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View Full Version : **Newsflash** Argentina have invaded Twickenham


ExRAFRadar
9th Nov 2013, 10:57
It is my duty to report that significant Argentine forces (fans) have invaded the Area South of Twickenham Bridge. The staging area would seem to be the Station, although some sneaky beaky types have been reported at Twickenham Green after a daring daylight bus ride in from the West.


The events down there are confused but it is rumoured a staunch rear-guard defence is being manned by the Sussex Arms regulars and are confusing the Argentine Special Forces by plying them with extra strong ale offered by the pub. And they have hidden the loo paper. (That’s not cricket)


The Cabbage Patch has been taken and a rowdy party of Argentines are making it their Main CP quite oblivious of the fact British types, obviously from Them, have made a position at the back of the pub and are quietly getting pis*ed. Not surprising, they have been in there since 10.



But the main action is taking place down London Road and the approaches to the Thames. The main invading force is making headway past Waitrose, it’s carnage down there. Mummies that lunch simply cannot get their 4x4’s near the Waitrose car park and they are not happy. An armoured thrust by the Ladies whose ‘Husbands do something in the City’ is threatening.


The Police are joining in and a gallant Mounted section has parked up at the back of Waitrose. Been there for an hour now and no sign of any movement. But it is raining so best stay in the van.


Further South, after a bold Cannae like move down Arragon Road the Eastern end of Church Street is under heavy pressure. I fear that the Eel Pie is their main objective and as I speak bunting is going up to deter the invading forces.


The Fox has an outside BBQ going on so that should see a few of them off.


It cannot be long before the Balmy Arms in the Central front is overcome, and then it will be a bitter rear-guard action at the Mucky Duck.



Our boys will have their back to the river and a redoubt is being built by the lunatics living on Eel Pie Island. “Get orf my land” posters are going up.


All of the pubs in the local area are doing their best to hinder and discourage the enemy forces, chiefly by putting the price of a pint up by a £1 and serving it in plastic beakers.


Stand by for more alarming news as the situation unfolds.

ExRAFRadar
9th Nov 2013, 11:04
In the interest of journalistic accuracy I will be embedded with the units at the Balmy Arms in a short while. (I fancy a pint)
Reports from the scene will be attempted.

Fox3WheresMyBanana
9th Nov 2013, 11:07
Blocking Waitrose car park on a Saturday??
Isn't there something in the Geneva Conventions about that?
Get 2 Para in there.

B Fraser
9th Nov 2013, 11:24
Oh to have Bill MacLaren back and commenting "there's a wee bit of argy bargy going on".

I trust that Johnny Gaucho will behave himself.

racedo
9th Nov 2013, 11:43
In the interest of journalistic accuracy I will be embedded with the units at the Balmy Arms in a short while. (I fancy a pint)
Reports from the scene will be attempted.

Attempts like this will get you an OBE(Order BEer) or and MBE (More BEer).

It is doubtful that campaign Medals will be rewarded but keep your backs to the wall, especially in the Blue Oyster Club (alledgedly).

Appreciate you may feel you have to go over the top (well you done quite a bit of it in your posts so far) but don't let them take you Sober.

If all else fails get them drinking Carlsberg and tell them drinking it is "like making lover in a Canoe" i.e. Fcuking close to water.

ExRAFRadar
9th Nov 2013, 11:47
I thank you...
:ok::ok:

Ancient Observer
9th Nov 2013, 12:29
............and if you go down by the river opposite Eel Pie island, one of those lovely old houses (one of the semis) is, in fact, a recording Studio, so if you hear Re-mixed Who music coming out, (or re-mixed any other old band music, but Pete used to own it) coming out, the Recorder is at home.

Fancy owning a house right there, but not being a Rugby fan???
And, as he's a softie Southerner, he supports manure.

Shameful.

Dak Man
9th Nov 2013, 12:46
I wonder what will happen when they use their subs?

skua
9th Nov 2013, 13:06
:D:D:D:D:D

Fox3WheresMyBanana
9th Nov 2013, 13:07
They'll have the Thames Commissioners on them in a flash - no River Licence see.
I don't think we need worry about that.

ExRAFRadar
9th Nov 2013, 13:18
Live report from. Your intrepid reporter at the front. It's all quiet on the Church Street front. Both sides are regrouping for the big push a bit later. Argie and Brit flags face each other across no man's. Would send a pic but this pub has no Wifi.
EXRAF reporting from a pub near the front

Fox3WheresMyBanana
9th Nov 2013, 13:26
Keep your head down & your chin up, EXRAF.

..and remember, don't blurt out any gen about sneak attacks by our lot like the bloody BBC. Just keep it to
"I counted all the pints out, and all the empties back again."

racedo
9th Nov 2013, 14:29
:D:D:DKudos................you got to the front of the bar.

Never has a man laid down his liver, for so much beer, for so much money, for so little reward.

Bob Bevan
9th Nov 2013, 16:16
Rugby players in swearing shock!

A Sky commentator on the England game today felt constrained to apologise because of swearing by the players ing a maul being picked up on the ref’s microphone. That players swear when working thier nuts off was clearly a surprise to the reporter who also went on to mention that the Pope is Catholic, Belgium is small and bears really do sh*t in the woods! :ugh:

racedo
9th Nov 2013, 16:26
A Sky commentator on the England game today felt constrained to apologise because of swearing by the players ing a maul being picked up on the ref’s microphone. That players swear when working thier nuts off

Not so much working them but getting them supported by the man behind for grope er grip....:E

racedo
9th Nov 2013, 20:44
Anybody know whether ExRaf is now a P.O.B................................Prisoner of Beer.

Would he have gone voluntarily or fought bravely to the end to get in.

Would send out a search party to negotiate his release as feel he would not be able to resist questioning for very long..................especially if question is "Do you want another pint".

clicker
9th Nov 2013, 21:17
He should be OK, he's not played his "Vulcan" card yet.

When/if he does that should get the enemy running for cover and he can sneak out and go for home.

racedo
9th Nov 2013, 21:42
He should be OK, he's not played his "Vulcan" card yet.

More like Vulcan Death Grip on his pint of beer.

Ozzy
9th Nov 2013, 21:47
Right!!! Break oot the Harriers. Wait, no. Okay the Ark Royal. No. Okay the Lee Enfields .33. Oh fcuk, let's just say "Hi"

Ozzy

alisoncc
10th Nov 2013, 01:22
There are reports of a Vulcan buzzing the Thames Estuary. That's the Vickers one, not the Avro.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a5/Vickers_Vulcan.jpg

Cacophonix
10th Nov 2013, 02:03
Get used to it. The Saffers are going to loosen your shit... ;)

Caco

Mr Chips
10th Nov 2013, 10:04
The most worrying news is that this Argie invasion appears to have renamed the BARMY Arms to become the "Balmy Arms"!!!!!!