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Zeppelin
25th Jan 2014, 13:28
As my night-time 'visits' seem to be becoming more frequent, recent events require me to perfect my routine.

Now normally eyes are kept half closed and the light remains off to avoid waking up properly, then 6 steps a little left and right sway of the hips then 4 more steps takes me to the drop zone. An offset aim is attempted as a direct shot to the water is best avoided for noise levels.
This system is not working to well at the moment, nor does the routing work in other peoples houses.... apologies to my mate and his rather surprised girlfriend.

So any tried and tested procedures out there?

Fox3WheresMyBanana
25th Jan 2014, 13:29
sit down...

OFSO
25th Jan 2014, 13:34
So any tried and tested procedures out there?

Outdoors works well - ask any Belgian....

A A Gruntpuddock
25th Jan 2014, 13:35
Get your prostate checked!

Heston
25th Jan 2014, 13:35
Sit down???? WTF. Better to have to clean up in the morning...


Nite Lite? Luminous paint? A gazunda?

Checkboard
25th Jan 2014, 13:38
http://bikiniwaxchronicles.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/pee-sitting.jpg


NOT:


http://www.owensworld.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/Fullsize/pictures/sit-down.jpg

Capetonian
25th Jan 2014, 13:41
I agree with the first two suggestions. When at home and depending on the weather, it's either outside and seeing if I can hit the wall opposite, or sitting down.

Lon More
25th Jan 2014, 13:45
Approach lights on the floor or something like a LavNav. (http://www.epathchina.com/led-energy-efficient-toilet-light-supplier-with-red-green-light-p-5274.html). We could probably get a group discount

ericlday
25th Jan 2014, 13:46
Get your prostate checked! May need medication such as Stronazon (Tamsulosin)

SASless
25th Jan 2014, 13:49
Just be considerate of the Missus......just put one foot into the Loo and pee down your leg. That way you can't miss and yer Missus doesn't have to listen to the splash.

Some would start calling you Ol' Yellow Leg and Hen Pecked....but you would know the truth is you are just being considerate.

Checkboard
25th Jan 2014, 14:01
Teach the wife to pee standing - then you are both on the same page :)

A Woman’s Guide on How to Pee Standing (http://otoh.org/mirror/restrooms.org/standing.html)

awblain
25th Jan 2014, 14:13
Red LED torch. Keep your vision, and find your mark.
The count-the-steps plan doesn't sound like a winner.

anotherthing
25th Jan 2014, 14:45
I'd take serious consideration of the advice in posts 4 and 9. Unless you have started drinking (anything, not just alcohol) right up until you go to bed when before your visits increased you didn't, a prostrate check is a good idea.

My father and his three brothers have all had prostrate cancer and an increase in peeing in the night is one indicator (though don't panic, it could be down to many other non serious reasons) that something might be awry. Early detection gives a huge chance of full recovery.

Unfortunately two of the four mentioned above didn't get checked out in time

P6 Driver
25th Jan 2014, 17:35
To paraphrase an author of a book about his time flying Harriers in combat off a ship wrote;

"There are two types of officer aboard a ship - those who **** in the sink, and those who say they don't"

The Army used to refer to it as a Hot & Cold flushing urinal.

Capetonian
25th Jan 2014, 17:42
The version I heard is :

"There are two types of officer aboard a ship - wankers and liars."

cuefaye
25th Jan 2014, 18:01
Fox3


Absolutely! Accurate, hygienic, and restful http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/thumbs.gif

A A Gruntpuddock
25th Jan 2014, 18:29
Shuffle forward until you have each leg firmly against the porcelain.

That way, it doesn't matter which leg you piss down, most of it will still end up in the bowl.

Little cloud
25th Jan 2014, 18:57
?


http://www.promosspa.it/uploads/model_2/urinale_maschile_1.jpg

Tu.114
25th Jan 2014, 18:58
A three-step procedure might be in order.
(1) Cover the ground around the loo with absorbing material like towels, paper or the like.
(2) Step up and do what a man must do.
(3) Gather the absorbants, squeeze them out over the toilet and hang them ready for next use.

Mac the Knife
25th Jan 2014, 19:46
Piss in the washbasin.

:cool:

Saintsman
25th Jan 2014, 20:26
Slight thread drift, but I find those new Dyson urinals quite noisy and somewhat messy to be honest...

