View Full Version : I don't 'cause I'm British...

27th Oct 2013, 22:46
This Magical Pair of Underwear Can Filter Out Your Fart's Smell (http://gizmodo.com/this-magical-pair-of-underwear-can-filter-out-your-fart-1449799781)

....and if you think I'm gonna post that pic here...you're nuts...:p

Noah Zark.
28th Oct 2013, 00:29
Fortunately, they don't eradicate camel's toe, though! :ok:

28th Oct 2013, 00:38
Damn, it's a sad day for eproctophiliacs. :p

Ascend Charlie
28th Oct 2013, 01:10
As the Dangerous Dan McGrew poem goes (Oz version by Chips Rafferty):

"....and I'd gasp for the air like a drowning steer,
If only she'd fart in me face!"

28th Oct 2013, 01:25
Tried these in a crowded tube, but then realized that you need earplugs too.:uhoh:

28th Oct 2013, 04:55
Tried these in a crowded tube, but then realized that you need earplugs too.:uhoh:

Just turn to the person next to you and say "Don't blush, they'll think it was me".

28th Oct 2013, 06:20
Very good, so you've tried it? :ok:

28th Oct 2013, 06:33
An urban legend..........but who knows? ;)

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.
As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.
She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."
George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

28th Oct 2013, 08:48
Another possibly true story...
A functionary entered HM's office and couldn't avoid noticing the odour of flatus that filled the air. Attempting to make the best of a bad situation, he said "The corgi, your majesty?"
HM's reply: "Who else?"

28th Oct 2013, 08:53
As Prince Phillip once said to the VC10 skipper who asked if HM might like to visit the flight deck.

"If it doesn't eat hay and fart, she wouldn't be interested."

Shreddies can let you fart wherever you want without feeling like you've dropped a bomb. Freedom farts.When I joined Her Majesty's Royal Air Force among the kit with which we were issued were three pairs of "Drawers, Cellular" [i.e. one pair on, one pair in the laundry and one pair to be kept in pristine condition for kit inspections.] The material resmbled the texture of a popular breakfast cereal so the informal name for Drawers Cellular was of course "Shreddies".

I can say with some authority (the RAF Halton Apprentices Mess specialised in such dishes as baked beans with eveything, boiled cabbage, brussel sprouts etc.) that Shreddies were perfectly useless at filtering out fart smells. To be honest, by Friday the pair that were neither at the laundry nor in one's locker ready for a snap kit inspection, had a quite significant smell of their own. :yuk:

28th Oct 2013, 09:11

I could just imagine that courtier, the one that was in the James Bond / Daniel Craig Olympic skit saying that to HM !!!

28th Oct 2013, 10:10
At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

There is something most intriguing about the way stories like these have such a long and variable life of their own, just like the discussion of preserved royal droppings being yet again explored here:


In the order of forty years ago, the telling of the equestrian tale went like this:

If royalty was present at show jumping events, they would sit in an enclosure to the side of the arena where each contestant would ride up to face the Very Important People and doff their hat both before and after partaking in their round.

A famous competitor was Harvey Smith, well known back then for having given a ĎVí sign to some judges with whose opinion he differed, this being somewhat in character with his rebellious behaviour which, although it upset many within the establishment of the sport, led him to be quite popular with the public.

On a certain occasion of his performing, it was the young Princess Anne who was in the honoured enclosure and having followed the appropriate procedures on entering, it was as he returned to doff the second time that his steed broke wind in that way that only something with a vegetarian diet and a horse sized anus can manage.

With a reddening face, (unlikely, but thatís how the story was told!), Harvey proffered an embarrassed apology to Her Royal Highness who responded immediately and quite without shame, ĎOh thatís quite all right. I thought it was the horse actually!í

I must admit since hearing this tale, I have always thought of HRH with a rather more human respect than previously...


28th Oct 2013, 11:45
But surely, farts smell so that the deaf can appreciate them.....

28th Oct 2013, 12:10
The Duke of Buckingham is reputed to have let one rip while bowing to Queen Elizabeth I, and was so embarrassed that he left England for seven years.

After he felt it safe to return he met the Queen again at court and she said to him "Ah, it is he of the fart"!

28th Oct 2013, 17:50
Brits don't fart. Never, ever. And in conjunction with their allies (the French not one of these), would prefer a World where every bloody foreigner or would-be immigrant die of "natural causes" wherever possible, well before arriving on the shores of the GB and Northern Ireland (preferably in froggy-Land).

Being British, means that I can also fart on everyone else. Wherever and whenever I so please...?! :ok:

28th Oct 2013, 20:19
That advert's a con... Mrs 4ma reckons ladies don't fart. In view of her sage views, I reckon I've been married to a bloke for the last 30+ years cos (s)he can certainly let rip at any time of the day or night...I'm certain they register on the Richter* scale.

* ..or should that be the Rectum scale?

28th Oct 2013, 20:22
Shouldn't it be " Cause I is"

28th Oct 2013, 20:28
The worst time to fart is on a parade ground where everyone is
standing to attention, dead silence everywhere and someone
let's rip.

It is extremely hard to not smile or laugh !!!

And everyone hears it.

28th Oct 2013, 20:30
Ladies don't fart because they don't stop talking for long enough to build up the requisite pressure.

28th Oct 2013, 20:38
Hm. WHY doesn't it work with men, then? :suspect: