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Smashy
9th Dec 2013, 13:23
OK, OK, I know it's early in the month but my kids just would not listen so I've cancelled Christmas. Now what do I do?

OFSO
9th Dec 2013, 13:27
Have Saturnalia instead - MUCH more fun !

Fox3WheresMyBanana
9th Dec 2013, 13:34
If you're feeling pagan, Yule or Disablot are options.

meadowrun
9th Dec 2013, 13:41
Festivus.

Everyone sits around the dinner table and discusses everyone else's shortcomings in the past year.

Usually doesn't end well.

OFSO
9th Dec 2013, 13:47
Usually doesn't end well

Let's face it, neither does Christmas !

Capetonian
9th Dec 2013, 13:55
Can you please cancel mine. I would like to go into a state of suspended animation from about 23 DEC to about 02 JAN.

"Dear Santa

For my Christmas present, I would like to hear nothing about you, or Jesus Christ, or churches, Christmas carols, hymns, prayers, songs, false good cheer, festivities, robins, Christmas trees, sweetness and light, or anything remotely related to Christianity. Sleighs, ho ho hos, reindeer, men with red noses, holly, ivy, mistletoe, cribs, gold frankincense and myrrh are other things I can happily do without, thank you very much.

I would also like to be kept out of family squabbles and bickering.

Just to prove I'm not a bigot, let me tell you that I hold all formal religions and their trappings and festivities in equal contempt.

Should you be able to comply with this request, I might start to believe in God. I consider I am on pretty safe ground in making this statement.

The final proof would be a bottle of Ardbeg Uigeadail left at the foot of my bed on Chistmas morning. As I appreciate this may be in short supply at this time of the year, any other top quality Islay Single Malt would be acceptable.

Yours faithlessly etc.

toffeez
9th Dec 2013, 14:08
Would that be a bottle of Ardbeg Uigeadail left at the foot of your bed by a superb elf-like nymphette as thanks for your 'services'?

More likely the Santa > God hierarchy will now just put a spell on you.
.

A A Gruntpuddock
9th Dec 2013, 14:17
Last time I had a flu jab I developed the worst case of flu ever.

Went to bed on Xmas Eve and stayed there (mostly asleep) until Boxing Day.

Best Xmas I ever had!

ExXB
9th Dec 2013, 14:26
I'm starting a collection to reward Smashy for his initiative. I think one of those bottles of Ardbeg Uigeadail will do nicely.

Please send your contribution care of my Nigerian banker (etc.)

Thanks Smashy, well done old chap!

lomapaseo
9th Dec 2013, 14:33
Ooops I've cancelled Christmas - now what?

just move on to Easter and spread a few of your eggs arround, nobody will notice.

500N
9th Dec 2013, 15:18
You can now enjoy doing what you want to do !!!

I have "cancelled" Christmas for the last 10 years and
thoroughly enjoyed traveling during that time.

goudie
9th Dec 2013, 15:48
Oh, how I envy you Smashy.
Even though my daughters are now approaching middle-age they and SWMBO do nothing but talk about bloody Christmas.
'What they and the grandchildren want, what do you want dad and don't say scotch and more scotch again'.
'We've had a card from so and so have we sent them one? What's the name of the people who live in number 48?' 'Don't open that, it's for Christmas.'
'Yes I want all the decorations down from the loft''
'The lights aren't working!'
Have you got the receipt for the present you bought me?
And so it goes, on and on.
Don't get me wrong I used to love Christmas when I was working and the kids were young. I still enjoy Christmas dinner with all or part of the family but the lead up to it is excruciatingly tiresome:(

MagnusP
9th Dec 2013, 15:56
Would that be a bottle of Ardbeg Uigeadail left at the foot of your bed by a superb elf-like nymphette as thanks for your 'services'?

The perfect Christmas cocktail - Scotch and Succubus. I like it.

goudie
9th Dec 2013, 18:00
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSjtHTpJBspdCV6C_elYu5g84BJ19Whu9ayCHn5SDi keK3GDTs2
If this is what you have in mind Magnus I respectfully suggest you go easy on the scotch... know wot I mean?;)

LordGrumpy
9th Dec 2013, 18:21
I agree with Goudie about Chrisfuss
It's not staff we hired
We're all different wired.
Which makes for a lot of cuss.

11Fan
9th Dec 2013, 22:00
This chap managed to cancel Christmas, the hard way.

Man Leaps to His Death in Shopping Mall After Girlfriend Insists on More Shopping (http://www.breitbart.com/InstaBlog/2013/12/09/Man-Leaps-to-His-Death-in-Shopping-Mall-After-Girlfriend-Insists-on-More-Shopping)

Lon More
9th Dec 2013, 22:42
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y204/Badyin/Christmas%20Cards/christmascancelled.jpg (http://s6.photobucket.com/user/Badyin/media/Christmas%20Cards/christmascancelled.jpg.html)

Jumping Jack Flash
10th Dec 2013, 11:58
Well, if you need to back pedal as I had to 7 or 8 years ago (I was never forgiven!) try reading them this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Please-Dont-Cancel-Christmas-Daddy-ebook/dp/B00F2G4Y04 it might soften the blow! My kids liked it even though there were no pictures. JJF