my time too. The odd one on UK Chinooks!!:ok

[Flap Track 6]

Dragartist, I have the video of the mortar bomb event. According to the video caption, it was a LandRover maldrop at Otterburn in 95 - all other details are as you describe. When we do school visits, we show that video of how not to do Aerial Delivery.

[ian16th]

From his Obit, Daily Telegraph.

Immediately after graduation, John was posted to Europe to help Dwight Eisenhower cope with the stresses and strains of the Normandy campaign. As they crossed the English Channel together in a Flying Fortress bomber, the young man asked his father for advice on protocol: “If we should meet an officer who ranks above me but below you, how do we handle this? Should I salute first and when they return my salute, do you return theirs?” “Dad’s annoyed reaction was short,” he recalled.

“'John, there isn’t an officer in this theatre who doesn’t rank above you and below me.’”

[sitigeltfel]

Around half a dozen RN Sea Kings arrive at RAF Manston to refuel. Big hairy Lt Cmdr asks the SAC in the tower L.Rover if the airfield has Soap. Yes sir, no problem he says and drives off to the tower.
Five minutes later he is back at the ASP with a bucket of warm water, paper towels.......and a bar of soap.


S.O.A.P. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spectrometric_Oil_Analysis_Program)

[DGAC]

In the days when University Air Squadrons were flying Chipmunks, a student was sent off on his solo navigation exercise. As many of you will know, the Chipmunk is fitted with a sliding canopy, that is operated by a lever fixed on the side of the upper section of the canopy around the 11 o’clock position; operating the lever allows the canopy to slide backwards and forwards for entry and egress and to provide ventilation when airborne. However, in those days, only instructors were allowed to open the canopy in flight. Well, it being a hot summers day and well away from his departure airfield, the student, D… H…..n, decided to open the canopy to cool off a bit, so reached up, operated the lever and slid the canopy back. Aah relief!! Returning to base, D… realised that there would be a Duty Instructor in the control tower, monitoring the activities of the students and hence decided to close the canopy again. So he reached up, grabbed the operating lever and closed the canopy. Unfortunately, as he was closing the canopy, the slipstream caused the sleeves of his flying suit to be sucked outwards and they were now trapped between the fixed and moving portion of the canopy, leaving his hands and arms some distance from the control column and from the operating lever that would allow him to open the canopy again and release himself. With his knees clutching the control column in an attempt to remain straight and level, D..e swooped, dived and weaved towards base, whilst trying to extricate himself. Eventually, strength and adrenalin overcame MOD flying suit fabric and D..e managed to rip his hands and arms out of the flying suit sleeves and regain control. On landing, he rolled up what remained of the sleeves, before being met by the Duty Instructor who commented on D…’s untidy arrival back at base. D..e’s response was that it was a very hot day and there was a lot of thermal activity!!

[gopher01]

While trundling round the old Rhodesia during the monitoring op for the elections the Hercules det was resupplying many of the assembly points for the political parties ( ex terrorists ) and this was mainly by freefall drop, triple wrapped bags of maize being the prime item of foodstuffs. Prior to the low level drop to the DZ it had to be cleared and then Albert would zoom past and drop the bags. Unfortunately on one drop, after the DZ had been cleared, a local herdsman decided to take his herd home across the far end of the DZ with Albert committed to the drop, it was reported afterwards that as the hundred weight bags of maize doing close to 100 mph went through the herd it looked like the skittle alley down your local pub, bags and cattle going in all directions. I believe that the locals were very careful near the DZ after that.

[gopher01]

In 1965 there was a craft apprentice in 201 entry at Halton who quite legitimately was given the last three of 007, the C.A's service numbers started at 1960000 with 201, the first craft apprentice entry and no, he didn't stay in for very long and can you blame him!

[gopher01]

While at Lyneham many years ago one of my colleagues was given a posting he didn't like and promptly refused to go seeing he hadn't been given the required period of warning before the posting, PMC agreed with him and accepted he hadn't been given the correct notification and promptly detached him to the location of his posting and then posted him when the notification period was complete. Motto, don't piss off PMC, they will get you in the end!

