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Pelikal
11th Dec 2013, 23:10
Found on the DirectGov website, what the heck is this all about?


Product Owner

Job description

Contract Product Owner - 6 Month Initial Contract - Global Service Provider - Buckinghamshire - Rate Neg (DOE)

Agile, Software Product Releases, Scrum, Business Analysis, Product Management

My client who are a growing global service provider are currently in need of a Product Owner to be a part of this exciting, dynamic and cutting edge organisation for an initial 6 month assignment.

Responsibilities will include:
Helping to construct, maintain and define the product road-map
Liaising closely with the development team, to ensure that the customers and products are delivered on time and on spec
Gathering customer requirements and writing business stories, working with the development team to decompose the business stories into system level stories
Convey the Vision and Goals at the beginning of every Sprint
Tracking of internal cadence and overall project status with daily SCRUM meetings
Provision of day-to-day tactical objectives and quick, JIT decisions to system level questions and defect triage
Managing iteration and cross-project tasks and dependencies
Driving acceptance testing of the product with the relevant authorities
Prioritising iteration (sprint planning) and defect backlog grooming and management
Acting as the interface between the customer facing staff and the development team, responsible for managing the requirements and constraints of both parties
As required, present technical aspects of the product to customers/company
Participates in the daily Scrums, Sprint Planning Meetings and Sprint Reviews and Retrospectives

This is an excellent opportunity for the right person. If you feel you meet the above requirement, please do forward an up to date version of your CV for immediate attention.:eek:

Edit:
I have the contact details if anyone interested. Only posted today.

Donkey497
11th Dec 2013, 23:15
........ It's a worry.:uhoh:

Pelikal
11th Dec 2013, 23:19
....I think I'll apply for it anyway, never know:yuk:

TomJoad
11th Dec 2013, 23:20
This type of pi*h infects all walks of life now. It is a house of cards that will ultimately tumble around us.

TomJoad
11th Dec 2013, 23:25
....I think I'll apply for it anyway, never know:yuk:

No you fool, you should go forward to take part in the scrum with your career story ready to demonstrate your growth potential in customer facing grooming. Don't forget to highlight any triage experience - but please, watching Holby City does not count:ok:

Mechta
11th Dec 2013, 23:38
SCRUM meeting - Isn't that when its someone's birthday and word gets around that there are plates of doughnuts in the rather cramped tea room? :}

Pelikal is on to something here. JB could have a new thread for job ads and other prose, with the objective of achieving the highest ratio of w*nkwords to proper English. The only rule would be it must be genuine; i.e. no making it up yourself.

arcniz
11th Dec 2013, 23:54
Product Owner

Job description

Contract Product Owner - 6 Month Initial Contract - Global Service Provider - Buckinghamshire - Rate Neg (DOE)

Agile, Software Product Releases, Scrum, Business Analysis, Product Management

My client who are a growing global service provider are currently in need of a Product Owner to be a part of this exciting, dynamic and cutting edge organisation for an initial 6 month assignment.

etc...


Sounds very like a relatively normal description of job role that many know as Product Manager, except as written it more resembles a Kamikaze final-course adjustment by some very desperate middle minion crawling out from a liquid lunch with an all-or nothing ultimatum to get results or else be sushi after some short passage of days.

Would be interesting to know and follow what swims in on that offer...

Capetonian
11th Dec 2013, 23:54
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41mhK-gZ0SL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_SX385_SY500_CR,0,0,385,500_SH20_OU02_.jpg

‘Funnier still… a brutal demolition… a valuable glossary to corporate life’ — Spectator
‘Hauls the jargon words of business and bureaucracy out of context and interrogates them ruthlessly for meaning… he has linguistic sense and sensibility on his side’ — Times
‘Succeeds in being informative and enlightening on a vexing subject… A book based on laughing, even in exasperation, over office jargon in fact sheds light on the purpose and the psychological effect of office language as a whole’ — TLS

Do you hate going forward? Do you shudder when a colleague wants to reach out? Are you disgusted by low-hanging fruit, sick of being on the team, and reluctant to open the kimono? If modern business-speak makes you want to throw up, then my latest book is for you. It’s both a satirical deep dive and a come to Jesus moment for verbally downtrodden workers everywhere.