ExSp33db1rd
25th Jan 2014, 22:13
Teach the wife to pee standing - then you are both on the same page

or sit down - then you are both on the same page.

con-pilot
25th Jan 2014, 22:38
Use your own bathroom, that's what I do. SWMBO has her's and I have mine.

No problem.

Ogre
26th Jan 2014, 00:16
Zeppelin, you're initial navigation approach is great if there are no outside factors to disturb your path, but it is always best to update your position before release at an IP point.

Alternatively, head for the shower cubicle , open the door enough to get the release mechanism is and let go. Bigger space to aim at, protective walls all round, and you can wash it down in the morning......

500N
26th Jan 2014, 00:20
Sit down if you need to go and to try to stop the need,
don't drink as much before you go to bed, something
I need to do !

llondel
26th Jan 2014, 03:57
If you're tall enough, you can kneel down and the important bits are then positioned close enough that missing when pissing is harder.

Once in the bathroom, close one eye, close the door and turn on the light. When you've finished, turn off the light, swap eyes and open the door. You'll find that the one that was closed has enough night vision to navigate if there's any sort of residual light source such as an LED bedside clock or similar. According to Mythbusters, this is why pirates wore a patch over one eye, by swapping it to the other eye when they went below deck, they could see more easily.

Krystal n chips
26th Jan 2014, 06:14
" Use your own bathroom, that's what I do. SWMBO has her's and I have mine.

No problem

Indeed, except for the fact that in the UK at least, most homes do not actually have two bathrooms, or toilets if you prefer.

Amazing how many seem to lack basic social development in their responses to a problem that could have serious potential implications for the OP.

Capetonian
26th Jan 2014, 06:40
http://toiletmarksman.com/image/cache/data/Toilet-Training-Aid-For-Children-Toddlers-Boys-Funny-Bathroom-Restroom-Potty-Urinal-Trainer-10-x-Fly-Target-Stickers-500x397.jpg
Something like this, but luminous. A little luminous plastic spot to aim at?

El Grifo
26th Jan 2014, 11:29
Try it on a 60 ft sailing boat in the middle of the night in a 20 ft swell, mid-Atlantic, with your wet weather gear on, and then tell me of your bathroom problems :ok:

El G.

cattletruck
26th Jan 2014, 11:54
Pee out the window or off the balcony, you can't miss and the fresh air will do you good, just don't fall out/off :}.

Or just sit down, seems to work for an EMC contractor I know albiet for entirely different reasons.

oxenos
26th Jan 2014, 13:02
"Piss in the washbasin."

The bath is a bigger target.

SawMan
26th Jan 2014, 13:07
Or wear diapers so that you won't have to get out of bed in the first place :p

Seriously, as guys get older problems often begin to develop down there which can be inconvenient or deadly, so you need to find out which is happening to you. Both are treatable and best dealt with early on, then watched closely afterward for the duration. You might as well get used to your body doing things you wish it wouldn't for it's got a lot more tricks to play on you waiting in the years ahead :ugh:

An old friend once told me that he'd reached 76 years of age a few days prior, and that it now took him several minutes just to get out of bed and on his feet every morning as everything hurt. But he smiled and said he could handle that since everything still worked. I asked "Everything?" with a wry smile of my own, to which he chuckled and said "Yes, everything though not as often as it once was". That seemed to put a bit more spring in his step. In my own aging I now see that it's more how you look at life than anything else which will decide how happy you are. Thanks for the wisdom you shared with me Charlie- RIP and fly on forever my old friend :ok:

500N
26th Jan 2014, 13:10
"Try it on a 60 ft sailing boat in the middle of the night in a 20 ft swell, mid-Atlantic, with your wet weather gear on, and then tell me of your bathroom problems"

Exactly, except mine was on a Fast Patrol boat in Bass Strait.

Using cattletrucks example " Pee out the window or off the balcony, you can't miss and the fresh air will do you good, just don't fall out/off http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/badteeth.gif."

It was easier to just piss off the stern or leeward side, making sure of course
you didn't go overboard during the process.

Lon More
26th Jan 2014, 14:19
Have a suprapubic catheter (http://suprapubiccatheter.org/) fitted. A 5 minute op - but it'll make your eyes cross. No problem at night with a 1 litre bag on the side of the bed. During the day you can discreetly empty the bag by bending over and opening the valve next to your ankle. Best to be out in the rain when doing this as the rapidly expanding pool is a dead give-away.