[gopher01]

Plods at Laarbruch were an interesting bunch, very hot on traffic control and offences which resulted in OC plod getting in the local Plods with their speed trap to nail the boys going round the perimeter road , , you can probably guess who was the first person they caught speeding, lots of embarresment all round as that story went round the station faster than OC plod!

[Smeagol]

If I might add an anecdote relating to the sudden demise of bovine creatures from unexpected military sources.

Not sure of the exact location but this happened in WWII and was told to me my my old mum who was a CPO Wren at various naval establishments between 1940 and 1946.
Mother was a Bomb Range Marker, plotting the fall of 25lb practice bombs from Swordfish but in addition to her normal duties, one day she was assisting armourers in butt testing of a Sea Hurricane. She was sitting in the 'driving seat' and pressed the firing button when told, the tail of the aircraft was raised but insufficiently supported and the recoil from the 4 x 20mm cannons caused the tail to become dislodged and drop. A significant number of cannon shells disappeared into the middle distance before mother could remove her thumb from the button resulting in the sudden demise of a cow quite a long way away.

An unusual casualty of war which resulted in the mess having an unexpected supply of beef for a few days!

Incidentally mother is still alive and at 97 must be one of the oldest Wrens around.

She flew in numerous aircraft types from Swordfish, Albacores and Barracudas various transport types and even flew in a Grumman Martlet, the RN equivalent of the US Wildcat fighter, which was a single seater! Apparently on the pilots lap.

Mum had a 'good' war ( if any such thing is possible) I believe !

[zetec2]

Back in the late 70’s I was a member of the RAF Motor Sports Association & drove a Group 4 2600cc Vauxhall Magnum representing first Lyneham then Finningley, I had an entry for an event up in the wilds of Norfolk so my navigator & self (both Chiefs) booked an overnight room at Swanton Morley, following us was the Boss of the RAFMSA driving the Transit support vehicle, arranged to meet up outside our Mess, on arrival the place mid afternoon was empty so we pulled up in front of the Mess to be joined by Boss in the Transit. We spent a couple of minutes chatting, recovering etc when we noticed a WO at the front door of the Mess, short sleeve blue shirt, trousers no tie, WO badge on leather strap around his wrist and carpet slippers ! chewing on a piece of toast & jam, well he launched into us “what were we doing in HIS car park outside HIS mess, with these smelly cars, etc, who are you, why are you here, where are you from etc, etc all the while going more purple, so both of us Chiefs announced who we were as Ch/Tech me, Ch/Tech nav & the Boss (oldish & quite distinguished gentleman should add) as AC *******.
At which said WO went into overdrive, his toast had long gone but again launched into “ you people taking the p1ss, AC’s don’t exist in this Air Force etc” becoming more enraged & with threats to have us arrested,
So we very carefully produced our 1250’s, Boss AC did same with ID (do they have 1250’s ?) WO went ballistic, our Boss was an Air Commodore hence AC ! at this point WO just about dissolve into himself with apologies to Boss, thought really quite amusing, Boss being the perfect gent countered with” quite all right old chap, now can you look after my men ?) we were led into the mess found rooms & offered afternoon tea, make yourselves comfortable, anything I can get you etc, well we went off that evening did the event , back into SM in the morning, WO organized our breakfasts , turned out not only to be the PMC but also a very nice man, not been back there since, but just one little escapade that goes in the memoirs as I reflect on 25 years of undetected crime & I am still competing in motor sport !. PH, Bicester
Here it is after another night of collecting trophies.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y94/zetec2/8-26-2011_006.jpg (http://s3.photobucket.com/user/zetec2/media/8-26-2011_006.jpg.html)

[Treble one]

....when one was declared operational, it was 'traditional' for one to celebrate by flying under the Kiel Canal Bridge in one's mount.


One day, a young squadron pilot (who was famed for his low level flying in later years) who along with a colleague was performing said manoeuvre, was spotted and his serial number reported by the local constabulary.


Squadron CO was summoned to AOC for a boll***ing, only to plead innocence - 'not briefed sir'......An officer from HQ RAFG was sent to investigate this (and many other similar) reported incidents, and reportedly arrived at the bridge just in time to see 4 Venoms do the same trick....


Officer reports back to HQ that if the two Meteor pilots were to be court-martialled, then many other officers in the command should be too.


Said officers were given an AOC's interview and returned to the UK, unscathed.