Gertrude the Wombat
12th Dec 2013, 00:02
Clearly this calls for the obligatory ...

http://garbuz.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dilbert-on-agile.gif

Pelikal
12th Dec 2013, 00:31
Ha! Just remembered this typo I found in 2008 (from the same source).

http://i1100.photobucket.com/albums/g412/RobJHP/Contentious%20worker/contentiousworkerblursml_zps61c7a33f.jpg

I promise not faked...

GrumpyOldFart
12th Dec 2013, 01:54
That Job Description sounds like an omnibus entry in a Bullsh1t Bingo game.

Worrals in the wilds
12th Dec 2013, 02:55
So um...what's the product? :confused: Or doesn't it matter these days? :hmm:

sitigeltfel
12th Dec 2013, 06:21
One worry is that there are people out there who would slot seamlessly into that job. Another is that one day you might actually meet one of them.

cattletruck
12th Dec 2013, 07:38
In corporation Useless where only [email protected] words are spoken, there is already a Manager so you cannot have a Product Manager, that would be like crossing the beams resulting in lots of unnecessary paper work. So the title Product Manager becomes Product Owner and gets to own all the product failings for being a failure in the first place. Manager says it's the owners fault and blames Product Owner because he has the word owner in his/her job title. A quick check on HR records confirms this to be true and the person is sacked and a new advertisment for a Product Owner is placed.

Pelikal
12th Dec 2013, 10:15
cattletruck, thanks for the clarification. My covering letter is under way.

So the previous Product Owner was subject to "system level questions and defect triage". I think.

The SSK
12th Dec 2013, 10:24
I have owned a wide range of products, for a great many years. I feel that my experience in this respect would be a great asset to the organisation.

Where do I see myself in five years' time? Frankly, my ambition is to own even more products than I do now.

Worrals in the wilds
12th Dec 2013, 10:31
My client who are a growing global service provider are currently in need of a Product Owner to be a part of this exciting, dynamic and cutting edge organisation for an initial 6 month assignment.

Basic grammar is not highly desirable. :{

In 21st century Australian business parlance a 'service provider' is usually either a cleaning company or a waste collection service. Nothing wrong with either (they provide something we all need and value) but I'm still curious about the actual 'product'. :ooh::}
Acting as the interface between the customer facing staff and the development team, responsible for managing the requirements and constraints of both parties
Meat in the sandwich. Sounds awesome, where do I sign? :E

Pelikal
12th Dec 2013, 10:46
SSK:

I have owned a wide range of products, for a great many years. I feel that my experience in this respect would be a great asset to the organisation.

Where do I see myself in five years' time? Frankly, my ambition is to own even more products than I do now.
Great, I'll use it if you don't mind!

Background Noise
12th Dec 2013, 10:55
Wikipedia - Scrum

Scrum is an iterative and incremental Agile software development framework for managing software projects and product or application development. Its focus is on "a flexible, holistic product development strategy where a development team works as a unit to reach a common goal" as opposed to a "traditional, sequential approach". Scrum enables the creation of self-organizing teams by encouraging co-location of all team members, and verbal communication among all team members and disciplines in the project.

A key principle of Scrum is its recognition that during a project the customers can change their minds about what they want and need (often called requirements churn), and that unpredicted challenges cannot be easily addressed in a traditional predictive or planned manner. As such, Scrum adopts an empirical approach—accepting that the problem cannot be fully understood or defined, focusing instead on maximizing the team's ability to deliver quickly and respond to emerging requirements.

So that's clear then.

racedo
12th Dec 2013, 11:28
Sounded like a request for someone to help them keep the roads clean.