PS, yes, personal experience :*


Surely on a boat you're cold wet and miserable snd wrapped up in wet weather gear so just letting go might give you a bit of warmth

cumulusrider
26th Jan 2014, 15:30
Try this
BGA - British Gliding Association - Online Shop - In Flight Plumbing-Starter Pack - (Powered by CubeCart) (http://www.bgashop.co.uk/index.php?_a=viewProd&productId=124)

con-pilot
26th Jan 2014, 16:10
Indeed, except for the fact that in the UK at least, most homes do not actually have two bathrooms, or toilets if you prefer.

Yes, I know, I used to live there. One house, one bathroom/toilet, just like in most other undeveloped countries. :p

Krystal n chips
26th Jan 2014, 17:44
Sadly Con, it would appear your navigational skills are fading fast.....

One house, one bathroom/toilet, just like in most other undeveloped countries.

We do, after all have indoor toilets which, sadly, for the residents in # 7 are still but a distant dream it would seem having to venture outdoors....unlike we Brits in our underdeveloped country....:p

oxenos
26th Jan 2014, 19:10
" making sure of course
you didn't go overboard during the process."

U.S. Coastguard statistics (allegedly) show that a large proportion of male bodies recovered from the sea have their flies undone.

500N
26th Jan 2014, 20:22
Oxenos

That wouldn't surprise me.

IMHO, "doing it" pissed would be a whole different ball game.

I used to spend more time chucking up over the side (generally the
whole time we were under way) than peeing (not from drinking mind you !!!)

SASless
26th Jan 2014, 20:35
That idea of using a Balcony has been killed by the HSE Rules where I live.

The Railing has to be high enough that one cannot fall over it and the Stiles have a maximum gap of four inches to keep Baby Heads from getting between them.

That means I can't pee over the railing.....and cannot get my Willy between the Stiles either.

I just walk a short distance to where the deck meets the slope and becomes a ground level walk.....then it is Game On!

arcniz
27th Jan 2014, 01:39
Piss in the washbasin

Think of it as the "midet". A little rinse after makes for some cover.

One suspects the L's immediately know -- from those cute little noses -- and then they then savour the accumulating delta of knowledge aboout what one could imagine as accomplished incremental management toward some degree of rational control over those dark unexplorable dimensions of the M-thing.

Fliegenmong
27th Jan 2014, 01:58
One suspects the L's immediately know -- from those cute little noses -- and then they then savour the accumulating delta of knowledge aboout what one could imagine as accomplished incremental management toward some degree of rational control over those dark unexplorable dimensions of the M-thing.

:\:\:confused::confused: ....

cattletruck
27th Jan 2014, 12:00
Well it wasn't dark, but after spending 2.5 hrs climbing to the top of this I desperately needed to take a whizz.

http://www.byronbay.com.au/images/images/landing-page-images/mount-warning-national-park-cameo.jpg

To the tourists below that's why it's called Mount Warning.

Fareastdriver
27th Jan 2014, 14:25
You need a TURP operation.

TURP Transurethral Resection Prostate via Penis Surgery - YouTube

It works a dream.

ruddman
27th Jan 2014, 17:30
...or did er....you miss?

As my night-time 'visits' seem to be becoming more frequent, recent events require me to perfect my routine.

Now normally eyes are kept half closed and the light remains off to avoid waking up properly, then 6 steps a little left and right sway of the hips then 4 more steps takes me to the drop zone. An offset aim is attempted as a direct shot to the water is best avoided for noise levels.
This system is not working to well at the moment, nor does the routing work in other peoples houses.... apologies to my mate and his rather surprised girlfriend.

So any tried and tested procedures out there?




Easy to get lost at night....:suspect:

captainsmiffy
27th Jan 2014, 17:48
Am reminded of my bruv, who, when courting got pissed with his future father in law.....later during the night, nature called and he got out of bed, apparently unaware of his surroundings and proceeded to get lost. Whilst relieving himself a moment or two later he was rudely awoken by the future in-laws turning the light on to find future son-in-law peeing in their wardrobe......!!!!

G-CPTN
27th Jan 2014, 17:52
eyes are kept half closed and the light remains off to avoid waking up properly, then 6 steps a little left and right sway of the hips then 4 more steps takes me to the drop zone.
Poundland sells torches (some @ 2 for a pound) that are ideal for discrete night-time forays.

Keeps the eyes unaccustomed to the light and allows illumination of the bowl whereinwhich to micturate. :ok: