View Full Version : What happens when you flush a 'plane loo

23rd Oct 2013, 20:35
What happens when you flush a plane loo? - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/travel-truths/10385682/What-happens-when-you-flush-a-plane-loo.html)

Some excellent reader comments :

It leaves the aircraft, floats through the air, then normally lands in Brussels and then becomes what is know as a EU technocrap.

Well, I am so disappointed, Until I read this article I always used the toilets whilst the plane was flying over France in the fond belief that it was a way of crapping on the "Frogs".

Personally, I think airlines should be allowed to empty their toilet tanks over Parliament and Downing street on their flight path into Heathrow. It's not as if anybody would notice the smell.

23rd Oct 2013, 20:40
"The driver then wheels around to the back of the airport and furtively offloads the waste in a ditch behind a parking lot... In truth I don’t know what he does with it. Time to start a new urban legend.”

Surely, he just flushes the lot down the loo.

23rd Oct 2013, 20:44
We're beginning to get into fluid mechanics in a big way here. Carry on, it could get interesting. :}

23rd Oct 2013, 20:47
I knew a guy who had been 'fortunate' enough to do 35 sorties over Germany in Lancasters as a Wireless Operator. He told me that they were told off because under the Geneva Convention, they were not allowed to empty the Elsan over Berlin....

23rd Oct 2013, 21:34
I'm too tired to go and look it up on da Toob, but the Big Yin has a great monologue about this subject.

Maybe I'll track it down tomorrow, b'wana.

Standard Noise
23rd Oct 2013, 21:47
Ah yes, the Jobbie Wheeker!

Metro man
23rd Oct 2013, 23:09
On the type I fly, water from the sinks drains out into the air through heated pipes. We carry 200L of water but have a waste capacity of 170L. It's worked out so far.

24th Oct 2013, 00:26
Expecting con-pilot to be by, shortly to make the following correction:

It leaves the aircraft, floats through the air, then normally lands in Brussels and then becomes what is know as a Brussels Sprout.

Buster Hyman
24th Oct 2013, 01:24
Ok...so it's back to the drawing board for where Truffles come from then. :(

Krystal n chips
24th Oct 2013, 06:00
Nice to see the Torygraph has done some market research and duly orientated the subject matter of the articles it prints for its target audience.

Some years ago you will recall, a certain Pope made a habit of kissing the ramp when he alighted.

This simple gesture would be far too crass for those travelling Business of course, or should that be crèche or nursery class given their behaviour at times.....not so for those enjoying their two week sabbatical somewhere warm however.......thus, the habit soon took off ( no pun intended ) and it became amusing to watch those alighting from the rear pax door in particular who proceeded to emulate said Pope...

Alas, and possibly fortunately, most pax are blissfully unaware of the proximity of a certain belly panel to this exit.......:E

Lightning Mate
24th Oct 2013, 06:12
What happens when you flush a 'plane loo

It's a piece of p**s.

24th Oct 2013, 06:58
A bit of friendly advice:

Never shake hands with a man who has green fingernails.

24th Oct 2013, 07:37
A word of caution.

If you're burying the contents of the Elsan, wait for the liquid to drain away before dropping the turf back in place.


24th Oct 2013, 08:59
From the article in the link:

Is the contents of an aeroplane toilet jettisoned during a flight?

There are vacancies for sub-editors at The Torygraph. Knowledge of English grammar not required :*

Lon More
24th Oct 2013, 09:13
There are vacancies for sub-editors at The Torygraph. Knowledge not required

Not the Jobbie Weecha, but a related problem.

Billy Connolly - On a plane to Australia - Funny story - YouTube

24th Oct 2013, 09:39
The Jobbie Weecha - there ya go

Billy Connolly - The Big Yin [Part 3] - YouTube

Worrals in the wilds
24th Oct 2013, 10:21
A certain AN-12 freighter that I was familiar with had an old school Russian loo for its crew. It consisted of a plastic garbage bin handily located in a small cubicle rear left of the cockpit with a door. :yuk::yuk: Apparently having a door marked it as an Aircraft Of Distinction...:hmm:

One of the aforementioned crew caused some comment when he strolled out of the AN-12 in his undies over to the emergency wash-bay beside the aircraft, pulled out a bar of soap, engaged the emergency shower and started lathering up. This was on a passenger apron in full view of the disembarking passengers from the international arrival on the next bay. An airport worker shoved him in the direction of the ramp bathrooms while the customer service reps from the arriving aircraft ran some frantic 'whatever you saw happen didn't happen, welcome to our lovely city' spin as best they could. :}

24th Oct 2013, 11:30
They had a bucket?......luxury!

unstable load
24th Oct 2013, 12:39
Shy Torque,
"The driver then wheels around to the back of the airport and furtively offloads the waste in a ditch behind a parking lot...
I saw exactly that happen in Luanda back in the '90's......:ok:
Also saw the empty catering containers etc swept out the rear airstair door onto the ramp from a Yak-42?.....
Those were the days.