Have often seen jobs advertised as "Space Management Executive", queried it with friend and said it is a key part for many supermarkets in ensuring someone can use up all space on shelves for new and existing products. Again asking "so they decide what goes where" and it was a No that is a Line Planner. Left it at that.

However did see a council then have a job advertised as a "Space Management Executive"..................ability to work in all weathers, protective clothing and footwear provided, interacting with customers etc etc. It was a Car Park Attendant :E

Fox3WheresMyBanana
12th Dec 2013, 12:23
Doesn't matter how many acronyms they come up with, computer programming cannot be made 'cool' to the general populus.

charliegolf
12th Dec 2013, 12:32
Doesn't matter how many acronyms they come up with, computer programming cannot be made 'cool' to the general populus.

Neither can computer programmers. To anyone!

CG

Capetonian
12th Dec 2013, 12:36
All this gobbledeygook could be condensed to 30 words.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx is an internationally recognized consulting firm which delivers measurable and sustainable financial benefits to its clients by developing and installing processes and programmes to rapidly improve clients’ operations.

Training and organisational development consultants (internally refered to as People Solutions Specialists) work with our clients to provide a foundation for the design, implementation and sustainability of improved business practices and employee and management behaviours. They do this by aligning and engaging people in cutting edge communications, education, training and coaching to support the xxxxxxxxxx project architecture and pursuit of results.

We are looking to reinforce our European unit's People Solutions team with a People Solutions Specialist.

These solutions are customised to our client workplace, designed specifically for the client's need at hand, ultimately engaging the hearts and minds of people to establish buy-in and maintain their involvement throughout a xxxxxxxxxx intervention. This, coupled with creative learning processes and tools provides the basis for accelerated change.



By selecting top prospects in the areas of change management, human performance improvement and organisational development, we are able to provide dramatic and quantifiable improvements to our clients.

jez d
12th Dec 2013, 12:46
Anyone wishing to apply to the position reproduced by the OP, feel free to use the following statement taken from page 1,078 of my CV:

"My core competencies include ownership and delivery of metrics milestones under silo (vertical and horizontal) six sigma superior advantage/performance deliverables, aligned to thought-leader touchpoints under-pinning USP one-belly-button-to-push outcomes, whilst aligning linear low-hanging fruit targets with cutting-edge gatekeeper methodology. And I'm a pilot..."

RJM
12th Dec 2013, 13:12
So... going forward, you open the kimono to reveal the low hanging fruit and others reach out... I've got some misgivings about this job already.

sled dog
12th Dec 2013, 20:19
WOT......?

toffeez
12th Dec 2013, 20:27
In future anyone unable to use the correct tense and caught resorting to "going forward" will be sentenced to life.

VP959
12th Dec 2013, 20:44
It's just a variation on the blame game trick of hiding the fact that the job is really just to be scapegoat for someone else's failings, or for things that are unforeseeable.

Reminds me of a boss I had years ago (who was, some time later, given early retirement for getting physical with his bullying). One year my budget got blown because one of the A/C in the small fleet I looked after FOD'ed an engine. He asked me at my annual performance review what I was going to do about the £800k deficit. I replied that there wasn't much I could do, shit happens and every now and again you get unlucky and an engine needs replacing ahead of time because of damage.

He asked again what I was going to do about it. I again replied that there wasn't anything i could do about, I had a sinking fund in the budget for contingencies, and it so happened that for this year I was going to pull from it, but that things would average out over the next few years.

Yet again this complete toss pot asked what I was going to do about this years budget overspend. At which point, I stood up, walked out of the office (which was actually my office - he was up visiting me) and left, closing the door behind me. In my outer office my PA (who'd probably heard most of the conversation) looked shocked as I turned towards my closed office door and made aggressive V signs, before saying I could be found in the pub if anyone needed me.

G&T ice n slice
12th Dec 2013, 22:10
under silo (vertical and horizontal)

a horizontal silo?