Thick Pilots Comments

[Gulfstreamaviator]

Sometimes we do just not think......

What do you mean you need 20kgs ice....... do you know how much that costs.?

Why is your baggage three times heavier, and bigger the entire flight deck.?

If you have time can I have a coffee....... after you have cleaned the toilets of course...


glf

[M-ONGO]

What do you mean you need 20kgs ice....... do you know how much that costs.?


That's not a "thick" question! The price some (think Paris) FBO's charge for it.

[Gulfstreamaviator]

The remark was more based on the very small ice box on board.

Worst case 5kg cost 100$ US, as the CC forgot to order, and it was delivered by "courier". or at least the cost reflected DHL.

glf

[M-ONGO]

I know, the cost of catering is also sometimes verging on the ridiculous!

[Tray Surfer]

On a 777-200 going to YUL many many months ago...:

Me: Would you like a tea or coffee?

Capt.: Yes, tea please... Milk and 2 sugars. Can I have it in a First Class mug...?

Me: No... (no chance to continue with the sentence before...)

Capt.: WHY NOT? I want it in a bigger mug....!

Me: It's a 3 class 777, so there is no First Class...

Capt.: Oh, um, OK, a deli cup then? :-/

FO: *peeing himself laughing*

[TightSlot]

We'll run with this thread because it's a fun idea. Eventually, somebody will choose to be offended by it and a rant against FA's will follow which will be deleted and ignored.
Try and post with some affection for them: They mean well, even if they couldn't make their own tea if you held a gun to their heads! :)

[Wirbelsturm]

They mean well, even if they couldn't make their own tea if you held a gun to their heads!I'm offended!!! ;)


If I'm first to the jet I always brew up a pot of tea and a pot of coffee for everyone!


I think there is a fair amount of 'material' for use on both sides of the door for a looooooong thread. :D

[mad_jock]

Try and post with some affection for them: They mean well, even if they couldn't make their own tea if you held a gun to their heads!

Aye we can :p

and don't hold back please, I know I come out with some crackers.

And even have gone back later and apologised when I have realised what a :mad: I have been.

Been lucky so far and always got a hug and a "don't worry darling you make up for it in other ways when you put your foot in your mouth we all know that Doris got a new uniform free after you had a word".

Who would have thought getting a new skirt after one of them ripped it on the plane and was going to be charged for it would be remembered. She did show a lovely bum when it was ripped. Personally I thought she should have continued wearing it.

Oh and it has been the reverse after I split my trousers. Flying in my pants with the hostie mending them in the back. She got a big hug and a kiss for that.

[Tray Surfer]

Oh and it has been the reverse after I split my trousers. Flying in my pants with the hostie mending them in the back. She got a big hug and a kiss for that.

Ha...

I remember in CPH once, sewing the pants of the FO because he had split them getting off the crew bus, being that we were on a minimum rest night stop, I waited outside his room whilst he took them off (we were on the same corridor) and took them back in the morning when I was going down to check out do he could put them on before coming downstairs.

My reward was seeing him in his pants... Being a new, young FO, it was more pleasant that I was expecting.

[G-F0RC3]

That gives new meaning to flying by the seat of your pants. :ok:

[Gulfstreamaviator]

Up front we think we are god, but I for one have total respect for the real workers in a corporate aircraft.

Less than 1 hour sector, mid levels, our lady managed to serve 10 demanding mid eastern passengers. whilst we just sat there and plays with our Nintendo.
Her reward was a good tip from passengers....

Glf

[givemewings]

Mine always knew how to make tea and coffee! Good flight deck crew are worth their weight in gold... the others... make for good stories ;)

[mad_jock]

FO having a bad day line training.

Studying the next arrival very intently.

Thump thump, open door. FO still pouring over the plate.

"Right my boys, tea is up"

From the RHS "thanks mum"

He got slapped, then I got slapped for laughing. Poor lad didn't have a clue what he had said or done.

[fernytickles]

Many moons ago we used to finish one of our routes & be picked up by the local one-man taxi company. FO & FA all done before Captain (note the capital C, I curtsied while typing it) & headed out to the taxi car to catch up on the gossip. The driver always knew everything about the company long before management even thought of it.

FO sat in the back, & FA, being the only female, in the front passenger seat. Captain appears, notes the seating arrangement and comes out in all seriousness, with the (in)famous line "The Captain (C!) sits in the front seat".....:ugh:

To which the FA replies, quick as a flash, "F:mad:k off, I was here first" :D

[bucks_raj]

Here's a THINK ONE from a CREW

Some time back we blew the electric lines onboard due to a noncompliant water heater then on the heaters were taken away and Vaccum Flask/Thermos were rolled in...

Cap asked for a cup of hot water and the what i heard was ... "Hot Water surely is there but it's cold now.... do you want me to put the flask in the oven..... can you do that..... if you want I can try"

Silently we reviewed our SMOKE memo procedures.....

:ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

[Tray Surfer]

One full teapot of water take 20 minutes to heat in BE combi-steam ovens.

We were once in north Africa and they were not supposed to fill the potable water, so we always left London completely full. However, they happily informed us when we got back to the aircraft in the morning that they had topped the water up... Gasps throughout the crew as we realised that there was no way we were drinking tea from the bev makers.

Hence, discovering 20 minutes in the oven to heat a pot of water... :)

[mad_jock]

One of the worst/ funniest taxi positioners.

A member of the other fleet was to position with us. And being a fat auld fart that smelled slightly of wee the rest of us decided that the ****e kicking turbo prop crew would go in the back.

After a brief scuffle with the FO the hostie lost and was in middle seat in the back. I was behind the smelly dwarf in the front. With the seat full back I might add.

Now it was a bit of a warm day and it was one of the cars that has air blowers from behind the gear stick console. The lass was from Leeds/Bradford and obviously had a bit of a farming background. She had already announced before getting in the car she was taking her tights off so she wouldn't get a sweaty gusset. The dwarf didn't look very happy as this was said.

After about 30mins once established in the cruise the Dwarf decided that as PNF he should have control over the air con and started pissing about with it. Artic conditions was dialled in and max flows.

After 5 mins.

"ee Captain can y't turn fan down please love am getting chap lips back here with my legs spread".

All I could see was his purple neck for the next 150miles and he never said a word just left the car and walked off.

[cobol]

But the thickest one I ever made:

FO to cabin crew (in church):

'I do'

[pull-up-terrain]

.But the thickest one I ever made:

FO to cabin crew (in church):

'I do'


Bahahaha that's gold :}

[vctenderness]

Sitting on flight deck on first sector having a chat. Captain turns to me and asks where do you live then?

I reply Brighton. long, long silence and then 'Are you married?'

This, of course, in the days before same sex marriage!

Stero typing stewards and Brightonians!

[mad_jock]

There must be one male cabin crew from Brighton that's straight isn't there?

We know he won't work for BA but....

;)

[Watersidewonker]

:{ "But I honestly thought we were going bust" :{

[Gulfstreamaviator]

Thank God for the forward lower camera......


But yes I have had this discussion several times in many years of corporate flying.


Eventually established the rule, he who closed the door checks chocks and pins......


Glf