Lon More
24th Oct 2013, 12:46
I believe some Ansons had an Elsan on wheels behind a curtain at the rear of the cabin. Rumour had it that the crew of one such was joined in the cockpit by an enthroned Ladyship.

Also a rumour of a Royal Jobby encased in glass at the Sergeants' Mess at Benson

27th Oct 2013, 00:50
An old ex Dan Air workmate told me a similar story of a 748 khazi - missing a

couple of retaining bolts since build - wobbling it`s way down the isle to

burst it`s way into the flightdeck in an explosion of nastiness.

The same skip whom - from the next table - l had the pleasure of listening

to briefing his No.1 in the 748 cabin.

" and when you give me the cabin clear call l want you to tell me that you

have checked the service door. 25 years ago one opened in flight over the

Andes and she still hasn`t been found"

lmagine a big boned, heavily made up stunner of a young lady, casually

moving chewing gum into her cheek, before saying in a heavy glaswegion

accent " you`d think they`d have stopped looking by now" and you get

the picture.

27th Oct 2013, 10:23
An elderly friend recited a story from his neighbour who had been a fitter on Handley Page Halifax bombers in the war:

One pilot on the squadron bet another that he couldn't loop a Halifax. As a bet is a bet, the pilot who had accepted went out, and, in a presumably lightly loaded example, did complete a loop.

The problem was that at the top of the loop, he ran out of airspeed, and could not maintain the positive G. As a result, the elsan emptied into the roof of the fuselage. As positive G was restored, the now liberated contents dribbled down over the rest of the interior.

The upshot was, that although the bet was paid, most of it was spent on cigarettes and chocolate to bribe the ground crew to clear up the mess.

27th Oct 2013, 13:02
When all works OK, you express a 2nd sigh (if not heave) of relief...?!

PS. Any truth behind the rumour that French drivers of Chunnel trains wait until they're in UK before emptying the black water tanks, UK drivers doing this at Dunkirk?

27th Oct 2013, 13:23
Should you ever be caught short in the Orient and have to squat over an Asian toilet; remember to empty the loose change out of your pockets first.

Metro man
27th Oct 2013, 13:32
There was a case in Africa in the 1980s where an F28(?) was having it's waste emptied and the operator managed to get the equipment to blow instead of suck.:E

Noah Zark.
27th Oct 2013, 14:07
Also a rumour of a Royal Jobby encased in glass at the Sergeants' Mess at Benson
I have been in sivvy street all my life. Despite this fact, I have had a keen interest in all of the ventures undertaken by the guys & gals in the various uniforms of the U.K., and have supported them in whichever ways I have been able to. (And still do, of course!)
My primary interest however, is of anything that flies, and because of this, most of the service people I have been in contact with over the years have tended to be of the R.A.F. persuasion.
The point of this piece of waffle is this. Over the aforesaid years, the above quoted old chestnut has now reached me six times, from totally different sources. Two of the people recounting the tale swore that they had been party to the whole episode, and each telling was set at a different location, the last one, as I remember, was at Little Rissers!
Now, what we, the Great British public, demand to know, is, did it REALLY happen, if so when, & where! ;)

Union Jack
27th Oct 2013, 19:30
Now, what we, the Great British public, demand to know, is, did it REALLY happen, if so when, & where!

In the spirit of Truly of the Yard in "Last of the Summer Wine", "On the other hand, all those who claimed to have been at the scene of the crime could have been lying" ....:uhoh:

For your amusement, the "original" story, for which I certainly make no claim to having been present, actually predates the formation of the Royal Air Force in 1918. Allegedly, King Edward VII was on board a Dreadnought at anchor in Plymouth Sound, and some crafty so-and-so, whether in a ship's boat or someone in collusion with a sailor on board who knew that the King was "on the move", "fielded" George the Turd as it came sailing down the soil pipe. It was then supposed to have been varnished and put on display in the bar of a public house, in either Kingsand or Cawsand, I don't recall which.


27th Oct 2013, 20:12
A few years ago I was on an engineering course at KLM and the instructor told us that the 777's very long poo pipe had to be redesigned during the pre-production stage to include a kinked section to slow things down, because when the systems people tried the old dummy turd trick to see how well the suction worked with a straight pipe, the test piece went supersonic and smashed clean through the curved end of the tube where it went into the honey tank!

27th Oct 2013, 20:31

You have to wonder WTF they had been eating :O

27th Oct 2013, 21:04
Heh, heh...:) I reckon a nice Gouda or Edam cheese would do a bit of damage at 340 metres per second!

terrain safe
27th Oct 2013, 23:20
We have had discussions at work (a high brow crew you'll note), about how fast a turd will travel down the soil pipe when flushed from the toilet which is at 170 AGL in the control tower. We guess there must be some form of kinks in the system otherwise it will travelling at some speed before impact.

Anyway as you were.

27th Oct 2013, 23:40

You might work at 170 AGL but your minds are obviously in the sewer ! :O